Who We Were (8 page)

Twelve

My mom held me as I cried in her arms. I felt like a child again that needed her mommy to kiss all the boo-boos away. She ran her hands over my hair and whispered things like, “It will all work out, I promise.” And, “Who needs people like that in their life? Not you!”

Finally, she got up and made a phone call then sat down with me again. I knew who she called; she called Cara. It was a family crisis in her eyes, and I wouldn’t be surprised if Cara drove home and stayed with us until I felt better. I felt like such a wimp for mourning over someone who lived ten-minutes away. She was still alive and well, but in my heart she felt dead. Our friendship had died a miserable death, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.

“I’m going to make dinner, and later we’ll go outside and have a few margaritas,” my mom said as she got up. “Of course, yours will be a virgin.”

She remembered my admission about not liking alcohol, plus I was only seventeen.

“Okay, Mom. Thanks.”

I got up and headed to my room. I stripped off my clothes and got into the shower. I let the water run over me and the tears drip down with it and decided that it would be the last I would cry over Lily. When I shut off the water, I shut off the tears. Done.

Dinner smelled fabulous as I dressed in my most comfortable long t-shirt. My phone dinged and I checked it; it was from Nash.

Nash- Hey cutie. You okay? I heard about the thing at Scoop’s.

Me- I’m great. Having dinner with my mom. What are you up to?

I decided that I would not be telling Nash what was really going on inside of me. He was best friends with Oliver, and I knew he’d tell Oliver and Oliver in turn would tell Lily. I would not give her the benefit of knowing how hurt I was. Instead I would go about my life without her in it. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad; I could be who I wanted to be. I would wear what I wanted and not feel judged. I could read books by the lake with Kyleigh and not feel guilty for it. She could have Oliver, and I would be fine without her.

Nash- I wanna see you … tonight … can I come over?

I stared at the text dumbfounded. The way I’d left his arms at lunch, I didn’t think he’d want to see me again. Tonight, though, was the worst time possible. I was a mess and I didn’t want him to see me like this.

Me- I can’t. My mom and I have plans.

Nash- Okay. Cool. See you at school tomorrow, then. We still on for Friday?

Me- Yes we are. See you tomorrow.

I left my phone on my bed and joined my mom on the deck for dinner with my virgin margarita.

***

The next morning as I sat with my dad and had coffee, I couldn’t help but feel odd having both my parents together in the same kitchen. They moved around each other like they didn’t see one another. It was almost like they dealt with things better that way. I hoped one day they could get over all the bullshit and be friends.

“So,” my dad said handing me a bagel that my mom buttered and passed to him, all while not meeting his eyes. “Would you like to come with me this weekend? I’m going to a convention that I think you’d really like.”

My dad worked in advertising. He mostly attended conventions that held new computer software, so I couldn’t imagine a convention that I would like to go to.

“Where is it? And what is it for?” I asked as I took a bite.

“Right to the point, huh? Well, it’s for our firm, but I heard there would be some publishing companies there with some books or something like that. We could go on Friday and come home Saturday,” he muttered. Got to love my dad; he tried.

“Stewart, I don’t think going to a convention in a stuffy hotel is what Sadie’s into these days,” my mom argued.

“Well, Maggie, it’s better than sitting at home all day,” he replied stiffly.

“Guys!” I said, breaking up the fight before it started. “I won’t sit here all weekend, Dad. Last weekend I went to the fair and saw Arms of Chance. I appreciate the invite, Dad, but I might have plans on Friday night.”

Instead of disappointed, he looked happy for once. “Yeah, plans? Doing what?” He asked as he took a bite of bagel.

“Well, it’s a dance?” I wasn’t sure how to say that I was going to a club. Dance sounded better than club.

“Dance, huh? Well, that sounds fun. Who are you going with?” My mom asked.

“A boy. His name is Nash.” I braced myself for a fight, but my mom smiled. She actually looked happy. This was definitely new. Usually any mention of going anywhere without Lily, my mom would freak out. She was way too calm.

“Well, just be sure I get to meet this boy before you head out, okay?”

I nodded and downed the rest of my bagel. I had to get to school and out of this house before my mom changed her mind.

“Got to run, guys. It’s been fun,” I said as I grabbed my bag. “See you later tonight, Mom.” I kissed them both and walked out of the door. As I looked back, they stood a little closer together, and for a fleeting second I wished they were back together. Breaking up hurt so badly, but sometimes people made up and fixed things.

