White Collared Part Four: Passion (3 page)

As he turned to leave, she stopped him with a hand to his wrist, her nightmare fresh in her mind. “Wait. Could you stay with me for a few minutes while I fall asleep?”

Lines around his eyes crinkled as a smile broke out on his face. “Of course. I’ll be right here while you change.”

She nodded and carried the shirt with her to the bathroom. As she slipped the large cotton shirt over her head, she caught the subtle scent of soap and musk on the fabric. It smelled . . . wrong. It wasn’t Jax’s. She couldn’t help feeling he should be the one soothing her after the nightmare.

After folding her clothes, she went back into the bedroom.

Bare-chested, Nick lay on top of the covers, his back resting against the headboard. “You look good in my shirt.”

“Thanks. You look good . . . without one.”

That was putting it mildly. Golden skin stretched over washboard abs. In the middle of his firm pecs, he had a V of blond hair and a trail of it disappeared below his pants. But as much as she appreciated his good looks, her body didn’t respond.

She padded over to the bed and slid under the cool sheets, resting her head in the crook of his welcoming arm. Warmth spread throughout her limbs, and she sighed, releasing the strain of the day’s events. She didn’t experience the feeling of home in his arms like she did with Jaxon, but it was comfortable and pleasant. Safe. Similar to how she’d feel with Caden.

Nick stroked her hair. “I’ve never been more scared than when I saw you and Miles Joseph fight over that gun. In that moment, everything I’d worked for my whole life meant nothing. Not without you.” His voice cracked with emotion.

She peered up at him. “Nick—”

“I know I’m your boss and the firm would frown on our relationship, but I have to tell you, I don’t care anymore. If I’m forced to quit in order for us to be together, so be it. Because, Kate, I love you. And I know you probably don’t feel the same, but I hope someday you will. Do you have any feelings for me?”

He
loved
her.

How many years had she wanted this man?

Too many to count.

But he didn’t own her heart. Too bad the man who had it didn’t want it.

She sat up, uncomfortable both physically and emotionally. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

He smoothed a stray hair off her cheek. “You never told me what happened between you and Jaxon at Benediction.”

Damn Nick’s ability to read her.

He continued. “You developed feelings for him, didn’t you?”

Her fingers flew to her collar, and she nodded slowly. “Yes.”

He tipped his head. “I can understand that.” His tone was light, and he didn’t sound upset at all. “He’s a great guy. That’s why I’ve called him my best friend since college. It’s why I fixed him up with Alyssa. And you’ve got one of the biggest hearts I know.” He took her hand and swiped his thumb back and forth across it. “You offered him comfort at the most difficult time of his life and accompanied him to a sex club. I’m sure he didn’t intentionally take advantage of you, but it must have stroked his ego to have a young, beautiful woman by his side as he learned all the ways his wife had betrayed him.”

A sinking feeling settled in her belly. “You think he took advantage of me?”

He gave her a sympathetic half smile. “Like I said, I’m sure it wasn’t intentional. But who could resist you? You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever met. Not to mention one of the most intelligent. Don’t you notice how every man stops what he’s doing and stares at you when you enter the room? No single, heterosexual man would turn down a chance to be with you.”

Was Nick right? Had she been merely a convenient distraction for Jaxon?

The sinking feeling morphed into a crater the size of the Grand Canyon. “I think you’re exaggerating.”

He tugged on her hand. “I’m not. I’ve been patient because you’re my intern, but I’ve wanted you since your interview. I thought you felt the same.”

Her cheeks grew hot. Why was it she had no problem fucking Jaxon on a stage in front of people, but what she was about to admit to Nick made her blush? “I did. I had a crush on you for years. I even . . .”

“What?”

She covered her face with her hands. “It’s so embarrassing.” She dropped her hands to her lap. “When I was in college, I read the article about you in
Hour Magazine
and I . . . clipped it. After that I followed your career. I even kept a scrapbook of you.”

He bumped her playfully with his shoulder. “Wow. My own personal stalker. Not many attorneys get one of those.”

She laughed. “I know. You must think I’m unbalanced.”

He shook his head. “No. I’m flattered.” His eyes gleamed with arousal as he gazed at her lips.

