Willing Sacrifice (Knights of the Board Room) (42 page)

“Well, I need to be serviced sexually, if you can work that in. And I’m sure Jenny wouldn’t mind a go if you could handle her as well.” Gayle winked at Janet at the sound of the glass hitting the sink. “He wasn’t expecting me to tease him like that in front of you,” she murmured. Janet bit back a smile as Max returned, shooting them both a narrow glance.

“Women,” he pronounced, putting a full glass down for Janet and topping off Gayle’s. “One is trouble enough. Get a pack of them together, and a smart man steers clear.”

“Damn straight.” Gayle toasted him. “If you can come back in a couple weeks, I’m going to have a barbecue for all of you guys that have been helping us out so much. Bring Janet, if she’s still putting up with you.”

“Absolutely,” he said. His gaze moved to Janet, a warm, lingering look that made her want to take her tea glass and slide it along the slick ridges of muscle on his abdomen, down to those belted jeans. She’d hook her fingers there and feel the intimate flesh beneath. Giving her a slow grin, he bent to brush his lips over hers, a promise.

“Got to finish the job,” he said. “Don’t believe any terrible things Gayle says about me.”

As he left the sun porch and headed back toward the front, they heard him roar. The boys had apparently planned an ambush, if the stray leaves that spun by on the light wind were any indication.

“At this rate, they’ll be raking for the rest of the day,” Janet observed. Gayle laughed.

“Most likely. But the main point is him spending time with the boys, letting them have male role models in their life as much as possible. For that, I’m happy to let those leaves pile up like snow drifts.”

She sobered then. “In a way, I’m glad you found Max after he was out of the SEALs, because you won’t have to deal with a lot of this, but unfortunately, he’ll figure out a way to find trouble. A lot of them go into law enforcement or related fields. It makes sense, doesn’t it? You don’t train to be a rocket scientist, work for NASA sending up rockets, and then find contentment as a cable guy. They have to live on that edge somehow. Except Max has a different scenario. His sister is his mission now. That helps, having the mission.”

Janet felt an uneasy ripple, once again thinking of her conversation with Dale in Max’s far-too-bare kitchen.

Seeing it, Gayle reached across, covered her hand. “All that aside, here’s what’s important. They’re all infuriating in their own way. They all have their code, their set way of doing things, and that’s pretty immovable, but Max is a very good man, in every sense of the word. If he gives a woman his heart, he’ll treat her right, whether it’s today or fifty years from now. If you realize
that’s
what matters, that the rest doesn’t, then you’ll find gold.”

She thought about that, as well as a lot of other things. They left Gayle’s early the next morning. Though Gayle had given them a bedroom to share, Max fell asleep in the living room with two of the boys sprawled on him, having indulged them in a horror-movie marathon. When they left in the morning, both women were up to see them off. Jenny even kissed Janet’s cheek, pressed her hand. The young woman looked in better spirits this morning, but as she gave Janet an intent look, she murmured, “You’re lucky to get one after they’re out of it.”

Max was standing behind Janet, giving Gayle a big hug, but she knew he heard it. When he turned to say his goodbyes to Jenny, he drew her to him for a warm embrace, holding her an extra moment, hand cupped over the back of her head. He said something to her, something that made her fingers tighten on his broad shoulders, then he eased back, touched her nose. “When I come back for that barbecue, you and me will go to the mall. We’ll snag one of those portable wheelchairs so I can zoom you around and your feet won’t get tired. I’m a trained chauffeur, after all.”

“And a combat driver. I have firsthand knowledge,” Janet added helpfully, making Jenny smile.

“Yep.” Gayle linked arms with Jenny. “Then when Lew gets back, you’ll tell him you expect him to do mall shopping just like Max does.”

Jenny snorted. “He’ll think of a reason to stay away for another six months if I tell him that.”

“No.” Max held her bleak gaze. “As soon as he can be back with the both of you, he will be, no matter how much mall shopping he has to do. I promise you that.”

