Willed to Love (2 page)

As she pulled up to the house, she could almost hear Devon’s voice suddenly changing from confrontation to admiration, and then he had asked her out. Of course she had turned him down, which had started their whirlwind courtship that finally cumulated with their marriage a year later.

A little over six months later, she had wanted out. Not out of Devon’s life, but out of the cycle his family had fallen in to. She had spent every waking moment being groomed to be a socially acceptable wife, and failed on all counts. She laughed too loud. She cried in public. She wore clothing with too much color and not enough style. She actually dared to laugh in a senator’s face. All sins in the Monroe’s eyes.

Feeling her whole body trembling, Ashley climbed out of the car and gently closed the door. She desperately wanted to jump back into the car, slam in behind her and peel rubber all the way back down the driveway; because she had just noticed Devon standing in the shadows, watching her. Running a hand through her riot of curls, she tried to tame her red locks without much success as she walked across the drive and up the stairs.

As she reached the porch, uncertainty clawed at her. What should she do? He was still her husband, but they had been waiting out the separation requirements until they could file for divorce. Two months they hadn’t spoken too each other, except through lawyers and his grandmother. Yet the love was still there, as was the almost insatiable desire that arched between them.

“Hello Ash.” As he held out his hand, she had no choice but to clasp it. Her heart demanded that she not do anything further to hurt him, but her head reminded her that she couldn’t live the life his family demanded of her. Although, she did have hope that his grandmother’s will had changed some things, there were some members of the family wealthy enough that they could shrug off the restrictions and do as they damn well pleased.

For some, it wouldn’t matter either way, wealth or not. She wasn’t of their class, and they weren’t about to accept her. Ironically, it was the wives that were the most judgmental. Devon’s brothers, uncles and cousins seemed to treat her with a casual indifference.

As her hand slid into his warm one, he used it to pull her close and wrapped her in his arms. Sinking into his embrace, she allowed herself to close her eyes and just feel for a moment; the heat of his body, the beat of his heart, the rush of need and desire, the feeling of being loved and protected. She wrapped her arms around his neck and just held on, as he held her close, his hands warm against her hips.

The loss of his grandmother was killing her slowly. She had cried herself to sleep the last two nights, and knew she probably would again tonight. Despite their age difference, Nana had come to be a good friend, someone she could always turn to, even if she couldn’t bring herself to do so.

Curled in his arms, she could almost forget the events of the last few months. The first few days of conversations with Devon, as she tried to get him to understand that she couldn’t be the wife he was expected to have. Finally, her heart threatening to rip apart, she had uttered the D word, and the next thing she knew, lawyers were involved and everything was spiraling out of control.

She had wanted a separation, some time to hear and think. Instead, his family had jumped on her simple question—did Devon want out?—and run with it. Now, standing there in his arms, she had hopes that they could work things out. But she was realistic enough to know it would take time, for both of them.

All too soon, she forced herself to pull away and forced herself to look him in the eyes. “Well, I guess we need to get me a room picked out.”

Devon’s eyed hardened with determination, and she had a feeling she wouldn’t like what was coming. “Nana’s will stipulated that we actively work on reconciliation. Separate rooms, and ignoring each other for three months isn’t going to cut it Ash. You’re sleeping in the room with me. Now if you don’t like the one I have picked out, you are welcome to have our things moved to another bedroom. But we are staying together.”

Nope, she didn’t like it at all. But remembering the letter from his grandmother tempered her tongue and she managed to just nod. Damn the old meddling woman. She knew just where to pull and push to get her way.

* * * *

Ashley’s first evening in the house was outside of anything she had expected. Rather than treat her as an interloper, Nana’s staff welcomed her, and even pampered her. Some she remembered from her visits with Devon’s grandmother. The old butler, Bernard, was a particular favorite of hers. She never would have guessed it to look at him, but the white-haired gentleman’s gentleman was just that. And he could gossip and giggle with the best of them.

With a sigh, she leaned back against the chair in the library and closed her eyes, just letting the peace of the house soak into her pores.

“Oh come now my dear, surely you can do better than that.”

