Winning Back Ryan (23 page)

             
This was what every woman who had ever been dumped had prayed for- their ex proposing to them, apologizing for his mistakes, wanting to start again. I had done the impossible. Winning back Ryan had been my goal, and here he was, wanting us back. I couldn’t believe how little effort it actually took for this moment. I would have done a lot more to be here. The problem, however, was…we couldn’t go back. It would never feel the way it did before with him.  Besides, despite what he was saying, I saw his smile and his tender touches in those pictures with Kelly. It was more than just physical with her; I felt it in the pit of my stomach looking at those photographs. Women, we always just
know
. My victory tasted like bitter ash in my mouth.

             
I blinked, staring at the ring, and then glancing up at his face.  “I think you’ve lost your mind. You’re insane if you think after all you’ve put me through that I’d ever come back!” I was not sure what was more messed up about this situation-the fact that he still believed I had a venereal disease and I had yet to correct him, or if he thought that proposing to me would somehow atone for getting me sick.  This whole situation was so ridiculously screwed up; I didn’t even know where to begin. God, that was such a gorgeous ring, though. I really do have good taste...in jewelry.

             
“Just sleep with him. Get it out of your system. Answer all of the questions in your head. Then make your decision.” He said to me. I nodded, because now all I wanted to do was get out of there. ‘Cause I was going to sleep with someone and infect them in this lifetime.  “Annie, is it serious? Whatever you have. Is it treatable? Do you need me to pick up a prescription?” He asked.

I swallowed down the bile that rose in my throat.

              “Go and take the test yourself tomorrow. You can find out then what you have,” I said before slamming the front door behind me.

             
Ten minutes later, I showed up at Brian’s door.

             
“Annie, if I knew you were coming, I’d have….” He said, running his hand through his hair, standing there in his boxers and undershirt.

             
“Don’t worry about it,” I replied. At this point, he and I were past all of this. It had gone too far.

             
“Are you okay?” he asked me.

I watched him, gauging his reaction.

              “Ryan just proposed to me.”

His eyes nearly popped out of his sockets.

              “You can’t be serious! You told him no, right?”

I took a swing at him that he narrowly missed.

              “You son of a bitch! You cost me my relationship!”  I turned to tackle him.

             
“I cost you your relationship? I thought Ryan did when he betrayed you!”

             
“You made him do it!” I screamed, beginning to stalk him.

             
“Do you hear yourself right now? Just listen to what you said for a minute? I made Ryan cheat on you?” he asked, disgusted as he moved in a circular motion.

I followed his movements, looking for another opening to attack him.

              “You selfish bastard. If you couldn’t have me, no one could?”

             
“Of course not! I wanted you to be happy. That’s all that mattered to me. As far as telling Ryan that I was waiting for him to mess up, it was after you two had that big fight. Remember? You came to my room upset? He said some pretty nasty things? I said it because he hurt you, and so I was angry, too.”  I knew the fight he was talking about. It seemed much hadn’t changed in Brian and my relationship. I still showed up bawling at his door.

             
“I don’t love you!” I shouted, moving to punch his stomach. He quickly dodged the attack.

             
“Annie, think about it for a minute. If Ryan forced you to choose me or him, who would you choose?”

             
“I would have chosen you because you’re my best friend. At least I thought you were. It seems I’ve been betrayed by you, too! The last five years have been a lie!”

             
“I didn’t betray you. Everything I’ve ever said to you is the truth. I just concealed how much I care about you, that’s all. You wouldn’t have chosen me because I’m your friend, Annie. It’s more than that and deep down you know it.”

             
“You are such a liar!” I screamed, charging him, tackling him to the ground.

I started throwing punches with wild abandon. He blocked all of them but one, a punch to his ribs.

              Eventually, I ran out of breath. As I lay there exhausted, he took the opportunity to flip me. He used his weight against me, pinning me to the floor, his hands clasped in mine to restrain me. Panting heavily, I glared at him defiantly, but my blood sang at the weightiness of his body pressed against mine.

             
“Why am I the one whom you tell everything to, even the stuff that you haven’t told Ryan? Why am I the one whom you are always yourself around completely? It’s because you love me, and I love you.”

