Wilder (The Renegades) (19 page)

Chapter Eighteen

Leah

Mykonos

I messed with my hair for the hundredth time and finally settled on leaving it down. Down said I hadn’t messed with it that many times, right? It said that I wasn’t nervous. Was I seriously depending on my hair to lie for me?

The minute Paxton had told me to be ready at five o’clock, I’d broken into a sweat. Thank God I’d picked up deodorant, makeup, and a few new outfits to tide me over until the ship came in a few days.

His mom had been amazing, the perfect amount of distance and intrusion—enough to let me know she was interested in me, but not enough to make me feel like I was being inspected. Plus, she had great taste in clothing.

My gaze darted to the white halter dress that hung from the closet door. It was tight on top with spaghetti straps around the neck and then flared out to just above my knees in a breezy flow of fabric. It felt like freedom, flirtation, sex appeal, and Greece, so I bought it on impulse after I tried it on. But it left my legs bare.

He already knows
.

I sighed. If I was going to try to be anything real with Paxton, he was inevitably going to see the train wreck of scars down my legs. He said he wouldn’t care, and I trusted him. For God’s sake, he’d brought me home and introduced me to his mother. If he could open up a piece of his soul, I could handle a couple awkward looks from strangers.

Five minutes later, I’d traded my linen pants for the sundress, slipping into the little wedge heels his mom had insisted on. I backed up enough to see my full reflection in the dresser mirror. The scars were straight, thick lines that ran from my knee to my ankle along the front of my shin, with smaller marks that ran along both sides. Maybe they wouldn’t have been that thick if that infection hadn’t set in…or if I’d gotten out of the car sooner…

If. If. If
.

I shook my head and blew out a long breath. None of that mattered—not anymore.

A quick touch of lip gloss and then I walked out of the bedroom and down the hallway to the kitchen, where I heard Paxton laughing at something his mother said. He was different here—lighter, all Paxton and no Wilder.

All mine.
My jaw nearly dropped when I saw him casually leaning up over the counters to put away groceries for his mom. It wasn’t just the cut of his button-up shirt, or the way it was loosely rolled on his arms to reveal his colorful tattoos, or even the way his cargo shorts hung on him. It was the domesticity of the moment, seeing him truly relaxed and at peace.

It made my heart lurch, reaching for a future where he’d put the cereal into the cabinet, or sneak in way too much junk food. A future where we shared a kitchen, a home…a life. It was a dream I had no right to even think about, and one I didn’t realize how desperately I wanted until this moment.

I was falling for Paxton so fast that I wasn’t sure even one of his parachutes could save me.

“Hey, you ready?” I asked, my voice shakier than I intended.

He glanced over and then did a double-take, his mouth slack-jawed. My heart pounded as he came closer, his quick strides eating the distance between us. His eyes drifted from head to toe and back up again, and the air stilled in my chest as the world paused.

“You look amazing,” he told me, but it was his eyes that let me breathe again. They darkened with want as he leaned in, his mouth brushing my ear. “You make that dress sexy as hell, and if my mother wasn’t across the room, my hands would already be under it.”

My eyes fluttered shut, relief washing over me with the same force as the desire pounding through me at the mention of his hands. I knew what they could do, how they could set my body on fire, and I wanted it again—wanted him. “You look good, too.”

Lame compliment compared to what the sight of him did to me, but it earned me a smile as he backed up a step.

“You two have fun. I have plans for the evening,” his mom called, rattling her keys as she walked out the front door.

“You ready to say yes yet?” he asked, his eyes bright.

“Yes to what? To sex? To being official? To what…going steady?” Nerves crept up my spine, sending chills down my limbs.

“Yes to all,” he answered, tucking his thumbs in his pockets. “I mean, sex is optional, but given the pretty insane chemistry between us, I’d say it’s a safe bet that it would follow pretty shortly after the other yeses. As for going steady, I’m sure I could find my letterman jacket from high school or something if you want it.”

“This isn’t funny,” I said, panic pitching my voice higher. I felt like we were on the edge of something, and I was either going to gloriously fly or die in the fall.

