Wild Card (8 page)

I throttled my demon. I had a lot I could have said. Alex hadn’t been working when I’d visited him in his office; he hadn’t been able to work. Felix had had him running as a wolf during the nights, trying to strengthen the pack bond and weaken his bond to me. Too much time as a wolf had been pushing him to the edge. He’d been so close to wolf, Olivia had to keep people away from him. And I’d brought him back.

Felix wasn’t finished. “Then you persuade him to join you in attacking the Basilikos Athanate at Longmont.”

I hadn’t. He’d insisted.

Alex stirred, but neither of us interrupted Felix. Alex seemed to be able to take the spin Felix was putting on this much easier than I was finding it, or he was better at hiding it.

“Remember, you came to me to petition to be part of the pack. Your immediate actions so far show that you can’t be. The pack can’t operate in anarchy. Not only do you disobey my instructions, but you also persuade Alexander to do the same. He has a senior and responsible role.”

He started pacing again.

“This is not how a pack works.”

Why wasn’t Alex arguing back? Should I take his silence as a message to me to keep quiet?

It was a fine balance between letting Felix blow off steam at me and letting him get up momentum toward a decision to throw me out. I didn’t want that. It would put Alex in an impossible situation. And I needed the support that the pack offered, for my own sanity, while my wolf and Athanate worked out a compromise.

I gave up trying to guess what I should be doing and tried what I thought was a perfectly valid counter. “Well, half the problem is that I don’t know how a pack works.”

Felix stopped and stood in front of the fireplace, leaning back against the mantle with his arms spread out.

“A pack works by every member of the pack contributing positively,” he said. “It’s not something we set down in rulebooks. It’s something you have to feel. To experience. It puts roots down into your soul. You gain. The pack gains. My problem is, you just don’t seem to feel it.”

I was feeling more and more worried by the angle he was taking. It was as if he was saying I should just instinctively know everything I needed, and by not knowing it, I’d proved I couldn’t be a pack member.

Was this some kind of test? Was he deliberately provoking me to see how much I’d take?

“How can I if I’m not a member of the pack?” However much I needed the pack, I couldn’t let him go off in that direction. “And why can’t I just be affiliated? It’s not as if I’m a threat by being in your territory.”

“You aren’t qualified to judge that.” His voice lashed out. “Maybe that’s the way things work for the Athanate, but it’s not how we do things in the pack. We don’t share territory. Every werewolf that gets infused within the bounds is accepted into the pack, but the pack and the member need to be willing and the member needs to accept their role and responsibilities. That means you need to accept me as alpha and do what I tell you to. If the pack’s not willing, or the member’s not willing, then they have to leave. Or die.”

He’d crossed a boundary there and I felt rather than heard a subliminal growl from Alex and an immediate, instinctive response from Ricky.

Shit. Exactly what we were trying to avoid. Had Felix deliberately manipulated us to this point? Why?

Noble cleared his throat.

Felix glanced at him and nodded.

“I want to check that we’re clear about the basic constraints of pack dynamics, and then I think it’s in everybody’s interests to state clearly what they want.”

Yeah. Leave the possible consequences out of it for now.

Thank you Doc.

Felix returned to his seat and took a sip of water while the emotional edge simmered down.

Nobel tapped his pen on his pad a couple of times. “It’s not an issue of any one person laying down pack law about territory or hierarchy, not even Felix. The pack doesn’t want to share territory. The pack doesn’t want members disobeying the alpha. Your point about not understanding the pack is valid. With Felix’s permission, I’ll try and help there.”

Felix nodded again. “Fine. Alexander?” he said.

“Amber in the pack,” Alex said simply.

Felix’s face remained blank and he turned to me.

“I need whatever it is that a pack and alpha provide to help me through the transition, and I want to be with Alex,” I said. That sounded selfish, but to say I wanted to be part of the pack with this sort of thing hanging over me wouldn’t have been truthful. Even so, I had to add a qualifier that was going to piss Felix off. “Without conflicting the other parts of me.”

“That’s the problem,” Ricky said.

“It sounds like you want the benefits of the pack without submitting to me,” Felix said. “What kind of a signal do you think this sends to the rest of the pack? You see my problem?”

