Who's the Boss? (15 page)

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Authors: Jill Shalvis

Tags: #Fiction, #Romance, #Contemporary

BOOK: Who's the Boss?
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“You still do,” she said bitterly, shrugging him off and backing to the door. “What a fool I’ve been. I thought you were starting to come around, starting to care for me.”
“I was.
Am!
”
“Right.”
“Caitlin,” he said in a grating voice, coming after her, letting pride go because he had no choice. No choice at all. “You have no idea how difficult this is for me to say, but it’s the truth. I care for you. More than I ever have for anyone.”
“I don’t think so. I think this is guilt. It’s just you fulfilling a stupid promise you made to my father.” Her lovely eyes filled. “And because he meant so much to you, you’ll do anything to see the vow through.”
“He
did
mean a lot to me. But you’ve got the promise thing all wrong—”
He was talking to air.
When he caught her on the stairs, she spun on him. “Did you guys get a good laugh at my expense?” Her eyes were stark with pain. “Tim and Andy. And Vince. Was it all a joke? Their help? Their friendship?”
“No. No, Caitlin. God. They worship you. You’ve got to know that.”
“I know nothing anymore,” she said sadly, backing from him. “Except that apparently I’ve been such a burden to you that you couldn’t even explain the truth to me.”
“You read the letter. He asked me not to tell you. Whether it was pride or love—”
She let out a hard laugh. “Don’t fool yourself. He loved
you
, Joe.”
She made it to the bottom of the stairs before he caught up with her and hauled her back against him. “It was far more than just a promise,” he grated into her ear as she struggled valiantly against him. “And you’re not going anywhere. Not even if you did manage to put some pants on.”
“Yes, I am.”
“You don’t have a car.”
“I’m a pro at public transportation, believe me.”
“Forget it.” He entertained some half-baked idea about holding her down on his bed and proving to her in the only way he knew how to show her how much he cared.
“In your mind, you owed him,” she panted as she wiggled and shimmied to free herself, grunting when he simply slung her over his shoulder.
“It started out that way, yes. Damn, you’re heavy. Ouch—” He snarled through his teeth when she bit him on the shoulder, hard. “But I
did
start to care about you. Hell! I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” He carried her up the steps, back into his room.
Tossing her to the bed, he watched her eyes darken with anger when she bounced.
“You only thought about me so much because of all the trouble I caused,” she accused, furious. Hurt.
When he knelt next to her, she crawled away.
“Don’t touch me.” She ran around the side of the bed, jerked her skirt off the floor and slid it over her legs. “Don’t ever touch me again.”
“Dammit, Caitlin.”
“No, I mean it,” she said when he came after her. “Don’t touch me now—I won’t be able to resist you if you do.” Biting her lip, she looked wildly around, then shoved her bare, petite feet into his large tennis shoes. Her anger faded at the look on his face. “This isn’t all your fault,” she allowed. “It’s mostly mine, actually. I’m an idiot to have fallen for you.”
“I fell for you, too,” he said quietly.
She straightened and tugged down the hem of his shirt with touching dignity despite the fact that only a fraction of an inch of her skirt stuck out the bottom, and she looked like a little girl playing dress-up. “It came far too late, Joe.”
Now he knew real, gut-wrenching fear. The kind he hadn’t felt since he’d been a kid with nowhere to go and nothing to eat. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that I have to go.”
He reached for her again, but she backed away. Nothing had ever hurt as much as that. “Don’t do that,” he beseeched her, fighting nasty by going in low and snagging her to him. “Don’t back away from me—I can’t take it.”
“I feel like you betrayed me, Joe. I can’t forget that.”
“And I can’t let you go,” he said softly, gentling his hold. With minute care, he cupped her neck and drew her forward so that his mouth could find hers, quietly, slowly, then deeper, until he felt his insides start to crack apart at the emotional pressure built up there. His hands framed her face, then slid down her neck, over her shoulders to mold her body, drawing a soft, needy sound from her.
Then she shoved back, her eyes wide and luminous. “Don’t kiss me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like—” Her voice cracked. “Like you love me.” Covering her mouth with a shaking hand, she walked away, only to stop, hand hovering over the doorknob when he spoke.
“Don’t go, Caitlin.”
“I can’t stay here with you—it would hurt too much. I want more from you than just...this. I want trust. And love. If I stay, I’ll make both of us miserable, and I refuse to do that. I deserve more, Joe, and so do you.”
“Wait. Please—” With horror, he realized how close he was to actually begging her. Begging.
God
. He’d been through some unbelievably tough spots before, but he’d never resorted to begging.
She looked at him then,
really
looked at him, and he knew she was seeing past the exterior to the real him. To his deepest of souls. In her eyes, he could see the flicker of life. Of hope. Of love. Hard to accept, when he still hadn’t quite let himself believe that she could really love him.
“What should I wait for, Joe?”
The words stuck in his throat.
When he didn’t speak, the hope in her eyes went out. Simply extinguished. Liquid brown eyes cold for the first time since he’d met her, she left the room, shutting the door quietly behind her.
All Joe could do was try to swallow past the lump in his throat and watch her go.
He’d ruined everything, and with his eyes wide open.
All because he’d waited too long to trust her with the heart he’d protected from harm for years. All because he’d waited too long to tell her he’d finally, truly, irrevocably fallen in love.
Hell, maybe he should have begged.
13
 