“I’m not laughing.”

“What’s the purpose? We’ll go our separate ways in eight more months, if we can even last that long. You’re not exactly known as Mr. Long-term Relationship.”

“Do you always skip to the last page of the book, Leah? Feel us. Feel what we can be like together. I do, and it’s nothing like I’ve ever known. You’re right. I’ve never been a relationship guy, but I’m ready to take that risk.”

He reached for me, but I backed away, knowing what those hands, those lips, could do to me. He took risks for a living, of course he was ready to jump headfirst. “Maybe I do skip to the last page. It’s safer to know how it ends.”

He was merciless, backing me against the wall and threading his fingers through my hair as he lowered his lips to hover above mine. “Well then, maybe it’s time you realized that the best part isn’t the end. It’s what happens in between.”

“We’d better get going,” I said, chickening out. Heat rushed my cheeks.

His thumbs caressed my cheekbones. “As long as you know that I’m going to keep asking. I’ll try to wait another few minutes before giving another run at the gauntlet. You’re worth it.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead.

I melted, sagging against the wall, relieved and annoyed with myself at the same time.

“You coming?” he asked, offering me his outstretched hand.

“I wish,” I muttered, thinking that we were wasting a perfectly empty house. He was right. My head might be holding my heart back to the best of its ability, but my body was fully on the Paxton-train.

“I heard that,” he said as he walked me to the Jeep.

The sun caressed my skin, warming it through the open top as we drove off the property and back onto the main road.

He squeezed my knee, then moved his hand up my leg until it rested under the fabric of my dress. Maybe it was that no one had touched me there in years, but it felt incredible. “I like you in dresses,” he said, tossing me a grin. “Easy access.”

“Neanderthal,” I joked.

“Only for you,” he replied, and I actually believed him.

“No other girls?” I asked, needing to hear the words.

“Not since we boarded. You thinking of turning that maybe into a yes?” He glanced at me quickly, trying to keep his attention on the road.

“Maybe,” I said softly, but he heard me.

“Making progress. I’ll take it.”

“Where are we headed anyway?”

He picked up my hand and kissed the back of it. “You’ll see.”

“You know, normally that would drive me insane.”

He glanced over in mock surprise. “No. Not you, Miss Control Freak. No way.”

I thought about my file folder back on board, the itinerary I kept meticulously noted and scheduled, and then I laughed. “Of everything I planned for this trip, I can tell you this is not how I pictured things going.”

“Disappointed?” he asked as we turned down another road that led to the bluest water I’d ever seen.

I reached over and ran my fingers through his hair as we wound down the hillside. He leaned in to my touch, and everything in me, body and soul, seemed to wake up and stretch, to take notice of how perfect this moment was. “It’s even better.”

He turned into a parking lot, parked in the first spot he saw, and killed the engine. Then he twisted, and before I could think, his mouth was on mine, taking me in the kind of kiss fairy tales were made of. And his tongue—okay, maybe it was a dirty fairy tale—moved against mine in ways that screamed sex, and passion, and warm nights. Warm nights like this one.

He pulled away before I was ready, then kissed me lightly. “I’ve been dying for that since I saw you in this dress.”

“Me, too,” I admitted. I looked through the windshield and found a gorgeous beach dotted with umbrellas to our left, and bare except for a few swimmers directly in front of us. The sun glinted off the water, which met the sand with gentle waves. “Is this…?”

“Kalafatis Beach,” he answered. “I remembered you said that you wanted to see it, right?”

I’d thought the moment was perfect before, but this…there were no words for this. Paxton helped me down from the Jeep, and we walked onto the beach. “It’s exactly like I imagined it. Just like their pictures.” I couldn’t look enough, memorize enough, take in enough detail from the pebbled sand under my shoes to the various colors in the water where the blues faded to greens.

“Whose pictures?” he asked.

