Wild Orchid (19 page)

By the time I had made the war horn cry, a relief force had already been sent on its way to provide reinforcements. The messengers Li Po and I had sent had reached Prince Jian safely. The prince himself had led the relief force, an honor that, as the eldest, Prince Ying could have claimed as his own. But he had been gracious, acknowledging his youngest brother’s wisdom in insisting that the second, smaller pass be protected—even over the objections of his brothers and their councilors.

“Never have I seen anyone fight as Prince Jian did that day,” General Yuwen confided one night.

I was now well enough to be up for long periods of time. The general and I were sitting outside the tent before the bright blaze of a campfire. General Yuwen often came to spend his evenings with me, and he was not alone. Word that Gong-shi—the young archer whose shot had helped to save all China—was in fact a girl had spread quickly through the camp. Many of the soldiers came to pay their respects, but also, I suspected, to relieve their curiosity. Only Prince Jian stayed away. I had not seen him since the day I first awakened.

“The prince was like a tiger,” General Yuwen continued now. “When the battle was over and we began to take stock of our wounded … When Li Po’s body had been discovered but you could not be found …”

The general broke off, shaking his head. “Never have I seen anyone more determined,” he went on. “One of the archers who had fought beside you was
brought before him to explain what he thought had befallen you. It was long after nightfall. Prince Jian had had no rest and little food. Still he took a torch and went to search for you himself. He would not rest until he found you, he said.”

“And after all that, I turned out to be a girl,” I said quietly.

“Not just any girl,” General Yuwen said. “Hua Wei’s own daughter. Like your father before you, you are a hero, Mulan.”

“You called me that before,” I said.

“But I don’t feel very much like one, and I never set out to win that title.”

“Perhaps that’s why it fits you so well,” the general answered quietly. “You thought not of yourself, of your own glory, but of China. The emperor is eager to meet you. He has even sent for your father.”

Though winter was almost upon us, the emperor wished to celebrate China’s great victory over her ancient enemy not in the capital but here, in the mountains where the battle had been fought. He was already on his way, with a great cavalcade of retainers. And my father was to be among them.

“So he is forgiven, then,” I said.

“It would appear so,” General Yuwen replied. “But, then, he was right after all. The Huns did present a danger, as long as the son of their former leader was alive. Now that he is dead, the Huns have no one to lead them. The next in line is an infant. It will be many years before he is grown.

“But the arrow that turned the tide in China’s favor was fired by none other than Hua Wei’s own child. It is your actions that have restored your father to favor.”

“Even though I’m a girl?” I said.

General Yuwen smiled.

“And Prince Jian?” I asked. “Can I win back his favor by my actions, do you think?”

“Ah, Mulan,” General Yuwen exhaled my name on a sigh. “There I think you must be patient. Give him time.”

“I don’t think there’s enough of it,” I said simply. “I hear what the men say around the fires at night. The Son of Heaven intends to make Prince Jian his heir, passing over Ying and Guang. A prince and a general’s daughter might have found a way to bridge the gap between them, assuming I might be forgiven in the first place, but now …”

My voice trailed off. “Even if I am patient for the rest of my life, I think the gulf between us will be too great to cross.”

General Yuwen remained silent. In spite of the warmth of the fire, I shivered, for I discovered that I was cold. And it seemed I might never be warm again, because this cold came not from the air around me but from the depths of my own heart.

I want to go home
, I thought. I longed for the familiar branches of the plum tree, Min Xian’s face. Most of all I longed for Li Po. But even when I returned, nothing would be quite the same. Li Po was gone, and
the Mulan who would return was not a child anymore.

In the weeks since I had made the decision to leave my father’s house, I had grown up. And I had learned that not every battle can be fought by firing an arrow from a bow. But I would have to face whatever new challenges came my way as bravely as I had faced the Huns. I could not wallow in self-pity, thinking about what might have been. I had to do my duty. It was the only way to stay true to myself.

I wonder if this is how Jian feels about the possibility of becoming emperor
, I thought. Despite the rift between us, I believed I still understood what was in his heart, because it was just like mine. And what Prince Jian’s heart wanted was to run free, to command no other than itself. But like my own heart would, Prince Jian’s would accept his responsibilities. He would do his duty with his head held high. He would bring himself and his family honor.

I must learn to do the same
, I thought.

I had to cease to mourn what could never be and learn to make the most of what was possible. And I would begin by trying to mend the hurts of the past.

Asking General Yuwen to bring me paper, brush, and ink, I sat up late, composing a letter of sympathy to Li Po’s mother.

E
IGHTEEN

The very next morning the outriders appeared, giving us warning that the Son of Heaven would soon arrive. A great space had been prepared in the middle of the camp for his tent, with those of the princes flanking it on the left side, the side of the heart.

As soon as word reached him of his father’s approach, Prince Ying sent soldiers to line the road-way, so many that they stood six deep. Not only would this give many men who had fought bravely the chance to see the emperor, it meant that the Son of Heaven would be welcomed by those who had fought for China’s cause.

The minor court officials appeared first, followed by the members of the emperor’s own household. The silk of their elaborate robes seemed to dazzle my eyes.

“There are so many of them,” I murmured to General Yuwen.

He smiled. “That is not the half of them,” he replied. “Only those most suited to travel. The rest stayed behind in Chang’an.”

“No wonder my father found it quiet in the country,” I said.

“Look!” General Yuwen said, pointing. “The Son of Heaven arrives!”

