Wide Awake (16 page)

nineteen

Eventually, the chanting stopped. Eventually, a group of folk-singers and soul singers took the stage, starting with “This Land Is Your Land” and pulling us through a medley that emphasized the patriotism we all felt, the patriotism of freedom. Eventually, particles of the crowd began their own retreat. The rest of us started to think about settling in.

I don’t think anybody in our group had thought about staying beyond the rally. We were unprepared for Stein’s request. The governor of Kansas, however, wasn’t as surprised. No more than ten minutes after our chanting had stopped, he announced that the crowd had to disperse, since the permit to be on public land had expired when the rally ended.

Stein’s response: “
We’re staying.”

The governor’s response to that: “
I’ll send in the cops.”

To which Stein said: “
Just be sure you arrest me first. We’ll be sure there are lots and lots and lots of cameras around so the world can see it.”

Picturing this (and no doubt consulting with his party strategists), the governor backed down. He was already feeling enough heat as election officials undermined his claims. Throwing Stein in jail would be the stupidest thing he could do.

So that obstacle was overcome.

Stein had been prepared, too. Hundreds of toilet cubes were brought to the park. Hotel rooms were procured for the sick and the elderly. Food distribution began.

And then there was the green.

During the rally, I’d seen them here or there—green flags and green banners, wordless and bright. As the sun dipped into the horizon, more of them started to appear, glowing in the dark. Vigilant in their vigil. Keeping watch over us all.

I didn’t know who was handing them out until a kid came over to us with an armful, weighed down but proudly marching around, letting us take as many as we wanted for the night and possible days ahead.

As Virgil gathered us around, the sky still had some remnants of light in it, and the green material had yet to fully illuminate itself.

“A decision has to be made,” he said. “You’re all going to have to be honest with me, since we’re in new territory here. None of you signed on to this for as long as it takes—you all were expecting to be home late tomorrow or, at the very latest, early Tuesday. Some of you have school. Others of you have jobs. Some of you have just joined us and may have places you need to be. We only have one bus, so we have to make this decision very carefully. We don’t know how long this will go or what’s going to happen. For all we know, the President might send in the National Guard tomorrow to get us all out of here. Or some of the Decent locals might take it in their own heads to make us leave. We have sleeping bags and some food in the bus, but we don’t have showers or that many toilets or any of what you’d call the creature comforts. We’re not going to be partying like it’s 1999—this is serious business. And if any one of you needs or wants to go, then we’ll head back home and protest in Trenton instead. Now, what are people thinking?”

I couldn’t imagine leaving. Not now, not from this. It would be like leaving the center of the universe. It would be abandoning a chance at being part of something big.

Nobody wanted to speak first—for fear, I think, of intimidating anyone who wanted to go.

Finally, it was Elwood who said, “Well, we have to stay, don’t we?”

Everyone else immediately chimed in. Virgil called Sara, who polled the other people from the bus.

It was unanimous: We were staying.

Calls were made to parents. Mine were not happy, to say the least. But they also realized there was no way to make me come back.

Jimmy’s parents, on the other hand, were thrilled. As we both knew they would be.

Suddenly I realized what our decision meant: Tomorrow was Jimmy’s birthday, and it was going to be spent here, in Topeka. I wondered if he thought I’d forgotten, since I hadn’t mentioned it all day. I decided not to bring it up and to think of some way to surprise him.

Virgil asked for volunteers to go back to the bus to retrieve supplies.

“Why don’t you stay here with Elwood, and I’ll get our stuff,” I offered to Jimmy, thinking this would be the perfect opportunity to concoct a birthday plan.

Jimmy asked me if I was sure I didn’t want him to come, but then Janna jumped in and said she’d go with me. Mandy made it sound like she really needed Jimmy to stay back and hang with her. So he said he’d stay.

Mira and Keisha both volunteered to go to the bus. Then, when they realized this, they both backed out.

“This is silly,” Keisha said.

“Tell me about it,” Mira replied.

It was the first time they’d talked to each other since “the incident.” If you could really call it talking.

“You go,” Keisha offered.

“No, if you really want to, you do it,” Mira said.

Finally Flora stepped in and determined that Mira would go and Keisha would stay.