“My parents’. This is where they got engaged.” I pulled my wallet from the bag I’d brought and tugged the worn picture free from the credit-card slot I’d jammed it into. In the photo, my father had lifted my mother above his head, her hair falling to one side so their smiles were revealed, love tangible in every line of their bodies, their eyes. I held it out so Paxton could see, trying to match it with the shoreline.

“That’s incredible. My mother grew up here.”

“Talk about coincidence,” I joked.

“Or fate,” he said, taking the picture from my fingers. He walked us down the beach a ways, stopping toward the middle and tilting his head, his narrowed eyes examining the space. “There,” he said, pointing directly in front of us as he held up the picture. “They were standing there.”

Waves of emotion washed over me in rhythm with the water. “I’ve always loved that picture,” I said, looking at it matched with our surroundings. “My parents have this amazing marriage, and every time I look at this picture I feel how much they love each other. Like I can touch love itself, feel that kind of happiness. It gave me faith that one day I would be able to let someone love me like that.” I caught him staring at me. I shook my head. “Insane, I know. I just wanted to be here once, to stand where they stood.”
I wanted to see if I could let go of fear and touch love.

“It’s not insane. It’s beautiful,” he said. “Stay here.”

He walked over to one of the beachgoers and spoke in rapid Greek, motioning from the picture to me and then pulling a camera—of course he had one—from his pocket. The young woman nodded and followed him back to where I stood.

“Okay, let’s go,” he said with a smile and led me near the water.

The woman motioned us to the right, and we moved a little until she held up her hand.

“Oh, one thing.” Paxton dropped to his knees in front of me, his fingers deftly undoing the straps of my shoes. “Hers were off.”

He was recreating the photograph. How could I defend myself against him? Steel my heart when he was everything I never knew I’d needed? I expected to hear warning bells in my brain, some kind of mechanism to snap me out of the rabbit hole I was eagerly jumping into, but there was nothing but a feeling of peace, of rightness.

He took off my shoes one at a time, the moment so surreal that I could barely breathe, yet I’d never felt more awake—more alive.

Leaning forward, he placed a reverent kiss on one of my scars, then gave the same attention to my other leg, and my heart threatened to burst. Too much—he was too perfect, too gentle, too close, and yet not close enough. He rose before me and filled every one of my senses until the world around me narrowed to just him. Then he swept my hair behind my neck and over my shoulder.

“Ready?”

I couldn’t speak, only nod.

“You are incredible, Leah,” he said, and kissed me, the soft caress of his lips breaking past the last of my barriers until I was left bare, my emotions stripped raw in the best way.

Joy filled every ounce of my body, radiating through my smile as he lifted me above his head. He never looked away, his grin playful, sexy, intense, and a touch wicked…just like he was.

In that breath of eternity, it didn’t matter that our time was limited, or that our close quarters were intensifying every emotion. It didn’t matter that he was everything I swore I’d never want, or that he took risks on a daily basis that scared the shit out of me. And it didn’t matter that I’d only known him for five weeks. Anything that could have mattered had fled with all logic and reason, leaving the purest of feelings coursing through my veins, singing along every nerve.

In that moment, I fell in love with Paxton Wilder.

I cupped his face in my hands, savoring the slight scratch of scruff against my palms, and said the only thing I could. “Yes. I’m saying yes.”

His grin morphed into the most beautiful smile I could have ever imagined, and the air of possibility charged between us, held us in an electric current more powerful than any I’d ever experienced. “You won’t be sorry.”

I was too high on love to look past this moment, to look further into our future, or question it. I’d taken the leap and was already mid-fall, too far gone to wonder if he’d catch me, but already knowing he would. Under the sun of Mykonos, with the sand of Kalafatis Beach under us, I gave in to the adventure of my life.

What a way to fall.

Chapter Nineteen

Leah

Mykonos

“Are you sure this is okay?” I asked Paxton’s mom as she opened the last shade on the guesthouse.

“Absolutely. The rest of his little club gets here in a couple days, and they’ll invade the house. Once that happens, there’s no peace to be found. Trust me.”

I looked around at the beautiful open space. With three of the walls made up of windows, it was as if the house was part of the landscape itself, looking out over the Aegean. It had a bathroom, kitchenette, eating area…and a huge king-size bed.

