Wine and Whiskey (Surviving Absolution #1) (5 page)

With a careful hand, Carrie sweeps a glittery bronze eyeshadow
across Shae’s lid. She leans over her kit perched on the black marble
countertop, running her fingers across the tiny plastic cases until she finds
the one she wants. “I know your mom liked you in pink, but this red dress is
perfect. You look beautiful.” Shae tries to nod, but Carrie holds her in place.
“Now, back to my question. Has he ever been arrested? Tried in court?
Convicted?”

“No.”

Carrie waves her hand, shooing away the doubt. “Then, ‘alleged’
is just that. Nothing proven. Nothing certain.”

“I know, but what if it’s true?”

“Well, the real question is what are you going to do if it is?
Are you going to keep seeing him?”

Her head immobilized by Carrie’s grip, Shae rubs her fingertips
on the arms of her chair. Uncertain if she can stop even if she wants to. He
fills her thoughts and finds her in her dreams, encouraging her to let him in,
to give in to what frightens her the most. “We had dinner once, and we’ve been working
out with Jason. That’s it.”

Carrie raises an eyebrow as she assesses her work. “Right. Five
days in a row, but it’s nothing.” She shakes her head. “You’re not fooling me.
He wants more, and so do you.”

An involuntary smile crosses Shae’s lips, powerless to argue against
what she knows is true.

“That’s a smile I haven’t seen in a long time. You really like
him, don’t you?”

Unable to speak with Carrie’s brush on her lips, she shrugs.

“You have to do what you think is right. But, you Googled him
and he’s never been convicted of anything, he sits on the board of that
domestic violence foundation, and he donates tons of money to them and a few
other charities. Seems like a good guy to me.”

“He was so upset when he thought I was being abused. It freaked
me out at first. But a man who’s that caring and protective has to be a good
person, right?”

Carrie puts down her tools and stares at her. “You’re my best
friend, and I know you better than you know yourself. You like this guy and
want to go out with him. If you’re worried, ask him about it.”

She laughs, rolling her eyes to the ceiling. “Yeah, right. What
am I going to say? ‘Thanks for dinner, Nick. By the way, are you in the mob?’”

“Okay, so I guess that’s a stupid suggestion. But it’s either
that, or go out with him and see what happens. If the police or whoever
investigates that kind of stuff can’t prove anything, then how are you going
to?”

At a knock on the door, Shae jumps up and hugs her. “Thank you.
You’re always here when I need you.”

Carrie smiles, but pushes her back. “Stop it or you’ll mess up
your hair.” The expression fades as she turns serious. “It’s the first time
since Evan you’ve even thought about giving someone a chance. I just want to
see you happy.”

Shae nods before following the waiting PA out of the room.

* * * *

Her heart dances in her chest at Nick waiting for her outside
the locker room. Their first chance to talk without Jason playing big brother
and hovering over them. In two quick steps, he’s in front of her, brushing her
cheek with his lips. “I missed you yesterday.”

Tingles radiate through her body from his touch and his words.
“I had something for work.”

“Let me take you out for breakfast.”

She nods and accepts his hand. Outside, the man she met at his
house stands by the Jeep.

“You remember Max?”

She returns the man’s smile. “Of course. It’s nice to see you
again.”

“You too.”

Max climbs in the back while Nick steps behind her to lift her
up. She shakes her head. “I’m much better now, thank you.”

She fights the urge to lean back against his chest while his
fingers linger on her waist and his breath tickles her ear. “Good.”

Nick parks in front of a white stucco building covered with a
red and yellow vinyl banner announcing the grand opening of
Soteria
.
Small vases of wildflowers decorate the teak tables surrounding the exterior.
Cars snake around the empty parking lot, filling the drive-through line beyond
capacity.

They mull over the menu, hand-written on a huge chalkboard
hanging behind the counter. Two teenage girls hustle back and forth between the
espresso machine and the drive-through window. A dour-faced boy slowly removes
trays of oversize muffins from a free-standing oven and places them on a metal
serving tray covering half the counter.

As Shae places her order, the girl’s eyes widen in recognition.
Dread coils in her stomach. Nick seems indifferent to her celebrity, yet fan
interactions can become overwhelming. He may hate it as much as Evan did.

The girl rushes to her co-worker and whispers while they work.
The other girl’s head flies up, and she looks at Shae. Making eye contact, she
quickly drops her gaze and nods to her friend.

Nick leans down to her, a mischievous grin tugging on his lips.
“I think those girls are hot for me.”

