Why Women Have Sex (40 page)

From an evolutionary perspective, another potential anti-rape defense is the occurrence of
rape fantasies
—fantasies that involve the three key elements of force (or threat of force), sex, and nonconsent. An astonishing number of women—between 31 percent and 57 percent—have experienced rape fantasies at some point in their lives. These are almost certainly underestimates, given that rape fantasies are perceived as socially undesirable and hence are potentially embarrassing for women to admit to, even on a seemingly anonymous questionnaire.

How could rape fantasies possibly serve as an anti-rape defense? It turns out that women’s rape fantasies come in at least two major varieties. The first is
erotic rape fantasies
. These are quite different from the images that normally come to mind when people think about rape. In erotic rape fantasies, the male is typically attractive, dominant, and overcome with sexual desire for the woman. Although she signals nonconsent in her fantasy, the fantasized self typically offers little resistance. The dominant, attractive man simply “takes” her sexually. Although woman who have erotic rape fantasies experience low to moderate levels of fear, the fantasy typically contains no realistic violence. These forms of sexual fantasy, which as we saw are present in many romance novels, arouse women both through stress, which we will discuss in a more healthful context in the next chapter, and the imagination of an idealized mate.

Aversive rape fantasies
have an entirely different nature and function. In contrast to erotic rape fantasies, in aversive fantasies the male is likely to be a stranger rather than familiar, older rather than younger, and decidedly unattractive. These fantasies contain considerable coercion and painful violence. An example might be a rapist grabbing the woman, throwing her to the ground, and ripping off her clothes while the victim fights mightily to prevent the rapist from penetrating her. Women who have aversive rape fantasies tend to be more fearful than other women of
actual rape, and some have been sexually abused as children. Although speculative, it is possible that aversive rape fantasies function as anti-rape defenses by creating a fear that motivates women to be particularly cautious.

Whether this speculation turns out to be correct, it should be abundantly clear that there is absolutely no evidence that women actually want to get raped, and a mountain of evidence that they do not. Women find actual rape aversive and traumatizing—just about the most cost-inflicting act that can be perpetrated on them short of murder. Because some people have terrifying dreams or fantasies of falling does not mean that they actually want to experience a fall to their death; precisely the opposite. Similarly, the fact that some women experience rape fantasies does not mean that they actually want to be raped. These aversive fantasies may help to protect them from rape by motivating caution, as occurred in this example coming from a study by the Buss Lab:

I thought he wanted to rape me. My friend and I were walking to a movie theater in a bad part of town late at night, and he started following us for no apparent reason . . . and when we started running, I guess he gave up. I just thought that the person was going to take my friend and I with a weapon of some sort, take us to some hidden place (there were a lot of places he could’ve taken us), and rape us and then kill us with the weapon. We may have been imagining things, but we were scared and we just ran to the movie theater. We knew if we ran, we would get to the well-lit place before he could attack us. I have no idea whether he wanted to rape us, but we weren’t taking any chances.

A final way that women might defend against rape is through developing
specialized fear of rape by strangers
. Many rapes throughout human history occurred in the context of warfare, in which the victorious group forced themselves on the unprotected women of the defeated group. At least some of women’s rape-avoidance strategies were probably designed primarily to make them sexually wary of strange males, despite the fact that many modern rapes occur at the hands of a woman’s acquaintances or even partners.

It is possible that women’s fear of stranger rape in fact continues to be effective in the modern environment, lowering rates of stranger rape compared to the rates that would exist without this psychological defense. Deeper understanding of women’s anti-rape psychology and how it plays out today could help to reduce the rates of this horrific crime. Studies are urgently needed to determine which anti-rape strategies are effective in contemporary society and which might backfire. Such studies of strategic effectiveness should in no way blame victims of the crime of rape. Rather, they should be designed to equip women and those who care about them with the best scientific knowledge of self-defense. Women’s ancient sexual psychology now operates in a modern world, and in some ways is ill equipped to deal with the threats of this new world—which cannot be said about the subject of our final chapter: how the healing qualities of sex serve the needs of women today.

If the menstrual discharge coincides with an eclipse of the moon or sun, the evils resulting from it are irremediable . . . congress with a woman at such a period being noxious [and] attended with fatal effects to the man.