“Then you should take it,” I offered.

She waved me off, her eyes taking that same sparkle Paxton’s did. “Oh, no. I won’t be here. Once that zoo crew pulls in I’m headed to Paris for the week. I love my son dearly, but he’s always done better when left to his own devices. And I promised Brandon I’d visit while he’s there on business.”

I dropped my bag at the foot of the bed and walked over to where she stood at the wall of windows. “Pax and Brandon…they don’t get along very well, do they?” I asked, knowing I was stepping a toe over the line.

She shook her head. “Brandon is their father. Straight-edged and business-minded. Paxton…well, he’s me. If you bought them a sailboat, Brandon would assess its worth and where it belongs in his portfolio. Paxton would see how fast he could race it. Neither of them take the time to examine the other’s world. Ironically, that’s why their father and I aren’t married anymore. Even all the love in the world can’t stitch together souls that are too stubborn to bend. I’m afraid that’s all Paxton has seen when it comes to relationships…to love.” She sighed. “Are your parents still married?”

“Yes, ma’am. Nauseatingly happy.” A stab of longing ripped into me. What was it about knowing I couldn’t go home until Christmas that made me miss them a little more?

“None of that ‘ma’am’ stuff. It’s Athena.” Mrs. Wilder shook her finger at me.

I blinked. “Wow. The same as our ship. Talk about coincidences.”

She looked out over the Aegean with a wistful look. “As I said, all the love in the world.”

Before I could ask her what she meant, Paxton walked in with his bag and dropped it next to mine. “You sure you don’t mind the take-over, Mom?”

She smiled at him. “Not at all. I’m glad they’re coming.”

“Already here!” I heard through the open door and turned to see Little John standing with his arms open.

I fought my immediate urge to dive behind the bed to hide my shorts-clad legs and held my ground. If he asked, then I’d simply have to answer.

Paxton hugged him, the sounds of vigorous backslapping echoing in the tile-floored guesthouse. “Good to see you!”

“Me? What about you two? So busy heating up Istanbul that you couldn’t get your asses to the ship on time?”

“And so the invasion begins,” Mrs. Wilder said with a conspiratorial wink in my direction. “John, it’s good to see you.”

“You, too, Mrs. Wilder.” He swiped his ball cap off his head. “Thank you for having us.”

“It’s my pleasure. Also, the crane should be functional in the next hour or so.” She kissed Paxton’s cheek on her way out. “Keep the foam in the pit, dear. It was a bitch to clean up last time.”

“Crane? Foam?” I asked. “Do I even want to know?”

Paxton wrapped his arms around me despite the fact that John was there.
Guess we’re public
. “You’ll want to watch.”

“Oh really?” I looped my arms around his neck, energy humming through me from the simple contact of his body against mine. Last night I’d only gotten a chaste good-night kiss, which had played in my head all day.

He nodded. “Oh yeah. And you know if you get—”

I pushed him back with a laugh. “Yeah, yeah. I know. Red flag.”

He gave me a panty-dropping smile. “Exactly.” Then he moved in close enough to whisper in my ear, “And your ass is incredible in those shorts. See you down there, Firecracker.”

I watched them walk toward the track, grateful that it was only Little John here. At least I didn’t have to worry about someone trying to sabotage or hurt Paxton. I tied back my hair with a bandana before I followed. One thing I’d learned about Paxton? If he said I’d want to watch…

Then he was about to do something worth watching.

…

I wasn’t sure I could watch it again. Yet I still sat there, my ass growing more numb by the second. But how the hell was I going to walk away?

Paxton repeatedly drove his freestyle bike at dizzying speeds from the back of the track until he hit the tallest ramp I’d ever seen, flying off it and flipping.

Every time he jumped the ramp. Every time the metal thing at the end of the ramp allowed him to fling himself into the air so he could flip forward. Every time my world slowed as he rotated, bringing the bike around with him until he came crashing back to earth, landing in the giant foam pit. Sometimes he landed vertically, almost nailing the rotation. Other times the bike came down on top of him.

