White Lines II: Sunny: A Novel (25 page)

She looked at the altar, her view obstructed by fat teardrops. She realized in that moment that she missed coming to church. When her mother was alive, and they had reconciled after Jada finally cleaned up her act and got off of drugs, Jada had spent a lot of time accompanying her to church. She could almost here Edna’s voice in her ears.

“God is the only reason I’m still standing. He is the only one you need to get through. Trust Him. Even as messed up as we are, He still loves us. He is my strength, and He will be yours, too. All you have to do is let Him.”

Jada shut her eyes, the thought of all she had put her mother through causing her instant heartache. Now that Sheldon’s rebellion had taken its most sinister turn yet, she knew how it felt to have a child break your heart, seemingly on purpose. Jada stared at the altar. Then, leaving her bag on the pew beside her, she got up and walked slowly toward it. Jada knelt in front of the altar, her forehead touching it, and cried her eyes out.

She hadn’t felt this lost since her days of smoking crack. Sheldon’s situation seemed impossible to overcome. The court-appointed shrink was recommending medication. They wanted to turn her son into a zombie. The Family Court judge was threatening to institutionalize him, calling Sheldon a danger to himself and others. Jada felt like it was all her fault. She had chosen to be with a demented and twisted man and had gotten pregnant without planning to. The odds had been stacked against Sheldon right there. But she had taken it an ominous step further when she had gotten high while he was still inside her womb, guaranteeing that he would be born facing insurmountable odds. She laughed in the midst of her sobbing—laughed at herself. She had really thought that she might have a shot at a happy ending, when her life had always been so sad. She felt foolish for ever expecting to have that.

As her tears subsided, she looked up at the cross that graced the wall atop the altar. She thought about her mother again, how Edna had brought her to church.
“Jada, you can’t do it by yourself,”
Edna had said.
“Only by the grace of God can you get clean.”

When Edna had been alive, Jada had prayed daily and maintained a relationship with God. But then, she’d gotten swept up in her life—Sheldon, work, Born, her writing—and she realized as she knelt at the altar that she hadn’t talked to God in years. Convicted, she clasped her hands together and shut her eyes. Jada began to pray with all her heart. She pleaded for forgiveness for the damage she had done to her son—to herself. She prayed for Sheldon, that whatever evil spirit had taken possession of his mind be cast out. She prayed with such passion that she surprised herself, how the words spilled forth from deep within her soul.

She stood up, and the moment she did a peace washed over her. She felt empowered somehow, as she turned and walked back to the pew she had vacated earlier. Jada retrieved her bag, blew her nose and wiped her eyes. Then she stopped out into the sunshine and prepared to go and take back control. Enough was enough.

*   *   *

Ava was exhausted. She had stayed up half the night tossing and turning. She had a deposition in the morning to prepare for, and had struggled for hours to focus on the task at hand. Instead, she had sat in her home office, replaying the events of New Year’s Eve over and over in her head.

She couldn’t believe she had slept with Zion. They had woken up together in his bed on New Year’s Day, and she had been confused at first about where she was and what had happened the night before—until she noticed that she was completely naked lying beside Olivia’s man. Her heart sank immediately, although she couldn’t remember what had happened. The last thing she remembered was everyone hollering, “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” and all the hugs and kisses. She remembered the bitterness she tasted in her mouth at the sight of all that love. Waking up beside Zion, her mouth felt dry and pasty as her eyes scanned the bedroom of his Tribeca apartment. She was even more confused when Zion, upon waking, smiled at her and said, “Good morning.” Then he climbed out of the bed, naked as a newborn child, and strolled calmly into the bathroom to take a shower, as if waking up beside Ava was something he had done a million times before.

Ava was actually grateful to be left alone so that she could process what had happened. She searched her memory for some clue about the events of the previous night. After focusing really hard, she vaguely remembered being in Zion’s car, remembered complimenting him on his taste in automobiles as she climbed inside his white Porsche Cayenne. She squeezed her eyes shut then, cringing at the recollection of giving him head as they drove to his place. Ava felt so ashamed. Try as she might, she could recall nothing else, and she prayed that she hadn’t embarrassed herself the night before.

