Who He Is (FireNine, book 1) (28 page)

After he was gone, my gaze lowered to the ground. It was dead silent in the room and I didn’t want to look, but I gave in and did anyway. Everyone was looking at me, their eyes full of sorrow, including Roy’s. At least he was still capable of human emotions.

“Eliza, I’m sorry,” Gage apologized, stepping past Montana to get to me. “I—he didn’t mean it. I swear. He’s just going through a rough time…”

He was about to say something else, but I didn’t want to hear it anymore. As I looked around into each pair of eyes, I saw what I’d done. I lived through the moments again—mainly the night at the club. Gage was supposed to be hanging with Deed that night, not me. Deed was trying to make Gage jealous and it worked, but in the end, Gage spent his night alone. Montana warned me the day he went to the diner with me for breakfast. He didn’t want anything to get ugly, but it did anyway.

I was coming between them. I told Gage over and over again it was okay to go out with his band and have fun without me, but he always refused. He always wanted me to come with him. We were together so much that he didn’t even realize how much distance he put between him and his band.

While we were having
fun, Deed was the one who would always end up missing. He was the one who would always leave early, and the reason for his attitude was because of my fling with Gage. Whenever I came around, he would look at Gage, expecting him to brush me off, but Gage would take me in and walk off with me. I hadn’t noticed it before, but every time Gage walked away with me, Deed stormed away from the fun. It just seemed so immature of Deed, and I knew there had to be more behind it. I couldn’t be the only reason for his frustration.

“I should probably go, Gage.”

His eyes stretched, his head shaking. “No. Why, Eliza? It’s fine. He didn’t mean it. He just has to cool off. He’ll be fine later.”

I shrugged as if none of Deed’s harsh words mattered, but deep down, it was killing me slowly. I swallowed to keep my throat from drying out. Montana took a step forward, his arms folded. “Eliza, you shouldn’t let him get to you. We’ll talk to him. We’ll get him to apologize if you want us to.”

“He doesn’t have to apologize.” I sighed. “I’ll just be on my bus.” I forced a smile at Gage, but he shook his head, grabbing my arm.

“Eliza, it’s still early. You can s
tick around a little longer… can’t you?”

“Gage.” I smiled as warmly as I could, but it felt cold and meaningless to me. “It’s okay. We can talk a little later. I have to go check in with Ben anyway.” That was a lie. I just needed an excuse.

Gage’s grip slacked from my arm slowly, and I took a few steps forward. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, walking down the hallway after me.

“I’m fine, Gage.” I smiled again and, unexpectedly, he pulled me in against him. I warmed up to his embrace, inhaling deeply over his shoulder. “I’ll see you in a bit. Go find Deed and talk to him. You can tell me about it later.”

He pulled back slowly to get a look into my eyes. I remained strong, making sure a smile was still on my face when what I really wanted to do was curl up in my bed alone and sleep the rest of the day and night away.

Sighing, Gage kissed my cheek, my forehead, and then hugged me again. “Don’t take what he said to heart,” he whispered into my ear. “I swear he didn’t mean it. I know Deed. He speaks out of anger.” He pulled back, his boyish smile warming my heart.

“I won’t.” Of course it was a lie because after I placed a swift kiss on Gage’s cheek and stepped off the bus, I hurried for my bus and banged on the door, ready to dwell in my own gloom. Cal came to the door groggily, but at the sight of me, he smiled and his eyes brightened.

“Morning, Eliza.”

“Good morning,” I mumbled, stepping past him. I didn’t need him in my way. I didn’t need anyone in my way, and the last person I wanted to see was Ben. Good thing he was still in his room because I was sure facing him would have brought out the waterworks. I hated crying and I wasn’t going to do it today. Instead, I shut and locked my door behind me and took the thought of curling into bed into consideration.

Ben came by my door twice and knocked, but I told him I wasn’t feeling well each time. My voice was faint, feeble. I felt weak all over and I thought I was being dramatic, but I wasn’t.
This really bothered me. I was glad I locked the door because, knowing Ben, he would have barged in and demanded I talk to him, and that would have required me looking into his understanding eyes and probably crying.