I’d give him that he hadn’t got as heated as he had been before. I’d even give him that he’d selected this small group of trusted advisors rather than a pack meeting so that he could, in his eyes, go easy on me.

“So, here we are. First choice, you’re Were, you’re accepted into the pack and all that goes with it. You are subject to pack laws and you obey me. Second choice, you’re Athanate. You don’t have a pack. You stay in Denver. You have no rights to call on the pack and you owe me no obedience.”

There were other choices, like leaving Denver or being killed, but we were keeping quiet about those.

“But I’m a hybrid,” I said, trying to feel some flexibility.

“For the pack, it comes down to Were on one side and everything else on the other.”

“What about Alex?” I could feel the tension soar again. Felix didn’t want to explore this. Alex and Ricky were friends and senior pack members. If Alex came down on my side, Ricky would be pack-bound to oppose him. It dawned on me that Felix had to be thinking that however this turned out, it weakened the pack. “Hold on,” I said, before he could respond. “First things first. We were supposed to say what we wanted. What is it you want, Felix?”

He stirred in his seat. “Of course, no alpha wants any member of the pack to leave, and that goes double for someone like Alexander, at a time like this.”

“His marque’s changed and it doesn’t seem like it’s going back.”

I could see I was displaying a real talent for picking the topics Felix didn’t want to talk about.

“That’s the reason for my orders to stay apart. Whether or not you’re conscious of doing it, you’re having an effect on Alexander. His marque and his mental state.”

“But if we’re mated…” Alex said.

“Then you’re both pack,” Ricky replied before Felix could say anything.

But that could just mean we’re a pack together, without necessarily being part of the Denver pack.

“Alex is kin,” I said, “does that count?”

“If it counts, then you’re still subject to pack law,” Felix said. “Alexander can’t mate outside the pack. Splitting a pack is an attack on the whole pack and I would treat it as such. Exerting Athanate control over Alexander would come under that as well. Another reason for you to stay apart until I’m sure that’s not the case.”

Athanate and kin can’t split like that. I might be a very young Athanate, but I knew that already. And I felt it too; it’d be like ripping my arm off.

As for the exerting control, I’d freaking bound him. Yeah, that would probably be classed as influencing him. And however right it felt to me, if Felix realized it, did that mean I’d signed my own death sentence?

I shook my head. We were at a dead end here. Figuratively, I hoped.

But underlying all the arguments was the sick sensation deep down inside that this just didn’t feel right. I’d called him alpha in the barn when I’d first met him, but Felix as the alpha of my pack didn’t sit well with me at all. I had no idea what my relationship with my alpha should be, but I was damn sure it shouldn’t feel like this. Something very fundamental was going on inside me, and it didn’t want Felix. It felt like he had no right to give me orders, and my wolf was driving me to disobey him in a game of dominance.

My surface attitude; that I could change. I’d spent a long time in the army where sometimes I’d just saluted the uniform and carried out the orders.

Couldn’t I manage that here? If my life depended on it?

But underneath. Had this sudden surge against him been triggered by his behavior toward me, or did it just mean he should be my alpha and this feeling showed I was already on the road to turning rogue?

“Are you claiming to be part Athanate, Alex?” Noble asked, breaking my chain of thought. “Your change of marque has all of us concerned.”

“No. I have no feeling of affiliation with Altau,” Alex said, and a little of the tension reduced when Felix nodded satisfaction. That was a huge point for them. I could understand that. The thought of a senior, trusted member of the pack actually loyal to Altau rather than the pack would have had my paranoia fired up too.

“We should put the Athanate issue aside,” Alex said, “and concentrate on the pack.”

Noble nodded.

Felix folded his arms. “You’re implying that you remain a loyal member of the pack,” he said, “and yet you’re disobeying my orders.
You
know that doesn’t work for us.”

“It’s not about loyalty or obedience. The question comes down to whether Amber is pack or not. If she’s pack, then she has a right to call on the pack.” He paused, and I could feel him searching out the best path. No one else spoke. “When we mate, our mates are pack, whether they change or not. And she’s acknowledged you as alpha. For me, she’s pack.”

