Whisper and Rise (7 page)

After the ceremony, everyone mingled and visited. The food was a delicious change after Sianna’s cooking. I loved the water with lemons in it and the sweet biscuits with zesty cream on top.

Nia was a glowing statue and Thomas was red-faced as the men offered their congratulations. I felt better—perhaps from the food—and my heart fluttered every time I saw my friend smile. She beamed and her giggles filled the barn with tender love. Nia was married. I smiled to myself, thankful to have been a part of the strange circumstances.

While the mingling continued, more and more, the men of DarMattey came to find me. They crowded me and asked questions about Aisling, about Maeia and about faeries. They hovered, laughing between themselves as they prodded and queried. They wanted me to smile, to promise to stay in DarMattey, and they asked me to dance. I obliged, hesitantly at first, but soon found joy as I spun to music I’d never heard before. Everyone was laughing and drinking and my heart lifted with the rhythm of songs.

I forgot myself in the moment and lost my balance, falling into the arms of a grinning young man. My face warmed as I thanked him for catching me, then as I twisted my necklace straight, a reminder of Sean flashed across my vision. I saw him smiling and handing me the folded piece of parchment I had taken care to bring with me to DarMattey.

“Our love follows fate.” I heard his voice in my head.

“Sean?”

The men around me stared. No one answered.

I stepped backward, brushing my dress. “I’m sorry,” I told them. “I can’t do this.” I stumbled again, but warm hands caught me before I could fall. When I turned, I saw the familiar eyes of Madeline and her husband.

“Thank you,” I said, wiping my forehead. I turned back to the men, who were disbanding. “You were all very kind, but this is too much for me right now.”

A couple young men smiled back at me, including one who tipped his hat before disappearing into the crowd. I turned back to Madeline and Colin and wiped my brow. The barn suddenly felt hot.

“Are you okay, Rhiannon?” Madeline reached out to hold my hand, but I didn’t accept it.

“No,” I whispered, shaking my head. I felt out of place, like the stranger to this land I was. Had this been another time, at another place, I would have reached an arm around Sean and relied on his strength to make me feel at peace. Sean wasn’t there, and I missed him more than ever.

Colin stepped closer. “Is there something we can do?”

“I don’t think so.”

I looked at Madeline and then into the eyes of her husband. Together, they looked peaceful and happy, and caring. Behind them, Nia spun in place and danced for her admirers. My stomach twisted and my legs weakened. Suddenly, the air was suffocating and foul. I wanted to leave.

“I don’t belong here,” I said, sniffling while fighting an outburst of emotion. “This is difficult for me.”

Madeline grabbed me and pulled me close. She led me to a bench and smothered me with her warmth. “I know it’s not easy,” she said to me. She leaned my head onto her shoulder. “You’ve had a difficult season, and I’m sorry for my part.”

I looked back at her watering eyes. “Your part? You’ve been wonderful to me. There’s nothing you have done to the contrary.”

“I am a faerie,” she whispered. “I was part of the choice to exclude you.”

“I’m not angry about that,” I said, but my voice shook with an unnamed emotion. I wiped my eyes and gazed into hers. “I don’t know what I’m feeling. I want to go home.” I covered my face in my hands and tried not to bawl, but the emotion poured. Madeline was there to comfort me, but despite her warm embrace, my body was trembling.

“Come with us outside,” said Colin.

I couldn’t see him, but knew he was standing over me. Hands lifted me and led me out of the barn. Outside, the air was cool and moist. I lifted my head to absorb a refreshing breath.

“Is that better?” asked Madeline.

My throat constricted, allowing no words to escape, so I nodded. I took another deep breath in an attempt to console myself. “Yes, thank you,” I finally answered. The emotion returned and I leaned over and cried some more.

“You’re going to be all right,” Madeline told me. “Release the pain.” She patted my back.

“I don’t belong here.” My words were calmer than I felt. I wiped my eyes with my palms and stood straight. “I should leave.”

“Why don’t I make arrangements for Jake to take you back to the store?” said Madeline. “Do you want to say goodbye to Nia and Thomas?”

I glared at Madeline, suddenly gripped by an irrational anger.

“You know what I said,” I told her in a low voice. “I didn’t mention the store.”

Madeline stepped back and closer to Colin. “Rhiannon, what has happened? Did something trouble you inside?”

I shook my head and scowled. “I don’t want to stay here another day. It’s too hard for me. I’m going back to Aisling.”

