Whispers of Home (6 page)

“Knock it off.”

“What am I doing?”

“You’re watching me eat. It’s creepy. So quit.”

As they bantered back and forth, Beverly looked like she was watching tennis.

“I can’t.”

“Yes you can. I have faith in your ability to be non-creepy.”

“Non-creepy? Is that even a word?”

“It is now.”

“You are something else, you know that.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“I bet you are so polite to everyone. But not me. Not now. Why is that?”

“Are you trying to make me angry?”

“Somehow I already pissed you off. Not sure what I did though. But yes I’m trying to make you angry.” Travis smiled widely.

“Why?”

“Because you are so damn cute right now.”

Jaron’s head snapped back like Travis had slapped him. He abruptly stood and excused himself from the table, practically running up the stairs. He began folding the fresh laundry from the dryer, just to get away from Travis. Except he was folding Travis’s clean underwear which didn’t exactly help him shut off the thoughts floating around in his brain.

No fucking way was Travis gay. And out to his family. No way.

He told himself to just breathe. After all the times he had to take shit from the people in this town. He had been so alone in his suffering. Even Brian hadn’t stood with him. And Travis Heath was gay?

Jaron found out just how difficult it was to avoid someone in their own home. His mom better never say he didn’t excel at something.

At the end of the day Beverly walked him out of the house.

“I just wanted to thank you. It has never looked better.”

“Welcome. Thank you for having me today.”

“I’d like it if you were here every day. I know you have transportation issues during the week. I was wondering if you could just move in permanently. I would give you two days off, they could be of your choosing. I have a room you could have. It has its own private bathroom.”

Jaron was stunned. He really didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t know if I feel comfortable moving my son again so soon.”

“Yes, of course. I didn’t think of that.” She thought for a moment and then smiled. “Well, I will just send Travis or one of the hands to get you every morning until you decide. How does that work? And the offer is open to you when you feel comfortable.”

“Thank you, ma’am. I guess I will see you tomorrow.”

“Okay. We can discuss your days off tomorrow then.”

“Sure.” He smiled and let himself out of the house.

He smiled all the way to his car.

“Detective Martinez, please,” Jaron said into the phone. He sat in his mom’s driveway so neither his mom nor Bobby would have to hear his end of the conversation. Especially Bobby. The kid has been through enough.

“Where are you?”

“I’m back home.”

“I know you’re not in the apartment, Jaron.”

“No.”

“Okay.”

“So here is the 411.” To hear Detective Martinez use that bit of slang in his accented voice made Jaron smile. “We have a lead. It’s not solid at the moment. We’re waiting for forensics to come back.”

“You’re still waiting?”

“That shit’s not like on television. It takes months most of the time.”

“You’ll call when you know something?”

“You know I will.” Martinez paused for a moment. “How are you, Jaron?”

“Doing better than I thought we would here.”

“Why did you think otherwise?”

Jaron shrugged, even though he knew Martinez couldn’t see him. “I thought I would be facing more demons than I have been.”

“I’m glad you’re getting back to normal.”

Jaron laughed. “I haven’t been normal my entire life. I wouldn’t even know what it looks like if it stood in front of me.”

Detective Martinez laughed. “Normal is over-rated.”

“So you think she might have had a boyfriend.”

“Maybe. How’s the boy?”

“Bobby’s doing good. Haven’t signed him up for school yet.”

“Truancy, J.”

“Yeah I know. I’m just freaked, ya know.”

“Don’t blame you there.”

“I got a job. Met someone.”

“Do tell, do tell.”

“Shut up,” Jaron said but the chuckle took the sting out of his words. “I’m a cleaning lady for a rich farmer.”

“Cleaning lady, huh. Didn’t know rich farmers existed anymore.” Martinez chuckled. “What about the guy?”

“He totally fell under my gaydar. I don’t even know if he’s gay. I never saw him coming. And he’s a total player. It freaks me out a little.”

“Why? Because you like him back.”

“No.” Yes. Damn it. “Fine. But I can’t have guys in and out of my life. I have Bobby to think about. I can’t date some guy that has commitment issues.”

