Wilde Thing (25 page)

She shuddered, and he knew she was thinking about the two men who’d nearly taken advantage of her, and would have if he hadn’t shown up after his meeting with Trixie.

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and shifted on her feet. “After I talked to you on the phone, I went to The Ultimate Fantasy and quit, and I wanted to say good-bye to Roxanne, who is the only woman who really befriended me. I’m glad to be out of there, but I feel so bad for her and her situation.”

Steve realized she was babbling, talking faster than normal, and suddenly seemed nervous. She was here for another reason, he knew, and when she opened up her purse and withdrew an envelope, he steeled himself for what was to come.

She held the unmarked envelope out to him but wouldn’t look him in the eye. “I also wanted to stop by to give you this.”

He thrust his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, refusing to take what she was offering. “What is it?” he asked, even though he knew what was inside that sealed envelope.

Her shoulders lifted in a casual shrug. “It’s my paycheck from The Ultimate Fantasy, signed over to you. It’s a good amount for a week’s worth of work, including my cut from the party last night. I also had some extra money at the end of the month from the café, so I
took a draw and included a check for that in here, too. Between both, it’s a decent amount, and should help to pay off what I owe you.”

His entire body flashed hot with irritation, and his jaw clenched so tight, he was certain he’d grind his teeth to dust. He’d had more than he could take of her obligation to him, and resented the fact that she believed she could wrap up their relationship all neat and tidy with a check to pay for his services.

“I don’t want your money, Liz. Or your gratitude, either.” He curled his hands into fists in his pockets, looking from that envelope that stood between them to her face. So beautiful. So vulnerable. So fearful of taking a chance on
them.
“What I did for you, I did because I wanted to. Our agreement might have started out with a loan, but what I want and need from you now isn’t money or your appreciation.”

He wanted, needed, her love.

Her eyes widened with surprise at his frank, straightforward approach, along with deeper insecurities that controlled too much of her life. But she remained silent.

“I’m disappointed that you think this is all about owing me anything,” he went on, figuring he had nothing left to lose. “Then again, you measure everything in your life based on responsibility, guilt, and obligations to everyone but yourself, so why should this be any different?”

She stiffened defensively. “You have no idea what my life is like.”

“That’s insulting, considering how intimate we’ve been and all that we’ve shared. I understand your life, and you, better than you think,” he said, unable to hold back the roughness in his tone. “When are you going to stop hiding behind the guilt and obligation to your aunt and uncle for them taking you in after your parents died? Not to mention a responsibility to a cousin that doesn’t deserve it?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said, her denial coming much too quickly.

“I believe you do.” He leaned back against the edge of his desk, hating that he was causing her pain, but knew it was necessary in order for her to get past all the emotional issues she’d carried with her since she was orphaned as a child. “It’s easier and safer for you to be the responsible one and strive to please everyone else than risk getting hurt. I don’t want to hurt you, Liz; I want to love you. But you have to let me in.”

She shook her head jerkily. “I can’t give you what you need,” she said, her voice raspy and loaded with burdens. “I’m just getting the café back to where it should be, I’ve got Valerie to look after, and after everything with Travis—”

He held up a hand, bringing her excuses to a halt. “We all have issues to deal with, sweetheart, and it’s all in the way we handle and resolve them.” And she obviously hadn’t resolved hers, and possibly wasn’t willing to. “You need to live your life for yourself, not everyone else. And that means taking chances and making choices that make
you
happy.”

Not touching her was killing him, and he finally reached out and ran his knuckles down her warm, soft cheek. “You’re so busy taking care of everyone else, but who takes care of you, Liz? Who is there for you when you need a shoulder to lean on, a smile to get you through the day, or a hug to soothe your fears and make you feel like you’re not alone?”

She had no answer, and that saddened him. “Let me be that person for you,” he whispered. “Trust me, and trust your feelings.”

She swallowed convulsively but made no reply.

Picking up her hand, he placed a kiss in her palm, felt the tremble of her fingers against his jaw, and knew he’d said everything he could. The rest was up to her.
“When you’re ready to take a chance on me, on us, you know where to find me.”