An unexpected yet sweet response to the craziness surrounding
her life, giving her freedom from the spotlight for a little bit. She elbows
him in the ribs, stifling her laugh. “Don’t be conceited. Maybe it’s Max.”

Pretending to wince, he joins in her laugher. “Touché.”

Warmth fills her body from his fingers trailing up and down her
back as they wait for their drinks. She concentrates on the skilled hands of
the barista expertly whipping milk into foam, trying to distract herself from
his touch.

Nick lets her lead the way, and she chooses a spot in the back
corner. Three chairs, two zebra stripped and one pink, surround a table inlaid
with a black and pink checkerboard. She takes a small bite of her parfait as
Max sits down.

“Next time, I’m picking the place. I need real food. I can’t
make it on muffins and yogurt.”

Nick pats him on the shoulder. “Okay, Max, next time we’ll go
out for bacon and eggs.”

“Don’t forget the sausage, biscuits, and omelets.”

Her mouth begins to water thinking about it. “What about
pancakes or French toast?”

Max points an approving finger at her. “Definitely. Maybe even
crepes.”

A flash lights up behind the counter. One of the girls shoves a
phone in her pocket, her ponytail swinging as she pretends to busy herself with
stacking mugs. A streak of red runs up her exposed neck to the tops of her
ears, a symbol of her guilt.

Shae’s stomach drops as her world ruins their breakfast. “Sorry,
guys. Your picture may show up on some gossip website in the next few days.”

Max glances at the girls while they whisper. “I don’t know how
you do it. Doesn’t it piss you off being watched all the time?”

She shrugs her shoulders as she stirs her fruit cup. It’s wrong
to complain about the downside of fame when she’s enjoyed so many benefits from
it too. “I’m used to it, for the most part. Fans usually just want a picture or
an autograph. The paparazzi can be pretty aggressive sometimes, though. I don’t
like feeling stalked.”

Nick reaches out and takes her hand, rubbing his thumb across
her knuckles. “You don’t have to put up with that.”

“Yeah, who’s your security guy?” Max leans in closer to her. “I
can talk to him about providing you with better protection. You shouldn’t have
to be afraid.”

Their protectiveness makes her heart flip-flop. “Thank you, but
I’m okay. I stick with places they can’t bother me, like the gym, and use
bodyguards when I need them. It’s fine.”

Max frowns in confusion. “Why can’t they bother you at the gym?”

“Jason legally made it a members-only club, so they can’t come
on the property. Now, I can come and go in peace. I know it’s not fancy, but
it’s a haven for me.”

Swallowing a bite of muffin, Nick shakes his head. “I didn’t
realize Jason owned it.”

“Yes, that’s what JET stands for—Jason Edward Tyler.” She laughs,
a reminder of her friend’s crush. “It’s also for Tom Cruise in Top Gun. He
loves Tom Cruise.”

Nick winks at her with an odd expression she can't quite
decipher. “He loves you too, probably more than you know.” He squeezes her
hand, making her chest flutter. “What are your plans for today?”

“Actually, I don’t have any, and it feels wonderful. I was gone
so long on tour, it’s nice to stay home. I’m kind of a nerd that way.”

Max coughs before clearing his throat. “I don’t think anyone
would call you a nerd.”

Despite Team Shae’s best efforts, she can’t uphold the party
girl image they like to portray. The rumors of her closing down the clubs,
leaving with the hottest actor of the moment, sells more records than the
truth. Yet intensifies her guilt for the young girls who think
it’s
cool and try to emulate something that’s not even real.

“I mean, I don’t really go out much or anything. Carrie loves to
dance and tries to drag me along. But, I’m just as happy staying home, watching
movies and eating popcorn.”

Having already wolfed down his muffin and yogurt, Max eyes the
menu board before turning back to her. “So, that’s the real life of a pop star?
Hanging out at home watching movies?”

She leans forward and whispers, “Yes. Please don’t sell my
secrets to the media.”

Crossing his heart, Max winks at her. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell
a soul.”

They finish eating and are walking out when Max suddenly stops.
“It’s Juan.”

Nick steps in front of her as two men approach them, one about
two feet behind the other. Both have dark hair and caramel skin. A crescent-shaped
scar mars the taller one’s left cheek, giving the appearance of a pumpkin
carving gone wrong.

The other man stands so close to Nick, she suppresses a cough
from his musky cologne. Humorless brown eyes bore into Nick, conflicting with
the fake smile crossing his lips. He spreads his arms in front of him, feigning
disbelief. “I wasn’t expecting to run into you here.”