No tears
, I told myself.
No tears.

Ben asked if I was going to attend the show, but I told him no. I didn’t want to. I wanted to be left alone. My worrying exhausted me.

I knew the bus was going to be empty while everyone was out, so I went out and drew at the table. I made a few cups of coffee in between until I finally decided to stop and curl into bed again.

Night crept up on me and I sighed, turning onto my back to shut my eyes. I drifted into a light slumber, but my eyes opened widely at the sound of the door opening and closing. My heart sped as footsteps came down the hallway and my bedroom door creaked open. I cursed myself mentally for not locking the door behind me. I hoped it wasn’t Ben or Cal. I didn’t want to see either of them knowing they were always in chipper moods. Ben especially, who always wanted me to express my concerns. It just wasn’t the night to express anything. I liked being
alone, but a part of my body was longing and aching for Gage’s touch. His presence. Anything from him.

The room stilled as I waited for whoever it was to turn on a light or say something.
The bed sank beneath their weight and a hand touched my leg. Knowing the touch, I stirred and looked up. Gage smiled down at me, the moonlight shining on his handsome face. His eyes were tired, but other than that, he looked amazing. He had on all black; a few pieces of hair hung on his forehead. His cologne smelled nice as it whiffed past my nose and I inhaled, enjoying the scent of him.

“Hey, Ellie,” he whispered.

“Hi,” I whispered back.

“You didn’t come to the show. Are you okay?”

I nodded, adjusting myself to get comfortable. “I just needed some time to myself.” My lips twisted and I looked away from him. “Is… Deed okay?”

“He’s fine.” He sighed. “Just upset… and hurt. Now that I know why he was acting like that, I feel like the shittiest friend on the planet.”

“Why?” I asked, sitting up against the headboard. “What happened?”

He shrugged and kicked off his shoes. “I would tell you, but it’s kind of personal for him.”

“I won’t tell anyone.”

“I know you wo
n’t, Ellie, but I have to respect his privacy.” He smiled sweetly, his hand resting on my leg again. My lower lip pouted, but he leaned forward to kiss it. “It’s nothing personal between us,” he assured. “If he didn’t care about people knowing, I would tell you.”

I sighed because he was right and I wasn’t pushing it. I didn’t want my business buzzing around, either, so I sat up some more. Gage stared into my eyes briefly before leaning
in again and pulling me against him. His arms circled around my waist and moved up my back, and I placed my chin on his shoulder, hugging him back. “I’m sorry, Ellie. I know he said some things that may have gotten to you, but he wants to apologize. He didn’t mean it.”

I swallowed, nodding my head. “It’s okay. Maybe you should spend the rest of your night with him. It’ll probably make him feel better.”

He pulled away from me, a smile gracing his lips. “He’s going to a strip club with Montana and a few others. Montana gave him a stack of money to cheer him up and, surprisingly, it worked.”

I cringed at the thought of Gage going to a strip club and staring at other girls’ tits and asses, but I slowly said, “Well, you should have joined them. I’m sure you wanted to anyway.”

He chuckled softly, his broad shoulders shaking. “I could have, but I wanted to check up on you.”

“Well, I’m okay,” I sighed. “Really, you should go. I can just paint a little more tonight and then read until I fall asleep again.”

Gage stared at me for a quick second before sighing and pulling away from me. Inwardly, I cringed as he stepped back to get out of the moonlight. He picked up his shoes and my gaze fell because although I said it, I really didn’t want him to go. I hated how much I worried over him. I hated how I was starting to care more than necessary. We were taking this further than a fling and I knew it, but I didn’t want to face it. Feelings were coming from somewhere and I couldn’t deny it.

I lay on my side, listening as he rustled around a bit. Finally he blew out
a sigh and the bed sank behind me. Heat smothered my backside and he hooked his arm around my middle, pulling me back to cuddle against me. “I’ll just make you my stripper for tonight,” he whispered in my ear. A smile spread across my lips and a heavy load of butterflies thrashed around in my tummy, but I remained content. I couldn’t show too much emotion. We weren’t involving emotions… or feelings.

Gage
kissed my neck and my head fell back, allowing him to do so. I was sort of glad he stuck around because, in the back of my mind, I knew I wasn’t going to paint or read after he left. I would have been up bothering myself about what he may have been doing or what stripper he may have possibly slept with.

His warm, plush lips moved up to my ear and he swirled
his tongue around it, making the sweet heat between my legs clench. I gripped his hand that was on my stomach, smiling from ear to ear, knowing for the rest of the night I was going to have him to myself. I willingly turned in his arms and stared into his eyes. His were hard and his body tensed as he looked down at me, his smile transforming into an uneasy one. “Should I stop?” he asked.

“No.” I shook my head quickly. “I like it. Keep going.”

He smirked at my compliment and then kissed my neck again. With each one, I drowned more and more. At least I didn’t have to worry about him holding off on me because of my V-card. I was no longer pocketing it so it made the casual sex that much better.

With each position, I was nearly in heaven. After a few moans, groans, and heavy panting between thick sweat and
cavernous kisses, Gage and I took separate showers, tossed on our clothes, and decided to go to the nearest restaurant for a bite to eat.

I settled on a cheeseburger with fries and Gage went with two grilled cheese sandwiches and chili-cheese fries. “That’s a lot of cheese.” I giggled as he picked up a fry and popped it into his mouth.

He smirked. “I love cheese. My mom always used to make me a grilled cheese after school—” He stopped talking abruptly, leaving his sentence incomplete, and my head tilted curiously. “After a while, my sister started making them and then… I had to start making them myself.”

“Oh,” I said softly. “How old were you when you started making them yourself?”

“Twelve.” He shrugged, keeping his eyes down.

I
grew even more curious about Gage. He hardly talked about his family and I always wondered why. Even when we were younger, in Virginia, I never saw Gage with anyone outside of his band. No family, no other friends at all. Without much consideration, I asked him, “Who’s Chloe and Kristina?”

He
snapped his gaze on me, his hazel eyes darkening. He then licked his lips and reached for his glass of soda. “My mom and sister.”

“Oh. Is your sister older or younger?”

“Older.”

My mouth clamped shut, confused about why he gave me one and two-word answers. I was being nosey, that’s for sure, but I was really trying to figure him out. After deciphering it in my head, I decided to go for it. Maybe I could exchange some info whenever he asked me about my
family or my past life. I would do it just to get to know Gage a little bit more, even if it did hurt me to talk about. “What happened to them?” I asked.

He swallowed thickly
, his Adam’s apple working hard just to get the invisible lump down. Lifting his hand, he ran his fingers through his hair and lost all eye contact. He looked everywhere but into my eyes. “We should go,” he said, dropping his napkin into his basket of fries.

“No… Gage.” I reached for his hand, but he pulled away slowly. “Gage?”
Silence again. I hated that he wasn’t talking to me. I felt terrible and guilty for asking, especially as his eyes glistened. His eyes watered even more as I called his name again and he shook his head, pushing from the table. “Seriously, Eliza, come on.”

“Gage, I—I’m sorry,” I whispered, pushing out of my chair. He
didn’t look at me. Instead, he stared out the window behind me. I stepped forward, bringing my hand up to get him to look at me. He was stubborn at first, his neck stiffening so he couldn’t see me, but I tried again until his eyes finally met mine. After I did it, I wished right away I hadn’t. The rims of his eyes were red and glistening. Seeing his hurt made my heart snag. “Gage…”

I cupped his face. He shut his eyes briefly, shaking his head. “It’s fine, Eliza,” he whispered as a single tear fell. “It’s fine. Come on… please.”

I swallowed, conceding and nodding my head. To comfort him, I wrapped my arm around his waist and smiled up at him. He forced a smile back, hooking his arms around my shoulders and pulling me into him. My heart broke in two for him. I shouldn’t have asked. I wasn’t supposed to be getting in his business anyway. That wasn’t me… but I wanted to know so badly. I knew it would take time for him to want to speak on it, so I let it go.