White Heat (Lost Kings MC #5) (39 page)

“You’re tickling me, Baby Doll.”

My woman thinks it’s funny that I’m ticklish. Only with her though. Only when she traces her fingertips over certain places. A bright, playful smile spreads across her face. “My big, hard man—ticklish.” She shakes her head from side to side. “No one would believe me if I told them.”

I capture her hand and bring it to my shoulder, where she starts tracing lines of my tattoos. “That’s why you should keep it to yourself.”

A softer smile teases at the corners of her mouth. “It’s our secret.”

She slides one leg over me, so she’s straddling my lap. A sly smile spreads across her face as she leans in, pressing her mouth to mine. Then her breasts against my chest. I’m under the sheet and she’s on top of it, so none of our important parts are touching—yet. I pull her down so her cheek rests over my heart.

“Mmm…I like listening to your heart thump,” she murmurs. I don’t have any words, so I just wrap my arms around her and hold on tight.

After a few minutes her tongue tickles over my skin. Licking at my nipple. Grazing it with her teeth.

I pull in a sharp breath. “What’re you doing?”

“Nothing,” she answers with a false-innocence that stirs my cock back to life.

A thrill races through me. It’s all Hope. Everything she does thrills me. She sits up straighter, leans her forehead against mine, our breaths mingle together and her tongue traces the seam of my mouth. One of her hands grazes my side, down over my ribs, over my thigh, under the sheet until she feels the length of my erection. Wrapping her hand firmly around me, she jacks me up and down a few times, then bites her lip and takes her hand away.

My hands roam down her back, over the curve of her hips, settling on her ass. “You want something?” I ask.

“Maybe,” she answers in a flirty voice as she slides down my body, taking the sheet with her. “Oh, my,” she teases when my dick springs up, happy to see her. She grabs me. Not too tight and licks gently. Her hair keeps falling down, obstructing my view. Can’t have that. I gather all her loose, thick waves in my hands and hold them back. She hums and closes her mouth, sucking deep, her cheeks hollowing.

“Fuuuck,” I hiss as she starts to move up and down. My fists clench with the urge to press the back of her head down until I’m in her throat. But I can’t do that to Hope. I just can’t. My hand tugs at her hair a little harder. “Come here, baby.”

She pulls her mouth off me reluctantly. Staring at me with confusion…and hurt.

“Rock, what’s wrong? Why don’t you ever let me—”

Fuck me. “I do. You have.”

Trying to bullshit Hope is pointless. “Yes, but you always stop me.”

“I’d rather come in your snug little pussy, is that so bad?”

Why is she doing this? Why am I stopping her and why is this conversation still getting me so motherfucking hard?

Probably because her hand keeps lazily sliding up and down my dick, while she stares at it with hungry eyes. Her soft fingers explore every sensitized inch, making me jump and hiss with each touch.

“Am I not any good at it?” she asks.

“Hope, really?”

She half-lifts one shoulder.

That’s the last thing I want her thinking. Guess I’ll risk pissing her off. “Fine. I’ve had enough anonymous, impersonal blow jobs. I don’t want that from my wife.”

Instead of pissed, she seems amused. “Well, your wife-to-be wants to give you some
highly personal
blow jobs, so I suggest you suck it up. Or rather, let me suck you.”

My dirty chuckles are cut short by her tongue and mouth. Aw, fuck, she’s killing me. “How can I say no to that?” I ask so low, I’m not sure she hears me at first. But she hums, the sound traveling right through me.

“You can’t. So relax and let me have my way with you.”

“Whatever you say, Baby Doll.”

Morning chill prickles over my skin, pulling me out of sleep.

No Rock next to me.

Huh.

I sit up and glance around the room. Silly, because it’s too small for him to hide somewhere. After tossing back the covers, I discover the bathroom’s also empty. Everything’s still, like he’s been gone for a while.

My gaze lands on my open purse and the piece of white paper next to it.

Hope-

At the beach. Join me when you get up.

-Rock

I recognize the paper he wrote the note on. Sure enough, the journal I told him about, is missing. A lick of fear, maybe embarrassment, slicks over me. I’m not sure. I wrote it with every intention of him reading my words. But now, after what he went through, it seems silly and childish.

Hurrying into my clothes, I make sure to grab the room key and stuff some cash in my pockets.

He’s in roughly the same spot as we sat last night. Knees pulled to his chest, arms slung around them, holding my journal. There aren’t that many letters. It would have been too depressing to write
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
Every day. So it’s mostly just the highlights. My day trip with Wrath and Trinity. My visits to cheer up Sparky. Heidi’s graduation. Stuff like that. My last entry was the one where the guard molested me.
After that, I was too frozen in fear to write anything.

That’s the page he’s reading when I walk up on him. He tips his head up and stares at me with a look of wonder.

“Thank you.” His raspy voice makes my insides quiver. I drop down next to him and he pulls me close for a deep kiss. His forehead touches mine. “This means everything to me, Hope.”

I’m too choked with emotion to respond.

After a few more moments of staring into each other’s eyes, he kisses my forehead and sits back. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

No, no, no. That’s not what I wanted him to feel after reading my words. “Rock, it’s okay. You’re out. We’re together. Everything will be fine.”

He’s silent, staring at my notebook. “It’s like we were thinking the same things sometimes.” He tips his head up, his gray eyes searing me with their intensity. “Thinking about you got me through it.” He lifts his hand and brushes the hair off my face. “Small things, that I took for granted.”