She covered his hand with hers. “Nick, you’re really a great friend—”

He jerked away. “You’re giving me the friend speech? Is it because of Jaxon?” A shadow of what looked like anger passed over his face, but when she blinked, it was gone.

“No.” She hated disappointing him, but it was better to tell him now than to lead him on. “I realize Jaxon and I may not work out, but regardless, I don’t have those feelings for you anymore. I learned things about myself this week, and it changed me.”

He glared at her, his eyes narrowed, giving her the impression that he was trying to see inside her and figure her out. Then he shook his head and smiled. “I understand. Friends it is . . . for now. And when you’re ready, I’ll be there waiting for you.”

It was on the tip of her tongue to contradict him, but she held back. He’d saved her life and been the one who stuck around to comfort her today. She didn’t have it in her to hurt him. Besides, even though she couldn’t imagine it, who could say she wouldn’t feel differently in time?

She faked a yawn. “Thanks for sitting with me, but I’m really tired.”

He squeezed her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. “Get some sleep. If you need anything, I’ll be right outside on the couch.”

He got up from the bed and turned off the lights before closing the door behind him. She flipped to her side and stared into the darkness, unfortunately wide awake.

If the time ever came when she wanted to give herself to Nick, he would deserve to have every part of her, including her heart.

But first she’d have to get it back from Jaxon.

Chapter Four

T
AKING A BREAK
from the chaos of her life and having lunch at her new desk in Nick’s office, she smiled when a FaceTime call rang on her iPad. She clicked “accept” and her favorite man’s face filled the screen.

It didn’t matter how cold and gray it got in the Upper Peninsula, Caden always had a golden tan. He looked like he belonged on the beaches of California or in the waves of Hawaii rather than in snow hills taller than him.

Six-foot-three with shoulder-length blond hair, turquoise irises, and muscles toned by hard work rebuilding motorcycles, he stood out from the crowd wherever he went. Especially in their hometown, where he didn’t just look like he didn’t belong—he actually didn’t belong. Not only because he was gay but because he didn’t play by their rules. He’d proven that when he’d stood by her side after she’d killed her dad.

He was wearing one of his stern looks that told her she was about to receive a lecture. “Sounds like you need a handler down there in Detroit.”

Ah hell. He’d heard.

The past few days had flown by in a blur of news interviews and press conferences. While she’d initially balked at Nick’s request for her presence at his side during it all, he eventually convinced her it would not only help her career but give her closure as well. She’d held her breath, waiting for them to uncover her past as Katerina Martini, but thankfully no one had brought it up.

From being called an “up-and-coming attorney to watch” and compared to a young Gloria Allred by the media, she’d received job offers from firms located all over the country, but she politely turned them all down. If she worked at a firm after graduation, it would be at Joseph and Long. After everything that had happened, she was beginning to have her doubts about working for a large firm. But she’d spent years working toward that goal, never considering another option. What else could she do?

Several times she’d start to call Caden, but something would always distract her. Or maybe she didn’t want to hear the worry in his voice or see the concern in his eyes. Even though she was a month older than him, he’d always acted like her big brother.

She thought she’d have a little time before the news of her run-in with Miles Joseph reached him. As the one person she considered family, he deserved a call days ago.

She smiled and tried to play innocent. “Normally, I’d say no, but if you’re volunteering, I’d make an exception.” And that was the truth. She’d always make room for him.

His expression softened. “I wish I could, baby girl. You mind telling me how the hell you got yourself in the middle of the Deveroux investigation?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s been a crazy couple of weeks.”

“No, crazy is when you steal the tires off Jimmy Baker’s bike and fit them on your own. Someone tried to
kill
you.”

She chuckled because if she didn’t, she’d start crying, and
that
would really freak him out. “Yeah. The firm’s founder and the guy who signed my paychecks. Apparently when this firm wants to terminate your employment, they go out of their way to make sure it’s final.”

He growled. “Not funny.”

“Sorry. I know it’s not.” She sighed. “I’m assuming if you heard so has the rest of the town.”

He shrugged, trying his best to look cavalier, but she knew better. “There’s been talk. You know how they are.”

She snorted. “Yeah. They’re probably sorry Joseph didn’t take me out.”