“Yeah. But who said anything about dating. Maybe you’re moving faster than you need to be. Slow down. Nothing wrong with crawling.”

Nothing wrong with crawling.
The words played over in Jaron’s mind that night as he lay in bed, unable to sleep. Maybe Detective Martinez was right. Maybe he was reading more in to what Travis had said at lunch. Travis probably didn’t mean anything by it. Maybe he was just trying to be a dick. Just trying to make fun of Jaron for being gay. Lord knows, his friends used to in high school
. I should be pissed off about that,
he thought. But he just didn’t have it in him.

Jaron’s phone made a chirping sound, indicating he had a text. The light on the phone came on, illuminating the dark room. Jaron looked down at Bobby’s sleeping body. He put the phone on vibrate before checking the text.

Can’t sleep. Wondering if u r up 2,
Travis texted.

Yep.

Can I come over?

2am and you’ll wake Bobby.

I’ll b quiet.

What do u want?

Can we have this conversation face to face?

Guess so.

Will u come outside?

Ur outside my door aren’t u?

Lol. Yeah.

Jaron told himself a thousand reasons why going outside to meet up with Travis was a bad idea. Travis would break his heart. One way or another, this was an inevitable fact. Jaron knew it and probably Travis knew it too. So why, oh why was he going outside in the dark with bugs that wanted to suck his blood and a man who may or may not want to suck something else? Why?

Jaron got out of bed and grabbed for a pair of sleep pants that had purple and green plaid strips on them. He tiptoed through the house like he was a teenager sneaking out of the house. Okay, well, he kind of was sneaking out. But he was an adult, damn it. He could leave if he wanted too. Even if he did still live with his mother and she would flip the fuck out if she knew he was out here on the street talking to some guy. He slipped out the door quietly and made his way to the front of the house. Searching around in the dark, he discovered Travis’ truck across the street. Jaron walked across the street, the pavement cool under his bare feet. The air was just cold enough to raise goose bumps on his naked chest. His sleep pants and boxers were the only thing separating his lower half from the cool night air.

Crickets and frogs fought in the dark to see who could make the best night sounds. Jaron was brought back to the night he left this town, running away from everyone including Travis Heath. Now, he was walking around in the dark to go to him. The irony of that was not lost on Jaron, at all.

He was consciously aware of the fully clothed man in the truck as he walked up to the open driver’s side window. “Creepy much,” Jaron said by way of a greeting. “What if I hadn’t been awake?”

“Wouldn’t have mattered. I haven’t been able to think about anything or anyone else since I met you.” This was the most serious Jaron had ever seen Travis. God, what was Jaron even saying to himself—he barely knew the guy. But gone was the mischievous playboy with the killer smile. In his place was a very serious man who looked like he had something important on his mind.

Jaron didn’t know what to say. He watched the street lights reflect off the shiny black surface of the truck, making pictures in the inky black.

“Why does that scare you?” Travis asked.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Jaron countered.

“I’m not out, Jaron. Hell, before you came into town, I didn’t even want to be out.”

An uncomfortable silence fell between them. Jaron didn’t really know what to say to Travis’ statement. For Jaron, being gay was just something that came along at birth. Like having brown hair did. It was just like any other part of him. It was natural for anyone to want to be themselves and find ways to define who that might be. Jaron had always known what type of person he was and what that meant for him. Finding men attractive was just a small part of the bigger whole.

“Are you looking for advice here? Because I really don’t have any for you. An attraction is not something you have to act on. We can just let it go. Pretend this conversation never happened.”

“No. I don’t want that.”

“Well, I don’t know what you want.”

“I know what I want. I don’t like to wait.”

“Well, that makes one of us.” Jaron looked up at Travis, at the intensity in his eyes, and decided to just lay it on the line. “I can’t do casual. I have a kid that doesn’t need that kind of inconsistency from me. He got enough of that from his mother.” Jaron dragged his hands through his hair and laughed sardonically. “Do you even know why I moved back here, Travis?”

“No.”

