White Tigress (20 page)

He pressed his finger to her mouth, stopping her words. "Not now, Li Dee. Let us do your exercises." He felt her nod in acknowledgment, then she returned to her position facing away from him. Once again, he began circling her breasts. He hoped that this activity would quiet his mind, but he had done it so many times with her that his hands performed as if by rote, leaving his thoughts to wander where they would.

They returned to his cousin Zhao Gao.

"I didn't know why Zhao Gao was coming to Shanghai, merely that he wished to visit."

He pulled Li Dee close to his chest, letting his cheek rest upon her hair as he stroked circles around her breasts and tugged gently at her nipples. She was well used to this by now, and no longer gasped or moaned when he stirred her yin. But pressed this closely together, he could hear the increase in her breath and feel the added heat from her skin. Indeed, by now, he knew the early stages of her arousal almost as well as his own.

"He came to our home early in the afternoon on a day so hot even the flies did not move. I had been watching for him instead of studying." He felt a chuckle rumble through his body. "I will never forget my first sight of Zhao Gao. I expected him to be small and wretched as befit a family disgrace. Instead, he was a large man, wreathed in smiles and large gestures. His voice boomed through the courtyard, announcing his presence the way a mountain river gushes in spring. Except it was summer and we were all weak from the heat."

"One of my father's friends is like that," Li Dee murmured. "Large and happy. There is no other way to describe him, except that everyone wishes to be near him."

He dropped a gentle kiss upon Li Dee's forehead, mentally sending her some of his yang with the gesture. "That is exactly how it was with Zhao Gao. Everyone liked him. He even made my mother happy enough to sing while she worked. Joy ran through our home like a river and everyone rejoiced. Everyone, that is, except me." He shifted uncomfortably, wishing he had been brighter as a child. He had wasted so much time hating what he did not understand.

Li Dee shifted, trying to look at him, but he did not allow her to turn. "You didn't like him?"

"I didn't understand him. I thought he should feel ashamed because everyone called him an
a dou
—a useless one—and so when he didn't, I reminded everyone what a failure he was." He sighed, feeling guilt weigh down his spirit. "I was cruel, Li Dee."

"You were young."

"Not that young. I knew better."

He had begun the next set of circles, the ones that stimulated yin flow rather than quieted it. And so he was not surprised when she began to stir slightly in his arms, her breath coming in deeper rhythms as she pushed for more information. "What happened? To Zhao Gao?"

"He invited me to serve as Shi Po's green dragon. That is how I met her."

He could feel her confusion. "I thought you were a jade dragon. Or is that the name of..." Her voice trailed away.

"Yes, that is the name of my yang center. But it is also my status. Not then, of course. I was just a green dragon—a man Shi Po used for her training, the training of a tigress." He smiled in memory. "I had no idea. I thought Zhao Gao was trying to make friends with me by taking me to a prostitute. Later he told me it was because I obviously had too much yang, and Shi Po needed more."

"What did she do to you?"

He paused, drawing out Li Dee's nipples as he remembered. "She did almost exactly what you did earlier. Only many more times, drawing out my seed over and over." He shifted so that he could look into her eyes. "That is what a tigress does. She takes a man's yang, mixes it—"

"With her own yin to become a female Immortal," she finished for him.

He smiled, pleased that she understood. And then she startled him even more.

"Teach me how to do that," she ordered, though she phrased it more as a plea. "I wish to become an Immortal as well."

His hands stilled. "But you cannot."

"Why not? Because I am English? A ghost person who is only a pet?"

He did not want to confirm her words, because he could see that would make her angry, but that was indeed the truth.

She shook her head, obviously reading the truth from his expression. "You are wrong," she said firmly. "I am a person, not an animal. And I can learn."

He nodded slowly, wondering if what she said might be true.

"What must I do?" she asked.

It took him a while to answer. He did not want her to try and fail, then fall into despair. But perhaps he underestimated her. Perhaps some of the ghost people like Li Dee were more substantial than anyone in China believed.

"You have taken my yang," he said. "I will stimulate your yin to its fullest extent, if you wish. When the yin river is upon you, you must mix it with my yang, letting it carry you to Heaven."

She nodded. "I can do that."

He smiled. "I said much the same thing when Zhao Gao explained the truth to me." He sighed. "That was Zhao Gao's secret, you see. He could not be a great scholar or even a great official. But he could become immortal, and it was that journey that brought him—and everyone else—such joy."

"So he was not such a failure after all," murmured Li Dee.

"No, he was not." He redirected his energies to raising Li Dee's yin, but something in his voice must have given him away, because she stopped his movements. With her two tiny hands, she held his in place as she turned to look at him.

"You think you are a failure like Zhao Gao, don't you?" It was more a statement than a question, and when he did not respond, she continued, narrowing her eyes as she studied his face. "You did not pass the Imperial exam."

"I did not take the exam."

She nodded. "Very true, but that means you did not get a chance to shine. To take a high government position. Right?"

He hesitated. Instinct warned him to stop her thoughts now, to use his power over her to silence this line of questions. But Shi Po had told him to reveal his secrets to Li Dee. She had said he would never find his way back to the middle path unless he did. And so he remained silent, letting Li Dee find him.