“It’s not a coincidence, Juan. What do you want?” Nick’s body
stiffens, his voice conveying a hardness she’s never heard before. Her heart
constricts at his reaction to the men, his laid-back demeanor vanishing at the
confrontation.

“You’re so rude. Can’t we have a civil conversation? Discuss
some important business?” He motions to Shae. “It won’t take long. I know you
don’t want to keep your beautiful friend waiting.”

“This isn’t the time or the place. If you want something, call
my secretary and make an appointment.”

“You have a debt to pay for what you did to my brother.” Her
stomach churns at the tension boiling between them. Juan’s eyes flash with
anger, his voice hissing. “I have offered to work with you. If you refuse, you
leave me no choice. I have to get your attention one way or the other.”

She flinches as Juan reaches out as if to touch her hair. Nick
grabs his arm and slams him against the condiment table. A silver pitcher
topples over, with drops of milk forming a small puddle. Packets of sweetener
spill out like a rainbow waterfall over the edge, with two yellow ones left
hanging precariously. Max points a gun at Juan’s head before the other
bodyguard gets his jacket open. “Fall back, or you’ll regret it.”

Everything is silent except for the beep of the oven timer,
warning the now-scared boy his muffins are done.

Nick leans forward a few inches from Juan’s face. “You’ve got my
attention in a way you don’t want. Now, I suggest you get the fuck out of here
before things go real bad for you.”

As he loosens his grip, Juan jerks away. His gaze moves to Shae
as he
smoothes
down his clothes. “This isn’t over.” He
storms out of the coffee house with his bodyguard behind him.

She lets out the breath she’s been holding. Nick crouches down,
his face even with hers, his eyes burning with worry as he cups her face. “Are
you okay?”

No, but she nods anyway, her chest throbbing from her racing
heart.

Max turns to the stunned kids. “Everything’s fine. Just a
misunderstanding.” None of them respond, shock paralyzing their bodies and
their voices. He places the pitcher upright and bends down to scoop up the
packets, dropping them in the trash. “No harm done.” He slowly pulls out his
wallet and removes several one hundred dollar bills, putting them in the tip
jar.

Unaware she’s shaking until Nick takes her hand, she grips his
arm as he leads her outside.

“Ready?”

Nick puts the Jeep in gear after Max hops in the back and pulls
out of the parking lot without waiting for her to answer.

Chapter Three

Sitting next to Nick on one of the beige leather sofas in his
living room, Shae is reminded of what an imposing man he is. How his large hand
engulfs her cheek as he caresses it, his long fingers brushing against her
hair. How the heat radiating from his thick, muscular body warms her as she
wraps her arms around herself, trying to stop the trembling.

His eyes search hers, his face tight with worry. “Are you okay?”

Maybe she’s foolish not to be afraid of him. Not to be
frightened of him and his gun-brandishing bodyguard who calmly deflect the
threats against them, easily reversing their roles from victims to aggressors.
Then doling out cash afterward in recompense for the shock of being unwitting
spectators to their impromptu drama.

Yet, his gentleness with her never falters. Fierce and
protective, he seems to make her safety his only priority, even in the midst of
confrontation. Never any doubt regarding his concern for her. No, she doesn’t
fear him. It’s his life beyond the two of them that scares her.

She lowers her head, breaking the physical connection between
them. “I don’t know. I shouldn’t have let you talk me into coming here.” With
shaking hands, she
smoothes
the wrinkles in her black
and pink striped skirt. Unable to face his agonized expression, she stares at
her dress. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do this. Can you please take me back
to my car?”

He lays his hands on top of hers, preventing them from rubbing
the fabric, attempting to erode her decision to leave. “If that’s what you
want. But I was hoping we could talk some more.”

Memories of the altercation play on a continuous loop in her
mind. The images revealing a truth she pretended to ignore, reality she wanted
to disregard as easily as the gossip swirling around herself. She takes a few
deep breaths, failing to clear the confusion in her head. “I don’t think
there’s anything left to say.”

He curls his fingers over hers. “If you leave, I’ll never see
you again. I can’t let that happen.”

Trying to ignore the longing behind his words, she struggles to
minimize the mutual desire she feels for him. “Why not? We just met a week ago.
We don’t even really know each other.”

“That’s not true.”

A familiar twinge of disappointment wells up in her chest—a
reminder of all the broken connections after the illusion of her disintegrates.
She blows out a deep sigh. “Everyone thinks they know me from magazines and
gossip sites. It’s just an image for publicity. I’m not that person.” Before he
can respond, she stands up and walks toward the foyer. “I need to go.”

