Wild Stars Seeking Midnight Suns (7 page)

When they married he had said, “This all we need.” He laughed as if it was a pleasant joke. “These things, and us, all look the same in here in the dark: broken and used.” He always included her because he needed her ugliness to make her as crippled as he was. He never complimented her, not even on her special work. He would look over the fine work she had done and tell her, “Oh, it’s all right.” There was no joy in her life. And lately, it had reached the place where she did not know how she could continue living her life.

Her heart grieved so much from her life, recently she had gone to her mother, Sorty. Sorty had listened, with another glass of gin in her hands, bought with the money Maddy gave her every month. Said something like, “Chile, you lucky! We all got a cross to carry, but, at least, your belly is full, and you got a man to help you carry your burden. You betta count your blessins! I wish a good man would come take care me!

“You got to r’member, Lily Bea, you ain’t no pretty woman! I’m your mama, and I’m gon to tell you the Lord’s truth. You a ugly woman and you lucky you got any man at all!” Sorty believed these words. Both of them did.

The morning the order arrived with the books Lily Bea had been thinking of all these things as she cleaned. “I’m so glad I don’t have a child from this man.” She tried to picture a life of love and happiness, but her mind couldn’t make the picture come alive for her. “Soon I will be old, and . . . something . . . there must be more to life than this. Life will have passed me by. Just an ugly, nobody wants, woman in this world.”

The tears were rolling down her cheeks when Maddy called out to her about the package.

Holding back her eagerness to run to the books, she began dusting a half-blackened mirror and, looking up, she saw herself: ugly. She sighed, saying, as she moved away, “Lord, I’d rather be alone. But how? Where? I don’t have more than a hundred dollars hidden away. And I’m not going back to my mama’s.” She began to silently cry from her heart. Her body and her heart were so lonely. So hungry and so lonely.

She felt so disheartened her body started moving to the waves of her sorrow. A slow, swaying, dirge. Her body moved smoothly, even in the cramped space. Her eyes closed. She was thinking to herself, “My life and I are one big zero. Every day.” She prayed, “Deliver me, please God. Deliver me.”

Maddy was jealous of Mr. Forest’s request for Lily Bea, but he respected him too much to try to deny the request. “Besides,” Maddy thought, “I am getting older, my leg givin me more trouble lately. I’ma have to let her do more round here. Let her take care me for a while! Let her see how she like that! I have a wife don’t like no lovin! So, work fool!” (He had never explained to anyone how his leg came to be crippled. He was not born with it that way. It was an angry leg and his whole face was angry with the movement of that leg. He was pitiful in his own right. But, one wondered, if he did not blame an accident? or someone else? had the fault been his own?)

When Lily Bea came to him, Maddy said, “Mr. Forest sent this order over here to my shop, and he sent a package, a book, for you to read about how to do your work better. So if you finished cleanin and cookin, you can read it. I’ll take care the regista.”

He gave the books to Lily. “You take these work books and go head. Study and see what he talkin bout. I’ll do this order. You forget I taught you most all you know, and I don’t need you to do everything I do.”

I don’t have to tell you, when Lily Bea took the package of books, she felt both pleasure and importance. She made a cup of tea, and went to her pallet to settle down and read. She opened the smallest book first: the fabric systems book. It looked interesting. Then she opened the art book, and was lost for several hours in beauty, history, and dreams. She thanked Weldon Forest from her heart. Maddy didn’t pay her any attention because he wasn’t interested in books.

The Epitome Cleaners’ order was finished in three days; the books had been read, and it was time for Lily Bea to deliver.

When Lily arrived to see Weldon, her hair was done neatly, and she was wearing a secondhand, simple but good, dress. She was smiling and looked nearly happy. Weldon smiled down at her as he shook her hand. He held it awhile as they spoke.

She was carrying a book in her hand she had read on the bus. Maddy hadn’t wanted the driver-man to pick her up. “Ain’t no sense in botherin that man! You can make it over there on your own!”

Weldon Forest was, unexpectedly, nervous. After he indicated to the counterperson to take the basket, he saw the book Lily took out of it. “What is that book, Lily?”

“Fairy tales, Mr. Forest. And I loved that book you loaned me. I loved it!”