There was a flash of gold, like sunlight glancing off a mirror, and suddenly I could see the emperor himself. His horse was the color of sable. The Son of Heaven’s cloak spread across the horse’s back. Though lined with fur to protect him from the cold, it was also embellished with the figure of a five-clawed dragon embroidered in gold thread. The embroidery was so thick, the stitches so fine, that as the cloak shifted in the wind it seemed as if the dragon would leap from the emperor’s back and take to the sky.

Straight to the center of camp the Son of Heaven rode, to where the princes stood in front of his tent to welcome him. As he approached, all those assembled knelt to do him honor. I had practiced kneeling and then standing up again, in the privacy of my tent. It’s hard to kneel with only one arm for balance. The last thing I wanted was to humiliate myself and bring dishonor to my family by falling on my face as I paid homage to the Son of Heaven.

The emperor brought his horse to a halt.

“My sons, I come to celebrate your great victory,” he said.

“Father,” Prince Ying replied. “You are most welcome.”

“I give thanks for your safety,” the emperor went on, “as I give thanks for the safety of China. Rise now that you may look into my face and see how much I love and honor you.”

At their father’s instruction the princes stood, even as the emperor dismounted. He embraced each in turn.

“Where is the archer?” the emperor inquired. “Let me see Hua Wei’s child.”

I felt my heart give a great leap into my throat.

“There, Father,” Prince Jian said. “Beside General Yuwen.”

“Rise and come forward, child.”

I did as the emperor commanded, a simple act that required every bit as much courage as facing down the Huns. Slowly I walked forward until I stood before the Son of Heaven.

“Tell me your name, Little Archer,” he commanded, though his voice was not unkind.

“If it pleases Your Majesty,” I said, astonished to hear my voice come out calm and steady. “I am Hua Mulan.”

“I recognize your father’s determination in your face,” the emperor said.

“Majesty, you honor me to say so,” I replied.

“Hear me now, all of you,” the Son of Heaven cried in a great voice. “Once, long ago, in return for a great service I offered to grant Hua Wei the first wish of his heart. Now I offer this same gift to his daughter. For she has given me what I wished for most: the safety and security of China.”

A great cheer went up from the soldiers. I stood, frozen in shock. The thought that the emperor might offer me such an honor had never even occurred.

What
was
the first wish of my heart?

Like my father, could I wish for love?

No, Mulan
, I realized.
You cannot
. Not because I did not love, but because until this moment I had not recognized that love for what it truly was.

My father had spoken his wish, knowing he loved and was loved in return. But I was not so fortunate.

I cannot wish for love
, I thought.
But I can wish because of it
. Prince Jian had given me the gift of courage when I had needed it most. Perhaps now I could give him something he would value just as much.

“Speak, Mulan,” the Son of Heaven urged. “Tell me what I may grant you to show my gratitude.”

“The Son of Heaven commands me to speak,” I said, “and I will do so. This then is my reply: The first wish of my heart would be that you grant the first wish of a heart other than my own. A heart I will name, if you will let me.

“I have served China. I already have my reward.”

There was a startled pause.

“Where is Hua Wei?” the emperor finally said. “Let him come forward.”

“Here, if it pleases Your Highness,” my father said.

“Your daughter speaks well, Hua Wei,” the Son of Heaven complimented when my father had come to kneel before him.

“Your Highness honors us both to say so,” my father replied.

The Son of Heaven frowned. “You are sure that is
your final answer?” he asked me. “You will give away your own wish to someone else? Who is this person whose heart you value so much?”

I took the deepest breath of my entire life.
Do it, Mulan
, I thought.
Show courage. Be true to yourself
.

Though the emperor had given me permission to stand, I knelt once more, at my father’s side.

“I cannot answer that question, Majesty,” I said.

“Why not?”

“Until I know that Your Majesty agrees to my request, I cannot speak the name aloud. For if I speak too soon, I throw away my wish.”

At this, Prince Guang could contain himself no more.

“Father,” his outraged voice rang out. “Surely this has gone on long enough. Much as I respect your wish to honor Hua Wei’s daughter, I must—”

“What you must do”—the emperor’s voice sliced through that of his son’s—“is to show your respect by holding your tongue. I gave the girl leave to speak from her heart and she has done so. She displays great wisdom in also speaking her mind. I cannot ask for the first and then fault her for the second.

“Very well, Hua Mulan. You shall have what you desire. Name who you will, and he shall have the first wish of his heart. This I swear to you from my own. Now stand up and tell me who it is.”

“The Son of Heaven is gracious and bountiful,” I answered as I stood. “With all my heart I ask that you bestow your gift on Prince Jian. For it was he who
first saw the way our enemies would try to defeat us. He is the true hero of China, not I.”

“Jian, step forward,” the emperor said.

“Father,” Prince Jian said, even as he obeyed, “I cannot—”

“Why are all my sons suddenly so determined to tell me what I can and cannot do?” the Son of Heaven inquired. “Do you think that I am in my dotage? That I don’t know my own mind?”

“Of course not, Father,” Prince Jian protested.

“I am glad to hear it,” the Son of Heaven answered. “Now do as I command.” All of a sudden the emperor’s tone softened. “Do not be afraid. No matter what it is, I will make the first wish of your heart the first desire of mine. I have sworn it. Therefore speak, my son.”

“I will obey you in this, as in all things,” Prince Jian said. I was grateful that he was standing next to me, for it meant I could not look at him. Instead I kept my eyes straight ahead, gazing at the emperor’s elaborately embroidered cloak.

“This, then, is what I would ask of you, Father. Do not make me return to court. Instead let me stay in these wild lands. Let me dedicate my life to keeping China safe in her remotest places, for there I will be free to be myself.”