“We’re not animals. I don’t get confused between mating and sex,” Felix replied. “And as for acknowledging me, she immediately put a limitation on it. She said she wouldn’t go against Altau interests.”

“I’ve said the same to Altau about the pack interests,” I pointed out.

“But then the Athanate comes back into the discussion. You can’t be half in the pack—”

“Altau say the same, but they’re willing to say I’m an affiliate.”

“And even if I agree to that, Alexander didn’t go running into the building at Longmont where
you
were being held, he went to help rescue your kin. How far are you going to stretch the pack obligation? Your kin? Your whole damn House? Altau?”

He had a point. I swallowed. More seat of the pants stuff here. “My House isn’t separate from me.”

“That’s Athanate talk.”

“Well, fine, I’m part Athanate. But I’m part Were, too.”

I wanted to say that my pack wouldn’t be separate from me either, but I couldn’t yet.

Noble stopped his jotting and heads turned. It intrigued me how much quiet influence he seemed to have. What kind of a werewolf was he? He didn’t fit in the obvious enforcer category that Ricky did. But at least he seemed to be on the side of finding a rational way through this.

“I’m not willing to come to a final decision right now,” Felix said.

Ricky grunted an agreement. “Long term solutions are probably better reached after some time for contemplation,” he said.

Uh! Enough with the dumb stereotypes, Amber. He’s not just an enforcer.

“Which leaves some interim requirements,” Felix said, “before we get on with the purpose of this meeting, which was to talk about the rogue.”

He stared at Alex and me. “Alexander will be accompanied by a senior pack member at all times,” he said. “Ricky, that’ll be you, Ursula or Silas. He stays at your house. I’ll review the situation when we’re rid of our current problems.”

“We can’t really spare—” Ricky started.

Alex tried to say something as well, but Felix cut them both off. “I’m not saying you stop hunting the Matlal pack, just that Alexander is never alone with Amber without supervision. I need a second set of eyes and ears to convince me he isn’t having his mind affected. We
cannot
,” he stressed the word and glared around the room, “we cannot have the pack disrupted at this juncture. That includes getting involved in Athanate politics or getting distracted from the challenges that face us. That’s final.”

But he’s already bound to me, and I’m bound to him.

Shut up and salute.

Neither Ricky nor Alex were happy, but Alex had picked up on something that Felix said. “There are more from the Matlal pack? I thought we’d dealt with them.”

Ricky shook his head.

Noble was unreadable, his eyes hooded as he watched the three of us.

I cleared my throat. Felix turned and stared.

“I just wanted to suggest I get involved in the hunt for the Matlal Were, as well.”

“Why?” Felix said, but beneath the rough response, I thought I’d actually said something right.

“A couple of reasons,” I said. “Firstly, they’re Were and they’ve been in Denver for a few months. It just might be they’ve got an idea about the rogue. Maybe they’ve come across him. Or her.”

Ricky nodded.

Felix just grunted, his eyes narrowed and calculating, so I continued: “Secondly, they’re part of Matlal’s House, directly or as affiliates. They might know where the Matlal Athanate are hiding.” I wasn’t going to get a better opportunity, so I ploughed on. “Also, Altau are requesting your assistance in this. They’re too stretched—”

“With their own preoccupations and they want us to fix their problems and track down the Matlal Athanate. No.”

“But—”

“No. Since you offered it, we’ll take your help with the Matlal Were, but we’re not putting effort into helping Altau again.” He waved his hand as if he were away swatting flies. “If we come across them, we’ll inform Altau. Nothing more. We deal with the Were, Altau deal with the Athanate. That seems fair to me.”

“We could at least try and ensure she has some of the Were to question,” Ricky said. “They might not know about the Matlal Athanate, but they must have some idea where the other Matlal Were are, and, as she said, they might know something about the rogue.”

“Good point. Agreed.”

“What will happen to them afterwards?” I said, afraid I knew the answer already.

Felix’s flat stare confirmed it.

“Can’t you try to assimilate them somehow?” My skin crawled at the thought of interrogating prisoners who were going to be killed.