Whispered Promises (8 page)

His gaze moved from hers and directed their full attention to her lips. “After reading your letter, I knew your decision was final, and there was nothing I could say or do to make you change your mind. I felt totally and thoroughly rejected. But most of all I felt downright betrayed.”

A lump formed in Caitlin's throat. She stared into the darkness of Dex's eyes and saw pain and anger completely exposed. The emotions displayed there said it all. He would never forgive her for not coming to him in Australia.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered, her eyes glazed with tears. “I know an apology is worthless now, but I never meant to hurt you. Please believe I never meant to hurt you.”

Dex stared down at her. His gaze took in the sight of her breasts partially visible above the low cut of her lacy white nightgown, a part her robe didn't hide.

“But you did hurt me, and you're right, an apology now is worthless,” he said huskily, removing his hand from her mouth to touch the center of her back. “But this isn't.”

Then with the slightest of pressure there, he pulled her to him. Her body was warm against his and the smell of her perfume was heady.
Beautiful,
his mind declared as his eyes consumed her. Her brown face, scrubbed clean of makeup was fresh and lovely. Dex reached up with his free hand and touched her face. “You're beautiful.”

Caitlin looked up at him. Her mouth throbbed for his. She wanted him to kiss her, to remove all her lingering doubts about the future, the pain she was feeling for the present and the guilt she held of the past. She wanted all of those things destroyed under the onslaught of his kiss.

Dex read her eyes and what he saw in them made his breathing quicken. The look in them was the sign of imminent surrender.

His gaze moved to her mouth. It was a mouth begging to be kissed, and he intended to give it just what it wanted.

Slowly he lowered his head to hers. Their lips touched; cautiously at first, withdrawing slightly, then touched again. Caitlin felt desire flood her body when Dex took control. His tongue hungrily stroked the insides of her mouth.

Passion consumed Dex like a lit explosive. He knew at that moment he would never be free of Caitlin. She was in his blood and in his mind. But he was determined to never let her find a way to his heart again.

Dex pulled his mouth away. He allowed Caitlin a quick breath, then once again captured her lips, dominating her mouth in a relentless assault of his tongue. A faint groan escaped her throat as he made a thorough exploration of her mouth, while his hand boldly caressed her through the soft material of her robe.

The deep recesses of Dex's mind declared kissing her was not enough. He wanted to bury himself deep within her body. He wanted to make love to her all through the night, wake up with her in his arms and make love to her again in the bright morning light. He wanted to touch her every hour on the hour.

But then another part of his mind, the one that dealt with reality, was determined to shield him from further pain. It reminded him of what she'd done to him four years ago. How she had taken the love he had never given another woman and had made a mockery of it; how she'd rejected him. Those thoughts sharply cut into his passion. Suddenly he stopped kissing her and stepped backward.

“Go to bed, Caitlin.” Dex's words were sharp and cold. They sent a chill through her body. Her questioning eyes met the icy glow in his.

At that precise moment the kitchen door swung open and Clayton walked in. His eyes registered surprise at seeing them in the kitchen at such a late hour. “Sorry. I didn't know the two of you were still up.”

Caitlin spoke, her voice shaky, her eyes filled with tears. “Don't apologize, Clayton. In fact your timing was perfect. Good night.” Noiselessly, she swept by Clayton and out of the kitchen.

Clayton watched her fleeing back. He then turned to his brother, a dark scowl on his face. “What was that all about?”

Dex leaned against the counter. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Don't fake innocence with me. I'm talking about Caitlin's tears, not to mention swollen lips belonging to a mouth that's been kissed. Just what kind of game are you playing with her?”

Dex's eyes narrowed. “Stay out of this, Clayton. It doesn't concern you.”

Clayton stared at his brother, attempting to control his anger. “You're right. It really doesn't concern me other than the fact Caitlin is family. And you know how protective Madarises are when it comes to family.”