She set the envelope on his desk and glanced at him one last time before she turned and left. It gave him no satisfaction to see the well of tears in her eyes, or to watch her walk out of his office and his life.

Liz had never felt so alone and miserable in her entire life, even while being surrounded with her employees and customers at The Daily Grind. She’d kept her mind and hands busy the entire day in an attempt to work off the restless, anxious, edgy feeling that had settled within her since she’d walked out of Steve’s office the previous afternoon. But now, curled up on the couch in her apartment and drinking a cup of hot tea while she waited for her cousin to finally walk through the front door, she had too much time to think. Too much time to replay her conversation with Steve in her mind. Too much time to question herself, her actions, her life, and her future.

Too much time to wonder if all the emotional sacrifices she’d made over the years had been worth it—the biggest sacrifice of which was letting Steve go and believing that was for the best.

He loved her. The mere thought made her chest tighten and her pulse race. The last night he’d made love to her had been magical, a joining of not only their bodies but their hearts as well. She might not have been able to speak the words aloud, but there was no denying that she’d fallen in love with him, too.

She just didn’t know what to do about it, because her fear of letting Steve into her heart was stronger than her desire to let him so completely into her life.

Sighing discontently, she dragged her fingers through her hair and took another drink of her tea, letting the warmth seep inside her and take away the chill that went
bone deep. Unfortunately, there was no antidote for the ache in her chest or the tight squeeze of her heart.

The rattling of a key being inserted into the front door lock pulled Liz out of her troubling thoughts and had her bolting anxiously across the living room to wrench open the door.

Valerie, standing on the other side of the threshold, surrounded by shopping bags and luggage, gasped in startled surprise, then glared at Liz. “Jesus, give me a heart attack, why don’t you?” Her gaze traveled the length of Liz in one single sweep, and then she smirked. “You certainly look like hell.”

Liz shook her head in disbelief at her cousin’s greeting. No “Hello, how are you doing?” Or “Gee, I suppose I should have let you know that I was going to be out of the country for a week and a half.”

Instead, Valerie was more concerned with Liz’s appearance. Amazing.

“I guess compared to you, I do look like hell.” Liz certainly felt like it. Her hair was a mess from repeated finger-combs, she had no makeup on, and she was dressed in her rattiest jammies. Her cousin, on the other hand, looked incredibly chic with a new hairstyle, an impeccably made-up face, and a cute little outfit that showed way too much skin.

Valerie picked up a brand-new designer suitcase and sauntered into the apartment. “Grab a few bags, would you? I nearly killed myself trying to get all this stuff up to the apartment.”

Gritting her teeth, Liz dragged two of the bigger pieces of luggage into the living room, just to help speed up the process, while Valerie handled the shopping bags. Though Liz did wonder why Rob hadn’t been gentleman enough to see her to the door. Probably because Rob was no gentleman and was undoubtedly just as selfish as her cousin. Which made them a perfect pair, Liz realized.

Valerie flopped down on the couch and released a dramatic sigh. “I’m absolutely exhausted.”

“And I’ve been half out of my mind worrying about you,” Liz replied, no longer able to keep a rein on the frustration that had been stewing for the past twenty-four hours. “Where have you been?” She knew the answer but needed to hear it from her cousin.

“In Paris, having the time of my life,” Valerie said with a satisfied smile, apparently oblivious to Liz’s concern. “And the best part of the trip was that it was all-expenses-paid.”

In exchange for sleeping with Rob, no doubt,
Liz thought, but kept the rude comment to herself. Instead, she crossed her arms over her chest and pinned her cousin with a direct look. “Did it ever occur to you that you could have let me know where you were?”

Valerie’s shoulder lifted in an uncaring shrug. “I left you a note.”

“A very vague note that said you were going to a weekend work party with some guy named Rob, not that you were going to be out of the country for a week and a half.” Liz’s voice rose with exasperation.

Valerie studied her French-manicured nails and picked at a cuticle. “My plans changed. So sue me.”

