Wicked Hearts (4 page)

sitting on his sofa, waiting to share a beer with him. What the hell was going on?

Grabbing two cans of Coors from the fridge, he returned to the living room.

Reese was leafing through a magazine he"d found on the end table beside the sofa.

He looked up and smiled, patting the sofa beside him. Jeff moved toward him, as if he

were the guest in his own apartment. He sat, holding out a can of beer to Reese, who

took it, popped the top and drank nearly the whole thing in one long gulp.

Setting the can down, he turned to Jeff, his Paul-Newman-blue eyes settling on

Jeff"s face. Jeff waited, sipping at his own beer, glad to have something to hold in his

hand. Reese stared at him another few seconds and then leaned back, lacing his hands

behind his head and staring up at the ceiling.

“There"s no easy way to say this, so I"m just going to dive in,” Reese said, his eyes

still focused upward. “I invited you to lunch because you intrigue me. You"re so quiet

at the office. To be honest, I didn"t even know you were there at first. I mean, I heard

about the whiz kid, the brilliant new programmer who was taking Strata to another

level.”

Despite himself, Jeff flushed with pleasure at this comment. He knew he"d

impressed Bob Sanchez, who had doubled his salary within the first six months, but he

hadn"t realized the non-programmers knew much about it.

“I guess I"m out of the office a lot, which partially explains it. Plus, you have to

admit, you aren"t exactly Mr. Social Butterfly. I mean, I don"t know if I"ve ever seen you

at one of the impromptu happy hours.”

Jeff didn"t deny this. Getting drunk and eating crappy finger food with near-

strangers at five in the afternoon had never been his idea of fun. He didn"t respond,

however, except by a nod.

Reese sat forward, fixing his eyes on Jeff. “When I asked you to lunch, well, I guess

it was pretty obvious I was interested in more than your brilliant mind. But that"s where

I want to apologize. In my clumsy efforts at seduction, I discounted your innate

intelligence, your ability to see the player hiding behind the bid for sympathy.”

“What?” Jeff blurted, stunned the guy had admitted to what he had suspected.

Vindication warred with disappointment and confusion. What game was Reese playing

now?

Reese hung his head for a moment and Jeff felt almost sorry for him, though he said

nothing more. Reese turned finally to face him. His hand dropped to Jeff"s bare thigh

and damn it all, Jeff"s cock hardened from the touch.

He started to pull his leg away, but Reese held on. “Please. Hear me out. I"m trying

to tell you I"m sorry. I"m trying to tell you
why
I"m sorry. Let me explain and then you

can kick me out or whatever you want to do.”

Jeff stilled, Reese"s hand burning his skin, his blue eyes pleading. Something in

Reese"s face went beyond his words and Jeff found his heart melting, despite his earlier

resolve. “I"m listening,” he said softly.

“There"s no Aidan.”

“Pardon?”

“No Aidan. No love lost, no heart broken. I made it up because I was trying to reach

you. Because for the first time in my life, I think I"ve met someone who isn"t going to lie

down and spread his ass cheeks for me, just because I smile at him.

“I know I must sound like a pompous dick, but I guess it"s come so easy to me over

the years, I forget sometimes that other guys are real people. I come up with ways I can

win them over, and then go for it. I made up Aidan because I thought if you felt some

sympathy for me, you might look past the posturing and see the real man inside.

“It was a dumb ass thing to do. The irony is, I meant what I said. I really do want to

meet someone like you. Someone who isn"t just out for what they can get. I shouldn"t

have lied to you. I apologize. Truly.”

Reese bit his lip and looked away, though not before Jeff saw the shame wash over

his face. His heart thawed a little more, though a small voice in his head warned him

this could just be another in a series of ploys.

“Why me, Reese? I mean, c-c-come on.” Jeff paused, refusing to stutter, not now. He

took a long, cleansing breath and pushed on. “Why focus on me, of all people, the geek,

the loser?”

The look of genuine surprise on Reese"s face almost made Jeff laugh and yet

another layer of ice melted around his heart. Could Reese really be that good an actor,

or was he actually sincere?

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Reese emphatically asserted. “Loser! No way!

You"re a fucking MIT graduate. You"re brilliant. I"ve always been attracted to smart

men. It"s like an aphrodisiac to me. But it"s more than that, Jeff.” Gently he squeezed

Jeff"s leg, his expression so utterly sincere Jeff finally knew he must be telling the truth.

In a quiet voice that radiated with muted intensity, Reese continued. “There"s

something about you. Something I want to explore. I can see the pain in your eyes.

What happened to hurt you? How can I fix the hurt? How can I make it better?”

Jeff sat stunned. How had he known? Jeff never spoke about it, not to anyone. Tom

Shepherd had swept into Jeff"s quiet, controlled life as an academic, turning his world

upside down and completely capturing Jeff"s heart in the process.

After a whirlwind love affair that lasted only three weeks, Tom left for Africa with a

group called Volunteers for Peace, promising to return in a month. A month became

two and then three, during which Jeff learned through the grapevine that the volunteer

program had long ended. He heard rumors he tried to ignore that Tom had headed off

to Europe, seen in the company of jetsetters more interested in party life than good

works.

When Tom did finally come sweeping back into Jeff"s life, Jeff confronted his lover

with what he"d heard. But Tom had answers for everything, soothing Jeff"s hurt with an

onslaught of sexual attention and devotion. Jeff gave in to Tom"s considerable charms.

Who knows how long he would have labored under the illusion that what they had,

even if it was temporary, was real?

It was the night before Tom was to leave, this time for India, with promises he

would return soon to Jeff"s arms. “Do you have to go,” Jeff said, hating himself even

before the words were out and angry at Tom for forcing him into the role of pining

lover.