Dex picked up Caitlin's cup of unfinished milk. Turning to the sink he poured the contents out, rinsed the cup and placed it in the dishwasher. Slamming the dishwasher closed, he turned to face his brother. “Family? Would you care to explain that remark?” he asked harshly.

“Not at all. Like I told you, there's a good chance that legally Caitlin's still your wife whether you like it or not. I think once you finally get over your bitterness, and all this anger you've been carrying around for the last four years, you'll realize that other than Jordan, she has no one. With her father's death, she's all alone now.”

“And you expect me to cry about it? It was her choice, Clayton,” Dex snapped.

“Yeah, and one you'll undoubtedly hold against her for the rest of her life. You don't know how to forgive or let go of past hurts. I think it's time you tried.”

“Damn it. How can you even think I should forgive her for what she did to me, and what she put me through? I believed in her, Clayton. I trusted her with my heart, I loved her with my entire soul, and I had faith that her love for me would survive the test of time. I was the biggest fool when she chose to stay here with her father and end our marriage. Once destroyed, trust, love and faith can't ever be recaptured or replaced. It's impossible for me to ever share those same feelings with her again. There will always be doubt, resentment and heartache no matter what,” he stated in a gruff voice.

Dex let his fist hit against the counter. “I don't want to care for her again, Clayton. I don't want to ever love her again. Can't you see that? The pain went too deep. Caitlin and I can't ever go back.”

Hearing his brother's pain so deeply expressed, Clayton felt Dex's innermost agony. It wasn't clear to him why he was so obviously sticking his nose where it didn't belong other than he believed reuniting Dex with Caitlin was the key to his brother's future happiness. Dex had always been a person who did not do anything half-measure, and that included falling in love. Hopefully, when he put his trampled pride aside, he would realize that deep down he still loved Caitlin. Otherwise, why would there be so much pain, even now? As far as Clayton was concerned Dex needed Caitlin in his life. But right now, the concepts of forgiving, letting go of the past and moving ahead were foreign to him.

Clayton gave Dex a halfhearted smile. “I know the two of you can't go back, and as far as I'm concerned you shouldn't even try. What I suggest is for you and Caitlin to just start over. You have a second chance to start fresh. Get to know her, Dex. Court her properly and build a life with her again. Just put the past behind you once and for all and start over.”

Just start over…

Clayton's words rang in Dex's ears. Discarding his jeans he climbed back into bed. Could he and Caitlin actually pull it off? Was there a chance the past could somehow be buried and the future built anew? Did he even want to try? Did she? Could he erase that uneasiness that comes when one's trust in another has been damaged?

Numerous questions flooded his mind. He knew he couldn't consider a future with Caitlin until he was able to deal with his inner turmoil and doubts, but most of all, his anger. His thoughts went to his daughter, his beautiful little girl. He knew he owed her a chance to have a normal family life, which meant some sort of reconciliation with Caitlin.

A whispered sigh escaped Dex's lips. There were a lot of things about his relationship with Caitlin that he'd never dwelled on before. Caitlin was right when she'd said they really didn't know each other. Yes, they had married…and as it turned out probably still were, and they had conceived a child. But they really didn't know each other. He didn't know her favorite color, hobbies, type of music or her favorite food; the things married couples should know about each other.

Had they really known each other four years ago, they could have been spared a lot of pain and anguish. He would've been better able to deal with her emotional upheaval brought on by her father's nonacceptance of their marriage. And he would have known that because of Caitlin's close relationship with her father, she would have been driven by both guilt and loyalty, and would have felt compelled to stay with Halston at least until he had recuperated. And during that time, she could have somehow convinced her father to accept her love for her husband.

But instead, because she'd been so sure Dex wouldn't understand and allow her the extra time she needed before joining him in Australia, she'd opted to turn her back on their love and sacrifice her own chance at happiness.

