Wide Awake (23 page)

She laughed again. "It was my mother's great aunt's recipe," she said proudly. "When we visited my mother, you kids always begged for this."

"Where is she?" I asked.

She swallowed her food and touched a locket on her neck shaped in an oval. "She passed a couple years ago." She opened it and showed me a woman and man who looked happy in their old age. "You took it pretty hard."

I sighed. "I wish I remembered. I wish I knew her."

She set her fork down and touched my hand. She stood, took both plates in her hands, and looked down at me. "Come with me. Let's see if we can jog your memory."

I waited for her to come back from the kitchen and then followed her into the den. She showed me scrapbooks and leather album after album of pictures of the whole family. Of us as kids, on vacation and in school plays. Some of us playing football in the yard together. Tons of professional portraits. We sat there for hours. The ones of me when I was little were fascinating to me. I was such a normal girl, awkward and strange in my own skin, but happy. As the years progressed, I became more and more prissy and smiley. My hair got blonder and blonder and the skirts got shorter and shorter, but I still looked happy. Not fake like I did with those pictures of Andy in my room, but really happy. I could tell the old me really loved my family. I wanted to remember so badly. I wanted to feel for one real second what it was like to feel so confident in her love for this family.

Isabella cried through some stories of us as kids, just normal things that every family goes through. I didn't cry though. I was in a weird place in my head. When it was late, Isabella said I should go to bed. I nodded and thanked her for showing me.

She smiled. "Come back to us, Emma. We're waiting for you."

She walked out, the little dog following her closely, like she hadn't just dropped a bomb in our den. That one sentence broke my heart into a million un-pick-up-able pieces. I stared at the walls, lined with photos and events of people that I didn't know and couldn't remember. It took this, this one innocent little slice of strawberry cream cheese cake with my mother, who just wanted her daughter back, to see that I would never be welcome there. No matter how hard I tried, they would always be waiting for Emmie.

So that was that. I guess I'd just live here until graduation and then leave. Maybe by my leaving, this family could finally grieve their daughter and get some peace. And I wouldn't feel so obligated to be someone that I wasn't, or feel guilty that I was disappointing people just by being me.

I went upstairs and took Mason's coat off. I still had it on and slung it across the chair, fully intending to wear it the next day. It was like a letter jacket to me. I would wear it with pride, and though it was too big, it was
his.

A small piece of paper fluttered from the pocket when I let go and I bent to retrieve it. I felt my lips part when I realized what it was. It was the note I'd given Mason with the kiss lips in lipgloss. He carried it around with him? I felt the smile tug hard at my lips. Man, my big softy was turning me completely to mush.

I returned it to the pocket and climbed into bed with a heavy mood, but a light heart. It hurt to know the truth sometimes, but at least I knew and could make plans for my life. And tomorrow, when Mason and I told them we wanted to be together, I knew they'd be angry, but I was past the point of return.

I stayed up to late hours of the night before going to bed. My Calculus and Science homework made my brain strain behind my eyes. If I didn't have two tests coming up, I wouldn't have done it at all. Even though I could barely keep my eyes open, I wasn't stopping until I was done.

I'd only been in bed for about an hour when I heard a noise in my room. I sat up and looked around, thinking that Isabella had come in or something, but the room was still and dark. I heard it again. I pushed the covers back and stood. The window was rattling. I almost smiled, thinking Mason was coming to see me or something, though sneaking in the window didn't seem like his style, but it wasn't Mason. It was Andy.

The window was locked and he was attempting to jiggle the lock free from the outside. When he saw me coming toward him, he smiled this sugary smile and said, "Let me in, Emmie."

"No," I answered in a loud whisper. He still heard me because his face completely changed. He was no longer sweet. "It's late, Andy. Go home."

"I know it's late. That's why I'm coming in the window. Open it," he commanded through gritted teeth.

"What are you doing here?"

"I've missed you. I thought I'd come over and..." the new grin was a dirty one, "show you just how much."

"Go home."

He banged the side of his fist once on the glass, causing me to jump. "No more games. We talked about this. You need to give this a chance. You're throwing everything we had away because you think you got a second chance at life or something. What we had was good."

"I did get a second chance at life," I said louder and didn't care who heard. "And I'm not taking this one for granted. I'm sorry that you're taking this so hard, but I am not the girl that you used to love. I'm not her. I don't want to be her. I don't care about being popular or dating the captain of the football team."

"You don't know. You haven't given it a try!" He was talking loudly, too.

"Go home."

"I want to make it up to you, the way I hurt you before the accident," he begged. "I need to. If you'd let me, I know that you would understand that what we had isn't worth just throwing away."

"I'm seeing Mason now." His face morphed into an ominous anger. "Just go home, Andy. I'm happy. Don't you want me to be? I don't want things to go back to the way they were."

He sneered. "This isn't over," he promised and practically pressed his face to the glass. "Prom is coming up and I'm taking you," he ordered. "Do you hear me? You at least owe me that if nothing else."