***

I walked into school and saw Nash right away. He waved me over, and I looked around for Oliver, not seeing him. I went over and he gave me a quick hug.

“Hey,” he said and kissed my temple. It was like a tease. We hadn’t shared a kiss, and I wanted to so badly. His lips were perfect pressed up against my temple. Maybe Friday we would actually kiss and become a couple. As to what we were now, I wasn’t sure.

“How are you doing today?” he asked as concern crossed his face.

I stepped back a bit and said, “Why are you asking me that? What did Oliver tell you?”

I assumed it was Oliver who told Nash about Lily and me. I couldn’t imagine what that discussion was like.

“You know, that you and Liliana got into a fight.” The way he said Lily’s full name surprised me. Only Lily’s family called her Liliana. She’d hate it if I ever used that name.

“And?” I pressed.

“And that you’re mad because she has a boyfriend. I mean, it sounds ridiculous that you would be mad about that, so I told Oli that you’re not like that. Right?” He laughed and pulled me closer to him. Suddenly, I felt almost nauseous with the idea of being around Nash right then.

I pulled away from him casually. “It is ridiculous, and that’s not why we’re fighting at all. Honestly, I don’t know why Lily has a bug up her ass.”

“Listen, I got your back, and I just wanted to see if you’re all right. I know that this is so stupid, and it’s not your fault.”

How did he know? He didn’t really even know me. We’d only met each other two weeks prior, so how was he so sure he knew me and what I would or would not feel? I took back the thoughts I had about wanting to kiss him.

Thankfully, the bell rang and Nash grabbed his folder and books.

“See you at lunch?” he asked. I nodded and headed in the opposite direction. The last thing I wanted to do was to sit with Nash and Oliver at lunch. I had to come up with a good excuse for not being there. I would rather eat lunch in my car than sit next to Oliver. I had to find out what it was about the guy that irked me so much; other than the fact that he ditched Lily when she needed help. I knew there was more to the story about him and his ex Gwynnie, and I vowed to find out ASAP.

Class wasn’t as boring as usual, surprisingly. Mrs. Bentley wanted us to talk in groups about the value of beauty as compared to
Dorian Gray
in today’s society. I was paired with Kyleigh, a girl named Rochelle, and Nolan. At first we stared at each other, no one really knowing what to say. Nolan just stared at his crinkled copy of the book, and Kyleigh played with her earrings. It was Rochelle who spoke first.

“Well, I think that most teenagers think that because they’re beautiful they aren’t responsible for the wrong things that they do. Like their actions don’t matter because they are special.”

We looked at her and all dived into conversation. Each of us proving our points, and ultimately agreeing with Rochelle. We wrote our findings down, and Nolan gave it to Mrs. Bentley. Then the lunch bell rang. Kyleigh grabbed me and told me she had to go to a doctor’s appointment, so she wouldn’t be able to sit with me at lunch today.

“It’s okay,” I told her. “Let’s hang out later though.”

“Sounds good! See ya,” she called as I stood there alone, not knowing what to do.

As soon as I gave up on ideas and decided to just go to the lunchroom and sit with Nash, an arm came out of nowhere and pulled me into the quad, out of sight. Nolan’s face looked concerned as he pulled me along with him, out of the quad now and into the parking lot. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and unlocked his car. He opened the passenger side door for me, and I got in, not questioning anything he was doing. In my mind he was saving me.

He got in and drove away from the school; the farther I got the better my stomach felt. I wondered briefly if the pain I felt was because of Nash. Was my body trying to tell me that he wasn’t good for me?

“We needed to get you out of there,” Nolan said as he pulled into a quaint diner where I had never eaten. “I could see you’re upset about whatever’s going on and your face screamed, ‘save me.’” He laughed, but it wasn’t funny. He was so right. I was begging for someone to save me, except the one person I would go to when I felt this way didn’t like me anymore. Tears came to my eyes. I turned my face so Nolan didn’t see, but he did anyway.

“Hey, don’t cry, Sadie,” he whispered gently.

“It’s easy to say, not easy to do,” I choked out.
Damn tears!
“I was done crying yesterday. I even told myself I wasn’t going to, but …”

He didn’t leave me; he just sat there with me while I cried. He handed me a tissue and rubbed my shoulder. Usually I never cried in front of people, except Lily, but there was something very comforting about crying with Nolan. I knew he didn’t judge me or my ugly tear-stained face. Taking a huge breath in, I released out all of the negative and then said, “Okay, let’s eat.”