"Would you have done well on the test?"

He could not look at her when he spoke. "I was an indifferent scholar at best. I would have done as badly as Zhao Gao."

"So you didn't take the test, and now the shop isn't doing well?"

He shook his head, unable to answer.

"Is that under your control? Or your father's?"

"My father injured his back... some time ago. It still pains him to walk. I have been in exclusive charge of the shop now for two years."

He was unable to keep his gaze from hers as she nodded, her expression thoughtful. "Your control then. Except it isn't doing so well." Her gaze slid to the floor where he had so recently released his seed. "And even this Taoist middle path of yours isn't working out so great."

Spoken so baldly like that—especially in English, the language of the barbarians—made Ru Shan's temper rise. He could not even blame it on his yang. It was his pride that was pricked, and it made him push her forward, away from him.

"I grow tired of this," he snapped. But she would not stop.

"And I grow tired of waiting for you to realize that I am as smart, as capable as any Chinese woman."

"Moreso," he admitted before he had the chance to stop himself.

"And do your countrymen keep Chinese women as pets? Locked in their rooms, never able to leave?"

"You are fed, you have clothing. It is more than many of my countrymen."

"I do not have my freedom."

"Neither do Chinese women." And with that he pushed her aside, stepping to the floor to tower over her, his voice curt. "I am done with this conversation. If you wish me to stimulate your yin, I will do that now."

She glared at him, her lips pursed into a tight circle. "Would you keep an Immortal locked in?"

"Of course not."

She abruptly squared her shoulders. "Then I will become one, and you will be forced to release me."

He sighed, the wind coming from the farthest reaches of his body. "Li Dee, why do you strive for something you cannot attain?"

She pushed to her feet, her movement quick and abrupt. Standing before him, she did not reach much farther than his chin, and yet she faced him as if she were three times his size. "My name is Lydia! Lih-dee-ah. You always drop the A."

He bowed slightly, giving her this tiny measure of control. "Very well, Lih Dee Ah."

She stood there, her emotions warring upon her face. He saw fury, hatred, desperation, and an odd kind of hope slip through her mobile features. "I hate you!" she spat as her fists bunched uselessly at her sides.

"I know," he answered softly. How different she was from the Chinese women he knew who went about covered in white makeup and a bland expression. Without the Confucian discipline the Chinese imposed from birth, Lydia had never learned to control the tides—the passions—that could so dominate a water person. And yet, he found he liked her this way. Happy or furious, she seemed more substantial than any woman he had yet met. Even Shi Po.

And that thought shook his world.

"You are not what I expected," he finally acknowledged. "And yet, I find myself most pleased with you."

He reached out, touching her face in a tender caress. "Become an Immortal, Lydiah," he challenged. "Because I will never release you otherwise."

The tigress first learns from her mother how to survive. She then has three paths on which to begin her hunt. No matter which path she walks, the Green Dragon is her prey. She gathers the essences of the Dragon and Tiger. When the essences fuse, the spirit embryo manifests and carries her to the Heavenly Abode, where Hsi Wang Hu happily bestows the Peach of Immortality upon her new daughter.

—White tigress Manual

~

Chapter 9

Lydia trembled as Ru Shan's caress sent a trail of fire across her cheek, but she did not let it frighten her. She was becoming used to his touch. Indeed, she greatly feared she was beginning to crave it. Especially now, when the breast circles were finished and he readied himself to leave. Except, of course, this time he wasn't leaving.

She straightened, steeling herself for the challenge. "What should I do to become an Immortal?"

He smiled and she couldn't decide if he was mocking her or pleased with her determination. A little of both, she guessed. He clearly didn't think she could do it.

"I will raise your yin to a great river—"

"Which I direct into your yang, mixing them together," she finished for him. "I know that. But how exactly do I do that?"

He paused, tilting his head slightly and staring. She hated when he did that. All the men she knew looked through her, as if they already knew what they would see and couldn't be bothered with actually looking. But not Ru Shan. He looked at her. He
studied
her. He tried to understand exactly what she was thinking and doing.

She knew that was good. After all, the more he saw her as a person, the more likely she would be to gain her freedom. And yet, whenever he looked at her with such focused intensity, she felt as if he were stripping away not only the layers of her clothing—after all, she stood bare-breasted before him even now—but her skin as well.

Did the Chinese have the ability to read minds? She didn't think so, and yet Ru Shan looked as if he were trying. Then he sighed, lifting his shoulders in a shrug.

"I don't know how to mix the yin and yang properly, Lydiah. If I did, I would already have achieved my goal."

"But you have an idea."

He shook his head. "I know what I do. I think what I wish to happen, and sometimes my body reflects my thoughts. And sometimes—"

"It doesn't work at all." She took a deep breath. "Very well. I will direct my thoughts."

He nodded, acknowledging her desire even though he thought it ridiculous. Better yet, he was willing to help her achieve it even though he thought it impossible. She couldn't help but compare such openness to Maxwell. Had her fiancé ever helped her do something he thought silly? She suspected not. And though she knew she was being disloyal, she had to acknowledge that in this respect, Ru Shan was the superior man.