Then Flora said, “I want you girls to think about working this out, you hear? Because it’s going to feel like a long, long stay in Kansas if you two are going to be like this. The quicker you work through it, the easier it’s going to be for all of us.”

Sadly, she didn’t explain how they could actually “work through it.” So they were left to their own poutings, which were almost humorously identical.

As soon as we were far enough away from our group’s new base camp, Janna asked me what the plan was for Jimmy’s birthday.

“I bought him a pony,” I told her.

She slapped me on the shoulder. “That’s not fair—I bought him a pony, too!”

“Did you take the tag off? Can you still return it?”

“I bought it used.”

“You bought my boyfriend a
used
pony?”

“Yes,” Janna replied, looking skyward. “I bought him a pony that was used by the Lord.”

“No! You don’t mean—”

“That’s right.” She smiled. “Straight from the ark itself.”

“Damn, that’s one old pony.”

“Only the most special for Jimmy.”

I liked that Janna could joke about the Lord, even when she was such a firm believer. (“Although it doesn’t really come up much in the Bible,” she once told me, “I happen to think that Jesus had a great sense of humor. He just strikes me as the type.”)

We got to the corner where the counterprotesters were. Somehow I knew they wouldn’t have gone away. If anything, there were more of them now, shouting at us to go home, then telling us we were going to hell.

“I wonder if Cathy’s in there somewhere,” Janna said as we passed. “I mean, if
Mary Catherine
’s in there. Cathy would never be a part of that. But Mary Catherine…I wonder if she’s here, or if she and her family went to Wichita.”

I scanned the crowd, looked at the faces. So many angry, tired faces. People just like us, but not like us at all. I didn’t see Mary Catherine, but I saw a lot of Mary Catherines—girls and guys our age, shouting as loudly as the rest. Most of the counterprotesters were older, but there were still enough young ones for me to be painfully aware that this was a fight that would follow us into the future.

Janna shook her head. “I hope they don’t think we’re leaving. I want to tell them we’re coming back. And that we’re not going to hell. I mean, who are they to say? It’s one thing to warn someone out of concern. It’s another to take it upon yourself to make the damnation. The last time I checked, it was the Lord’s call whether or not we go to hell. I hope whenever a person tells another person he or she is going to hell that the Lord notices and decides to hold it against the hell-caller when his or her day of judgment comes. I hope he or she gets up to the gates and the Lord says,
It was so easy for you to send people to hell in My name that I’m afraid it’s going to be easy for Me to do the same.
”

When we got to the farther reaches of town, we saw something inspiring: Although there were definitely some cars leaving now that the rally was over, there were still more people pouring into Topeka to join us. One pair of women passed us carrying a lime-green couch, preparing for the long haul. Their young daughter slept on top of it. It took us an hour to get to the bus, but along the way we were greeted by any number of smiles, nods, and determined looks. At the bus, Flora divided us into teams—some carrying sleeping bags and tents, others in charge of food and water.

Janna, Mira, and I were set to carry some of the boxes of Everything Bars that we’d brought.

“A full day’s nutrition in just one bar!
” Janna chirped, mocking the Everything Bar jingle.

I tried to sort through the boxes to bring a balance of bars back to our base.

“Should I bring savory or sweet?” I asked.

“What do we have?” Mira asked back.

“A lot of Thanksgiving Dinner, some Cinnamon Goodness, some Fruit Attack.”

“Ooh—I like Thanksgiving Dinner,” Janna said. “Especially the blueberry dessert.”

“I guess I’ll just take some of each kind. Leave the rest for later.”

“Do you think there’s going to be a later?” Janna wondered aloud. “I mean, are we really going to be here for that long?”

I looked at the food supplies. “Well, it can’t be too long—assuming we want something for the way back, we only have a day or two more for all of us, assuming the Everything Bars are enough to last the whole day.”

“Are you saying they won’t deliver as advertised?” Janna said, pretending to be shocked.

Flora came over to check on how we were doing.

“We got enough?” she asked.

“Absolutely,” Janna said. “Even including the triplets and Sue and Elwood and Mrs. Everett.”

