Whisper In The Dark (The McKinnon Legends-- The American Men Book One) (11 page)

“Kate, don’t go there,” he warned with empathy. “Of course you have things to offer.”

She continued, completely ignoring his warning. “Millions of dollars were lost because of my slime ball husband. I’m in hock up to my eyeballs. My mother won’t speak to me because I’m an embarrassment to her, George was hurt, and Kyle is dead.”

Grabbing her by the shoulders he squeezed her fueled by the sudden anger he felt at the ghosts of her past making her doubt herself. He hated seeing her beat herself up. She had so much to offer and was a very intelligent woman with a sharp mind. Her looks did not hurt either.

“You’re having a pity party, Kate. Get past it.”

He knew instantly he had stepped over some invisible line, and she came out fighting.

“Turn loose of me you overbearing bastard! How dare you tell me to get past it.” She slapped at his arm until he turned her loose. “I’m sorry if I have feelings and I’m not some mindless, spineless, plastic plaything like you are undoubtedly accustomed to having in your life. This is my grief, and I’ll deal with it however I damn well please.” Her eyes were on fire. “And to think I was going to ask you to have dinner with me tomorrow night. Well, you can just forget it, Mister. That offer is so far off the table that if the world were flat it would be falling into eternity!”

She forcefully pulled away perturbed at the tears now free flowing again.

“Kate, you misunderstand me. Oh, baby, if I could take this hurt from you I would, but I can’t.” He held her again. “You need to grieve for Kyle. Grieving, I can understand. And you do have to go through it in your own way, just as I did for Marilyn.”

He cupped her face wiping the tears with the pad of his thumbs. “This moodiness is normal. I can understand that as well, and I’m here to support you through it no matter what. I’m here however you need me. But this mutilation of your self-confidence I don’t understand, and I won’t let you continue to beat yourself up.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, looking down at her feet. It was becoming an automatic response. She never even realized she had apologized turning away again feeling unworthy of his support.

He saw how automatic and unconscious the words and action had become for her. He wanted to lash out at her mother, her ex-husband, and anyone else in her life who had made her feel she had to apologize for having feelings and being human.

He closed the gap between them, but did not trust himself to touch her. He was angry, not with her, but with the situation he found them in.

She took a step back. He did not really frighten her. She felt she knew him well enough to know he was not a violent man. Yet, it was always a good idea to give a strange bull a little leeway in the pasture.

“Just stop it, Kate. Stop apologizing for the sun rising, and for the famine in Africa, and the fact the traffic light in Cleburne is constantly on the fritz. You cannot control the sun, the rain, or the Texas Department of Transportation. George is tough. He is going to be fine. That was not your fault. Screw your mother. It’s her loss. Not yours.”

He softened visibly as he stepped forward and ran two fingers down the side of her face. His touch was much softer than before as he looked into her eyes.

God, he could love this woman, and he knew it was probably already too late to stop that ship from sailing. It had happened like that with his parents. Not exactly love at first sight, but very close. When it’s right it is just right, and with Kate it just might be, he thought.

“I think you are an awesome woman, beautiful, and full of fire and passion. You are fiercely loyal to those you deem worthy. I see how you love and care for George. I want to be one of those people, Kate. I’m sorry, I should have told you right away.”

She hesitated to respond.

Robert held his arms open.“Take me back in. Let me back into that circle of trust.” 

How could she refuse the comfort he was offering? He understood her, which was more than she could say about herself lately. She just looked up at him dumbfounded. Not since Kyle had there been anyone in her life who cared enough to tell her that it was all right to be who she was without feeling ashamed. He liked her just the way she was, thorns and all. Daniel had always tried to mold her into the perfect Wall Street wife and had blamed her when she fell short of his expectations.

Robert was different. He could be her sanctuary, if only for a little while.

Holding her felt good, and Robert wanted her to stay there in his arms and in his life until he could sort his feelings out. He knew he could care deeply for her and probably already did. He was physically attracted to her in a way that excited him. He had never felt like this before, not this quickly and certainly not this intensely. It was almost as if the night he had seen her sleeping in the swing on the front porch, his body, mind, and heart realigned by just looking at her.

This was a very grown-up emotion.

He knew he had been very protective of her when she was a child and had cared for her even when he was a teenager. It had not been one of those weird ways that a man in his twenties lusts after a girl of thirteen, but it was something more than a brotherly feeling. It was different and he had respected her, never once daring to examine the attraction he felt for her even then. He had simply stayed away, gone off to college, got engaged to a wonderful girl, and started his career. She had moved to New York and he had not seen her again until he called her home. She was out of sight, but not necessarily out of his mind or heart.

He had wondered and asked about her over the years. Kyle joked that someday he would marry his baby sister and be forced to put up with George on a full time basis. He always figured it was Kyle’s way of getting back at him for some unknown reason with the threat of having to deal with George. Well, that much had come to pass because either way this treasure hunt ended, George was his responsibility and if he failed George, Kate would have his head, or worse.

However, he wanted to be sure what he felt was not just because she needed him so desperately. He certainly did not want her because of his compassion for her suffering over Kyle’s death. She was a true damsel in distress, triggering his protective instincts that had jumped into hyper-drive the moment he discovered she was living in a hovel in Brooklyn, where every day was a fight for survival and not much more was in the offering. She needed him for her continued existence in this immediate timeframe, and his alpha male genes were pushing him forward to protect his own.

Kyle had made him promise, years ago, to look out for her should anything ever happen. When his friend died she had become his responsibility, and he was shouldering that burden gladly. Therefore, he needed to be positive he wanted her not because he owed it to Kyle and not because she was in deep financial straits and her life was in danger. He wanted to be sure he wanted her because she was the woman destined for him as a mate.

