Whitehorse (33 page)

Leah sat cross-legged in the middle of her bed, the stack of information on one side, her plate of food on the other. She nibbled on the pork chop and flipped through the papers until finding one titled:

ADVANTAGES OF RIDING FOR THE DISABLED

Riding, like swimming, can be done with crutches discarded. Confidence is achieved or strengthened by the discipline of learning to ride and control a horse. Particularly in the case of children with spastic muscles, riding is an extension of physiotherapy treatment. Symmetry of the body is helped by the necessity to sit evenly on the horse. Trunk rotation is facilitated.

The rhythmical motions of the horse help relax spastic muscles, and improvement in hand function is motivated by the need to acquire the skill of using the reins. The command "Look between the horse's ears" is a marvelous exercise for head control.

Riding can improve posture and trunk balance.

The smells and sights and sounds of the outdoors are made available to these children, who would find it difficult or impossible to negotiate a trail with crutches or a wheelchair. For once they are looking down on people instead
of looking up. They are doing something only a few of their peers have an opportunity to do.

A warm relationship with and an appreciation of the horse help a child emotionally, and sometimes speech is stimulated by this novel experience. The contact with volunteer helpers is a further plus and also gives those who have had little to do with the handicapped an appreciation of their abilities as well as their needs.

Most of all, it is fun! We all need outdoor recreation, and riding is one of the few suitable to the disabled.

She tossed the chop onto the plate and flipped through several more brochures.

Falls are very rare, but can and do happen… Do not panic if there is a fall. These children fall frequently in all types of situations. They fall on sidewalks, off swings, etc. The fall off the horse is really not any worse than any they could get at home…

The job of the side walker is to maintain the balance of the rider when he cannot maintain it himself. Some students, especially in the beginning stages, have a definite balance problem off the horse as well as on. Depending on the degree of difficulty, there will be either one or two side walkers assigned to the student. The instructors will inform you as to the requirements of the particular student. For an example, some students will not have to be held all the time, but just have to have someone walking beside them for emergencies. Others will be held onto by means of the safety belt attached around their waists with a handhold at the back.

Wearily, Leah lay back on her pillows and gazed out her open window, into the dark. The night sounds were a hypnotic drone that made her lids grow heavy and her sore muscles relax. A lifetime ago she would have climbed out of her bed and roamed the barns in bare feet and pajamas, allowing the contented sighs of resting horses to fill her with a magic that inspired her to dream. The barns had been her escape even then, a place of refuge, safety, and sanity, away from the unhappiness that vibrated the air between her parents.

Leah rolled out of bed and moved down the corridor toward the back door, passing Val's room, pausing long enough to hear Shamika reading aloud and Val struggling to repeat the words after her. Occasionally Leah read to Val herself, but never with the success that Shamika had. To Val, Mama meant playtime: kisses and cuddle time, fairy tales and laughter. Shamika meant business. Concentration. Effort. By the time she finished
The Poky Little Puppy,
Val would be more than happy to shut his eyes and sleep.

Closing the screen door quietly behind her, Leah eased down the steps and headed for the barn. A single light burned at the far end, mostly for the goats' sake. They didn't care for the dark. Lying on a bale of hay, they jumped up at first sight of her and came prancing down the aisle, bleating their vociferous greetings and side-kicking in excitement. She dropped to her knees and held out her arms.

They licked her face and chattered in pleasure as she scratched between their horns, causing their upper lips to roll back in ecstasy, revealing their toothless upper gums and black-spotted pink tongues. Leah laughed and buried her face into the billy's woolly coat, laughing harder as he took a mouthful of her hair and began to chew.

Suddenly they jumped away and skittered down the aisle, bleating loudly enough to make Leah cover her ears. Then she realized: Someone was standing behind her.

SIXTEEN

«
^
»

"
J
ohnny." Leah nudged aside the insistent billy and stood. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see my girl. What do you
think
I'm doing here?"

Self-consciously, Leah glanced down at her pajamas, imprinted with tiny red prancing horses as well as goat footprints and hay.

Leaning against the open barn door, hands in his trouser pockets and his black suit coat caught behind his wrists, Johnny gave her a lazy grin. "I always imagined slipping you out of lingerie. But I had something a little more
risqué
in mind than PJs stenciled with little horses."

"Sorry to blow your fantasy."