My breath held. Every. Single. Time.

I only started breathing again when he gave me the thumbs-up from the pit. Then he latched the bike onto the hook of the crane and Little John lifted it out.

They talked about what went right or wrong. Then it started all over again.

They paused for lunch, then dinner, then kept at it until the sun went down. If I was this sore from watching him, I couldn’t imagine how his body felt.

He swore, punched at the foam, yelled out his frustration, but he never quit, never gave up. He was incredible. I’d known it all along, but that had been watching him twist and turn, completing impossible tricks. But now that I watched what it took for him to be the best, I was awestruck.

All through the day he’d told me to head down to the beach, that he didn’t want me wasting my entire day watching him work. But I was glued in place, unable to move for the fear that I’d miss the first time he did it, or the inevitable hospital trip if things went wrong.

I was paralyzed by the growing understanding of what it meant to love someone as extraordinary as Paxton, knowing that the risks he took were something he’d never change because they were an integral part of him. And like his tattoos, I might occasionally forget they were there, but it was only because I already saw them as part of his skin.

He would always be a daredevil.

That realization was as terrifying as it was sexy, watching this man I loved pushing his body to the limit of what it could endure.

This was the reason every muscle of his body was defined with purpose, why he looked like the Greek god he was when he took off his shirt.

Speaking of which.

He unclipped his chest protector, leaving him in a tight black Under Armour shirt. “I’m calling it. I can’t see far enough ahead of me to make this safe,” he said, motioning to the darkening sky. “If we were home I’d turn on the stadium lights, but we don’t have them here.”

I stumbled to my feet, feeling rushing to the parts of my body that had fallen asleep. “Good. It forces you to break for the night.”

“I can’t believe you sat here all day and watched.” He brushed his hand over my cheek. The look on his face wasn’t quite defeat, but it wasn’t victory, either. It was a weary, bone-deep exhaustion.

“I heard it was the best show on the island,” I said, leaning up on my tiptoes to brush my lips against his. “Paxton?” I looked up at him under my lashes and ran my hands along the waistline of his pants dampened with sweat.

“Leah?” His lids lowered, taking on that look that sent heat spiraling through me, electrifying my nerves.

“You smell.”

He laughed, and my world righted, bringing back my Paxton from the world of Wilder. “Yeah, I think I should do something about that.”

“I agree, especially since it’s just the two of us in that small house.”

“With one big bed,” he added, running his tongue over his lower lip.

One line and my body was practically singing with anticipation.

“Hey, Pax, your gear is stowed. I’m thinking about watching a movie. Anything you’re in the mood for?” Little John said as he walked over.

“Nah. Leah, you choose. I’ll be up after I shower.”

But ten minutes later, as I thumbed through Mrs. Wilder’s DVDs, all I could think about was Paxton’s naked body in the shower. Wet. Warm. I bet the water even traveled down those carved fuck-me lines.

I reached the end of the row and nearly fell over, distracted.

“I got my hands on the new Warren Miller. I bet he’d love that,” Little John said, coming from the hallway with a DVD case in hand.

“Yeah, I’ll go ask him,” I offered, and then nearly ran out the back door before he could say anything.

What the hell was wrong with me? I’d never been this distracted over a guy before. Sure, I liked sex…or what I remembered of it, but I’d never been the girl to jump a guy.
You’ve never had orgasms like the one he gave you in Istanbul, either.

Well, there was that.

The shower was still running as I opened the door to the guesthouse. Paxton had lowered all the shades but the ones that looked out over the water, making the house feel like a warm, steamy cocoon.

I walked over to the bed and kicked off my sandals, then took the bandana from my hair, twisting the fabric in my hands. What was I going to do? Say, “Hey, maybe you could…I don’t know…do me?”

You even sound awkward to yourself.

Was this what I wanted?
Yes.
I wanted to feel him on top of me, to see the blue in his eyes darken with want, with need…for me. I wanted to be the sole focus of all that intense energy, to be the one who brought him to his knees.

