Why We Left Islam (14 page)

But for the longest time I’ve been secretly questioning my “beliefs”; the beliefs that I grew up with and constituted who I was; the beliefs that were a great part of my identity. I remember being taught to hate (not directly so, of course) by instilling fear against “those evil Jews” and my teachers attempting to lure me into
jihad
by promising the seventy-two
Huur Al-Ay
(virgins in paradise). Of course, I was never drawn into that: I’m gay.

Regardless of how numerous we, as ex-Muslims, are, it’s still hard to communicate and share this experience. It was a lonely period after my departure from Islam. I went through depression, sadness, torment, and solitude. To be out of touch with the reality and way of life around you is truly an isolating feeling. Even in calling out, finally, for help, I suddenly felt as though I were shouting into the wind.

It was just so hard to believe in a religion that forbids premarital sex, yet whose sacred texts explain how you should have sex in far more detail than even Carrie Bradshaw on
Sex and the City
would feel comfortable speaking about. It was hard to believe in a religion that forbids happiness, subjugates women, and treats Jews and Christians like one-thousandth-class citizens.

The more I saw the
imams
screaming and yelling and crying and whining over our “poor conditions” and using that to justify hatred and hostility towards the West, the more I was convinced
that leaving Islam would be a right choice, because no true religion could teach someone to be this hateful. Yes, there are hateful individuals in Christianity, too; but they’re so insignificant they’re often dismissed, and moreover, they do not lead prayers in prominent and well-known mosques, or have any religious or moral authority like these
imams
do.

So there I was; not so long ago I gave up this set of beliefs, and I’ve never felt happier. I feel free, ecstatic, and joyful. I am so thankful for people like Wafa Sultan, who showed me the light of a religion I blindly followed. I am an ex-Muslim now, an agnostic and probably on my way to atheism and secular humanism. I left this evil part of my past behind, and it will never make a comeback. Not ever.

I am an ex-Muslim and I am so proud of it.

C
HAPTER
E
IGHT
A JOURNEY TO ENLIGHTENMENT

“The more I read the Qur’an; the more I realized that the book cannot be from God. . . I am free now. Free from fear. A religion should give mankind a reason to live. Islam gives reasons to die.”

T
HE DECISION TO BELIEVE should be as respected as much as the resolve not to. While many people will be shocked and horrified by some of the statements in this book, for many others they ring true. It is a truth they have lived and want to share. Asad tells his story not to shock, but to reveal his experience. It is an experience that changed his life and his way of thinking. Like many students, Assad found inspiration from his college professor. But when his mentor criticized Islam, he saw how his fellow students had zero tolerance for those who would not embrace Islam wholeheartedly. This is indeed replicated in the harsh and hostile reactions we have seen on a global scale to other perceived criticisms of Islam. To most of us in the West, cartoons are a source of amusement. Sometimes they cross the line of political correctness, but in tolerant societies we have learned to accept that people are free to spin a different side to every story. Indeed, most of us in the West, if really offended by what we read in the newspaper, have the ability to complain to the editor of the publication and sometimes take legal action.

It therefore came as a surprise to many that when a Danish newspaper reprinted cartoons of the Prophet Mohammad, a Holy War would be waged not only against the offending publication but against Denmark, and that lives would ultimately be lost in the fight. Indeed, it is hard to comprehend that as a result of the
cartoons’ publication, Saudi Arabia would recall its ambassador to Denmark, Libya would close its embassy, Iran’s president would order the cancellation of all contracts with any country which republished the cartoons, and in Gaza Scandinavians would be given forty-eight hours to leave. However, given that this was the reaction to the publication of the cartoons, then it is not too difficult to understand the mindset that hurt Asad so terribly. It is indeed not necessarily because he agreed with his college professor, but he respected his opinion and felt that he was worthy of greater appreciation by his fellow students and certainly should not have been a victim of hate.

Not all people born into Islam accept it. This story reminds us all that people in the East can leave the iron bonds of Islam behind. But the story also points out the obvious—Islam does not allow free thought.