A
LONE IN HIS OFFICE around 4:00 a.m., Joe finally cracked his computer program. It simply clicked into place. Once upon a time, he would have jumped up and down, shouting and whooping for joy.
Now the victory was hollow and meaningless.
Yes, he’d been working for the better part of three years on the office system he knew would redefine software as most knew it. And yes, he’d once measured his success by it.
Success meant nothing now. Nothing at all without Caitlin to share it with.
Swiping his hands down over his haggard face, he looked around at the darkened office. The only light came from the glow of his computer. The only sound was from the coffeemaker down the hall—which was running perfectly smoothly now that the wiring had been fixed.
Still, what he wouldn’t give for Caitlin to be here blowing it up at this very moment.
Because only then would everything be perfect.
He’d once harbored great dreams on this program. It would make him famous. Make him a somebody. Give him wealth and security for the rest of his life.
Now he didn’t care about any of that. All he wanted was to be a somebody to a beautiful, caring woman named Caitlin Taylor, who wanted nothing to do with a cold jerk like himself.
He couldn’t blame her.
Shoving back from his desk, he stalked toward the door, suddenly needed fresh air.
Once outside, he stepped around the sleeping homeless man on the stoop and watched the early morning. Tipping his head back, he studied the stars.
A cool breeze rumpled his hair. In the distance, he could hear the drone of the cars on the freeway, and knew he’d get better scenery at home on the beach, where he could feel the cool ocean spray and smell the salt on the wind.
But at home, he’d be reminded of his failures. He’d probably stand in his bedroom and fantasize about having Caitlin back in his bed, golden hair spread on his pillow, her dark eyes wide with sensual wonder. Just thinking about it brought back the scent of her, the satiny feel of her skin against his.
If he closed his eyes, it was so clear in his mind. The huge bed. Sighs and murmurs, the whisper of clothing floating to the floor. The gentle, full spring wind teasing the curtains and blowing the air over their heated skin...
He’d driven her away, and the way he saw it now, he had two choices. He could be a complete fool and live, suffer with his decision to keep his love to himself.
Or he could do what he’d sworn never to do—beg.
HE’D SEARCHED the entire world for her. At least it felt that way. With humbling defeat, Joe tossed his keys aside, plopped down in his chair and set his head on the desk.
It was late afternoon, and he had to face the devastating facts.
Caitlin had disappeared.
“Still no luck, Joe?” Andy asked from the doorway.
Joe didn’t lift his head, but knew Tim would be hovering there, as well, waiting for news. “Nope.”
“You looked in her condo?”
Only six times
. “Yep.”
“And you checked your place again, right?” This from Tim, sounding worried.
Worried was a good thing, Joe decided, because if either Andy or Tim was hiding her, he would have to kill them. “Yes, I checked my place again.” He’d left it unlocked, actually, hoping against hope. But she hadn’t shown.
“Did her father have a place?”
“It’s been sold, but yes, I checked there, too. And the hotels and motels in the area.” And the hospitals, the police station, and out of sheer desperation, three of the closest shopping malls. He’d even driven to Amy’s apartment, after he’d begged the landlord for her address. No one had answered.
Caitlin had vanished, and he’d never in his life been so sick or guilt-ridden.
“So you screwed up already, huh?”
Vince
. He’d been suspiciously absent earlier this morning. Joe surged to his feet, rage ready. “Tell me where she is.”
Vince shot him a half smile. “Flattering that you think she’d come to me.” His smile faded to disgust. “All you had to do was love her, Joe. She’s like the most perfect woman ever made. What was so hard about giving her your all?”
“Tell me, damn you.”
Both Tim and Andy wisely slunk back, out of sight.
Vince just shrugged. “I don’t know any more than you do where she is, but I’ll tell you this. If I find her first, you won’t stand a chance in hell.”
Joe searched his face for any sign of deception and found none. He sank back to his chair in defeat. “You really don’t know where she is, do you?”
Stuffing his hands into his trouser pockets, Vince leaned back against the wall and shook his head. “Do you think she’s all right?”
Joe’s anger abruptly drained. “God, I hope so.” Shoving his fingers through his hair, he leaped up again, unable to sit still. He started pacing. “I’m the biggest idiot on earth.”
“Nah.” Vince managed a grin. “Well, maybe. But at least you’re the richest one. I can’t believe how much they’re going to pay for that system, Joe. Not to mention the royalties. I just can’t believe it.”
“All we have is a very small, preliminary commitment from one phone call. They still have to test it, prove to themselves it does what I say it does,” Joe warned soberly. “I hope you’re not disappointed I decided to sell it rather than market it ourselves.”
“Are you kidding? If it works out, you just set me and the twins up for life.” Vince’s joy faded. “But how about you? Are you set up for life, as well?”
Joe looked out the window. Below, the city was flowing smoothly into evening traffic. The streets were crawling with commuters, seething with activity. He sighed. “Not until I find Caitlin.”
 