“I know the real you.” The tenderness in his voice forces her to
pause. This is the Nick she knows, not the one from the restaurant. The man who
makes her think crazy things like this could be real, that the two of them
might actually have a chance. “How your cheeks turn pink when you feel shy. How
you’re secretly competitive and try to one-up me when we work out. The way
you’re always thinking about dessert.”

He stands behind her, close enough his breath warms her neck,
his skin skimming hers, stirring an ache for him to wrap his arms around her
and eliminate all of her uncertainty. “I know you’ve been hurt before, and
you’re scared it’s going to happen again.”

She whips around to face him, heat creeping up her cheeks flamed
from both accuracy and embarrassment. “Why do you think that?”

“Men would kill to be with a woman like you. You could have
anyone you want. You’re alone because you choose to be.”

“That’s not…” She wraps her arms around her waist, attempting to
shield herself from the unexpected memories his words trigger. Nick isn’t Evan.
Apparent from the beginning, yet she’s terrified it will end the same way.
“It’s complicated.”

“Not for me. I know you’re sweet and gentle and bring me a
feeling of peace I’ve never experienced before. Whenever I’m with you, nothing
else matters.” He tucks a piece of loose hair behind her ear. “When I’m not
with you, you’re all I think about. I’m falling in love with you.”

The bouncing balloon in her chest from his heartfelt admission
quickly deflates from his declaration of love, a painful reminder of the
heartbreak she’s endured. “Please don’t say that.”

“Since the first moment I saw you, I’ve wanted to be with you. I
can’t get you out of my head.” His fingertips slide under her chin, lifting her
face to meet his. “I know you feel it too.”

“All I feel right now is fear.”

His eyes lock with hers, blazing with conviction. “Don’t be
afraid. I swear I’ll never hurt you.”

His voice conveys a promise she yearns to be true. Yet doubt
hums through her mind, guilt from her own broken assurances fueling her racing
heart. “After this morning, I don’t know what to believe.”

“If it hadn’t happened, would you want to be with me?”

She shakes her head. “I can’t pretend it didn’t.”

“I’m not asking you to. All I want is for you to be honest with
me and yourself about your feelings.”

The answer to his straightforward request scares her the most.
Lying to herself hurts them both, yet protects her heart.

“If you don’t want to be with me, I’ll walk away like we never
met. But, if you feel even a tenth of what I feel, you have to give me a
chance.”

“What if it’s not enough?” She squeezes his corded arms, the
muscles twitching under her fingers. “You’re so calm. Is this how you live all
the time?”

“No. Juan won’t accept the fact that I don’t want to be in
business with him. He’s been a growing problem for the last few weeks. I didn’t
realize until now how unstable he is.”

“What about the gun? Max had a gun pointed at Juan’s head.”

The shrug of his shoulders is almost imperceptible, the
steadiness of his voice unwavering. “He was protecting us.”

Matter of fact. Cut and dry. A forgone conclusion about the need
for armed protection, and it’s not even the most terrifying part. Her voice
cracks as she reveals her bigger worry. “What did you do to his brother?”

“Nothing. He worked for me. He was a hothead and made some
stupid mistakes. He ended up in jail and was killed. Juan blames me, but he
brought it on himself. ”

Her mouth opens, but the words won’t come. The rage on his face was
too vivid to ignore. His need to protect her fuels a fury in him she struggles
to comprehend.

“What is it?”

Fear steals her breath, and she can only whisper. “You were so
angry.”

“Juan was trying to…” He closes his eyes and grimaces. “Touch
you. I couldn’t let that happen.” He shakes his head. “Fuck, what am I doing?”
His face falls slack, his eyes darkening with defeat. “Jason’s right. I need to
leave you alone.”

Cold chills run through her body at the realization of her
friend’s broken promise. “What are you talking about? What did he say?”

“It doesn’t matter.” With a deep sigh, he steps back. “You don’t
belong with me. I’ll have Max take you back to your car.”

She closes her eyes, willing away the growing ache in her heart.
Forcing herself to return to her accepted fate of being alone. “I’m sorry we
couldn’t—”

“I know I should let you go, but I can’t.” He pulls her against
him and whispers into her hair, “Please don’t leave.”

The rawness of his plea exposes a vulnerability in him she never
expected. Its simplicity revealing the purity of his emotion. He cradles her
head as she talks into his chest. “I feel out of control. Everything’s moving
too fast.”

“I promise to take things slower. I’ll do anything to make you
stay.”

The faint ticking of the mantel clock provides the only proof
time passes. Wrapped in his arms, her trembling stops, her body softens as the
tension releases. This is where she wants to be, no matter how wrong it is.
“You’re tenacious. I know that about you.”