We found a table near the back, just in case the crying started again. Nolan ordered for me, insisting that he knew what was best here.

“Two Turkey Rueben’s with extra sauce please,” he told the waitress. She snapped her gum and winked at him. She was totally flirting with him. I looked from him to her and back again. I could see suddenly what she saw; Nolan was hot. Why hadn’t I ever seen it before? Sure I’d thought he was cute, but he was way more than that. His brown hair was neatly combed back and fell just to his neckline. His eyes sparkled when he talked, and his smile was perfect. I’d noticed it before, but this time it was different. It was like I was seeing him for the first time, and what I saw, I liked.

“And two Coke’s and that’s it,” he finished.

“Sure thing, sugar.” She smiled again. Frowning, he turned his attention to me. He wasn’t flirting back. But, why? She was super cute. She had red hair that reached her butt in a long braid and a body that looked like she worked out or ran. Yeah that was it, she had a runner’s body. Even in her god-awful waitress uniform, I could see it. So why didn’t Nolan? Was he gay?

If he was, it wouldn’t matter one bit to me, but I was curious now.

“So,” he said breaking my concentration. “Want to come to the cottage tonight? We’re having a little BBQ, just me and a few guys.” I bit my lip, fighting the urge to ask if he was gay or not.

“Can I bring Kyleigh?” I asked.

“Of course. And, just so you know, Nash won’t be there if you were gonna ask,” he said as he sipped the Coke the waitress sat in front of him.

“Oh. That’s fine. I don’t care,” As soon as I said it I realized, I didn’t actually care if Nash was there. Weird. I was into him, right? Yeah, I was. So why did I not care if he wasn’t going to be at the party?

“Cool.” Nolan smiled and dug into his sandwich. I picked up mine and took a big bite. I scarfed it down in only a matter of minutes. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I ate that sandwich. I had to start getting myself back to normal. Well, not normal, but back to eating a regular diet.

We left the diner, and Nolan drove back to school. I watched the peach trees that lined the roads fly by as he drove. I remembered picking peaches with Lily at her grandparent’s farm. We had so much fun as kids, but that time was over. She had decided to be someone else. Who we are now wasn’t the same as who we were then. We were growing up and growing apart. And I was going to have to adjust to life without Lily.

I did want to reinvent myself, so I would do that. I would become the girl I had always wanted to be, and I wouldn’t have anyone holding me back.

Thirteen

The night came fast, and I picked up Kyleigh from her house. She took one look at my outfit and went back inside to change. I dressed casual, jeans and a tank top. She had a full party outfit on, complete with seriously high heels. She came back out in shorts and a way more casual shirt.

We pulled up at the cottage, and what was supposed to be a small BBQ looked like a huge party. I put the car in park and stared in awe at the amount of people filling the cottage grounds. There must have been at least a hundred people already―they were not just some of the guys, like Nolan had said. I got out and Nolan ran up to meet me. He looked very unhappy.

“Nice BBQ,” I joked. He didn’t laugh.

“You have to go,” he said as he pushed me back into my car.

“What?” Kyleigh said.

“What?” I repeated.

He looked down, not meeting my eyes. Something was definitely wrong. I looked at the crowd and the people there and spotted Lily and Oliver on the front porch kissing. Surprisingly I didn’t care. I wouldn’t let her ruin my nights anymore.

“I don’t care about that,” I told Nolan pointing to Lily. “I’m not going to let her stop me from living my life, not anymore.”

Nolan frowned and shook his head. “It’s not her. I just … I just don’t want you getting hurt. You have to go, Sadie. Trust me. You don’t want to be here.”

My stomach clenched. What was going on? I was knocked for a loop. Nolan was completely serious.

“Okay. Fine.” I was mad, but not at him. He grabbed me before I got into the car again.

“Listen, Sadie, I promise to tell you everything tomorrow. Just know that I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for you to get hurt by anyone.” He was talking so strangely. I was more than curious as to what his reason for all of this was. He hugged me fast and quickly turned around. I got in my car and Kyleigh threw her hands up in the air.

“What the hell?” she asked.

“I don’t know, Kyleigh. Let’s just go see a movie,” I suggested. She put her feet up on the dash and nodded.

“That sounds better than this anyway.” She was lying through her teeth, but that’s when I realized she was a true friend.