"I doubt you could look any sexier if you were dressed in
Frederick
's of
Hollywood
." He eased down the aisle in that slow walk of his that had always made her feel hypnotized.

"I didn't expect to see you," she said breathlessly.

"Because I didn't call?"

"You always called."

"I had a lot to think about."

"I saw the news—about the funeral—"

"I didn't come here to discuss funerals. I've seen and heard enough about death the last few days. I came here to apologize for my behavior last night. I was angry and I took it out on you."

Johnny reached for her. She stepped away, more out of instinct than nervousness, then reminded herself that this was Johnny Whitehorse. She had nothing to fear from him. He reached again, catching her arm and tugging her close. The expensive cloth of his suit brushed her skin as softly as a breath. His cloud of black hair, spilling over his black suit and shirt, made his skin look rich as mahogany and his eyes dark as onyx. The tender yet insistent pressure of his fingers on her arm made her knees go weak, and she sank against him as if every bone and muscle in her body had become water.

"I was prepared to never see you again," she confessed, her head against his shoulder, her eyes drifting closed as he wrapped his long arms around her and gently rubbed her back. "At least I thought I was. Now that you're here I realize that I would probably have gone to you, even if you told me that you never wanted to see me again."

"You were always too stubborn for your own good, Leah." He kissed her temple and breathed in her ear.

"Wanna make love in the feed room?" she grinned.

"The next time we make love, sweetheart, it's going to be in a bed with champagne and caviar—"

"Oh, dear. I don't like caviar."

"Fine. Then champagne and Ritz crackers with Squeeze-It cheese spread."

Laughing, Leah looked up into his intense eyes. "You remembered."

"How can a guy forget something as romantic as Squeeze-It cheese spread, for God's sake? Except…" He ran his hand under the waistband of her pajama bottoms, over her buttock, cupping it firmly with his fingers. "The next time we share Squeeze-It I'm gonna educate you on the finer things you can do with it. You'll never look at a can of that stuff the same way again."

Leah laughed, lifted her arms around his neck, and went to her tiptoes to brush his lips with a kiss. Only he turned his face away slightly and eased her arms down, setting her back on her heels. His expression appeared strained, the lines around his eyes more evidence of the stress and emotional turmoil he had experienced the last few days.

"There's something wrong." She touched his cheek.

"Life sucks." He grinned wearily.

"What's the old saying? Life's a bitch and then you die. But we're together again. How can that be bad?" Stepping away, she studied the slant of his mouth and the odd dullness of his eyes. "Is there something you're not telling me, Johnny?"

"Nothing we need to discuss tonight." He turned away and walked to the barn door. Before him, in the distance, stretched Whitehorse Farm. The distant lights of the house twinkled like golden stars against the black night. "Funny how things change with time," he mused thoughtfully. "Once I stood in this same place and looked out at your house, wishing I could hold you. Now here we are. I'm here and you're here and … I'm too damn afraid to hold you."

Partially turning, he looked back at her, and his eyes were sharp, his lips curled in something less than a smile. "I'm going in the house now to meet your son."

She felt the blood drain from her face, and her mouth went dry. Johnny walked from the barn, leaving Leah standing in the glare of the barn's yellow bug lights, the goats tugging at her pajama legs, her heart pounding in her throat like a jackhammer. The overwhelming urge to run after him, to postpone the inevitable, made tears sting her eyes—not from nervousness, but from shame. She felt sickened by the very thought that she was embarrassed for him to know that her son was less than perfect.

The screen door slammed. Shamika's voice wormed its way through Leah's haze, then Johnny's, deeper, words that distance turned into a drone of indistinct syllables, then silence.

At last, she followed, goats at her heels, her body shaking as she mounted the steps and reached for the door.

Shamika opened it for her and smiled into her eyes. "I'm getting everyone ice cream. Want some?"

The goats darted past Leah, into the house. She watched them trot through the kitchen and down the hallway straight to Val's room. "No." She shook her head.

Shamika walked to the refrigerator, opened the freezer and dug through the frozen dinners and ice trays before extracting the half-gallon tub of Cookies and Cream. She laid out two bowls and proceeded to fill them. "You look like someone just cracked you over the head with a tire rod, Leah. Relax. They're going to hit if off just fine."

"But he doesn't know."

Shamika glanced at her with a smugness that made Leah frown. "Of course he knows, Leah. He's known all along."