And it appears he may have been slightly mistaken about Caitlin's level of maturity four years ago. When they had met, she had been a recent college graduate, somewhat naive in the ways of the world, and had just landed her first job away from home. She'd been inexperienced as far as men were concerned and had been forced to choose between the love of a man she'd just met, and that of a loving father who represented the only security she had ever known.

Thinking back now, Dex could almost sympathize with the situation she'd suddenly been placed in. And with belated hindsight, he could see how it had happened. However, he still wasn't sure a part of him could ever forgive her for not living up to his expectations and for not keeping her promises. But he owed it to their daughter to try. Trying to rebuild their marriage would take a lot of effort on both of their parts, but he was willing to give it his best shot if she was.

If they decided to give their marriage another try, there would only be one of two possible endings: they would either move forward together, or they would allow the pain from the past to consume them, and their marriage would become a living hell, one they would both come to regret.

C
aitlin regarded both men through lowered lashes. Clayton was sitting across from her in what used to be her father's favorite recliner. Dex stood gazing out the living room window. However, his expression was a dead giveaway that any objects outside the window were not where his concerns were. She was more than sure that like her, he was very interested in what Clayton had to say.

Nervously, she locked her fingers together and rested her hands in her lap. Jordan was spending some time with Ms. Logan and her granddaughter, so there were only the three of them in the quiet house. Except for the shuffling of the papers Clayton was studying, and for the ticking of the grandfather clock across the room, no noise broke the strained silence.

Clayton looked up and met Caitlin's worried expression with a reassuring one. “We might as well get this over with,” he said, smiling. “As much as I have enjoyed all of your company, especially that of my darling niece, I do have a job to return to. My plane leaves this afternoon.” He gave her a wink. “Don't look so nervous, Caitlin. This is all very informal. I'm merely here as a neutral party.”

Dex made a loud noise that sounded suspiciously like a snort.

Clayton laughed. “It seems my brother obviously thinks otherwise. Dex, how about joining us,” he called over his shoulder.

Caitlin watched Dex turn from the window and walk toward them. Surprise flickered in her eyes when instead of taking the chair not far from where Clayton was sitting, he came and sat next to her on the sofa.

He sat so close, the material of his jeans pressed against her thighs not covered by her shorts. Her heart skipped a beat. His nearness was having an arousing effect on her. The palms of her hands were damp and a tingling sensation began spreading throughout her entire body.

“Now then,” Clayton said, eyeing them both speculatively. “Your father was right, Caitlin. Legally, you and Dex are still married. Therefore, to deal with your situation the two of you can either continue on with your marriage by picking up where you left off four years ago, or contact your own attorneys and file for a divorce. However, if you do decide to file for a divorce it won't be as cut and dried as the last time because of Jordan. There will be the issues of child support and custody rights to deal with.”

Caitlin spoke softly. “I don't want to cause any unnecessary problems. There's no need for much child support. The sale of Dad's printing shop should bring in enough money for me and Jordan to live comfortably. And I do have a job in Fort Worth to return to in the fall.”

She shifted nervously in her seat. “And as far as custody rights, I'll agree to whatever visitation privileges Dex wants. I'd never do anything to deliberately keep him and Jordan apart.”

Clayton nodded. He then fixed his gaze on his brother. “And just what is it that you want, Dex?” he asked.

Dex stood slowly and walked back to the window. Caitlin had addressed the issues that would only be pertinent if they chose to get a divorce. “It would probably be a lot simpler if you were to ask me what I didn't want, Clayton.”

Clayton rolled his brown eyes to the ceiling. “Very well, what is it you don't want?”

Dex turned. His gaze held Caitlin within its dark scope. He couldn't help noticing a slight shiver pass through her body with his close scrutiny. She looked as beautiful and radiant as the morning sun. The velvety softness of her cheeks reminded him of an African violet. The lips that he had so thoroughly kissed last night were now parted slightly as if in an open invitation for him to do so again. Her hair hung loose about her shoulders, and she looked incredibly sexy in the outfit she was wearing. He walked toward her slowly, coming to a stop directly in front of her.