—Pliny the Elder (ad 23–79)

 

Everyone has heard (or perhaps used—only under exceptional circumstances, of course) the timeworn dodge “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.” It is true, and not just a convenient excuse, that sex can exacerbate,
or even bring on, a headache. Head and neck muscles often tighten during sexual activity, and blood pressure can increase during orgasm, causing blood vessels in the brain to dilate, a condition technically named “coital cephalgia.” However, in our study, we discovered that some women have sex with the goal of getting
rid
of a headache:

I suffer from migraine headaches and although the attacks are few and far between and are generally mild, I find that when I have sex during my headaches, especially when I have a great over the top climax, it goes away before I know it.

—heterosexual woman, age 42

One woman reported that her doctor actually prescribed having sex as a way to relieve migraines:

My neurologist recommended reaching orgasm as a way to deal with the pain of migraines. I have tried this and sometimes it does work. Often after taking migraine meds and darvacet I will reach a relaxed state I call the “fuck me stage.” The pain may be still [be] hanging on in the back of my head but having sex and a nice orgasm will end the pain. I would rather do this with a partner, but I have used a vibrator to reach orgasm in an attempt to keep migraines from rebounding. Using orgasm to end the migraine keeps the rebounds at bay.

—heterosexual woman, age 43

As far back as the seventeenth century, the “father” of neurology, Thomas Willis, noted the increased sexual appetite of his patient Lady Catherine when she was plagued with a headache.

How can sex serve as both a headache catalyst and cure? During sexual activity, something therapeutic happens: When the body releases its oxytocin surge, the high level of the hormone triggers the release of endorphins, the brain chemicals that bear a remarkably close resemblance to morphine. Many people associate endorphins with a “runner’s high,” the feel-good “brain burst” that occurs after vigorous athletic activity. Endorphins serve as powerful pain relievers as well. Women’s bodies
release low levels of endorphins throughout the day. Without them, even minor aches and pains we experience would be much more intense. (Morphine and heroin addicts get so used to receiving synthetic pain relievers that after a while they stop producing the real thing. If the drug is taken away, they are left with little or no pain relief, real or synthetic.)

The release of endorphins during sexual activity can relieve headaches—and quite effectively for many women, according to a study conducted at the Headache Clinic at Southern Illinois University. In this study of fifty-eight women migraine sufferers who had engaged in sex during a headache, almost half reported at least some headache relief through orgasm. Only three women found that having an orgasm made their migraine worse. Better yet, orgasms provide relief within minutes and are free! Compare this to highly effective migraine medications such as triptans. When triptans are injected, which is the fastest possible way to get a drug into a person’s system, it takes about fifteen minutes before most women report relief and up to an hour for others, and the cost is approximately seventy dollars per dose. (The medication provides relief in about 80 percent of cases.)

Some headache researchers believe that there is a “headache generator” in a specific area of the brain and that orgasms might somehow “switch off” this generator. This would explain why the headache relief from orgasms is usually permanent, as opposed to lasting only a few hours, as might be the case if endorphin release was the sole cause. Researcher Beverly Whipple of Rutgers University found that stimulation of the G-spot, the nickel-sized area on the inside front wall of the vagina, raised pain thresholds by an astonishing 40 percent. And during orgasm itself, women were able to tolerate an amazing 75 percent more pain.

It is not surprising, then, that sexual activity has been reported not only to relieve headache pain but to provide at least temporary relief for all sorts of aches and pains from arthritis to whiplash to muscular dystrophy to back pain:

It was about ten years ago. I hurt my back and I literally couldn’t move. I was on some very strong painkillers. I had read a study
that implied that orgasm releases powerful chemicals in the brain that relieve pain. I thought “why not?” My husband offered to test the study. I couldn’t move so he had to work around my back injury. All I could do was lay there. It worked! I kid you not. Orgasm worked just as well as Tylenol III.

—woman, age and orientation not given

Sex can also ease the pain of menstrual cramps. In a premenopausal woman, each month the lining of the uterus produces hormones called prostaglandins. These hormones stimulate the contractions that move tissue and menstrual blood out of the uterus, but they also cause menstrual cramps. Sexual activity has a significant impact on how prostaglandins affect the body, and this explains why some women in our study reported deciding to have sex to relieve cramps: