White Lines III (30 page)

Reuben's eyes bore into Mercedes. “I know that Sunny wanted to see you grow up. To watch you graduate high school, and go off to college. To see you get married and have a family someday. She wanted nothing but the best for you, and she loved you so much. Now it's our job to pick up where she left off. We can't fix all the things we should have said or done differently. But we can make sure that Mercedes is reminded of her mother's love for her each and every day of her life. That's how we can make it up to Sunny. That's how we can make it right for her, just like she always made things right for all of us.”

Reuben stepped away from the podium and returned to his seat amid applause from all of the mourners. Reverend Gibson approached the podium in preparation for the eulogy. But he—and everyone else in the room—paused when Mercedes stood up out of her seat and walked toward her mother's casket. Everyone held their collective breath as she approached Sunny's body, and stared down at her mother silently.

Mercedes gently touched Sunny's face, recoiling a bit at its coldness. Sunny's body felt hard despite the fact that she looked so soft and peaceful laying there. Mercedes hadn't expected that, but was somehow grateful for the reminder that her mother was gone for good. From her seat, Sunny had looked like her usual self. But as she touched the stiff body lying before her, there was no question in Mercedes' mind that this was final. Her heart was racing in her chest. She had to get out of this room. But not before she said what she needed to say.

Mercedes kissed her fingertips and touched them to her mother's beautiful face. She whispered, “I love you, Mommy,” and then walked to the podium and stepped up to the microphone. She was aware of the questioning looks from her grandparents and her uncles, so Mercedes avoided looking directly at them. Reverend Gibson stood behind her, praying quietly for her as she gripped the podium for support.

Mercedes looked out at all of the mourners and took a deep breath. She let her gaze rest on her Grandma Gladys as she addressed the crowd.

“Thank you all for coming today,” she said softly. “My mother always loved being the center of attention.”

Uneasy laughter sprinkled across the room. It was true. Sunny would have loved to see the crowd that had gathered to mourn her. Celebrities and ghetto superstars alike were in attendance.

“Most of you know that my dad was killed before I was born,” Mercedes continued. “And my brother DJ was very young when it happened. But he remembers that Daddy was handsome, tall, and strong. He always told me that our father was very respected and very powerful. I never got the chance to know him except for the stories that my mother and my grandmother would tell me.” She looked at Born. “His friends loved him and looked up to him. He was a great man, from what I've been told.”

She glanced over at her mother's body again. “All my life, it was just me and my Mom.” Mercedes looked across the crowd and saw Jenny G, Jada, and Olivia. “We had friends and family, of course. But mostly all we had was each other. I always looked up to her. She was so beautiful, so stylish and bold. She never seemed afraid of anybody. She was always in control. I felt safe as long as she was around. I was never one of those kids who was afraid of the monsters under my bed because I knew that Mommy would kick a monster's ass.”

People were laughing through their tears despite the crass language Mercedes was using to get her point across. At fourteen, she was wise beyond her years. And she was speaking the gospel truth about the Sunny they all knew and loved.

“When I was about ten years old, she told me that she used to get high.” Mercedes paused. The room fell so silent that only the faint whir of the overhead fans were audible. “She wanted me to know so that I wouldn't have to find out the hard way. She didn't want me to be surprised by some kid in school, or some reporter, or magazine. But she swore that she was done with that life. She said that she cleaned up her act after I was born, and she would never go back to doing that.” Tears began to stream slowly down Mercedes' face. She took the tissues that Reverend Gibson handed to her, and thanked him softly. “But, she lied,” Mercedes continued. “She lied and now she's dead.” Mercedes wiped her eyes and blew her nose gently. “Now both of my parents are gone. I have been trying to find the meaning in this.” Mercedes looked at Jenny G, who was crying audibly. “Jenny, you told me that Mommy would want me to grow up and be better and stronger than she was. So I have been thinking a lot about how I can make sure that I don't fall into the same trap she did. And this is what I realized.” Mercedes took a deep breath. “My father was a great man, according to everyone who knew him. But he lived a life that was dangerous and deadly. He played with people's emotions and it cost him his life. He was killed before he even got the chance to know me. He never got to see my brother become a superstar.” She shook her head, disappointed. “My mother was my hero. I wanted to be just like her. But she was living the same dangerous lifestyle as my father. She got addicted to it. Maybe they both did. And it killed her. So if I want to be better than her, stronger than her, I have to avoid making the same mistakes she did.”

Mercedes looked over at her family now. Her gaze rested on her uncle Reuben. “I don't want to be like Mommy when I grow up anymore. I want to be my own person. I want to be the kind of person who doesn't need drugs to have a good time. I want to be like my brother DJ, who works hard to chase his dreams. He's not making easy money in the streets. He's using his talent to become successful.” She took a deep breath. “A lot of people in this room let my mother down. They can never take that back.”

Reuben stared at his hands, convicted. He thought about his pending legal battles, about the role he played in the crew Dorian had introduced him to. His shame wouldn't allow him to resume eye contact with his niece.

Mercedes noticed and looked away, satisfied that she had gotten her point across. “I love Mommy. I miss her. I feel like I have a hole in my heart where she will always be.” She choked back a sob. “But I'm so mad at her. I'm mad because she disappointed me and the people who cared about her the most. I'm pissed off because she was still young, and beautiful, and full of life. And now she's gone. All because of some cocaine.” Mercedes' anger rose to the surface and mingled with her grief. The toxic combination caused her to cry uncontrollably, her chest heaving as she fought to control her emotions. She pounded her fists on the podium and cried.

Jada was out of her seat before she knew it. She made a beeline for Sunny's daughter, wanting to shield her from the pain, from the public scrutiny, from all of it. Jada reached Mercedes' side and pulled her into an embrace. As she cried into Jada's chest, Mercedes gripped her tightly and finally allowed all of her anguish to pour forth. Jada stroked her back and kissed her gently on the forehead.

“Okay, baby girl,” Jada cooed lovingly. “Come on, let's go outside.” Jada led Mercedes out of the room and into the vestibule. They sat together on a cushioned bench and Mercedes buried her head in Jada's chest, crying uncontrollably. Jada comforted Mercedes as she cried for her mother and for the father she had never known. While Jada soothed her, Reverend Gibson continued with the program, giving a rousing eulogy. He reiterated that tomorrow is not promised, and urged everyone present to get right with God before it was too late.

Jada listened, while she waited for Mercedes to calm down a little. Once her sobs subsided, Jada pulled away and held the young lady's face in her hands. Jada smiled weakly at her. “I'm so proud of you,” she said. “Sunny would be proud of you.”

Mercedes sniffled, wondering if what Jada said was true.

“She raised you to see things clearly, and not to be afraid to speak the truth. And that's what you did,” Jada said. “What you said was right. We are all disappointed that Sunny messed up. We all miss her, and all of us are pissed off about it. But I don't want you to be so angry that you lose sight of who your mother truly was. Sunny was an incredible woman.” Jada wrestled with her emotions. She wanted to cry, but knew that she had to be strong for Mercedes. “She saved my life,” Jada said softly. She thought about the night Sunny put a bullet in Jamari's head in a cold, dark parking lot to protect her friend.

Mercedes looked at Jada, questioningly.

Jada shook her head. “I'll tell you that story when you're older. But what I need you to know right now is that she loved you so much, Mercedes. I know that she never would have gone into that bathroom and did what she did if she thought for one moment that it would cost her a lifetime with you.”

Mercedes blinked back her tears. She knew it was true. As mad as she was at her mother, she knew that Sunny hadn't left her behind intentionally. But that did little to soothe her pain.

“I miss her so much,” Mercedes whispered.

Jada nodded. “So do I,” she said.

“I'm so mad at my family. My grandparents, my uncles. They all let her get caught up in that life because they all benefited from it.” Mercedes had learned a lot about the family dynamic over the past week. She didn't like it one bit. “My grandparents practically sold her off.”

“That's not true,” Jada said gently. “They made mistakes, there's no question. But they loved her, Mercedes. Sometimes parents make mistakes that cost us dearly. But that doesn't mean that they don't love us.” Jada thought of her own mother as she said that. She knew that Edna had done the best she could at the time. Forgiveness hadn't come easily, though.