When they were in the truck and well on their way, Janet looked toward him. He seemed a little tired from his late night with the boys, but otherwise content. He had her hand in his grip, lifting it to his mouth to brush a kiss over her knuckles. “What did you say to her, when you hugged her?” she asked.

“I told her it didn’t matter what corner of the world he’s in right now, all he’s thinking about is being back with her.”

“But don’t you think that raises the question ‘then why does he go away at all?’”

Max glanced at her. “Yeah. It’s a tough one for a lot of the women.”

He didn’t try to explain it. Perhaps he knew it was like what Gayle had implied to her. If a person didn’t intuitively understand it, they never would.

Sliding across the seat, she laid her head on his shoulder. Max shifted his arm around her, driving the deserted two-lane highway one-handed. The sun was rising, and the coffee Gayle had made gave the cab a pleasant aroma.

“Have you ever tried seeing how Amanda reacts to Dale, or one of the other SEALs?”

“Dale’s been to see her, and she likes him well enough. Aaron went with me a couple times as well. He lives up near Baton Rouge, but comes into New Orleans regularly to visit his mom when he’s here.” He squeezed her. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m wondering if you’ve ever tried to let one of them visit her without you, to see if she’d be okay with them as a substitute, if you stayed away for a slightly longer period, like a week or two. That way, if you wanted to go somewhere for a week’s vacation, you could do it.”

“It doesn’t work that way,” he said. “It’s me she looks for.”

“Because you’re the only one who’s consistently visited her. If—”

She stopped. He hadn’t said anything, but he’d become more focused on the road, his fingers tightening on the wheel, despite the fact there was no traffic. Though he still had his arm around her, it was like she was leaning against a board. If there was one thing she recognized, it was a male shifting into defensive mode.

“You know her better than I do,” she said lightly. “It’s just a thought. Would you like to listen to some music?”

“Yeah, sure.” His shoulders eased a fraction. Straightening, she moved back to her side of the truck to fiddle with dials, scrolling through his satellite radio options until she found a station that played a good mix of contemporary, alternative and oldies. Slipping her feet out of her canvas sneakers, she drew them up on the seat. She linked her fingers over them and glanced out the window at the passing scenery. The silence drew out, but she decided to let him be the one to break it, since the wheels of his mind were obviously creating a cacophony in his head.

“Okay, let me have it,” he said at last. “I know you’re thinking something I’d rather not hear.”

“It’s really none of my business, is it?”

“You’re kidding, right?” At her blank look, he gave a half laugh. There was a trace of irritation in it, but something else as well. “Janet, I haven’t had a relationship since I left the SEALs. Hell, I’ve barely had sex with anything other than myself since then. I’m taking you camping. I’m introducing you to the wives of guys I’ve served with. I’m letting you into my life because I want you to be a part of it, and not just as a passing thing. Maybe I’m scaring the shit out of you, saying something like this when we’ve been together less than a couple weeks, but in my mind it’s been a lot longer. I—”

“You don’t scare me, Max Ackerman.” She was glad to see the rueful tug of his lips in response. Reaching across the seat, he closed his hand on hers, a firm grip. Then he released her.

“All right. If we’re going to have our first fight, let’s make it a memorable one. Spit it out, woman.”

She nodded. “I mentioned Amanda to Rachel. Not just her condition, which I don’t know a great deal about, but also about the role you play in her life. I didn’t do it to betray your trust. I spoke to her in confidence, as a medical professional, since she has access to a lot of doctors at the hospital where she does PT.”

He shook his head. “I don’t worry about that with you, Janet. I know you’re discreet, and I also know Rachel. She’s top quality in that department.”

“Yes, she is.” Janet paused. “She was told it’s very common for the primary caregiver to convince themselves that no one else can do what they’re doing, for fear that the person they love will not get every bit of the care they deserve. Yes, Amanda reacts badly if she doesn’t see you every few days, but then again, other than you, it sounds like she doesn’t see anyone else from the outside. Gayle mentioned the way the SEALs support one another. I noticed how you and Dale have a very similar demeanor, and I’ll bet other SEALs carry that same feel to them. You’re like an intense extended family. Wherever Amanda is in her head, I wonder if she would pick up on that intuitively.”