Irritation welled inside Liz as she stared at her self-centered cousin, her upset so strong it nearly overwhelmed her. “Since you bought luggage and applied for a passport before this trip, you obviously knew you were going to be gone longer than a weekend, so don’t give me any crap about your plans changing. You knew about this trip in plenty of time to let me know, and considering you’re living with me, it would be basic common courtesy to let me in on where you’re going and when you’re coming back.”

“You want to know why I didn’t tell you about my trip? Well, here’s the truth,” Valerie said, bitterness vibrating in her tone. “If I told you where I was going,
and with whom, I’d get a lecture, just like you’re starting to do right now. And I didn’t want to listen to it. You’ve never approved of what I do anyway, so what’s the point of telling you ahead of time?”

“Because I care about you.”

There was no reply from her cousin, no warmth or reciprocal words of affection. And knowing that Valerie resented her so much hurt Liz to the very core of who she was—a woman who ached for acceptance, even from a cousin who so openly harbored ill feelings against her for stealing away half of her parents’ attention and love.

“Damn it, Valerie, at the very least you could have called me from Paris or left some kind of message to let me know you were okay and safe. I was worried sick about you, whether you want to acknowledge that or not.” Her cousin continued to stare at her from the couch, cold and unresponsive. “Your mother has called more than a few times since you’ve been gone, and I’ve already had to lie to her once. I wasn’t about to do it again.”

“Did I ask you to?” Valerie snapped.

“No, you never asked me to, but what did you expect me to tell your parents?” Liz began to pace restlessly—anything to burn off the extra energy building within her. “That you’re a phone sex operator who dates her clients, attends sex parties with them, and flies abroad with a virtual stranger? Do you really want your mother and father to know what kind of job you have and everything it entails?”

Valerie stiffened defensively. “You have no idea what my job entails.”

“Yes, unfortunately, I do,” Liz said, her distaste for her cousin’s choice of occupation clear. “I worked for a week at The Ultimate Fantasy in order to find you, and I went to a fantasy party in order to track down Trixie Lane to get information on Rob, who seems to have quite a reputation
with most of the party girls there. So I know exactly what your job is all about, and most of it isn’t pleasant.”

“Wow, Ms. Goody-Goody I’m-the-Responsible- One actually sullied herself for me?” Valerie drawled insolently. “It’s nice to know that you have a bit of daring and adventure left in you after all.”

Liz dismissed her cousin’s sarcasm. “I did it for you, Valerie. Because you’re my flesh and blood and I wanted to make sure you were safe and okay. And I also did it for your parents.”

Valerie stood and closed the distance separating them, until she was only a few feet away and Liz could see the condemnation in her cousin’s green eyes. “Whoever asked you to do anything for me?” Valerie asked. “I certainly never have, yet you always seem to take it upon yourself to try and control my life, to make sure I stay on the straight-and-narrow. Here’s a news flash for you, cousin: I have no desire to be a good girl like you, so why don’t
you
get a life instead?”

Liz opened her mouth, then snapped it shut, feeling as though she’d been slapped upside the head with Valerie’s verbal assault. She blinked, clearly seeing the selfish woman Valerie had become. It suddenly became apparent to Liz that she’d always striven to be the opposite of her cousin to compensate for Valerie’s frivolous, reckless behavior, and when her marriage to Travis had ended so disastrously, Liz had subconsciously compared her own shortcomings to Valerie’s. She’d compounded her disappointment and sense of guilt because she’d wanted her aunt and uncle’s approval so badly and felt compelled to please them in any way she could. It had been her way of repaying them for giving her a home and a family when her parents had died.

She’d always be eternally grateful for their raising her, but she no longer had to make choices that they approved of. She was an adult, and while she’d made a
mistake with Travis, her cousin had made even bigger ones, and through it all her aunt and uncle loved them both the same.

Valerie’s words stung, but boy, did they have a ring of truth to them.

Yes, it was past time that she got a life of her own, just as Valerie had so sarcastically suggested. And that new life was about to begin, right here and now. No excuses, no burdens, no guilt.