“I missed you terribly. But at least I had the club taking care of me. I hated you being so alone.”

He shakes his head and stares at the sand. “I never should have put you through that.”

His words leave me unsettled. Like he’s rethinking our future together. “It’s not your fault.”

“Yes it is. This is my life. This is the kind of shit that happens because of who I associate with. If I worked a regular nine-to-five, you wouldn’t have suffered through all this shit. That motherfucker never would have put his hands on you. You got hurt because of me.”

I sigh. This isn’t an easy situation with a simple answer. But I need Rock to understand the conclusions I’ve come to. “Then you wouldn’t be the man I love. I love
you
. Who you are. I thought I’d die without you. Because I was so scared for you. And I know without a doubt, not having you at all would be a thousand times worse.”

“Hope. Fuck. You don’t even—I love you so much, Baby Doll. But do you understand, even though I didn’t commit
this
crime, I’ve committed so many others that could have the same outcome? I don’t see it changing. Even if I ever fully get us on the right side of things, there are still so many—”

“Rock, stop. I won’t lie to you and say I’m not scared sometimes.”

“I know you are. I’m so sorry I reeled you in to my fucked up life without fully letting you know what you were getting into.”

Now, his words alarm me. Not because I believe he tricked me, but because I’m afraid he has some twisted idea that he needs to set me free. “Do you regret us? Being with me?”

“No. Never. Not for one second, Hope.”

“I know you think I’m naïve. And I am. Sometimes deliberately so where you’re concerned. Where the club’s concerned. But I love you, and no matter what happens in the future, I’ll never regret us either.”

“Hope, that’s a damn big promise to make.”

Tears fill my eyes, and I rapidly blink them away. “Dammit, I didn’t cry once while you were gone.”

One corner of his mouth lifts. “I know that’s not true.”

“Okay. Maybe after seeing you in jail that first time. Let me finish though.”

His smile widens and he motions for me to continue.

“You remember how you once told me you couldn’t let me go? It’s the same for me. I’m not still here because you tricked me. I’m here because I love you. All of you. Even the parts you think are bad. Everything you do comes from a good place of protecting the people you love.”

“Thank you.”

“This scared me because I felt so helpless to do anything for you.”

“But you did help. You were a big help. And I hate that helping me put you at risk.”

“It’s a risk I’d take over and over.”

“I’ve done a lot of bad things, Hope. And I’ll do more.” He taps the journal, so I know he’s probably hinting at the guard who bothered me.

“You may have done bad things, but you’re not a bad person. No one will ever convince me otherwise. Not even you.”

He shakes his head and I swallow down all my tears and anxiety so he can really understand what I’m about to say. “Rock, tell me honestly, have you ever…hurt someone because you enjoyed it, or got pleasure from it?”

He snorts. “No.”

“Have you deliberately hurt a woman?”

“No.”

“Children?”

He lifts his gaze and glares at me. “Fuck no.”

“Were you always protecting someone else?” He doesn’t answer, so I keep right on going. “Defending someone else? Keeping others from being hurt?” He still says nothing.

“Answer me.”

“
Yes
.”

“Then I can accept anything else. And I’ll never leave your side.”

We’re quiet after that. Sitting on the beach, holding hands, staring out at the ocean.

Together.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

After our serious morning beach talk, the rest of our conversations are light. We have breakfast, where Rock orders enough food to feed ten people. Coconut French toast and about half his lobster omelet are all I can eat.

“I won’t fit into my dress if you keep feeding me like this.”

His gaze sweeps over me, heating my skin. He seems to be contemplating his words, but then flashes a quick smile. “I heard about Murphy’s trip to the dress fitting.”

“Oh, that’s not the worst of it.” I explain our trip to the spa which makes him chuckle.

“That poor bastard. Guess he’s earned a raise.”

I honestly don’t know if he’s joking, or if that’s something possible within the club structure. I know everyone earns their keep in some way. I’ve just never really figured out what Murphy’s role is. “I love the bike he fixed up for us. That was so sweet of him.”

He nods. “It was. Took a lot of time and care with it.”

“I feel bad, I never knew what he was up to out in the garage.”

He raises an eyebrow. “He never mentioned it?”

“No.”

His lips curve into a secret smile. “He put a lot of effort into making sure it was passenger friendly.”

“I gathered.”

“He’s sweet on you.”

“For looking after Heidi, not—”

His hand settles over mine. “I know.”

“When Wrath and I got into it, Murphy was the one to tell him to knock it off.”

Rock raises an eyebrow. I guess Wrath didn’t mention our few heated discussions.

“He give you shit?”

“Once or twice. He and Z seemed to work well together but Wrath still had a lot on his shoulders.”

“I know.”

“He drank your scotch too,” I say to lighten things up.

“Fucker.” He laughs, then squeezes my hand. “So your road trip was to get my wedding band?”

My cheeks flush. I’d forgotten that journal entry. “Yes. He was a real pain in my ass over it.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“He got Trin’s engagement ring there too.”

He nods slowly as if the information pleases him. “He tell you when he’s gonna do it?”

“Not yet.”

He picks up his fork and stabs into a potato. “You know, when he was younger he swore up and down he’d never marry anyone. That’s part of why he was so against my first one. Trinity’s good for him.”