“Oh, yes,” Flora said. “
Mrs. Everett.
I tell you, that woman…”

Janna, Mira, and I were suddenly intrigued.

“How
do
you and Virgil know her?” Janna asked, making her voice as wide-eyed and innocent as possible.

“Hmpf,” Flora said. “I guess you could say she was the one who came before me. Wanted Virgil bad, I tell you. But didn’t catch him, and it’s a good thing she didn’t, ’cause I would’ve got him whether she had him or not, if you know what I mean.”

I did know what she meant, and I was
scandalized.
I couldn’t imagine Virgil with anyone besides Flora. They were like roots to the same tree.

“Are you worried now?” Janna asked. “I mean, now that she’s back.”

At this, Flora laughed and laughed and laughed—her whole body shaking like jelly in an earthquake.

“Whew!” she finally said, wiping the tears from her eyes. “That’s a mighty good one. No, Janna, I’m not worried. Virgil liked her back when he was living
la vida loca.
That wasn’t too long ago, but it’s long enough. He’s still got a streak in him, but it’d never really do him wrong. I’m not really worried about that woman.”

“That’s what
I
thought,” Mira said quietly.

“Oh, honey,” Flora consoled, “it’s not the same.” She gave Mira a prop-up hug, then continued. “Virgil and I have some years on us now. And I’m going to let you in on a secret: When it all comes down to it, the thing that matters the most in a relationship is principles. Now, I’m not knocking the other stuff—even at our age, Virgil still makes my little red Corvette go much too fast. But what I’m really attracted to are his principles. We have the same idea of what’s right and what’s wrong, and that’s gotten us through any number of things. If you can have that with someone, then you’re most of the way toward love. Not just lover-love. Any kind of love.

“Plus,” she added, “did you take a good look at that woman? Her booty’s so big now, they should be calling it a boaty. If Virgil wants to dance with somebody who loves him, he’s gonna be dancin’ with me. Now let’s get ourselves all packed up—the walk back’s going to be much heavier than the walk here, so we’d better go while we still have some energy. Each of you might want to have one of those bars before we go.”

I grabbed a box of Everything Bars and slung a sack of sleeping bags on my back. Janna packed some surprises for Jimmy in her pack, while Mira tried to avoid the inside of the bus altogether.

We stuck together more as we headed back—Mira, Flora, Clive, Janna, me, Gary, Ross, and the others in a delivery cluster. Aside from the weight of what we were carrying, it was a pleasant walk—the weather hadn’t turned to ice, and the stars were in evidence over us. The closer we got to Topeka, the more we saw the glowing green banners of the Stein supporters. What seemed like a whole squadron of schoolkids had spread out to distribute them, and everyone took them happily. We pinned the pieces of green to our packs and wore them across our shoulders. Just as we’d been a trail of headlights and taillights as we’d driven into town, we were now a hundred-lane highway of human traffic, all heading in the same direction, all looking for the same destination.

Every now and then, we checked the news to see if anything was happening. Nothing we saw or heard really surprised us—the governor of Kansas, unable to kick us out of his capital city, was now trying to play the fear card in a big way, warning everyone of disasters that could occur if we stayed, saying his troops couldn’t be held responsible if they couldn’t prevent “chaos among so many people who’d refused to leave.” He even mentioned the threat of tornadoes, even though tornado season was long over. Anything to get us to leave.

Meanwhile, more election officials were coming forward with “irregularities” against Stein. But despite this, the governor’s recount continued.

(
“They’ll take it all the way to the Supreme Court,
” one commentator on the green channel said. “
And since the opposition party appointed the majority of the judges on the Court, you can imagine what would happen there.”
)

Once again, the counterprotesters jeered us as we walked past.

“I feel bad for them,” Flora said. “I do. The opposition party is using them just like they use everybody else. The politicians take those people’s votes, saying they’re going to bring back all that Decency. But then what do those politicians do? They just take those votes and convert them into tax breaks for rich people. They don’t even bother with following up on all that Decency talk. They promise anything to get the votes, then go back to ignoring the poor people until they need their votes again. Just goes to show: You can walk like a man or woman of God and talk like a man or woman of God, but that doesn’t make you a man or woman of God unless you’re willing to follow all of the Lord’s teachings.”