***

The next morning Nolan wasn’t at school. I frowned when I sat down next to his empty chair. Nash was there waiting for me when I pulled in, but instead of greeting him, I hid in the girls bathroom. I didn’t feel like seeing him. He wasn’t what I thought he was, and there was something about Nash that I didn’t trust. Maybe it was him telling me his mom died of cancer; that, it turned out, was a big fat lie. I had found out his mom attended a book club with Kyleigh’s mom. She said his mom was alive and well, although she’d never met her. So for once
I
was blowing off a guy instead of the other way around.

He was being really sneaky with me and cryptic. The practice schedule with Oliver and how I couldn’t be there was just weird.

So, I sat through my morning Nolan free. I talked more about the book with Kyleigh and wrote a paper. Finally lunch came. I took Kyleigh with me to the diner, and we ate the same sandwich. I texted Nolan three times and got no response. When I got back to school, Nash’s truck was gone.

When school ended, I felt horrible, like something bad happened. I decided to go to the cottage and look for Nolan myself. Odds were he was there, and I didn’t know where he lived anyhow.

I pulled into the driveway, and Nolan’s car was parked off to the side. He was here, and I hoped he was alone.

When I knocked, no one answered. I knocked again and still nothing. Where was he? I walked to his balcony and the lights were dark. Maybe he was sick, and he was asleep? I left, but I felt awful still. An odd feeling came over me; I couldn’t shake it.

You’re scaring me. Where r u?
I texted. Still no reply.

***

The rest of the week was the same. I blew Nash off and Nolan wasn’t there. Me and Kyleigh hung out after school every day at the lake. I didn’t tell her how I felt or how I was trying so hard to work up the courage to tell Nash I couldn’t go to Clear tonight with him. Instead, she gave me tips on what to wear and what to avoid. She frequented Clear, it seemed, because she knew the place in and out.

“Are you excited?” she asked catching me off guard.

“Oh, yeah. Totally,” I lied and faked a smile.

She put her hand on her hip and shook her head. “Liar.”

Why was I lying to her? It wasn’t like I had anything to prove to Kyleigh. She wasn’t like Lily. She wasn’t judgmental, and she wouldn’t care.

So I told her the truth. “I don’t know what it is about Nash, but he kind of creeps me out now. I feel like he’s hiding something from me. And the way he covers up for Oliver, it makes me sick,” I confessed.
“Nolan told me to leave the other night and afterward he didn’t come to school the rest of the week. I just have a terrible feeling.”

She plopped down in the sand next to me and brushed a stray hair out of my face.

“Sadie, I knew something was up. I knew you weren’t at all happy about this,” she laughed. “Just don’t go. It would teach him a lesson, that’s for sure.” I knew Kyleigh wasn’t on Team Nash, she had warned me in the beginning about him. I was thinking that maybe I should have listened to her.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, Nash can be pretty cocky. I’d like to see him knocked down a peg.”

I nodded. I did see him being cocky at times, but he was always nice to me. The first guy ever to pay me any attention and I did say that I’d go. I didn’t want to flake out and be rude. Maybe it was just this thing with Lily making me feel the way I did. Maybe when I got there I’d feel better. All we needed was some time alone. Some time to actually spend together for once with no interruptions.

“No. I’m gonna go. I owe it to myself to see just what type of person Nash Rylan is,” I said. “And I need to have a little fun.”

***

I wore a silver maxi dress with heels and my hair up in a tight bun. I looked good. Not sort of good, but damn good. My mom had a fit about my dress, but I told her it was in style now. She didn’t believe me and tried to put sweaters on me to cover me up.

“Mom, once you dressed like this. I know you did because I saw pictures,” I told her before I left. “I’m not going to turn into a hooker just because I’m wearing a short dress. You can trust me.”

She considered what I had to say and in the end decided that I was right. “Well, just be careful, okay?”

I kissed her on the cheek and said, “I promise I will.”
Thankfully she gave up on the idea of meeting Nash when I told her we were just friends and there was no romance. It was sort of true in a way.

I sat waiting for Nash to pick me up. I felt like a total idiot waiting for him at the end of my street. I kind of did feel like a hooker; I was standing on a street corner for God sakes. Finally, I saw his big
black truck barreling down the road ahead. I stood taller and pulled my dress down just a bit. He pulled up in front of me, and I waited a moment to see if he would open my door. He didn’t.
Rude.

The door opened for me from the inside, and I came face to face with another girl.
What the?

She smiled at me with a huge grin and in a sweet lilting voice said, “Hey there, you must be Sadie. Come on in, sweetie.”

I grabbed the handle and pulled myself into the truck. Nash’s face stared dead ahead, and he didn’t say a word. What the hell was going on?