             
My body molded against his, feeling his desire through the thin, cotton boxers as his tongue glided along mine. My mind turned off, and my emotions began running the show. The more shocking aspect was just how normal this was beginning to feel.

             
My hands gathered the cloth at the bottom of his shirt, sliding it up. He realized what I wanted and sat up, kneeling before me.  I broke away from his kiss, sat up, and pulled his shirt up, kissing the skin that I just exposed. The taste of his skin was delicious, the hard, unyielding nature of his abdominal muscles in contrast to the smoothness of his skin. He smelled like vanilla- the smell attacking my senses, rendering me helpless. The breaks were broken, and I couldn’t stop then even if I wanted to. It was not helping matters that he whispered my name in between groans. The sound was so seductive; the high of knowing that I affected him in such a way was such a boost to my badly damaged ego.

             
I kissed across his pectoral muscles, feeling the softness of his short sandy blond chest hair between my fingertips.

             
“We need to go lie down,” he said, his voice gravelly,

I ran my tongue from between his
pecs straight down to his belly button.

             
“Annie,” he said, gripping my arm. He’s not hurting me, but there was a definite assertiveness to his hold. “In the bedroom
now
.”

             
“Hmm?” I blinked my lashes, feigning innocence. “What’s wrong?” I asked before my tongue flicked his nipple. He grabbed my arm tighter, and I reveled at the feel.  Butterflies were flapping their wings wildly in the pit of my stomach. Was there any feeling better in the world than being wanted by the one you want?

             
“I have plans for you.” His voice was husky, taking me by surprise, a mischievous grin on his face.   Before I could even understand what was going on, he picked me up. My legs wrapped around his waist, my ankles locked as he carried me towards the bedroom.

             
“Brian.”

He looked at me, our faces inches apart.

              “Yes, love?” A shiver ran down my spine at his words and his tone.

The door banged loudly as someone pounded against the metal. The sound startled me, but Brian kept walking towards the bed.

              “Annie, I know you’re in there! I’m not leaving until you come out!” I heard a voice shout as he began banging so loudly I could see the door moving from the force of his hits.

Oh, my God.

              “Is that Ryan?” Brian asked furiously.

             
“I- I’m not sure,” I lied, internally cringing. “But, I don’t think it’s the cable guy.”

He took me to the bed, laying me down.

              “Stay here. I don’t want you to get hurt,” he said as I watched him open a drawer in his dresser. He took out a pair of sweatpants and slid into them before walking towards the door. The picture in our digital frame flipped to one of me and Brian. He was taking a sip of a beer that I offered him, wearing a king’s crown, while I kissed his cheek. I realized it was from his twenty-first birthday party. Looking at these pictures, I realized Brian had been torturing himself with ‘what wasn’t’ for many years. 

             
“What are you doing here?” I heard Brian ask.

             
“I know she’s here. I’m not going without her. Annie, I love you. I’m sorry I got you sick! I should have never slept with those girls!” Ryan screamed at the top of his lungs, the words coming out slurred. I couldn’t believe he was screaming that in the middle of Brian’s hallway. They’d be calling me ‘Dirty Annie’ soon.

             
“You’re not coming in here,” I heard Brian say in a dangerously low voice.

             
“I’m not leaving without her. Annie, I love you!” Ryan shouted again.

             
“Try to take one more step into my apartment and I’m going to knock you into next week,” I heard Brian threaten.

Uh oh
. I scrambled to get off the bed. Running into the living room, I shouted, “What are you doing here?”

             
“Annie,” Ryan said with Brian’s hand on his chest, restraining him. “I’m so sorry for you getting sick. I’m so sorry.” He was crying now. 

             
“What is he talking about?” Brian asked me.

             
I frowned, feeling pangs of guilt. “I told Ryan that I went to the clinic and I may have implied that he got me sick from all of his cheating. He apparently feels guilty about it.” Brian glared at me and I saw his disapproval as I cringed, my eyes conveying my guilt.              “Ryan, go home, sleep it off. You’ll feel better tomorrow,” I said to him, my arms wrapping around Brian’s waist. I had to give Brian some credit here. He stood at the door, yelling at Ryan, pitching a tent shamelessly. Hell, he almost looked proud of it. 