Colin rubbed his hands together and cleared his throat. “It isn’t safe for you there,” he told me. His voice was soft and steady. “You should stay here until the Sun Season Celebration. Allow arrangements to form for your protection.” He stepped toward me and placed a pale hand on my shoulder. “This is an emotional day, and the sorrow of your loss seems to carry you. I’m only asking you to do this,” he said. “No one will force you to stay. We want you to be happy.”

I offered a teary face and a smile to thank him. I respected Colin, and his gesture eased my heart. The man had a way of telling people to do things, and making them think it was their own idea. I had never understood how he did it. For a moment, I regretted my feelings. Standing in the mud, I watched the pain in my friends’ eyes widen to pity. I wanted to cry again.

“I’m going to say goodbye to Nia,” I told them, tucking away my sorrow into a dark corner of my heart. “Then I’m riding home to Aisling.” I stepped toward the barn. Reaching for the door’s long iron handle, I turned back. “Thank you for your kindness. I intend no disrespect, but I don’t belong here.”

Madeline and Colin stood huddled together while I returned to the barn. Inside, the mood was warm and lively; loud voices and laughter echoed from the rafters high above. Many of the people were dancing. Others gossiped and ate. I found Nia and excused her from a conversation with an old woman in a flower dress.

“Thank you,” said Nia, pressing me farther away. “I didn’t know how I was going to escape. That woman would
not
stop talking.”

“I’m leaving,” I told her. “I came to say goodbye.”

Nia stared at me in disbelief. Then her eyes flashed with regret. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head. “It’s nothing you’ve done,” I said, forestalling the question I could sense approaching. I grabbed my best friend and squeezed her tight. “I’m happy for you, and I’m glad that I came.”

“Why are you leaving?” Nia wouldn’t release me.

“I’m not myself,” I told her. “I just need some time.” I pulled away and held her hands in mine. “You have a wonderful husband.” I glanced over her shoulder; Sam and his two friends were laughing with a group of young women. “And a good family. You’ll do well in this place.”

“You’re the best friend a person could want,” said Nia, pulling me back to her. “I miss you already.”

“Nia and Rhia,” I whispered. “We’ll be friends forever.” I felt Nia’s head nod.

“Goodbye.”

I cried as I left her, but the moment felt complete; it felt right. I had known Nia since I could ride, since my first journey to the other side of the horse pasture that separated our homes. We had dreamt, played, joked, cried and shared adventures together. There was nothing about me that she didn’t know. Likewise, I knew everything about her. I heaved open the barn door and stepped outside where drizzle continued drowning the day.

I found Maeia and offered her an apple from the back of Jake’s wagon. “Come on, girl,” I said. “Let’s go home.”

~ O ~

Cold rain had seeped under my clothes by the time we reached the center of DarMattey. My hair clung to my face and Maeia’s mane hung flat like a worn rug. Tiny drops fell steadily upon us as we travelled the empty road. Eager to leave this place, I led Maeia past Sianna’s store and up Taylor’s Ridge.

Midday wasn’t long past, but the trees lining the road hung low and darkened everything, lending a twilight feel to the forest. The gray, misting rain had evolved to a black swirling torrent. I couldn’t see and was certain Maeia was struggling as well; she kept slipping in the mud. As I considered returning to the store to wait the night, the sky burst open and lightning struck the mountain somewhere close.

Maeia screamed.

I clung tight to her reins, attempting to calm her, but she wouldn’t have it. She stepped in circles and yanked her head. She was trying to toss me.

“Stop it!” I yelled, scolding her for the first time and pulling hard for her to keep moving. “We’re going home.”

I didn’t know if she heard me; the rain struck the ground in deafening splashes. Leaves, branches and dirt flew in every direction around us. I had never known small rocks to fall from the sky, but it felt as if they were—every drop hammered me unmercifully. I kicked Maeia in the ribs and forced her forward. I was freezing, my knuckles were white, but I refused to let go of Maeia’s reigns as we continued up the mountain.

The torrents never ceased and the darkness grew deeper between every lightning strike. When we reached the clearing at the top of the mountain, I stared at the split tree—it was barely visible through the falling sheets of rain—and wondered if a storm like this had caused its wonder. I didn’t marvel long. Aisling was at the bottom of the mountain, though I couldn’t see it, and that’s where I wanted to go.

As we travelled down the mountain, thin whiffs of hickory sifted through the wet air and reminded me of how close we were to home. I could even see faint lights between the trees ahead, coming, no doubt, from warm fires in comfortable village homes.