I sat next to the girl, and she put her hand out. “I’m Amelie, nice to meet ‘ya. Nash here said we’re giving you a lift to Clear, and I said that is just the best thing ever.” Her southern accent was thick. Most of us had a little twang, but this girl was full on. I could tell she came from a rich southern family. It was apparent from her big hair and her sense of style; she dressed like a debutant in a pink dress that came to her calves. She was modest, and I was dressed the complete opposite. I pulled my dress down a little more.

I took her outstretched hand and shook it.
Was she his sister?

“So, Amelie … um …” I didn’t know what to say. I pulled the door closed, and as I looked at my house, I thought I could just get out and run back there. I turned around and faced Nash, who still looked ahead as he gased the engine and we took off.
So much for running home
. Instead I tried to talk to her again, “You said you’re giving me a ride. Does that mean you’re not staying at the club?”

She laughed. “Of course we are, silly. Nash, does Sadie not know that we’re meeting him there?”

“Meeting who?” I asked. I was completely clueless at this point and trapped in a truck with a psycho-debutant and the driver from hell. He sped through town and gripped the wheel. He looked like a crazed lunatic. Maybe next time I should listen to my instincts and stand the guy up.

Amelie laughed again and playfully hit me on the shoulder. “Nolan, of course. Your
boyfriend,
silly.”

“My
what
?”

I was shocked at her words. She was definitely confused. Then I looked at her closely and everything fell into place. The way she sat next to him as he drove, and the way her hand grazed his thigh, she wasn’t his sister.

“Holy shit! You’re his girlfriend, aren’t you?”

She smiled and put her hand on his shoulder and said, “Of course, silly. Nash, this girl is funny!”

“Yeah.” he said.

Then he didn’t say anything else for the rest of the drive. He clenched the steering wheel, and I clenched my fists around the door handle.
Could I jump out of this car? Would I die?

The answer was yes. The way Nash drove to the club, I would jump out and he would run me over just for fun. His eyes looked angry and evil, and I was certain I’d never seen a guy look like this ever before. My dad would get angry, but not like this. And really, why was he so angry? I was the one who should be pissed. He had a girlfriend! From the looks of it, a longtime girlfriend too. The longer he drove, the angrier I became. Especially since Amelie didn’t shut the heck up, ever! She went on and on about her volunteer work with the ambulance squad and her work at
Camp Haven. She was just too damn good. I couldn’t be mad at a girl who gave mouth to mouth to a little girl and saved her from drowning just yesterday.

Besides she didn’t know about me either. As far as she knew I was Nolan’s girl not Nash’s. She was innocent in this just like I was, but that didn’t mean that made this situation any easier or sitting next to her more bearable.

Finally, we reached Clear’s parking lot where Nash jerked the truck into a tight spot and got out in a hurry. He slammed the door behind him.

“Nash Thomas Rylan,” Amelie shouted. “You open the door for us ladies right now. Don’t you remember your manners? My goodness, Sadie, I’m so dreadfully sorry. I don’t know what’s come over him tonight.”

I did. He was stuck in the car with his girlfriend and the girl he’s been making false promises to for the past three weeks. I wondered how Nash got himself into this mess in the first place. How did he even think that having two girls would be easy? Or fair?

I looked at Amelie and shrugged. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that Nash was cheating with me. And honestly was he? We hadn’t kissed. He’d snuck into my room, flirted like crazy and held my hand, but we didn’t do much more. I knew though, if given the chance, he would have done more and heck, so would I. Why he didn’t tell me about his girlfriend was beyond me. I would have understood that he was involved and left him alone. But he didn’t seem like he wanted that. He wanted to be alone with me tonight, and that didn’t happen. I turned away from Amelie and felt the tears coming fast and hard. Why was I crying? I didn’t do anything wrong. I had to get out of the truck fast, so I opened the door and Amelie got out after me. I slammed the door and when she headed in, I walked the opposite direction. No way would I be hanging out all night with the two of them watching them dance and kiss.
No thanks.

I found a bus stop up ahead and slipped off my shoes. The walk would be too painful in my heels, and I’d rather barefoot it.

“Wait!” I turned to the voice behind me expecting Nash but seeing Nolan instead. He ran toward me, waving his arms. Part of me wanted to run to him and let him hug the tears away, but the other part hated that he kept this huge secret from me. Nash was his brother, and there was no way he didn’t know about Amelie. All this time he didn’t tell me. Instead, he hid it from me while claiming to be my friend. At that moment I was angrier at him.