Read Why do Clocks run clockwise? Online
Authors: David Feldman
Why do Clocks run clockwise? (2 page)
138
WHAT’S the difference between an X-rated movie
and an XXX-rated movie? Why isn’t there an “XX”
rating?
141
WHERE does a new speed limit begin? Does it
start at the speed limit sign, at some point beyond
143
xiv / DAVID FELDMAN
the sign, or where the sign becomes clearly
IF the national speed limit is 55 miles per hour,
why do speedometers go up to 85 miles per hour
144
WHAT is the purpose of pubic and underarm
hair, the only body hair that men and women
146
WHY do construction crews put pine trees on top
of buildings they are working on?
147
WHY aren’t whitewall auto tires as wide as they
149
WHY do clocks run “clockwise”?
150
ON clocks and watches with roman numerals,
why is four usually noted as IIII rather than IV?
151
152
WHY are so many corporations incorporated in
153
WHY does Coca-Cola from a small bottle taste
better than Coca-Cola from a large bottle or can?
157
WHY and when was 1982-1984 chosen to replace
1967 as the base year for the Consumer Price
Index? Why wasn’t it changed after ten years?
159
WHY do firehouses have dalmatians?
162
Doughnut-shop employees always pick up the
doughnuts with a tissue so that their hands never
164
WHY DO CLOCKS RUN CLOCKWISE? / xv
touch the doughnuts. Why do they then put the
same tissue in with the doughnuts for the
customer to carry home—germs and all?
WHY is scoring three goals in hockey called a hat
165
WHAT are the names on the bottom of grocery
166
WHY do Chinese restaurants use monosodium
168
WHY do old men wear their pants higher than
171
173
WHAT are those funny numbers on the bottom
175
WHY is 40 percent alcohol called 80 proof?
177
WHY are humans most comfortable at 72° F?
178
WHY do they call large trucks “semis”?
179
WHY does San Francisco sourdough bread taste
different from other sourdough French breads?
180
DOES the U.S. Postal Service add flavoring to the
glue on postage stamps to make the taste more
182
WHY do wagon wheels in westerns appear to be
183
xvi / DAVID FELDMAN
WHY does unscented hair spray smell?
184
WHY does heat lightning always seem far away?
And why don’t you ever hear thunder during heat
185
WHY can’t hair grow on a vaccination mark?
186
WHAT kind of hen lays extra-large eggs? What
determines the size categories of chicken eggs?
186
WHY do some chickens lay brown eggs and
189
HOW did the expression “two bits” come to mean
25 cents? How did “two bit” come to mean
191
WHY did Volkswagen discontinue making the
192
WHY are the flush handles on toilets on the left
195
WHY does the price of gas end in nine-tenths of
197
WHEN I open the hot-water tap, why does the
sound of the running water change as it gets hot?
199
THE measurement of “one foot” was meant to
approximate the length of a man’s foot. How did
they decide how long a meter should be?
200
WHY does the moon appear bigger at the horizon
202
WHY DO CLOCKS RUN CLOCKWISE? / xvii
IF we see mockingbirds during the day and hear
them at night, when do they sleep?
205
WHY were Phillips screws and screwdrivers
206
WHY do trucks now say their contents are
“flammable” when they used to say
207
WHY can’t they make newspapers that don’t
209
HOW and why do horses sleep standing up?
212
WHY is seawater blue and tap water clear? Why
does the color of the ocean range from blue to
213
WHY don’t kitchen sinks have an overflow
214
WHY do you have to
dry
-clean
rain
coats?
216
WHAT is the purpose of the white half-moons on
the bases of our fingernails and toenails? And
why don’t they grow out with the nails?
218
CAN raisins be made from seeded grapes?
218
WHEN a fly alights on the ceiling, does it perform
a loop or a roll in order to get upside down?
220
HOW can “perpetual care” be assured in
cemeteries after they run out of space for new
221
xviii / DAVID FELDMAN
WHAT is the purpose of the pinholes around the
sides of screw caps on soft-drink bottles?