Somehow he felt the longer he was with her there was something at a molecular level crying out to be with her, and it was beginning to alarm him as realization dawned. She was a fiercely independent woman, and one way or the other he could lose her in less than twenty-one days.

“I won’t lose you,” he vowed softly, holding her close.

“What?”

“I said I miss Kyle, too. He was as much brother to me as Chase and Mason, but his death is not your fault any more than it is mine, and not everything you touch turns to crap, Kate. If that were the case I would never, ever dare to do this.”

He leaned in and she took his mouth to hers welcoming him. Softly kissing her, it was gentle, reverent, chaste. It was not a passionate kiss. Actually, it was far from passionate, but with deep feeling just the same. Surprising them both, it was something going well beyond passion and seemed closer to a bonding, an understanding of souls meeting on a plane more meaningful and deeper than the physical.

He let his head lull back eyes still closed. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly as if breathing for the first time in his life.

Her eyes fluttered open.

“Wow, no wonder you McKinnon men have such big egos where women are concerned. It is definitely warranted,” she breathed. “Crap…did I say that out loud?”

He smiled, nodding.

There was a feeling rushing through her veins warming her inside and out. It felt like a drug high as it scorched through her body settling in the pleasure center of her brain.

So she had felt it too, he thought.

That kiss had started a chain reaction, and now he felt a connection to her that had not been there moments earlier. It was faint, but there nonetheless. He could feel her confusion and hurt. He could feel her desire and it matched his own. However, more deeply he could feel her exhaustion. Pure weariness flooded her mind, body, and spirit.

His instincts were to protect her, and if she would allow him to, he would take care of her as long as he drew breath. After that kiss she belonged to him.

Or maybe it was the other way around?

Had she marked him? It was possible. There had been other cases in McKinnon history where all it took was a single kiss to complete the bonding circle between two destined to be mates. He never dreamed he carried the same gene that produced the eternal bonding between a couple. He was very far removed, by scores of generations in fact, from the original source of that DNA.

“Mine!” he heard his inner male claim her. He heard the voice from beyond his own consciousness, spanning space and time.

“Mine!” the voice repeated.

It took him back a step or two. Perhaps the source of that DNA was not far enough removed after all.

He was not ready for such a commitment, yet that choice was already being made for him by Fate. He was sure, now more than ever, she belonged to him and she belonged with him.

Only problem he saw with that was he was not in love with her, at least not yet.

He cared, without a doubt, but regardless of what he may or may not feel he had no choice. It was now his privilege and responsibility to care for her every need.

God, Chase is going to love this, he thought.

His days of professed bachelorhood were most definitely at an end. He was going to marry this woman. It was just a question of would she accept and when. He liked her immensely. She was funny, smart, and physically appealing. There were weaker bases on which to build a good marriage, he supposed. But would she require love?

“How much sleep are you getting?” He noticed for the first time the deep circles under her eyes. He felt her muscles struggle for strength.

She shrugged at his question of her sleeping patterns.

"I think you already know,” she quipped, weary to the bone.

She felt quite sure Chase reported and mapped her every move. Either way she was exhausted as she leaned into him breathing in his strength. Then realizing what she was doing, she stepped back.

“I have a deadline of less than twenty days, Robert. Sleep is not an option or luxury I can afford. I sleep as I can.”

“Screw the deadline, Kate,” he said slashing the air with his hand as if to cut the agreement in two. “We are partners and I’m not Dallas Langston. If it takes longer, then it just takes longer.” He shrugged his shoulders. It really was not a big deal for him. “You must get some sleep before it ends up breaking you down.”

Chase’s reports were very detailed, and Robert knew she wandered the house most every night going through closets and drawers as if she were looking for something. He would eventually ask, but not tonight. She usually crawled into bed in the very early morning hours. Then she would rise just a few short hours later to do it all again.

It was getting late and she needed to sleep.

Wordlessly, he scooped her up and in spite her mild protests carried her up the stairs. He knew which room she had taken as her own and placing her on her feet just outside the doorway, he dared not pass over the threshold.

Outside the door she leaned in seeking comfort, wrapping around him as a drowning woman would a life preserver. He felt her desperation and he did feel her going under the surface. She was drowning in debt, grief, and sorrow. He felt her pulling at his heartstrings.

“Stay with me tonight, Robert. No strings attached, I promise. All I ask is to have the security of knowing someone is lying there beside me and has my back.”

He knew that was not possible now.

Any physical contact with her would only increase the already growing bond. His McKinnon blood was recognizing his true mate, but he wanted no clouds of suspicion hanging over what they could share. There was a substantial amount of money standing between her and him, and the agreement would be settled one way or the other before he had sex with her.

Shaking his head in the negative he knew it was a mistake to leave, but a bigger mistake to stay. Deep down he knew he needed to stake his claim because until he did she was still fair game. Yet, it was the wisest course of action. She was still vulnerable and worn out physically and spent emotionally.

She needed sleep, but that precious commodity had been about as elusive as beautiful dreams at dawn. He knew how she felt. He had not slept much either since Kyle’s death. Yet, sleeping with her was not the answer either. That would just complicate matters. They were business partners first. Once the hunt was done, then he would pursue her romantically. After that, if she invited him into her bed he would gladly oblige, however, not at the moment. He had his doubts he could sleep next to her and not make love to her if the bulge in his jeans was any evidence. He was not a saint, and she was doing things to his insides that he was just beginning to understand. The longer he was with her, the more the need grew to claim her, and if she thought for one minute she was going to let him into her bed and him play the well-mannered knight, she was mistaken. She needed rest, not sex, and sex was what he had on his mind.

“Robert, are you listening?”

She had asked if he would stay long enough for her to take a bath. The house was too creepy to bathe this late at night.