Ashley’s eyes flared open, only to find herself still alone in the room. She would have sworn she had heard the lingering echo of Lillian’s laughter in the room. Wiping away a tear, she closed her eyes again, relaxed and just let herself remember.

“Oh come now my dear, surely you can do better than that. It’s been so long since I’ve had any decent girl talk.” Looking at Lillian, Ashley couldn’t imagine the dignified lady ever discussing such things as sex and orgasms, but that was exactly what she was aiming for.

“I’m not asking for the dirty details dear girl, but just answer me this. Does my grandson measure up to past experiences?”

Having taken a sip of her tea to try and gather her thoughts, Ashley wound up spitting it out. And in Lillian’s direction. Almost immediately, the very attentive shadow in the room, dashed to her side with a white handkerchief.

“Here we are now Ms. Ashley.”

“Thank you Bernard,” she responded, shocked that she had actually forgotten that he was in the room.

“Oh do quit hovering Bernard and sit down. You’re welcome to join in the conversation, but you have to dish out your fair share as well. Just remember, I know you’ve been sneaking out at night to spend time was that new gardener, what’s his name?”

“Adam, Ms. Lillian.”

“Ah yes, Adam. Now there is a fine looking young man.”  As Devon’s grandmother smiled her dreamy smile, Ashley breathed a mental sigh of relief. Maybe she was going to get out of here today without spilling what Lillian wanted to hear most–how Devon had managed to get her into ‘the sack’.

She must have made some sign of relief though, because Lillian’s gaze turned to her. “Don’t worry dear, I haven’t forgotten about you. So tell, how did Devon manage to convince you to bed him?”

Lost in her memories, she didn’t hear the door open. The first sign she was no longer alone was the warmth of Devon’s hands on her shoulders. “Ashley honey?  Dinner’s done.”

Opening her eyes, she looked into his gaze, into eyes the mirror of his grandmother’s, and burst into tears. Within moments, she found herself curled up in his lap, balling like a newborn baby, the front of his shirt soaked with her tears.

Soothing and patient, his hands ran over her back, smoothed her hair down, and he simply held her as she mourned.

* * * *

Ashley stood at the window looking out over the dreary day, feeling much like the weather outside. Ever since she had allowed her grief to overwhelm her, she had worked twice as hard to keep it contained. Lillian would have wanted her to move on, to remember the good times, but she was finding it harder to not dwell.

First the baby, then her husband, and now the woman who was arguably her best friend. If things didn’t work out with Devon this time, she wasn’t certain she would survive it.

She smelled Devon before she saw him, the faint yet heady scent of his cologne. Warm hands settled on her hips, and slowly Devon pressed against her back, his arms wrapping around her waist. His chin came to rest on the top of her head, and in the silence, she could hear her heart pick up its pace.

Almost dreamily, she relaxed back against him, the familiarity of the pose offering a strange comfort to a world gone mad with grief.

She wasn’t sure how long they stood there, watching the rain fall, before the temperature in the room spiked. Devon pressed soft lips against her neck, and unconsciously Ashley closed her eyes and relaxed into the touch. She craved this, in a way she had never been able to deny. Devon had always known just where to touch, and he had never left her wanting while fulfilling himself.

Unable to handle the pain of reality, she let herself get lost in the moment, accepting the comfort he offered. As his hands slid up on her ribs, and cupped her breast through the thin T-shirt she was wearing, Ashley’s pussy clenched. Her body was coming awake after a long slumber.

Trembling at the surge of sensations that threatened to drown her, she tipped her head back and met Devon’s lips. It was only a brief brush of lips, but it renewed the demands of her body. Slowly, Devon’s hands stroked back down her body, coming to rest on her stomach.

Like a cold splash of water, it woke Ashley to the hear-and-now. Almost franticly, she pulled away and crossed the room. Panting at the pain that threatened to send her to her knees, she looked into Devon’s stricken eyes.

“Ash?”  He reached out his hand, but Ash shook him off. Pressing her hands to her stomach, she could almost feel the echo of his touch, her skin still heated from his hands. Under her hands, where her baby should have rested, she felt empty.