"I don't owe you-"

"Yes, you do!" His face fell a little. "Do you have any idea what you're doing to me?"

"No," I said softer and moved to stand right in front of the window. "No, I don't. Go home, Andy. I'm sorry."

"I'll pick you up tomorrow in the morning," he spouted and turned to go. "Be ready. I'm not kidding, Emma."

"Go home!" I said harder.

"I am, but know this; you owe me, Emma. You belong with me just like you always have."

He left and I sat staring at the darkened, streetlamp-lit window for a long time before finally crawling back into bed.

If Andy thought I'd cave under his threats, then he didn't know me as well as he claimed to.

I was slicking on some mascara when Isabella yelled up the stairs for me. I grabbed all my things from the bed and put my lipgloss on as I went down the stairs. I stopped in my tracks at seeing Andy in the doorway. He grinned, in a
gotcha
kind of way. "I wanted to make sure that you knew I was here to pick you up...as planned."

I decided now was a good a time as any to put the kibosh on dear old Andrew. I marched myself down the stairs right past him. He hurried, yelling a goodbye to Isabella, and caught up with me. "Glad you're seeing things my way, Emmie. We wouldn't want your parents to... Where are you going?"

I went past his car and straight to Mason's as he sat near the curb. I climbed in and made a point to wave at Andy before turning back to Mason. He eyed Andy in my driveway with a strange look before putting the car into drive. The short drive to school was over before I could think. He smiled at me and leaned over, patting my thigh slowly. "Have a good day.
Learn
something."

"Are you implying that I'd sabotage my high school education because I'm too preoccupied with you?" I said sweetly.

"No," he grinned, "I'm implying that you'd do it to avoid seeing that tool with legs."

I laughed so hard that I buried my face in his shoulder. "Ok. You got me."

"Just say the word if he gives you any trouble," he said ominously. "I'll tattoo something really nasty on his forehead in his sleep."

I smiled. "Like what?"

"A pile of steaming-"

I covered his mouth laughing. "I get the point. Thank you."

"Anytime," he mumbled against my hand and pulled me to him. He pulled my hand down and held it between us. "Anytime," he repeated, so close that his breath blew the hair at my cheek. "Your hair looks really great down like that."

"Thanks." I looked down at our hands entwined between us. "Are you sure you want to do this with me tonight?"

He lifted my chin. "Is that doubt I hear?"
"No," I assured. "Just worry. What if they try to do something drastic? Like get you fired?"

"That'd be an awful lot of work on their part," he mused. "You think they'd go that far?"

"I don't know. Are you willing to risk that?"

The look that spread across his face melted bones and didn't apologize for it. He growled his words in a delicate way, "What do you think, Em? Do I look willing to risk it?"

I took a much needed breath and swallowed. Loudly. "Well..."

He licked his lip as he took my face in his hands. "There's no point speculating on something until you need to, right? For now, just..."

He kissed me softly at first, and then proceeded to kiss the breath right out of me. When it was done, I was clinging to his collar, playing my damsel part very well. The smile he wore showed his enjoyment of my current state. He brought my hand up and kissed my palm. "Have a good day, Emma."

"Is this how you'll send me off to school every day now?" I asked in a whisper.

His smile grew. "Don't press your luck, Miss Walker."

I giggled as I exited. I shut the door and then leaned in the window. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said with a cocky smile.

I cocked my head to the side. "I meant for the ride."

"Well...you're welcome for that, too."

I shook my head and laughed. "Bye, you."

"Bye, you."

I looked back once more over my shoulder before he drove away. He was still watching. That thrilled me in odd places. He waved and somehow made even that look sexy. I turned and ran right into the trio. Cookie spoke first. "Oh, my gosh. Did you break down or something and he gave you a ride?"

I bristled and decided I was on a roll this morning. This chick needed to be taken down a notch. Or ten. "Why? Because he doesn't drive a Beamer?"

"He-" she began.

"Not finished. He's not some bum who gave me a ride. We are totally together." Their faces screwed up. "That's the man I'd marry if he asked one day." I didn't stop there. "And don't ever say anything bad about him again. He has more goodness in him that most of the people I know all combined."

"Yeah, but..." she said and looked to the others, "can goodness buy you things?"

I pushed through the middle of them. It looked like I had better get used to being a loner, because I refused to play
the old me
anymore.

"Emma!" she called. "He's cute and all, but you screw guys like that, you don't marry them!"
I shook my head as I burst through the front doors of the school. And those words were from my so-called friends. I scoffed and made my way to first period. I ignored Andy's pleading looks. I focused on my work. I wanted to graduate. That was my new mission in this school. I wasn't giving up, I was just facing facts. Finding Emmie was no longer a possibility. She was gone. So getting out of this place was my new priority.
The teachers seemed pleased by my attention and questions. When I raised my hand to answer once, the teacher even waved her hand at me and said, "Go ahead. The bathroom pass is by the door," and moved on. I had to wave to get her to see that I wanted to actually answer the question. I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her little head.