223
WHY are military medals worn on the left?
223
WHY do bicycle tires go flat when the bike isn’t
used for long periods of time?
224
HOW do they print the “M&M” on M&M’s
227
WHY are there no seams on M&M’s?
228
228
WHY are there more brown M&M’s than any
other color, and how do they determine the ratio
228
WHY did they take away red M&M’s? Why have
229
HOW do manufacturers decide whether freezers
go on the top or the bottom of refrigerators?
230
WHY do hot dogs come ten to a package and
hot-dog buns come eight to a package?
232
FRUSTRABLES, or the ten “most wanted”
236
WHY do you so often see one shoe lying on the
236
WHY are buttons on men’s shirts and jackets
arranged differently from those on women’s
237
WHY DO CLOCKS RUN CLOCKWISE? / xix
WHY do the English drive on the left and just about
238
238
WHY do we give apples to teachers?
238
WHY does looking up at the sun cause us to sneeze?
238
WHY does the first puff of a cigarette smell better than
238
WHY do women in the United States shave their
239
WHY don’t you ever see really tall old people?
239
WHY do only older men seem to have hairy ears?
239
241
248
Master Index of Imponderability
257
xx / DAVID FELDMAN
Preface
If you read the first volume of
Imponderables
, you now know why you don’t ever see baby pigeons, why women open their mouths while applying mascara, and why people look up when thinking.
But the last frontiers in human knowledge haven’t quite yet been plumbed. Thus the burning need for
Why Do Clocks Run Clockwise?
and Other Imponderables
.
Imponderables are the everyday mysteries of life that aren’t very important—until they occur to you. Then they begin to gnaw at your brain like termites boring through wood. An Imponderable is a mystery that cannot be solved by numbers or measurements or standard reference books. You will sleep better when you find out where flies go in winter, what happens to the tread that wears off tires, and why hamburger-bun bottoms are so thin that they disin-tegrate under the weight of the patty. You will be a better person for knowing this stuff.
Most of the new Imponderables come from readers of the first book. It is humbling to discover that the readers of
Imponderables
are at least as imaginative (crazed?) as its author.
Many readers asked for a subject index in the next volume of
Imponderables
. Your wish is our command. We’ve also added a new feature, “Frustables,” short for Frustrating Imponderables, a top-ten list of Imponderables whose answers eluded us. We are offering a free copy of the next edition of
Imponderables
to the first person who provides evidence or referrals that lead us to solutions of these ultimate mysteries.
And, of course, we still offer a free copy of the next edition of
Imponderables
to the first person who poses an Imponderable we answer in our next volume. The last page of the book will tell you how you can unburden your soul of the mysteries that plague you and participate in this great intellectual journey. But for now, sit back and enjoy.
xxi
What Is the Purpose of the Warning Label on a
Mattress? And What Happens If I Rip It Off?
Here is an Imponderable that happens to be one of the foremost moral issues plaguing our society today. Many transgressors are consumed with guilt over having ripped off mattress tags. Some are almost as upset about impetuously doing in pillow tags, as well.
We are here to say: do not be hard on yourself. You have done nothing legally wrong. You have not even done anything morally wrong.
Those warning labels are there to protect you, not to shackle you.
If you look carefully at the language of the dire warning, there is always a proviso that the label is not to be removed “except by the consumer.” Labeling laws are up to the individual states. Thirty-two of the fifty states have laws requiring mat 1
tress tags, and none of the states cares whether the purchaser of a mattress rips up the tag.
So how do these warning labels protect you? Most important, they inform the consumer exactly what the filling material is made of, because the fill is not visible. The label also notifies the consumer that the manufacturer is registered with all of the appropriate government agencies and has fulfilled its obligations in complying with their regulations. There is also manufacturing information on the tag that may help the consumer when and if a warranty adjustment is desired (though this is a good argument for keeping the tag on the mattress, or at least filing it for future reference).