She walked over to his mirror and looked at her reflection. She saw her disheveled hair, saw the hickeys all over her breasts, and her neck, even one on her face! What the hell had they done last night?

Zion came out of the bathroom and started getting dressed.

“I left a washcloth and a towel in there for you,” he said, smiling. “I don’t have an extra toothbrush, though. Sorry.”

Ava was sorry, too.
So
sorry that she had done something as scandalous as fucking her girlfriend’s man. She had forced a smile, thanked Zion and rushed into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She looked at her reflection in the mirror once again, and almost didn’t recognize herself. Who was this woman covered in passion marks staring back at her? She had shaken her head, flooded with disappointment in herself. Then she turned on the shower and stepped into the stream of hot water, hoping it would wash away the filthy feeling that hadn’t left her since she woke up beside Zion. She closed her eyes and felt the water on her face, wishing she could right the wrong she had done somehow. But there was no changing the events of last night. At last she had stepped out, wrapped a towel around her body and stepped back into Zion’s bedroom in search of her clothes.

Ava wanted to ask Zion what happened, wanted to ask what happens next, how would things go between them now that they’d been intimate. But she didn’t—hadn’t wanted to make the situation more awkward by asking questions. So she had gathered her things, brushed her hair and left his apartment with nothing more than a kiss on the forehead and a promise that he would call her later.

She sat now in her office, barely able to keep her eyes open after suffering through another sleepless night. She decided that she needed a cup of coffee to help her make it through the day, so she exited the solitude of her office and headed for the firm pantry.

On her way, she passed the reception area and stopped short when she saw Sunny sitting there. Sunny wore a scarlet wrap dress and nude-colored Louboutins. She looked radiant and Ava was instantly self conscious, wondering if she looked as shitty as she felt.

“Sunny, what a surprise! Did we have a meeting today?” Ava looked confused, wondering if she had scheduled to meet with Sunny and forgotten about it.

“No,” Sunny said, standing and smiling at Ava. “I’m here to meet Malcolm for lunch.”

Ava nodded, ignoring the gnawing feeling inside her.

“There she is!” Malcolm walked up behind them and smiled as he looked Sunny over from head to toe. He kissed her softly on her lips and held her around her waist. “I have a surprise for you.”

Sunny’s smile was radiant as she stared at him, wondering what he had in store.

Ava couldn’t stand it for another moment. “Good seeing you both,” she said, before scampering off in search of some caffeine. She was starting to wonder if moving back to New York had been the right thing to do after all.

“What’s the surprise?” Sunny asked.

He smiled at her, loving the twinkle in her eyes. “I’m taking you away for the weekend.”

Sunny’s eyes danced even more.

Malcolm kissed her again and led her toward the elevators. “I’ve cleared my schedule and we’re going to a cozy bed-and-breakfast in the Delaware wine valley.”

Sunny’s smile faded slightly. “Delaware?” She didn’t mean to seem ungrateful, but there was nothing appealing to her about spending days holed up in some bed-and-breakfast in a small town—days without the freedom to get as high as she pleased.

Malcolm noticed her hesitance and laughed. “Yes. Delaware.” He pressed for the elevator. “I promise you’ll love it.”

Her smile was completely gone now. “Babe … I’m not cut out for country living. There’s nothing about it that appeals to me.”

He pulled her close, not caring that he was still at work and that his fellow attorneys might find his hands on Sunny’s ass inappropriate. He was in love, and he didn’t care who knew it. “I know you’re used to being in control,” he said. He rather liked that about Sunny—especially when they made love. But he wanted her to let him take the reins this time. “This weekend, I’m in charge. All I want you to do is pack your things, get a babysitter for Mercedes, and come take a road trip with me. I swear you’ll have a great time. Trust me.”

There were two things Sunny didn’t do very well—relinquish control, and trust other people. But as they boarded the elevator she decided that maybe Malcolm was the first man worthy of such things since Dorian. She looked at him, and opted to give him the chance to prove himself.

“Okay,” she said. “Delaware it is.”