When he finally spoke, his words came out clear and firm. “What I don't want is a divorce.”

Shocked into silence, Caitlin's eyes widened. “B-but why? What possible reason could there be for you to not want a divorce? Just last night you said our marriage was beyond repair.”

Dex's gaze slid from Caitlin to his brother. “If you don't mind, Clayton, I'd like a few words alone with my wife.”

Caitlin was stunned at the possessive tone of Dex's voice when he referred to her as his wife. Although it appeared that legally she was, she never expected him to ever say it like he didn't mind it. She thought he would be upset upon finding out they were still actually married.

“In other words, Dex—” Clayton chuckled, breaking into Caitlin's thoughts “—you want me to get lost for a while.”

A smile curved Dex's lips. “Your ability to figure things out amazes me.”

A few minutes later Clayton had left them alone to go upstairs to pack. Caitlin watched as Dex sat in the chair his brother had vacated minutes earlier. He stretched his long legs out in front of him, and leisurely crossed them at the booted ankles.

“Now to answer your question, Caitlin, there're numerous reasons why we shouldn't get a divorce, and the foremost one should be obvious, our daughter. Staying together wouldn't be for either one of us, it would be for Jordan. I think we owe her that. She's too young to understand what's going on. All she knows at the moment is that I'm here. In her mind, my appearance into her life is permanent. She doesn't have the faintest idea what a divorce means. But we do, don't we? Although neither of us came from broken homes, we've heard numerous stories about the scarring of children that do. I don't want that for our daughter. Do you?”

Caitlin shook her head as her hope sank dejectedly. Dex didn't want them to continue their marriage because of any feelings he still had for her, but because of their daughter. “A child is no reason for two people to remain married if they don't love each other, Dex.”

Dex's eyes narrowed. “I disagree. If both individuals want what's best for their child, they'll be willing to sacrifice just about anything. Even their own happiness.”

Caitlin sighed. He was admitting that he was willing to sacrifice his happiness by remaining married to her for Jordan's sake. “It won't work.”

“It'll work, if we make it work. You've had Jordan for three years. All I'm asking is a chance to be a part of her life. Maybe four years ago we did act hasty and rushed into things, but now the situation is different. We have a child, Caitlin, a child that, one way or another, I'm going to be a father to. I don't want to be a part-time dad, but a full-time one, and I won't settle for anything less.”

Gazing directly into his eyes, Caitlin drew a deep breath and asked, “And just what are you proposing?”

When he spoke, Dex's voice was deeper and huskier than before. “What I propose is that starting today we put the past behind us and start over. There's no way we can pretend that part of our life didn't happen, but we can move on and not look back.”

Stunned dark eyes held Dex's gaze. “That's impossible! You hate me.”

A deep scowl settled over Dex's features. “That's not true. I don't hate you.”

Caitlin stood. Placing hands on her hips, she glared at him. “You may as well. You still harbor resentment for what I did. How can you expect me to give our marriage another try when I know how you feel? No matter what you say, Dex, I know the anger and hurt is still there. Those feelings couldn't have dissolved overnight.”

Dex sighed, rubbing his fingers to his temple. “My feelings are something I have to deal with. In time, I'll come to terms with what happened between us.”

“And what if you can't? You said I'm the woman who betrayed you, remember? As far as you're concerned, I'm the one you feel rejected you, and the one who made promises of love and commitments, then broke them all. I'm also the woman who had your child and, according to what you believe, didn't have the decency to contact you to let you know I was pregnant. Knowing what you think of me, how can you expect me to live with you again as your wife?”

Dex pushed himself to a standing position and faced her. “I'm not promising miracles, Caitlin. But I am willing to give our marriage another chance, if you are. I can honestly admit the blame of our breakup wasn't entirely your fault. I've been too hurt and angry to realize that I, in part, was responsible for what happened between us. We had met less than two weeks before we married. There were a number of things that I could've done, like being more supportive and less pushy. I could've weathered your father's disapproval of me more diplomatically by understanding you were his only child, and that his life had been centered around you. I could have taken it less personal.”