“Bobby’s mother was murdered and my son was in the room when it happened. I found her lying on the bed face up. The police say she was shot in the head, but I never saw the bullet wound. Maybe her hair was covering it. I don’t know. Bobby tried to get up on the bed with her. But I couldn’t let him be touched by that. All I could think was if he touched her maybe he would die too. Stupid, huh.” Jaron was fully aware that he was babbling, but couldn’t seem to stop.

Travis opened the door to his truck. Jaron moved out of the way of the door opening. The minute Travis was clear of the door he pulled Jaron into his arms, hugging him to his chest. “God, baby, I am so sorry.”

“That’s why I’m here.” Jaron hugged him back for a minute, just enjoying the heat the other man gave off. Jaron stuck his face in Travis’ shirt covered chest. He smelled good, like soap and something distinctly Travis that Jaron couldn’t name. Jaron sighed deeply. “I have so much baggage, Travis. Done things I’m not proud of. I can’t ask you to take that on and I can’t shield you from it with casual dating.” Travis’ jaw clenched. Maybe he figured out what Jaron was trying to say. Jaron was not dating someone who was still in the closet. “Are you out to your family?”

“After I called you cute in front of my mother, I’m sure she has some idea.”

“Something tells me you haven’t had a serious relationship. Only one nightstands, right?” Jaron could just imagine the shit storm that was coming Travis’s way if and when he did come out to everyone.

“Yeah.”

Neither spoke for long minutes. Despite the show of affection, Jaron was not surprised when Travis got back in his truck and drove away with barely a wave goodbye. At least Jaron didn’t lead the guy on and then let him down hard. He didn’t want to lie and say his life was just roses when the reality was Jaron almost always got the thorns.

He sighed and went back inside the house.

Jaron was in the elementary school office, Bobby clinging to him. Bobby acted like his little life was about to come to an end. Sad blue eyes pleaded with Jaron. That’s why Jaron was trying not to look his way. Don’t cave. “Okay Mr. McAllister. We just need you to fill out these papers. If you’d like, I can take Bobby to his class.”

“No Daddy.” Bobby’s grip on his leg turned painful.

Jaron looked at Bobby’s quivering lip and his bright blue eyes filling up with tears. Then Jaron looked at the school secretary and shook his head. “He won’t go with you. I’ll just take him and then come back to finish these papers.”

She smiled at him with indulgence. “It’s Ms. Snyder’s class. Two doors down on the right.”

“Thanks.” He pried Bobby’s hand off his leg and held it as they walked out of the office.

“Do I really have to go in there?”

Jaron wanted to laugh. The kid acted like it was a death sentence and he was walking the green mile. “Yes, you really have to go in there. There are other kids in there to play with.”

“So.”

“So, the teacher is really nice too.”

“I don’t care.”

“Yeah, I get that. But I do care. I want you to learn and get smart, so some day you can take care of me. I want a yellow mansion and a blue sports car and a green dog that I’m going to call booger.”

Bobby laughed. “How am I gonna get that?”

“You learn how to read and write and add numbers.”

“Then what?”

“Let’s just start with those three things, okay. One step at a time.”

“That’s what I’m gonna learn in there?” Bobby pointed to the door, looking at it as if it was a big disgusting pile of dog crap.

“Yep. It’ll be fun.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Just try it.”

“Why can’t you teach me?”

“Bobby,” Jaron sighed in exasperation. The kid definitely knew what to say to Jaron to get him to fold. But not this time. This was the best place for Bobby. Jaron knew it was but it still brought tears to his eyes, just thinking about his baby starting school for the first time.

Jaron stayed for about an hour, just making sure Bobby was going to adjust. Bobby clung to him for about ten minutes until another boy came over and offered to share his Lego’s.

Bobby’s teacher was a sweet lady about Jaron’s own age. She said they went to school together, she was in the grade behind him, but he didn’t remember her. She looked like the girl next door until she spoke and then he got a glimpse of a blue tongue ring. Wow! That was a little lesbian-ish. Totally did not get that vibe from her. But then maybe she was just liberal or something outside of her working environment.

“My name’s Lisa, by the way,” she said, smiling at him.

Jaron held out his hand. “Jaron. But you already know that.”