Asad’s Testimony

My journey to enlightenment started when I was a final year medical student. One day, as I was praying in the restroom of my college, one of my professors entered the room. He was sitting there and looking at me praying. When I finished, he said, “Son, can I give you some advice?”

I replied, “Okay, sir.”

Then he said something which I will remember forever. These were his exact words: “Don’t waste your time kissing the floor. Islam is a scam. It is a madman’s ideology of hate. Qur’an is nothing but a book of baloney.”

I was shocked. This professor is a very nice man. Most students liked him. He even took extra hours to teach us. Out of all professors, I liked him the most. I was thinking,
how can he say that?
I just kept quiet and walked out of the room.

Later that day, I told my roommate about it. He said it was common knowledge that the professor was an atheist. My roommate told me how much he hated this professor. I was dumbfounded. My roommate always saw him to ask his help in studies, yet he hated him. Then I told myself that I had to save this man from hell. I thought if I understood Islam deeply, I would be
able to explain to him the truth of Islam. I bought a Qur’an translation by Yusuf Ali and a translation of Sahih Bukhari. That was the turning point in my life. The more I read the Qur’an, the more I realized that the book cannot be from God. The verse on slavery finally broke the shell. I am free now. Free from fear. A religion should give mankind a reason to live. Islam gives reasons to die.

Unfortunately, before I could tell this professor about my enlightenment, he died of a heart attack. It was a sad day for me. I was the only “Muslim” who attended his funeral. All other Muslim students I met told me that he is going to hell. What kind of God can condemn such a great man to hell? What is sure is that Muslims have made my life a living hell. Writing to you is the only spiritual luxury I have in an Islamic country.

C
HAPTER
N
INE
WHY I WILL NOT EMULATE ISLAM’S PROPHET

“Muslims are quite eloquent on familial values and keen to find fault with others, especially the West. However, I challenge any Muslim to show me any virtue in their Prophet’s familial life that can be blindly followed.”

O
N SEPTEMBER, 1, 2004, the festive beginning of a new school year in Russia turned into a national tragedy in what would become known as Russia’s September 11. This was the day when a group of about thirty armed men and two women wearing explosive belts seized a secondary school in the small town of Beslan. Teachers, pupils, and their relatives were taken hostage. Their number reached about thirteen hundred and consisted mostly of children. The hostage takers demanded the withdrawal of Russian troops from neighboring Chechnya. Russian commandos and local militia surrounded the school. In a bloody assault that ensued on September 3, most hostages were freed, but in the fighting the school was destroyed, leaving most of the terrorists, eleven Russian soldiers, and over three hundred civilians killed, and many others injured. While this attack was clearly geared towards children, let us not forget all the other children who have been left orphaned in the countless other attacks that have taken place in every area of the world.

Here Divyan dedicates his testimony to those innocent children massacred in Beslan, Russia. While many in the Islamic world claim that acts of terrorism can be justified by Western foreign policy, the slaughter of these hundreds of innocent little lambs caused many to rethink radical Islam’s claims. This story reveals how Divyan has now found himself in Buddhism and
his testimony offers an invitation “for any Muslim to show me any virtue in their Prophet’s familial life that can be blindly followed.” At Beslan, children were sacrificed on the altar of Islamic terrorism. In the male-dominated world of Islam, women and children don’t matter much.

Divyan’s Testimony

First of all, is it necessary to say something about me? I don’t like to remember my bitter past, when I was a prestigious Muslim. Like any typical ignorant Muslim, I was very much Islam-oriented. I was a man who couldn’t tolerate any brickbat on his beliefs and learned to be suspicious and prejudicial against critics and criticism. I suspended all allegations brought by critics with much contempt and disdain. I, too, believed Islam’s Prophet was a man of exalted morals; I was taught to live like him, to love him, and to walk on this earth just like him. All those were acceptable until I learned to doubt and to start to look upon things differently.