“Nah. Well, maybe a few of the old cheerleading squad, but most of the folks are proud of how far you’ve come. Your father’s death is old news.” He paused, shifting in his chair, and his golden skin paled. “There’s been another suicide. Folks are spouting off their typical bullshit about how it’s ’cause the youth are worshipping the devil.”

Sadly, teenage suicide was a common occurrence in her hometown. If she hadn’t had Caden on her side, she could’ve been one of them. “God, that’s awful. Anyone I know?”

He paused. “Melinda Erickson.”

A pang of sadness ripped through her as she recalled a five-year-old Melinda learning to ride a two-wheeler. “If you see her mom, let her know I’m sorry. She was a really sweet girl.”

“Speaking of moms, yours isn’t doing great. One of these days she’s gonna burn her trailer down with one of those cigarettes. I know you don’t believe in forgiveness—”

“An apology might persuade me to forgive her, but I’m not holding my breath. She’s never going to stop blaming me for my daddy’s death.”

The bitterness of her mother’s betrayal ate at her like acid on her skin. All these years and she’d never gotten that hug from her mother she so desperately needed after losing her father. Even as Kate had wasted away, fueled solely by drugs, alcohol, and sex, her momma had ignored her, choosing her own addiction over the life of her daughter.

But Jaxon was right. What good did it do for Kate to cling to her resentments? If she didn’t forgive her mother, she’d never heal. The resentment would continue to devour her until there was nothing left but an empty shell like her momma. She didn’t owe her mother forgiveness, but she did owe it to herself.

She might not drink a fifth a day and pass out on the couch with a lit cigarette in her hand, but if she didn’t let go of the hurt and anger, how long would it be before she did? Kate’s antianxiety meds were a crutch, a shield. Just because they were prescribed by a doctor didn’t mean they were any less dangerous. There had to be a better way to cope. For a moment, she’d thought maybe BDSM might be the answer, but without Jaxon, she wasn’t sure if she could bear to investigate whether the lifestyle was right for her.

Caden frowned. “And what about you, baby girl? Have you forgiven yourself?”

She opened her mouth to speak when the truth washed over her like a wave on the beach as it pulled back into sea, exposing the sandy layer beneath the shells. “Yeah. I think I have.”

The tears she’d shed in Jaxon’s playroom hadn’t only released years of grief and emotional pain. They had relieved her of the chains of guilt that held her prisoner. She’d even purchased her own gun, which she now carried in her purse, since the police had taken Nick’s as evidence in Miles Joseph’s death. Maybe one of these days, she’d make herself go to the range and overcome her fear of shooting.

A gorgeous smile replaced Caden’s frown. “Wow. Sounds like you’ve got a lot to share with me. Maybe I ought to come visit for Christmas.”

Other than having Christmas dinner with either Hannah or Tom, she’d ignored the holiday. It would be nice to be with family. Maybe they’d get a tree and decorate it. “You know I’d love that. You’ve always got an open invitation here, and that includes one to stay permanently. I never mind sharing my bed with you.”

“Wouldn’t Tom mind?”

“We broke up.”

“You have been busy.” He arched a brow. “Anything to do with your crush on the hot man who saved your life?”

Up until the last couple of weeks, he’d known practically everything about her including her longtime crush on Nick and her professional goals, but the conversation about Hannah and Tom’s affair, her foray into the world of kink, and her desire for two men was one they needed to have in person.

And definitely not one suitable at work, considering Lisa had just walked in with an armload of files. Lunchtime was officially over.

“It’s a long story. I promise I’ll fill you in when we’re together.” Wishing he was there to hold her, she touched the screen. “I love you, Caden.”

He lined up his fingers with hers. “Love you, baby girl.”

She ended the call and tossed the rest of her lunch in the trash. “What have you got for me, Lisa?”

The mousy secretary bounced on the balls of her feet and glanced over her shoulder. “Nothing. Mr. Trenton told me to file these.”

“If you’re too busy, I can do it for you.” They’d spent so much time wrapping up the Deveroux case that Nick hadn’t yet had the chance to assign her any additional cases. She needed something else to keep her mind occupied or she’d soon go crazy with boredom.