*   *   *

“You must be crazy,” Born said, standing on the porch of Anisa’s house. She was refusing to let him inside. He had come to pick up Ethan to spend the weekend with him and Anisa stood blocking his entry with a serious look on her face.

“I’m not crazy. Your fucking stepson is crazy.” Ethan had told his mother all about the puppy episode at Miss Ingrid’s house and Anisa was irate.

Born took a deep breath and told himself not to lose his cool. Anisa always knew which buttons to push to piss him off. He told himself that this time her bullshit was justified. After all, what Ethan had witnessed was traumatizing. Born knew that Anisa had every right to be upset.

“Let me in,” he said, calmly.

Anisa stared at him without budging, thinking about it.

He was losing patience. “I pay the bills in this bitch. So step aside before I get mad.”

Anisa turned and walked into the living room. Born followed her, shutting the door behind him.

“He’s not going with you today, Born. If you want to see him, fine. See him right here. I don’t bite. I’m not gonna interrupt your time with him. But I’m not letting you take him over there anymore. Not until that little bastard gets some professional help.”

“Watch your mouth.”

“No!” Anisa barked. “Somebody needs to talk some sense into you, Born! The kid drowned a damn dog in your mother’s bathtub.” Anisa laughed at the peculiarity of it. “Are you gonna walk around like nothing happened? Just keep bringing our son around that type of crazy?”

“No, I’m not—”

“You’re damn right you’re not. Ethan is my son, too. And if you can’t step back and see this situation for what it is, I can. Jada is a crackhead, Born.”

“I’m gonna ask you one more time to watch your mouth.”

“Am I lying?”

“She’s not anymore. She’s been clean for years. You just like to bring that shit up cuz it makes you feel good about yourself.”

Anisa laughed again, and it felt to Born like she was mocking him. “Okay, so she doesn’t get high any more. But she did enough damage to her son when she did get high that he’s fucked up now. He’s a sick kid, Born. What, are you gonna wait until he attacks Ethan before you see the shit for what it is?”

Born sat down on Anisa’s sofa, trying not to hear her, but admitting to himself that she had some valid points.

“You’re marrying a former crack addict—a crack addict who had a crack baby. And now that crack baby is growing up and he’s already killing living creatures. You know what? Serial killers murder small animals before they graduate to human beings.”

“You’re buggin’.”

“No, nigga,
you’re
buggin’!”

“Anisa, what the fuck do you want me to say?” Born was at his wit’s end. He felt torn. He knew that Anisa had every right to be concerned about their son. But he loved Jada, and he didn’t want to let Sheldon come between them.

Anisa sat down across from him and lowered her voice at last.

“Say that you’ll think about what you’re doing. Your getting married doesn’t just affect you, it affects your son.” She shook her head. “It’s not about me and you. I already accepted the fact that it’s over between us. But we still have to raise Ethan together. If you marry Jada, she becomes his stepmother and her son has to interact with ours—for better or worse. And it’s only been worse lately. You know I’m telling the truth.” She paused, giving him a chance to deny it, but he didn’t—he couldn’t.

“All I’m saying is think before you go through with this. Loving her is one thing, but that son of hers … he’s another story. If he hurts Ethan, I’ll never forgive you,” she said. “And you’ll never forgive yourself.”

Born nodded, reluctantly. “I hear you.” He leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands. He looked so helpless that Anisa felt sorry for him.

“Don’t be afraid to change your mind about marrying Jada,” she said. “You have to do what’s best for you.”

Born sat there for several moments before he looked at Anisa. “Yeah. That’s the problem. I don’t know
what’s
best for me anymore.”

Anisa offered him a weak smile. “Then don’t be afraid to put everything on hold until you figure it out.”

Born heard wisdom in Anisa’s words, and acknowledged that he might be in over his head. He looked at his son’s mother and nodded again. “I hear you. Can I see my son now?”

Anisa smiled and gestured toward the stairs leading to Ethan’s bedroom. “By all means.”

Born headed up the stairs and spent several hours playing Xbox with Ethan. He took the opportunity to talk to his son in the comfort of his own room, and Ethan admitted that he didn’t want to be around Sheldon anymore.

“He’s spooky,” Ethan insisted.