She pressed her lips together, not seeing any change in his expression, but he was at least listening. “I don’t expect you’d ever want to stay away from her longer than a week or two, but having the flexibility to do so would let you have a vacation, give yourself a breather. And you’d be an even better caregiver for her as a result.” She reached out now, touched his arm, briefly drawing the gray eyes to hers. “You’re wonderful with her, but it tears your heart out, Max. I can see it. You’ve put yourself on a short tether, perhaps too short. It’s also kept your focus on her situation, and the cause of it, in a way that may not be healthy. You’ve put your life on hold.”

The last two sentences snapped them back into sticky territory. His shoulders and mouth tightened. “No,” he said. “That focus is going to stay front and center until it’s settled.”

“Because it’s the one thing you can change about what happened? You can punish those who did it? Your mother won’t be less gone, your sister—”

“Dead,” he ground out. “She’s not gone, Janet. Not like she fucking went to Atlantic City or on a trip to see relatives. She’s dead, beaten to death by three guys because she wouldn’t move out of the way and let them rape her daughter.”

“And your single-minded determination to kill all of them may make you just as dead when all is said and done.” Janet refused to back down. “Where does that leave Amanda then? Where does it leave me? You’ve invited me into your life. ‘Hey, look at me, I’m this amazing guy who might be everything you’d ever want’. But because you have this fucking code of honor, I might get to identify your corpse before I ever pick out curtains with you.”

She’d proceeded calmly, rationally, but his anger unleashed the same in her, a barb festering from the conversation with Gayle, Dale’s visit in Max’s kitchen, what she herself was feeling about the man himself. He’d been so straightforward.
I’m letting you into my life because I want you to be a part of it.
Most men shied away from that, or if they said it, they hadn’t really thought it through, a passion-of-the-moment kind of thing. She’d been unbalanced by it, the fact she knew he meant it, had likely considered it from every angle. But the real shock was knowing how much she wanted the same thing. He hadn’t been with a woman, more than a one-night stand, for several years. She hadn’t had a relationship since getting away from Jorge.

“That’s the deal with me,” he responded, fire in his eyes, a hard set to his jaw. “I laid it out there for you. I can’t change it, and I didn’t take you for the kind of woman who would run from something like that.”

“Stop the truck.” The ice in her voice was pure Mistress, pure ball-busting admin of Matt Kensington. Max gave her a look. She knew he wasn’t any more afraid of her than she was of him, but he did respect her. Whatever he heard in her tone had him pulling off the highway, on to a side road that made a straight shot into the endless flatlands, going all the way to the horizon and disappearing.

Pushing open her door, she slid to the ground. She collected her purse, her water bottle and an opened bag of crunchy Cheetos that she’d carefully rolled closed to keep them fresh. He’d bought it for her at a gas station on the way to Gayle’s. She started to walk.

She could sense him watching her, probably trying to figure out what the hell she was doing. She had no idea herself.

Separated from the side road by a split rail fence, the land to her left looked like a field that might be tilled for some purpose at another time of year, or was being left fallow for this season. The early morning sun wasn’t hot, but it wouldn’t have mattered. She needed to walk.

She’d gone perhaps a half mile before she thought to stop, look back at the truck. She expected to see him leaning against it, or still behind the wheel, keeping tabs on her progress, prepared to come pick her up when she was ready. Instead, he was about twenty paces behind her. So caught in her whirl of thoughts, she hadn’t heard him. He wasn’t letting her get out of his immediate range in this unfamiliar area. He was watching after her, even as he gave her space.

Fuck, she was so in love with the fucking idiot.

At her look, he lifted a shoulder. “You like keeping men on a short tether. I was just obliging.”

She stared at him. Something eased in her stomach, and she shook her head. “Ass.”