TWO DAYS LATER, Joe was out of his mind with torment. How could Caitlin have just disappeared into thin air?
It amazed him, the turn everything had taken. In just two short days, he’d gotten a request for a complete new system, one that would keep him busy for a long time to come. This, on top of a bid for the system he’d just completed. They’d offered about five times what he’d expected, which should have been the thrill of a lifetime. If Edmund were alive, he’d be cackling over the fact that suddenly Joe had more money than he.
But Edmund wasn’t alive, Caitlin was gone and the victory meant nothing.
His phone rang and he leaped at it, heart pounding. “Yes?” he barked, hope cruelly flaring.
“Joe, could you come up here?”
Darla. Hope deflated, leaving despair. “I’m busy.”
“You always say that.”
“I can’t face the tax stuff right now, Darla,” he said quietly. Outside his window, two flights down, a young woman walked, holding a toddler’s hand. The little girl, awed by the size of the buildings around her, craned her head upward and seemed to stare right into Joseph’s eyes.
God, I want one of those,
he thought as his heart constricted.
I want a family, and I want it with Caitlin.
“Please come, Joe,” Darla said into his ear, her voice no longer friendly, but urgent. “You won’t be sorry.”
He stared at the receiver after she hung up. Darla never asked him for anything unless it was absolutely necessary. So it was with a sigh that he left his office and headed toward the elevator.
When he entered Darla’s suite minutes later, she rushed out of one of her offices and yanked him into another before he could draw a breath.
“What the—”
“Shush.” Darla locked the door and shoved him into a chair.
“Darla,” he said slowly, carefully, straightening. “This is flattering, but—”
“Shut up, Brownley.” Darla slapped her hands on her slim hips and glared at him. “I can’t believe how slow you are.” She paced the room. “I promised not to get involved and normally I’m pretty good at promises, but I’m reneging on this one. It’s going to cause problems, but I think maybe it’s worth it.”
He was getting dizzy watching her pace. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I haven’t got the details figured out yet. She’s much, much smarter than I gave her credit for, but I think if you—”
Joe went still. “Darla.”
“It should work. I think if you really play it up right, she’ll feel so sorry for you, she’ll
have
to give in. For some reason, she’s a sucker for you, which does work in your favor.”
It was difficult, very difficult, to remain calm with his heart blocking his windpipe. “You know where Caitlin is.”
Darla stopped pacing and looked at him as if he were an idiot. “Of course I do.”
Slowly, in order to not kill her before she gave him the information he needed, he advanced on her. “Tell me where she is. Afterward, you can tell me why you kept it from me for nearly three days when you knew how much this meant to me.”
Darla’s eyes went soft with regret, but she kept the presence of mind to back up. “I’m sorry, Joe. But she was so hurt, and you really messed things up. She begged me to keep quiet, but now, after watching her work while trying not to mourn over you, I think I did the wrong thing by promising not to tell you. I think she really loves you. And I know you love her too, way deep down in that black heart of yours.”
He came closer, and her words came faster. “So could you do me a favor, a really big one?” She rushed her words. “Could you go out there and make my new full-charge bookkeeper-in-training smile? Could you turn her grief into joy so that I can get some real work done?”
That stopped him short. “You hired Caitlin?”
“Well, you’ve seen what she can do with numbers. Besides, I like her.” Her face softened. “A lot.”
“But—”
“You should see the mind that lurks behind that ridiculous come-hither haircut...my God, Joe. She loves numbers almost as much as I do. She can’t answer the phones too well, and she tends to distract my male clients all to hell, but you should see her reconcile a checkbook. A girl after my own heart.”
He was jerking the door open, nerves and hope singing through his veins. “You can’t keep her—she’s mine.”
“Wanna make a bet?”
When he growled, she laughed. “Let the best boss win,” she said diplomatically.
She smiled when he slammed out. “I’m such a hopeless romantic,” she whispered, and sank into her chair to get some work done.
 