I learned history from an Islamic perspective, but after the completion, a simple thought provoked me to see: how could this same story be if I rewrote it from another perspective? I think it was the beginning of my enlightenment. I refused to play the part of a victim any more and a lot of courage was needed for the purpose.

I don’t exactly remember what wrote doubt in my mind. Maybe it is Lord Buddha and his teachings or a glance at Jesus and his sufferings. I learned to look into my own inner self through Buddha. Then, quite shockingly, I realized my beloved Prophet is a misfit. He failed to show me anything other than the dark side of human nature.

Those who trumpet the greatness of Islam’s Prophet have a responsibility to prove it by referring to him and his life. Is there any lesson of mercy in Islam’s Prophet that can be compared with what Jesus showed to his executioners even in the excruciating pain of crucifixion? Where is the moral of renunciation in him when we have Lord Buddha as a role model of ultimate renunciation?

Muslims are quite eloquent on familial values and keen to find fault with others, especially the West. However, I challenge
any Muslim to show me any virtue in their Prophet’s familial life that can be blindly followed.

I left this Prophet and his teachings, but this is not a praiseworthy act, when I should be ashamed of being a part of this cult at least for quite some period of my life in the past. A repentance and apology is due. So let me try my best.

I dedicate this testimony to the whole of suffering humanity; I dedicate this to those innocent kids massacred in Beslan. Shame on you, Muslims; you still taste their blood sweet!

C
HAPTER
T
EN
MARY’S STORY

“I was introduced to my future husband. I was simply led into a room and told that he was the man that I was supposed to marry, Muhammad. I had no choice in the matter. We married in May. I soon entered hell.”

N
OT ALL OF THE PEOPLE included in this book were born into Islam. However, as we will see, many who convert face problems. Mary grew up a Christian in the United States and converted to Islam in 1991. Upon her conversion, Mary sincerely believed she had found the true path. However, like countless other women, she now remembers how her life began to fall apart after her conversion. Mary explains her own personal horror story and offers a warning to any woman who is contemplating conversion. Islam remains the easiest religion to join but the most difficult to leave and remain alive; especially for women. And if Islam ever takes hold in the West, Mary will not be alone—other women will pay the price, too.

Mary’s Testimony

Some of my earliest memories revolve around church. I was taken to many church-related activities from the time that I was a little girl. However, as I grew up, my family attended less and less often and soon we spent Sundays watching television and at other leisure activities. Yet, when I was nine, my family began attending a small, independent church which was heavy on doctrine. The rhetoric included such beliefs as “spare the rod, spoil the child,” and “wives, obey your husbands.” They never mentioned any responsibility on the husbands’ or parents’ part. Consequently, I was really frightened when I went to school, church, and Sunday school and believed I would either be whipped or
shamed. They would not let the girls lead the flag salute or pray since girls were supposedly less than boys. We only went to that church for a few months, but it made a huge impact on my life.

After a major move when I was twelve years old, we began attending church regularly again. I recall being happy to feel a part of a “church family,” but what I did not see at the time was this was one of those churches known for “having a form of Godliness but denying the power within.” I attended regularly, even though my parents began to attend less and less. Soon I was the only one from my family attending. I listened to the pastor’s stories of goodness and faith, but they never really made sense, especially when the members of the congregation were involved in lying, cheating on each other, and showing off who had the most money. By the time I graduated from high school I was attending only sporadically at best.

I went away to college in 1990 and began to live my life as an agnostic, radical feminist. I did not want to believe anything that religion had to say about women being submissive. After a relationship that I was in fell apart, I began to turn back to God and religion in general. A large group of Muslim students began attending the university around this time and I began to talk to them about the way of life called Islam. They told me that Islam was a way of life and not simply a religion. I became fascinated by all the aspects and more and more interested in the fact that Muslim men were duty bound to take care of and treat their wives with care and gentleness. I was told that the Prophet Mohammad told his followers that “the best of you is the one who is the best to his wife,” but no one told me about the
Surah
that states that if your wife is disobedient, you may beat her until she obeys. I wanted a good husband who would support me and treat me right.