Mercedes nodded. She did believe that Sunny was loved by her parents and siblings. But she didn't want to end up the way that her mother had. Mercedes was determined to go and live with her Grandma Gladys. If only for a little while, she needed to put some distance between herself and the family who had enabled Sunny right up to the grave.

“It's going to be hard to go on without her,” Mercedes said softly.

Jada nodded. “But we still have each other.” She smiled. “God didn't give me a daughter, and I doubt that I will be having any more children. So now you can consider me your surrogate mom. I will stand in for Sunny and you can call me whenever you need me. Sunny will always be with us, just like Dorian always has been. And I will be there for you the same way that Born has stepped up to be there for DJ. I promise you that, Mercedes. You're not by yourself.”

Mercedes couldn't express her gratitude in words. Instead, she threw her arms around Jada's shoulders and hugged her tightly. Jada held her close and together they returned to the service.

The funeral directors were beginning to guide the crowd on one final processional past Sunny's casket. While a soloist sang “Over the Rainbow” in the style of Patti LaBelle, Jada took Mercedes by the hand and led her up to the front of the line. Born remained seated, watching them. Mercedes broke down, her body heaving with the sobs that rose up and overtook her. Jada comforted her as she cried, and then led her past the line of mourners. Born stood and walked over to join them, and together they led Mercedes outside to one of the waiting limousines which would take them to the cemetery.

Olivia stood looking down at Sunny's body, crying not just for the loss of one of her dearest friends, but for the end of what had once upon a time been one big family. None of them would ever be the same again. Sunny was gone for good, and so were the good old days. As Lamin ushered her out to their waiting car, the other mourners filed past until only Sunny's family remained.

Dale helped Marisol to her feet. She looked as if she had aged years in the few days since Sunny had passed away. Sunny's mother looked frail, exhausted, and heartbroken as she was helped to her feet by Dale and Ronnie. Reuben followed them to the coffin. A long, gut-wrenching wail escaped Marisol as she collapsed in front of her daughter's coffin, falling into her husband's arms in hysterics.

“Dios mio!”
she wailed. “My God!”

Dale and his sons formed a circle around Marisol, coaxing her to breathe and to calm down. But all of them were overcome by their grief in varying ways. Ronnie stood helplessly with tears streaming down his face. Reuben stroked his mother's back while fighting back tears of his own. Dale, meanwhile, comforted his wife. All the while, he could still hear his granddaughter's words echoing on repeat in his head.
A lot of people in this room let my mother down.
Dale knew that his name was at the top of that list.

*   *   *

By the time they returned home from the repast, Born and Jada were both incredibly drained. Ava and Sheldon were in the living room watching a movie. Jada and Born sat down and gave them the rundown of how the day had gone.

“Sunny looked so peaceful,” Born said. “All I kept thinking was that hopefully her and Dorian are together again now.”

Jada nodded and they all sat in silence for some time, lost in thought.

Sheldon cleared his throat. “Can I go call Mercedes?” he asked.

Jada nodded, thinking that a call from Sheldon might be exactly what Mercedes needed. She and Born had attended the funeral repast at Gillian's Midtown restaurant
Conga
. As they were leaving, Jada noticed Mercedes sitting in a corner with her friend Adiva. Although the two girls were close, Jada knew that a special bond existed between Sheldon and Mercedes. She was certain that a call from Sheldon would be a welcome distraction for Sunny's daughter.

“Go ahead.”

Sheldon got up and went upstairs to his room, where he could talk to Mercedes in private. She was the one person who could get through to him when he was at his lowest, and now he hoped to have the same effect on her.

Born's cell phone vibrated, and he reached into his pocket. He saw Anisa's name flash across the screen, and dismissed the call. This wasn't a good time to talk to her, since Jada was still so upset after burying her best friend. Before he could put the phone back in his pocket, it vibrated again. Anisa had called him right back. He frowned. That wasn't like her. One of Anisa's strongest attributes was her ability to take a hint.