Weldon smiled, delighted. “Fairy tales? For a woman your age? Why do you still like fairy tales?”

“Wishes that come true. Golden apples and carpets that can fly you to some magic land of dreams.” She smiled, and he reached out in too great a haste. Self-conscious, he was glad the book was there to sidestep being too forward. He touched her whole hand and the book.

“Let me see it. I have read a few fairy tales in my time.” He leafed through the pages, looking at them and her.

When he handed the book back to her, he did not release the book that she half held in her hand. He felt her presence, greater than ever. She smiled questioningly at him.

He still held her hand as he said, “Lily, I have been thinking. I might open a little specialty shop . . . just to handle silks and delicates. Even sell a few imported things.”

Lily pressed his hand in her hand, and let it go. “Oh! that would be nice, Mr. Forest. That will be more work for me.”

He placed his hand on her shoulder, leading her to his simple but rich office. “Let us go into my office. I want to talk to you about this.” Lily felt fear that something was ending, and excitement that something might be beginning. When they were seated, Weldon leaned toward her, saying, “Well, you see, I had something else in mind, Lily. And call me Weldon, please, and I will keep calling you ‘Lily.’ We are . . . friends, in a way.” Lily smiled, and looked down at the floor.

“Look up, Lily. Look at me, please. Listen, I want you to think about this. I know your . . . husband”—she frowned, and Weldon took note—“owns a cleaning business, but I wondered if you would . . . manage my new specialty shop?”

Suddenly, Weldon looked like a piece of heaven to Lily Bea. With a surprised gasp, a glow slowly covered her face. “Mr. Forest, ahh, Weldon. I would be so happy to have a real job. Make money for myself.” She couldn’t stop herself. “Have a different life.”

Weldon cleared his throat and said, “I know this is personal, Lily”—her glow gave him courage—“but, are you . . . happy, Lily?” He liked to say her name. “You didn’t look happy in your, ah, that shop.”

She took a moment before she answered. “I don’t know anything about being happy, Weldon. I only know about work. I . . . I have been wanting to leave . . . the shop, but I have nowhere . . .” She stopped, realizing she was telling this man, this almost stranger she barely knew, her secret business. “But, it is the truth,” she thought, so she continued. “I would like to be alone, for a change. I have to work, and I want to, but,”—she looked around his office, then closing her eyes, said to him, “I would like some nice things of my own.
My
own. Not just touch them when I clean them. Have a few things of
my very own
. . .”

She opened her eyes. Weldon had leaned back, he was smiling, slightly, nodding his head slowly, and gently rocking in his chair. He lowered his head, his eyes looking directly into hers. He spoke softly but firmly, “Would you mind . . . if I helped to place a few of those things at your disposal? You would owe me nothing. Not one thing. Now or ever.” She nodded her head. “Yes.” His heart began beating happily, as he reflected, “I can tell myself I am doing a good deed for this young woman, but it is making me happy. I am really doing it for myself.”

They discussed more of the matters their new business entailed, making outlines and notes. Mr. Forest had his secretary type them up for clarity, each taking a copy to add to or change. “In a few days, we will talk again. We’ll know how these plans are working out, and any changes we should make.”

He wanted to shake her hand, but decided he did not want to frighten her. He leaned forward again, saying, “Well, that settles it. I have been looking at a few places, just tentatively, of course. A few places near here. Vacant business rentals are difficult to find. So, when you can, you might look them over, see what you think?” Lily was smiling, or grinning, and nodding yes to everything he said.

Her eyes widened at his next words. “I will give you a quarter interest in the new shop. And . . . as time passes, you can purchase more. As much as a half interest in the shop, and be working for yourself. You will be the mistress. The shop will belong to me and you. I will have the contract drawn up by my lawyer . . . no one will be able to take it from you. You can have your own lawyer approve it.” They both smiled at that. She had no lawyer. So he added, “Get a lawyer. Learn to take care of your business.”

Then, he was blessed with such a rare smile, full of gratitude, wonder, disbelief, and joy. She said, “I would also like to go back to school. I want to know . . . everything I can. I will pay my own way.” She had never been so beautiful to him.