“Baby, talk to me.”

“I can’t Devon. I can’t do this. Not yet.”

Running a hand through his hair, Devon paced across the room, agitation obvious with each step. As he paced back, she could see by the pinch of his lips that she wasn’t going to like what he had to say, but that he had bitten his tongue as long as he was going to.

“Do you think it was easy for me? Finding out that you lost the baby and not a damn member of my family cared enough to call me, until Nana found out what was going on? Do you think it didn’t rip me in fucking two to lose first the baby, and then you? To know that you were all alone in the hospital for two days! You’re not the only damn person hurting here Ash. I know you’re in pain, I know you’re confused and feeling lost and alone. But damnit,
so am I
.”

Before she had a chance to respond, Devon turned on his heel and stormed out of the room, the door whispering closed behind him.

* * * *

Almost a week later, Ashley was sitting on the bed, brushing her hair when Devon came into the room. With a quick glance at her watch, she saw that he was about an hour earlier that normal. Despite his grandmother’s death and their attempt at reconciliation, he had to work. His duties had actually increased, now that he was taking care of some of his grandmother’s investments, and clearing up financial matters.

Most of Lillian’s shares in companies, and responsibilities had gone to other family members. But her pet projects she had left to Devon. It was actually a blessing that she had. Otherwise, Ashley feared that Devon would have clung to her side, so worried about her and her sense of loss that he would have smothered her.

Part of it, she knew, was due to the loss of their baby. Having been out of the country, he knew some of the agony she had suffered alone.

With purposeful strides he crossed the room and leaned down, pressing a firm kiss against her lips. Startled, she found herself responding before she even knew what hit her. Devon had been affectionate over the last few days, holding her hand and touching her shoulder, even pulling her close for a hug. But not since her first night, had he kissed her, and then it had only been a soft press of his lips against her forehead as he held her.

As his tongue swept into her mouth, his hand cupped the back of her head, holding her still for his sensual assault. Breathless and lightheaded, Ashley opened her mouth further and allowed his tongue to rub against hers, to thrust into her mouth in a parody of what her body was craving. At the realization that her core was growing damp in preparation for his cock, she broke the kiss.

“Wha—?”  She couldn’t manage to put her thoughts to words. Why had he done that?  They had been taking things slow, and now this.

Devon’s hand relaxed in her hair, and gently he slid it down the side of her face until he cupped her cheek. Holding her still, he pressed a soft closed-mouth kiss against her lips then straightened.

“You just looked so beautiful sitting there that I couldn’t resist.”

Ashley pressed the fingertips of one hand against her lips as he turned away and headed into the bathroom, discarding his shirt and shoes along the way. As the shower turned on, she traced the pouting fullness of her well-kissed mouth.

“At least tell me this then. Can my grandson kiss?”

Lillian’s laughter filled the room as Ashley felt her face heat with a blush. Beside her, Bernard did his best not to chuckle and soon lost. “I, well, that is. Lillian!  Really, this isn’t at all proper.”

Flustered beyond anything she could remember, Ashley tried to figure out how to get herself out of this mess. First Devon’s grandmother wanted to know about the sex life, and not getting the goods, she had settled on a tamer topic. But still it was one Ashley’s didn’t think appropriate to discuss with her boyfriend’s grandmother. the beloved matriarch of the family.

“Just answer her sweetie. It doesn’t get any better if you try and ignore it.”  Glancing into Bernard’s knowing eyes, Ashley gave up and with a nervous giggle whispered, “Yes, he does know how to kiss.”

“I knew it!”  Lillian clapped her hands together in glee. “At least one of the grandchildren has got it. Thankfully, it’s Devon.”  Her joy transformed Lillian’s face, until she lost some of the aged look the years and many disappointments had put on her, and Ashley could see some of the young woman that was buried, but not forgotten, coming to life.

“So really dear girl, sure you don’t want to dish the dirt on your first night together?”  The innocent look in Devon’s grandmother’s eyes should have clued her in. “I really would love to hear about it. It’s been so long since I have felt the touch of a man, that I find I can almost remember what goes where if I think really hard about it.”