Tom had smiled gently, shaking his head. “You know me, Jeff. I"m a gypsy. But

you"ll be with me, in my heart.” After he made love to Jeff, he sent him away, claiming

he still had to pack before his early morning departure.

When Jeff returned later that night, hoping to surprise Tom with a new backpack

for his trip, the lights were out in Tom"s studio apartment. Not wanting to disturb him,

Jeff started to leave the backpack beside the front door, a note wishing Tom a good trip

tucked inside. It was then he saw the door was ajar. Surprised, he pushed it, causing it

to swing open.

Inside he could hear whispering and muted laughter. Confused, he stepped inside.

The laughter turned to groans and sighs, accompanied by the creak of bedsprings. Jeff

stood rooted to the spot, a dawning horror washing over him as he realized what he

was hearing.

The next morning when Tom appeared at Jeff"s graduate housing to say goodbye,

Jeff had meant to say nothing. He would just let Tom go and forget about him. But

when Tom reached for him, Jeff found himself blurting, “Are you sure you"re in the

right place? Shouldn"t you be with whoever you were fucking last night?”

Instead of denying it or at least having the grace to be embarrassed, Tom had

shaken his head with a small, condescending smile. “Jeff, Jeff, always the romantic to

the bitter end. I didn"t plan what happened last night. An old friend happened by. One

thing led to the next. It"s no big deal.”

“No big deal? One minute you"re in bed with me, whispering how you"ll miss me,

the next you"re fucking some guy who just
happens by
? I thought we had something

special!”

“We did. We do. But it"s not like we"re married, for god"s sake. Surely you can"t be

so naïve to think I"m seeing no one but you? You know I can"t stand someone who"s

clingy. Maybe it"s good this happened. I"m beginning to see just how needy you are. It"s

really not an attractive trait, Jeff. You might want to work on that. Good luck to you.”

And with that, he was gone.

Tom hadn"t been his first lover, but he"d been the first to capture Jeff"s heart.

Beyond the heartbreak of loss, the casual ease with which Tom had cast him aside had

made his humiliation complete.

Even when time and reflection allowed Jeff to admit maybe there had been more

lust than love at work on his side as well, the pain of his humiliation remained. It would

not, he promised himself, happen again.

When the chance to move from Boston to Colorado had fallen into his lap, he"d

accepted the move as fate—he"d make a fresh start and meet someone new. And this

time he"d think with his head instead of his heart and his cock.

But somehow, once the walls were raised, he found it hard to lower them, not yet

ready to risk the bruising of his heart. Instead he retreated into a kind of emotional

deepfreeze. No one, until now, had penetrated the walls of ice.

He realized Reese was watching him and he felt the heat rise in his cheeks. He

found himself wanting to tell Reese about Tom, but he kept silent, instead losing

himself in Reese"s gaze. Reese reached out, touching his face with one finger.

“I have to kiss you,” Reese whispered, his voice husky.

Jeff leaned forward, drawn in spite himself to the handsome man. As their lips

touched, all thought of Tom flew from his mind like a mist burning away at break of

day.

“What"s with you tonight?”

“Huh?” Reese turned distractedly toward Hank. They were lingering over dessert

and fine brandy at a very expensive restaurant Hank had chosen.

“You got a cold sore or something? You keep touching your mouth. And I don"t

think you"ve heard anything I said for the past thirty minutes.”

“What?” Reese dropped his hand from his lips and focused on Hank. “No, I don"t

have a cold sore, for god"s sake. And yeah, I heard you. You were telling me about your

latest investment in the Internet porn industry.”

“That was fifteen minutes ago. Just now I was talking about what our next bet

should be, once you deflower the innocent Mr. Hartman. The heart man. Get it? He"s

got a heart. We don"t.”

Reese startled at these words.
We don’t.
Until recently, he would have readily

agreed. Hearts were made to be broken—better to dispense with them altogether. So

why was he offended by Hank"s inclusion?

Reese slipped back into his reverie. That kiss—he could still feel it. It made no

sense, and yet there it was. He couldn"t seem to stop reliving that single, chaste kiss.

He"d planned more, of course. Lips would part, tongues would touch, hearts would

pound, hands would roam, cocks would rise. When he had Jeff panting and yearning,

he"d stop the action. He"d pulled away, saying they should wait. They were rushing.

They had to slow down.

He"d had his lines ready:
Jeff, I want you, but not this way. Let’s take our time
… That

way, when he returned to finish the job on Saturday night, Jeff would be begging for it.

But something had gone wrong. Or not wrong, exactly, but certainly not according

to plan. When their lips had touched, something deep and aching had burst open inside

Reese, leaving him nearly breathless with a confused, unfocused longing.

It was like he"d been shut off until that moment, the key to ignite him long since lost

or stolen. Jeff"s kiss—that tender press of closed lips against his own, had lit something

within Reese that both thrilled and terrified him.

Irony of ironies, Jeff had been the one to pull back. Reese could see he wanted it—

even without the blatant evidence in his shorts, a fire had kindled in Jeff"s eyes,

something deep and powerful that beckoned to something inside Reese, making him

forget for just a moment who was in control.

“You"re doing it again. Jesus. What is
with
you tonight?” Hank"s tone was

exasperated.

Reese dropped his hand from his lips and shrugged. “Sorry. Maybe I"m coming

down with something.”

“Oh, no you don"t. You"re planning a way out with the computer geek, aren"t you?

Don"t think I don"t know it.” Hank rubbed his hands together gleefully. “Well, it won"t

work. I don"t care if you have the plague. Tomorrow night you either fuck the guy and

bring me the proof, or report to my doorstep, naked and ready to serve.”

“You"ll have your proof,” Reese muttered, though he had no idea if he would be