That’s when I heard the voices. At first I ignored them, slighting the sounds as splashes on stone. But they continued to grow until I couldn’t discount their contrast to the night. I stopped Maeia and stared into the rain. Everything was blurry. I wiped my eyes and squinted for a better view. Somewhere, men were chasing something. Maeia stepped back nervously.

The forest erupted. Maeia leapt back and stood on hindquarters. I squeezed her neck to stay mounted.

“Help me!” A man yelled at me in the dark.

I couldn’t see him; I was trying to stay seated, clinging for my life, but that voice sounded strangely familiar. “Who are you?” I yelled. “I can’t see.”

Someone yanked on Maeia’s reins and my blood froze. I gripped the leather hard enough to make my hands bleed. I wanted to flee, but didn’t know which way to go. I was confused and scared. I had never been so frightened.

“Please, help me.”

Maeia stepped away from the voice. I took her lead and nudged her forward.

“Go, girl,” I said. My voice was shaking. “Take us home.”

As Maeia took charge and thrust us forward, the trees erupted again, this time in several places. Several men shouted and leapt onto the road.

“Come back, bandit,” yelled one of the men. “Rhiannon, get out of here!”

I obeyed the words, for it was Cael’s voice that had spoken them, and prodded Maeia to take me to the heart of Aisling. She didn’t stop until we had reached the gate of my home. I leaned over my horse and fell onto the ground. The grass was soaked, but so was I. I sat there, watching the black forest road while the rain drained over me. At that moment, I realized that Colin had been right. It
was
too dangerous for me in Aisling. I just had escaped Darian a second time.

Mother gasped when I opened the back door. “Rhiannon? Neal, come quickly. Rhiannon is home.”

A yelled curse rattled the windows and made the candles flicker. Father stomped into the room and glared at me as if I had taken his ale goblet.

“Hello, Father,” I said, barely raising my voice above a whisper. I was dripping wet; a puddle formed on the floor below my feet.

“What happened?” he asked. “Why are you here?” Father stomped past me and stared into the stormy night through the door I hadn’t closed. “Where’s your horse?”

I stepped aside and glanced at Mother; she offered no support. “I put her in the barn to dry off. I’ll remove her saddle later.”

Father slammed the door, stomped across the room, and kicked a pair of boots near the wall. “You know better than that, Rhiannon,” he scolded, snorting as he stepped into them. “Has the night turned you lazy?”

I opened the door again. “No, Father, I’ll take care of it. Stay here. I’m sorry.” I stepped into the rain and leaned my face back inside. As I inhaled to retort a guilty suggestion, I caught a glimpse of my mother—she held her face in her hands—and I suddenly couldn’t speak. I shut the door behind me and wandered slowly back to the barn, covered in rain and shame.

The journey had been horrible, my entrance into Aisling dangerous, and my own parents seemed to despise my arrival home. When I thought my day couldn’t get worse, I noticed Maeia’s saddle for the first time since leaving DarMattey. It was missing my satchel. I had left my supplies at Sianna’s store.

I cried in the barn longer than I should have. A warm pile of dry straw kept me company until I had gathered enough courage to face my parents again. I didn’t want to return to the house. Compared to the place where Nia had wed, our barn was a clean palace. I had spent many nights sleeping here when I was younger, and had always enjoyed its sanctuary. Except for a few kittens tunneling in the hay, I was alone. I had already removed my saddle and had sent Maeia out to the meadow, fearing retribution from Father if he came.

When I returned to the house, I stood outside the dining room window, staring through it like a curious stranger. Father and Mother sat over the table talking. Father was smoking. I could almost taste the tobacco twisting in airy circles above his pipe. Despite the danger and mad rejection of my homecoming, it felt good to be home again. I took a deep breath, rubbed my necklace for courage and slowly creaked open the back door. My parents turned and stared at me.

“Rhiannon, you look awful,” said Mother. She didn’t leave her place at the table.

I smiled dryly, hoping to convey my offense. “Thank you, Mother,” I told her quietly. “It has been a difficult day.”

My parents watched as I stepped into the dining room and chose a seat on the bench across from them. I wiped my eyes, although they had already dried, and then shivered from the impulse of warmth that suddenly enveloped me. Tiny goose bumps erupted from my wrists and crept down my arms. After taking a deep breath, I spoke again and rubbed my hands.

“I couldn’t stay there any longer,” I told them. “In DarMattey.”

My father breathed deep and lifted his face to speak, but Mother grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“I don’t belong there. I don’t like it.”

“You were only gone three days,” said Father. He pulled himself free of my mother’s grasp. “How can anyone like something in just three days?” He shoved his chair back and stood. “You’re going back in the morning.”

I shook my head. “Please, don’t say that. I can’t go back. I belong in Aisling.” I begged with my eyes. “This is my home.”

“It’s too dangerous here,” said Mother. She reached across the table and gripped my nearest hand. “You know that.”

“What about Colin?” Father paced across the dining room. “Does he know you left DarMattey?”

“Yes,” I answered. “I told him. I left after Nia’s wedding.”

Mother squeezed my hand tighter. “What are we supposed to do for you? If the bandit escapes, he’ll come for you again. You know that.” She shook her head. “You know that.”

I winced, mostly from what I was about to say, than from the pain from Mother’s grip. “I saw him today.”

Father’s face turned red. I could see traces of crimson between the bristles of his long yellow beard. “What happened?”

“Please, don’t yell at me,” I pleaded. “I wasn’t trying to cause trouble. I didn’t know he had escaped again.”

Mother removed her hand. “We didn’t know either. Where is he? Where did you see him?”

Before Mother had finished speaking, Father opened the door to his ale closet and disappeared inside. He returned and tried to conceal a short sword at his waist. He laced his boots a second time.

“Where are you going, Neal?” said Mother, aiming her anger with a glare.

“I’m going out into the storm,” he said. “I’ve had enough. I’ll find the man and solve our problems.”

I wanted to speak, but the argument’s pace had quickened to a rapid succession of words and yelling, and I didn’t feel strong enough to keep up. Father tossed a coat over his shoulders and stormed toward the door before anyone could respond.

“Then what will you do, Neal?” yelled Mother. “Kill him? If you do that, we’ll never get the scrolls back.”

“We wouldn’t need them back if not for—” Father stopped unlatching the front door. He must have realized the dagger of his own words.

I knew his meaning. It struck me as if he had tossed his sword across the room. The sharp edge of his truth left me in tears. “What are you saying, Father?”

“I don’t know what I’m saying,” he said, his head lowered. “I’m sorry.”

I looked up at him, but couldn’t focus. “They were after him tonight,” I said. “You were leaving without knowledge or need.” I shifted on the bench and tried to wipe my eyes. It didn’t stop my sorrow. “Cael and his men were chasing Darian at the moment he found me. I rode away quickly. I came straight home.”

The day had been too trying. I tried to take a deep breath, managed only a small whimper. I stepped away from the bench and stretched my legs, which hurt as if they had been tied together. I couldn’t argue; I didn’t have the energy. Without speaking, I stumbled past my father and up the stairs to my bedroom. The sound of my door slamming behind me was the last thing I heard before collapsing onto my bed.

~ O ~

Blinding sunshine in my eyes wasn’t a good way to start the next morning, but it was better than the nightmares that had dogged my sleep. I moaned and tried to block the light by burying my face under my pillow. That made it hard to breathe. I wrestled in my sheets before reluctantly allowing my eyes to adapt to the day.

It felt strange waking in my own bedroom again. It was as if everything I owned had been moved and returned to their same places. I examined my sandals, my clothes, my dresser, and even the walls to make certain I was truly there. Outside my door, I heard the hushed voices of Leila and Ethan and their attempts to convince our mother to allow them to enter my room. After their words faded and stomping on the stairs announced their failure, Mother peered inside. I stared back, unwilling to reveal any emotion.

“You’re awake,” she whispered. She slid inside and gently closed the door behind her. She stepped softly to my bedside and smiled. “How are you feeling?”

I shrugged.

“Are you injured?”

I shook my head. Her persistence was suffocating. She felt like a stranger to me. We had always been close, the trials of our past had driven us apart, perhaps more than I’d realized. My mother’s cool reception from last night made me painfully aware how far we had drifted apart. I tried to look past her and out my window, but she moved to block my view. She stepped back, still watching me, and turned to leave.

“When you’re willing to talk, you will find me in the kitchen.”

Mother is always in the kitchen.
I closed my eyes, annoyed at her overly friendly tone. Her words may have been kind and well meaning, but I knew that she meant. Her attitude toward me was clearly telling me,
“talk to me or I’ll make your day painful.”
As she left me alone, I wondered how far into the day I could remain in my bed without angering my father. I didn’t want to cause a conflict, but I also wanted to avoid one by wandering into a swarm of questions at the morning meal.

Despite the urges of my stomach, and the welcoming scent of Mother’s cooking, I decided not to eat and prepared to take a much-needed bath. Father ended that plan when I wandered down to retrieve a cauldron of hot water.

“If you’re home for good, then go feed the horses,” he ordered, wiping cider off his beard.

I didn’t dare look to Mother for support. Instead, I nodded and returned to my room to change into a work dress. Though I was home, this place didn’t feel the same as it once had. No one understood my emotions and no one seemed to care that I was suffering.

The day was lonely, and the work was harder than I had remembered. A few times I caught myself staring across the field, toward Taylor’s Ridge, daring myself to wander away and seek the solitude of a new life there. My doldrums and daydreams stretched the morning and when noon arrived, I was still filling the troughs. I thought it couldn’t get worse; I knew the day had something better to offer, especially after the previous night. I was wrong.

As I heaved another load over the fence, the distinct sound of Leila giggling carried from the other side of the stable. I scooped a handful of hay into a trough and peered around the walls to investigate. My sister sat in the long grass, facing her friend Michael Dunn with a smile as large as the sun. She saw me before I could duck away.

“Hello, Rhiannon.” Her voice was perfectly polite. “Welcome home.” Michael whispered something in her ear, and she giggled again.

Then Michael spoke. “Would you like some help, Rhiannon?”

“No, thank you,” I called back, trying not to sound angry. “Have you finished your chores, Leila?”

Her face appeared from around the corner of the stable. “Father relieved me for the day. I’m preparing for the Sun Season Celebration.” Her cheerful voice seemed to mock me.

The pain of my exile from the Fae throbbed with such renewed intensity I could find no words for either bland pleasantry or sarcastic retort. The celebration dances had been part of me for so long that without them, I felt empty. Hollow. I turned to face away from my sister and closed my eyes, remembering the days and nights I had danced at Stone Meadow. It had been peaceful and soothing. Nothing in the world compared to the joy I felt when dancing with the Fae. I couldn’t do that any longer. My lips started trembling, slowly at first, before they quivered into a sob. I covered my mouth and ran toward the house, nearly striking my head on the top rail of the meadow fence as I ducked under.

“Rhiannon?” Leila called my name from behind me at the exact moment my mother exclaimed it from the kitchen.

I knew their question, and didn’t answer them in words.
“Everything!”
my mind screamed.
“Everything is wrong. I hate my life. I hate what’s happening. I miss Sean!”
I stormed to my room and plunged into the tangled sheets on my bed.

Mother let me cry for most of the afternoon. When she found me, I was rubbing my face, trying to make the burning around my eyes disappear. She raised my chin and untangled my necklace with her fingers. Her eyes were kind.

“We should call this a Faerie Tear,” she said, lifting the blue diamond charm. She rubbed it gently. “When you wear this, it seems that emotion always floods your eyes.”

“I’m having a hard time,” I said, forcing my words between whimpers. I wiped my eyes, though they were already dry. “I need to leave.”

“To DarMattey?” Mother asked.

I shook my head. “No, not to that place.” I looked back at Mother and pulled my necklace from her fingers. I caressed the diamond. “I need to be alone,” I said. “Somewhere where no one knows me, or wants to know me. Where no one knows what I’ve done.”

Mother reached around my shoulders and pulled me close. “I’m sorry about what your father said,” she said. “He was angry last evening.”

“He was right.”

Mother pushed away and questioned me with her eyes.

I repeated myself. “Father is the only one who is being honest,” I told her. “If I hadn’t taken the scrolls, everything would be all right.”

Mother shook her head. “We’ve already stepped along the path you’re treading,” she said. “You tried something brave and heroic.” She paused.

“And I failed.” I finished her meaning.

“No, Rhiannon.” Mother pulled me close and squeezed again. “Maybe, you just haven’t finished, yet.”

I shook my head. “There’s nothing to finish—there’s nothing left for me, anywhere.” I was weak from the day, and from talking. I wanted to find the scrolls, to discover the secrets of the mysterious man who had taken them. Cael had even agreed to help me in that quest. But I had never had the chance, and now it felt like I never would. I couldn’t leave the house anymore without some sort of protection. How would I ever resolve my own intentions? I fell to my back and wished that my mother would leave me alone.