He pushed his hands deep into his pockets. “We can both look back and say if only we had handled things differently, but doing so won't turn back the hands of time. I believe we can make another go at things because we have something very special going for us. We both love our daughter very much and want what's best for her. And we can use our time together to get to know each other without feeling rushed.” Dex hesitated, then smiled smoothly. “That kiss last night proves we're still attracted to each other. So what do we have to lose?”

Caitlin shook her head, fighting the urge to grab Dex and shake him. Didn't he know that sexual attraction was no basis to continue their marriage? A marriage had to be based on love. A lot of marriages failed when held together merely for the sake of a child. And to make matters worse, she knew at that very moment she still loved Dex, and had never stopped loving him.

When she'd decided to end their marriage, she'd also ended her only chance at happiness, because he was the only man she could and would ever love.

Pain darkened her expression. Telling him how she felt was the last thing she would do. Doing so would have her heart at his mercy, and she didn't want that. It hurt her to know he was only willing to continue their marriage because he felt an obligation to see that Jordan got a normal family life.

“Well, what's it going to be, Caitlin?”

She frowned. “If I agree to continue our marriage, just what will you expect from me?”

Dex's eyes continued to hold hers. “I'll expect no more from you than I'll expect from myself. Marriage is like a partnership. The both of us should give everything we have to make it work.”

“Will it be a marriage in name only?”

“No. I want you to be a wife to me in every way, and that includes sharing my bed. We should resume our marriage with the full intentions of things working out. Therefore, neither of us should hold back on anything. We're both adults, with normal, healthy physical appetites.”

Caitlin's stomach began doing somersaults. Their steamy kiss last night had made her realize just how much she ached for Dex. Long after she had gone up to bed, her body still longed for his touch. He had stirred up memories inside of her. Now the thought that he wanted them to plunge head-on into physical intimacy made the ache inside of her that much more urgent and made her doubts and fears that much more acute. There would be passion in their marriage, but not love. Could she live with him from day to day, sharing his bed, knowing how he really felt about her? And that the only reason he remained married to her was because of their child?

Caitlin released a heavy sigh. What choice did she have? By being Jordan's father, Dex had certain rights. He had made it clear that he intended to become deeply involved in his daughter's life, which meant, technically, he would also be involved in hers. If she refused to go along with what he was proposing, would he take her to court to gain custody of Jordan? Could she risk the chance of him doing that? Besides, wasn't it time for Jordan to have her father in her life?

“All right, Dex,” she said, meeting his gaze. “I'm willing to give our marriage another try.”

Dex nodded. “You do understand that we'll both have to make concessions, especially about where we'll live. I'm willing to move to Fort Worth if living there is important to you.”

Caitlin was surprised by his offer. She knew how close he was to his family. He had told her when they'd first met that one of the things he regretted about going to Australia was the time he would be away from them. “No. Living in Fort Worth isn't important to me. I can find a teaching job just about anywhere.”

“Does that mean you're willing to move to Houston with me?”

“Yes.”

“And are you willing to be my wife in every way?”

She knew what he was asking. “No.”

Dex's brows lifted. “No?”

“No. I don't think we should rush into anything. Especially the part about us sharing a bed. I want the decision of when we resume the intimate part of our marriage to be mine, and not yours.”

Dex stared at her. He started to disagree, then changed his mind. If that was what she wanted, he would go along with it. But after the kiss they had shared last night, he wondered how he would handle being around her and not being able to touch her. “All right, Caitlin. It will be your decision when we sleep together again.”

Caitlin was glad he hadn't fought her on that. She would need plenty of time to get adjusted to the idea that Dex was still her husband.

“Now that we have all that settled, let's seal our agreement with a kiss,” Dex said.