“Whatever you like, Lily. That is a business expense. It will be deducted from the business.”

He wanted to touch her. He knew it was too soon. She would never understand it because he didn’t. Instead, he said, “Shall we shake on it?” He took her hand, holding it tightly, and felt that thrilling pleasure in his spine that spread through his shoulders. He held her hand between both of his for the longest time possible.

Lily was thinking, “Golden apples, flying carpets, and Mr. Forest.”

In a moment, Weldon said, “Now, we must decide how . . . you want to do this. Do you want to tell Maddy Nettles now?”

Lily Bea shook her head, saying, “No, not now. How long do you think it will take to have the shop opened?”

“At least two months. You can start working before then, however, because there is so much to do. I have a list I’ve been keeping of three places for you to see. To see which might be the best place.”

“I don’t know things like that, Mr. Weldon.”

Weldon smiled, he had so much time on his hands, full of nothing. “Then I will show you. And we need to plan a grand opening.” He was so glad to have a new kind of life, an interest again. A new friend . . . he really liked. “Soon, you will need a place to stay near the business. I don’t see how you can live with Maddy while the new shop is being readied.”

Lilly Bea started to say, “My mother—”

But Weldon interrupted her, “A small place, one you can be comfortable in until you want to make a change. I will lend you six months’ rent, and you can pay me when you are able. Which won’t take long once the shop is opened. At the grand opening, the very best people will know we are there to serve them in our new focus and capacity.” Lily could only stare at him with wide, round eyes. “And you will need a car. Do you drive?”

Weldon Forest had introduced her to his employees as the manager of a new department. He was leading her to the entrance door as he offered to drive her home, or let the shop-driver take her. She chose to take the bus. “I want to be alone awhile. I’ll walk and take a bus.” Like a flying carpet, she walked on clouds, and thought and thought and thought. “I don’t know why, God, but thank You for this blessing. Please help me do it right. You are delivering me. I will earn it. I will! I will!”

Weldon Forest was very pleased. He wanted to keep this new thrill of his life, the happiness of being alive. And the little Black woman gave this to him. He could not understand why some people thought she was unattractive. “She is so beautiful to me!”

Maddy had long been agitated at all the attention Lily was getting. He wondered if someone would care for, or lie to, Lily Bea enough to try to make sex with her. “It’s certain it’s not that wealthy, bigshot, Mr. Forest! He in a whole nother world different from us!”

While she had been listening to Weldon Forest that day, changing her life, Maddy had been rifling through her personal things, her drawers, her books, everywhere and everything she touched. Looking for some clue to her small, new independence. There was an air about her of stretching out, breathing deeper; her eyes were bright, even when she wasn’t smiling. Maddy tightened his lips as he thought, “It’s somethin goin on round here, and I betta find out, cause I pay the bills round here. I’m the man in this house!”

But when she reached home, he didn’t bother her. Just watched her, waiting to be noticed, and feared, himself. She smiled, said hello, and went straight to her pallet with her books.

It was later, when she served his dinner plate, waving a slice of bread in his hand as he chewed his food, he spoke to her. “Don’t you be no fool, Lily. Don’t let some lying man tell you no lies and mess up your life. I give you a home when you didn’t have none but your mama’s! And you didn’t even have that!” She answered him with silence.

So he continued. “What you doin all this bathin and dressin and goin out this shop all the time for?” He got up to go to the sink to refill his water glass. He limped on his angry leg toward her. “You ain’t makin love with me no more. What you doin when you go out? This shop needs regular time, and I need regular lovin. I tole you that when I married you!” She gently shook her head, remaining silent.

Lily was not there when he spoke to Sorty when she came in for “her” money. He told her, “I don’t know what done got into your daughta, but you betta talk to her! She ain’t treatin me right! I b’lieve she is breakin her weddin vows . . . cause, I use to get a little lovin, now and then. Now, she ain’t givin me no lovin at all! That ain’t right! And you know it! Now . . . I can’t keep givin you money every time you ask for it, if I don’t get nothin when I ask for it!”

Sorty left empty-handed, shaking her head, thinking, “What is that little ugly-ass Lily Bea doing? I don’t care what she do with Maddy, but she messin with me, now! I need my money!”