IT WAS LATE AFTERNOON by the time Caitlin finished sorting out the bank account of one of Darla’s clients. It had been a mess of mismatched checks, wrong deposits and untotaled columns. At first, she’d panicked, but after looking closer, she’d gotten excited.
It
was
a mess, but it was just a matter of shopping around for the right numbers—and no one understood shopping better than Caitlin Taylor. Besides, somehow, the mess appealed. Maybe because she so understood the misguided logic that had created the disaster in the first place. Maybe because she loved to sort and add and organize. Maybe just because she felt thrilled about feeling so useful. So purposeful.
It should have made her very happy. It shouldn’t have had her gaze covered in a sheen of unshed tears.
“No,” she muttered, blinking them ruthlessly back as she stuck her pencil into the electric sharpener. “I won’t cry another tear for him. Not one.”
“I don’t blame you.”
She nearly started right out of her chair at the sound of that familiar, unbearably sexy voice behind her.
“Hi,” he said softly when she looked up at him. Slowly, he shut her office door. He walked over to her desk while her heart raced. He looked the same. Stone-washed faded jeans fitted to that long, lean, mouth-watering body. Simple white T-shirt stretched across his chest. Brown wavy hair falling over his forehead, as wayward as the owner. But it was his eyes, those light blue, all-seeing eyes, that stopped her heart.
They held her, caressed her, refused to let her go.
“Are you going to sharpen that pencil until it’s gone?”
With a soft oath, she jerked it out of the sharpener. “What are you doing here?”
He smiled at her, then took a little bow. “Your new secretary at your service, ma’am.”

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