He laughs before kissing the top of her head. “Oh, yeah? What
else do you know?”

A small vibration pulsates between their bodies before she can
respond. He ignores the chirping phone, drawing her tighter against him. She
lifts her head and smiles back at him. “If you don’t answer it, Max will just
come for you.”

As if on cue, a knock sounds on the living room wall. “Excuse me,
Nick, but Carter’s here. He’s waiting in your office.”

“Thanks, Max. I’ll be right there.” He rubs his hands across her
shoulders. “Will you wait for me?”

Pressed against him, heat races through her body. His clean,
citrusy scent and sexy smile weaken her resolve to resist his request. She nods
before letting him go.

“Good. I want to show you something.”

He grasps her hand and leads her to the lower level, pushing
open the door to a dimly lit room. Three rows of black leather sofas stacked
stadium style face an enormous screen. Small black and gold tables with
recessed square lights nestle between each sofa, the dark walls and furniture a
sharp contrast to the cream carpet.

He picks up a remote and pushes a few buttons. Light flickers on
the screen, revealing an endless list of movie titles. “I thought you might
want to wait here for me. I’ll try not to be gone too long, and then we can
talk some more.”

She can’t hide the smile his thoughtful gesture inspires.
Bringing her here, remembering what she likes, wanting to make her happy. “I’d
like that.”

“What would you like to watch?”

Unable to focus on anything but him, she shakes her head.
“Surprise me.”

Bridesmaids
flashes twice, and a row of women in pink dresses appears on
the screen. He picks up a gray afghan from a basket next to the sofa and
motions for her to sit down. After tucking the blanket around her, he runs his
knuckles across her cheek. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

She takes a deep breath. Alone with her thoughts, she can’t
snuggle in and enjoy the movie like he hopes. Any doubts surrounding his
“alleged” status dwindle from their encounter today. Now, she sits in his
mansion pretending to watch a romantic comedy while really questioning her
sanity. She risks her career, her safety, even her heart being with him.

Until she met Nick, she never thought she would stray from the
sheltered lifestyle her mom created for her, never deviate from the plan of
success that didn’t have room for anyone but the two of them. Now it’s a solo
life, with the yearning for more. For what Nick gives her. Choosing to be with
him could be her downfall. One of those fateful decisions, when looking back,
is easy to realize as an obvious mistake. But, in the here and now, he’s all
she wants.

After a few minutes, Nick returns and sits down on the sofa.
Pinwheels twirl in her stomach as he pulls her close, nestling her into the
crook of his arm. The movie plays on, but her focus remains on him, his taut
stomach muscles shaking under her hand as he laughs, his fingertips skimming
across her wrist as they cuddle.

The second the credits roll, she hops up, flustered by more than
his physical presence. Her acceptance of his soft touch symbolizing the sway of
her heart. “I liked the movie. Thank you.”

A playful smile crosses his mouth. He stands in front of her and
gently cups her face. “You’re welcome.” Leaning in, he presses a kiss on her
lips. Soft. Gentle. Chaste. A hint of desire, matching the ache she suppresses
in herself.

“I think I’d better go.”

He brushes his thumbs across her cheeks. “Okay, sweetness. If
that’s what you want.”

* * * *

Hand in hand, they walk upstairs. His lips and groin throb from
the brief contact of her silky skin against his. After Juan’s stunt at the
coffee house, he’s lucky she’s even here. That she allows him to touch her at
all.

An entire week and he barely has one kiss. If it was any other
woman, he’d have already screwed her and be scheming to get her out of his bed,
probably out of his life. With her, he welcomes whatever she offers him, any
sliver of hope she might actually give him a chance. He shakes his head at the
foreign feeling of being controlled by a woman, especially one who has no idea of
the power she holds over him.

In the foyer, they meet his housekeeper coming from the kitchen.
“Hey Marta, this is my friend, Shae.”

Her dark brown eyes crinkle in delight as she pushes her glasses
on top of her head and smiles at Shae. “Nice to meet you.”

“Marta runs the show around here. She takes care of me and
everything else.”

The older woman puts her arm around his waist. “Is tough job
keeping up with this one, but he good
boy.
I keep eyes
on him.”

Shae laughs and squeezes his hand, her touch flaming the need he
tries to restrain. “I bet you do.”

“I make mandarin chicken salad for lunch. Come eat.” Marta edges
Nick out of the way and wraps her arm around Shae’s shoulders, guiding her to
the kitchen. “You too skinny. I feed you.”