             
“I’m not going anywhere without you. I’ll stay here all night. I’ll prove my devotion to you,” he said, crossing his arms.

             
“How old are you?” I shouted, “We’re
not
getting back together! Go home!”

             
He shook his head, crying. “There’s no home without you.” He swayed side to side.

I put my head in my hand, shaking my head. “There’s no reasoning with him. He’s too drunk.”

              “Fuck him,” Brian said, his tone near violence as he pushed Ryan back roughly, shoving the door closed. He locked it, turning towards me.

             
“Now where were we?” he asked, smiling, as he dipped his head down, kissing me.

Bang
Bang  Bang

Ryan was hitting the door so hard that the chain lock rattled against the door. I pulled away from Brian, looking up at him.

              “I can’t do this like this,” I told him. I was completely stressed out, on edge knowing Ryan stood on the other side of the door. “Let me take him home. Then I’ll come back.”

             
“You can’t be serious,” Brian said.

             
“I’ll be gone ten minutes and then we can pick up where we left off. I’ll talk to him tomorrow about his behavior when he’s sober.”

             
“Annie, this is exactly what he wants- you to leave and go home with him. If you do it this once, how many other times will you do it?” I could see that he was angry and hurt.

             
“Just this once,” I told him. “If he does this again after I warn him tomorrow, then we’ll call the cops. Let me make this right this one time.” My hands snaked underneath his shirt running across his muscles, smiling brightly. “Then we’ll get back to what we started.”

             
Brian sighed. “I’ll come with you. He’s drunk. I don’t want him hurting you.” I don’t know if that was the reason for Brian coming or if it was because he was afraid that I would crawl back into Ryan’s arms and sleep with him. Either way, I decided not to push the issue. Brian walked back into the bedroom and when he came back out he wore a long hoodie and sneakers. He collected his keys and cell phone. Opening the door, he placed his hand on the small of my back, ushering me out of the apartment.

             
“Annie, you’ve come,” Ryan said from the floor.

             
“Get up, Ryan.” He stumbled around and finally stood up. “You touch me inappropriately and I’ll turn you into a woman tonight.” He was so drunk that he couldn’t even walk straight. I placed his arm around my shoulder and helped him to the elevator. He leaned in, sniffing me. “God, you smell so good.”

             
“Ryan, stop smelling me.” Thankfully the elevator doors opened in time. I walked him onto the platform, Brian behind me. I tried to ignore Ryan, looking at Brian.  He still looked wounded as he winked at me.  ‘I’ll make this up to you later,’ I thought.

             
“Hey, Annie, when we get home do you want me to do that special thing to you?” Ryan asked.  I squeezed my eyes shut, blushing furiously. “I’m pretty sure that we have ice cubes in the fridge. You make the most delicious faces. Especially your ‘O’ face.”

             
“Shut up, Ryan,” I snapped.

             
“Come on, sweetheart, I know how you like it. I know all the places that make you beg for more.”

             
“Say one more word, and I’ll leave you here on the elevator and will walk back up to Brian’s. Do you hold nothing sacred?” I understood that Ryan was trying to anger Brian and turn me on at the same time. Curiously, it was having the opposite effect. It made me want to be nowhere near him. His words also cheapened our sex life.

             
“I’d be more than happy to silence him,” Brian said darkly with his arms folded, leaning against the elevator wall.

The doors opened and I yanked my drunken ex out into the vestibule, then into the street.

              “Annie, why don’t we take the car?” Brian suggested.

             
“I’m not getting into his car! He can shove all of his daddy’s money right up his ass!” Ryan shouted.

             
“It’s not my fault that you grew up fatherless in a trailer park,” Brian scoffed.

             
“Alright, that’s enough,” I gently chided Brian. He glared at me, furious, thinking that I was taking Ryan’s side. “Just don’t use
that
against him.”

             
“Damn right I did! You have no idea what it feels like to watch your mother cry hysterically because she couldn’t afford to buy you Christmas presents. You have no fuckin’ clue, rich boy.  You think your life is so tough. Trust me, if you had lived my life growing up, you would have tried to kill yourself long before your junior year,” Ryan slurred back.