I wanted Paxton because he was mine and I loved him.

That love didn’t scare me like I thought it would. No, it gave me wings, made me bold, ready to grasp every sensation I could, because I never imagined I’d be able to feel it again.

Yet here it was, and so much stronger than the first time.

Forgive me, Brian, but I know you would have wanted me to be happy.

The water stopped, but my pulse sped up. The shower door opened and closed, and my chest tightened. This would be easy. I could tell him that I was ready, and then we’d go watch the movie, and our good-night kiss wouldn’t end with a kiss.

It sounded so simple, so why was I such a bundle of oversensitive nerves? Even my soft V-neck tee felt scratchy against my skin.

Oh God, he didn’t know I was here. What if he came out naked?

I spun, turning my back to him when I saw movement in the doorway. “Hey, I’m in here,” I called out.
So not sexy.
Why couldn’t I have an ounce of Rachel’s sex appeal, her complete ease around guys? Or just her advice?

Because you’re here…on Mykonos, with the most insanely hot guy you’ve ever laid eyes on.

“Hey,” Paxton called out behind me.

“Are…” I took a deep breath and tried again. “Are you naked?”

“No, but I can be,” he answered.

I pivoted, turning slowly to face him.

Oh fuck me, he may as well have been. A single white towel hung off his lean hips, held in place by a pesky little knot. His hair was damp, and tiny droplets of water clung to his tattooed skin, traveling the lines of his muscles as gravity commanded.

Every single cell in my body screamed with wanting him.

He was every fantasy. Every bad boy I’d been warned against. Every athlete I’d ever admired. Every prom king and every outlaw at the same time. He was the untouchable, the answer to every love letter I’d never gotten, and the only cure for the ache that was steadily growing, unfurling in my stomach. And for some reason I’d never understand, Paxton Wilder was looking at me like I was dessert.

“Leah?” He lifted his hands above his head, grasping the doorframe.

Every single muscle in his abs flexed. Every. One.

Was he even human?

“Firecracker, is everything okay?”

I nodded, trying to find my voice. “I wanted to see you.”

“Okay.” His voice dropped, but his hands stayed where they were.

“I just… I wanted to…” I shook my head. “Last night you kissed me.”

A smirk danced across his face. “Yeah, and this morning. I plan on doing that a lot.”

I twisted the bandana in my hands. “Right. But is that all?”

“Is that bothering you? I didn’t move in here with you expecting sex, Leah. I didn’t ask you to be with me so I could screw you.” His face tightened.

“No, no. That’s not what I’m thinking.” Why was this so hard? “I’m asking if you want to do more than kiss me.”

Now every muscle in his torso strained. “Is that what you want?”

He sounded so damn calm, and I was a huge wreck. How fair was that? And he hadn’t even moved from the doorframe. A shred of self-doubt crept in. “Only if you do.”

His eyes went almost comically big. “Only if
I
do? Are you kidding me? The memory of how you feel under my hands goes through my head about every fifteen seconds. There’s no question there.”

“But you’re not moving.” I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat, but it wouldn’t budge.

Again, his upper body tensed, the muscles in his forearms rippling where he held on to the doorframe. “I’m over here because I don’t trust myself to get any closer to you without stripping those clothes off your tight, perfect body.”

“Oh.”

“So if you’re telling me that you’re ready, I need you to be damn sure, Leah. Because I have wanted you since the first time I saw you, and I have been so fucking good about keeping my hands to myself. You have no clue what you do to me, how much self-control I have to use to keep from pressuring you.”

“Oh.” That giant knot in my throat drifted lower, lodging in my stomach as my core started to simmer.

“So now all I get is one word?” he asked.

I wasn’t sure I was capable of more. All my brain cells were currently scrambling to form a coherent thought that wasn’t
now.

His eyes dropped to where my hands wrung my bandana.

My red bandana.

It wasn’t a flag, but it would do. I lifted it with one hand and waved it twice before letting it flutter to the floor. His eyes darkened, and I was surprised he hadn’t broken through the doorframe from how hard he pushed against it.