Winter Harvest (17 page)

"I'll try." Evan could never give her everything Traye did. She forced a smile. "This place won't be the same without you."

"You'll survive. And besides, I'll be right in town. When it hurts less, come see me."

"I will."

He leaned in and touched his lips to hers. Electric currents shot through her body. Evan didn't do this to her. Traye deepened the kiss, and Victoria's knees grew weak. She'd take him on the table if she could. Too soon, he pulled away.

"I love you." He kissed her forehead and walked out the door.

Her tears came in earnest and sobs shook her body. She sank to the floor with her legs stretched out in front of her, her back against the cupboard as she cried. Although she'd told herself before that her relationship with Traye was over, her dream of marrying him one day had finally died.

Chapter Thirteen

Victoria sat on the damp ground at the top of the hill as Traye packed his things into his truck. Tears made tracks down her cheeks. She made no effort to wipe them away. No one could see her here, and she needed to grieve for what might have been. Her pain matched the agony she and Traye had shared when they'd buried her mother. She didn't understand how things had gotten so out of control. When he left the farm, he'd leave her for good, giving her no choice but to let him go with no strings attached.

She figured he'd stop by the house before he left to talk to her father. She and Traye had already said their goodbyes, and she didn't want to go through that again. So she sat out of sight bawling and silencing her sobs with her head buried in her hands. Didn't take him long to load up. He stood staring at the cabin. Was he remembering all of the horrible times he'd spent there with his father? Or maybe he was recalling their intimate times together. Probably the former. At one time, she'd thought that one day, they'd share the cozy cabin as husband and wife.

Now, that would never happen.

He pulled away and drove down the lane to the main house. As she had expected, he stopped there and got out.

Victoria rose, brushed the dirt from her hands, and headed to the cabin. The walk was slow and difficult in the dirt and weeds. Soon they would work the field into neat little rows of peas, corn, and beans. Traye wouldn't be here to see it, and that fact left a bitter taste on her tongue and sadness in her heart.

She stood in front of the cabin for a minute, afraid to go in but knowing she had to do it. This would be her final goodbye. She'd never expected to see the cabin empty, without Traye's jolly, yet tortured grin. Climbing the steps, she flashed back to all the times she'd run up them eager to see him and share something important.

He'd never let her near the cabin while his father was alive. One never knew when the man might come home drunk and violent, and Traye had scared her enough with his tales that it kept her away. Most days, she'd wait at the main house for him to come. She'd follow him around, and he never appeared to be annoyed by it.

After his father died, Victoria stopped by on a frequent basis. They were teens by then, and she chased him hard. How he kept his distance, she'd never figured out. Yet Traye was strong in his determination to stay away. She never should have broken his resolve.

She did try to leave once, however. She'd gone away to college and had planned on moving away, but then her mother had gotten sick. Before her mother died, she told Victoria it must be fate and that she belonged here on the farm. Victoria figured her mother just wanted her to stay to help heal the family -- something she hadn't succeeded in doing. Now she was responsible for Traye leaving as well, even if she did still believe they could've been awesome together. She shook her head. If Traye had offered anything but a forced marriage, she would've jumped on it. Didn't matter now, though. He'd given up and left. She knew she'd made life here difficult for him, but deep down she'd hoped he'd never quit trying to win her heart.

She opened the door and stood in the door frame. The place still smelled like Traye, musky and all man. The memories of their lovemaking crashed down on her. She placed a hand over her heart, and her tears once again flowed at a steady pace.
What have I done?
Could we have had a happy marriage? Did my stubbornness end what could have been a wonderful life?

She wiped her tears away with the palms of her hands. Didn't matter. It was done. Her time with Traye was over. The cabin would stand empty for the first time in her life.

Victoria shut the door behind her and stepped further into the room. Just for today, she'd mourn what they could've had. Tomorrow, she'd stuff all her emotions into a corner of her heart and lock them away for good. She'd almost done it before, and she could do it again.

She spotted an envelope propped on the kitchen table against Traye's used coffee cup. Afraid to open it, she studied it closely. He'd written her name on it. The missive called out to her, and she couldn't just ignore it. Taking a deep breath, she walked over and snatched it up. Once she opened it, her flowing tears blurred the words.

"Victoria, I knew you'd come here," she read aloud, her voice echoing in the empty cabin. "I love you. You'll always be in my heart. Have a great life, and when you're ready, come tell me about it. Love always, Traye"

She choked on a sob. For a minute, she wanted to run after him and beg him to stay. What would that accomplish, though? They'd still be in the same spot. She had to let him go. He'd blown what they had by going along with her father's plan.

Stuffing the letter into the back pocket of her jeans, she walked over to the bed they'd shared on that glorious snowy night and then again when she'd broken things off with him for good. Curling up into a ball, she brought the sheet Traye had left close to her nose and sobbed as she tried to let him go.

*****

Walking into the main house through the back door like he always had left a bittersweet taste in Traye's throat. This would be the last time he'd come in here as if it were his home. The empty kitchen was too quiet. No Victoria chattering away. The table across the room mocked him. How many times had he sat there like one of them? His whole life had been a farce. A lie he'd believed to be true. In the end, his last name was Petersen, not O'Connor. He'd never be one of them. Reality reared its ugly head once again. He wished he could be more stoked about it.

He knew where to find Robert. Although the man had kicked Traye off the farm, he still respected Victoria's father and held him dear. In his heart, Robert was his true father.

As Traye wandered through the house, memories played inside his mind like a painful, wonderful movie. Opening the door to Robert's office, he cleared his throat and willed the tears away. The last thing he wanted was to show Robert weakness.

"Traye, come on in." Robert's usual bravado seemed subdued.

With a bob of his head, Traye walked in, shuffling his feet, his energy gone. Even through all of his father's mean, drunken days, Traye had possessed the hope that one day he'd be part of a family.
This
family. Today, that hope was gone. He sank onto the hard seat opposite Robert as the older man set a glass of brandy in front of him. He didn't reach for it. He never touched the poison, and he wouldn't start today even though it looked damned inviting.

"I never thought the day would come when I'd have to say goodbye to you. I never wanted this." Robert blinked his watery blue eyes.

Traye cleared his throat. "I understand. Neither did I."

"How can you understand? I don't. Tessie groomed me from the first day we took you in to treat you like a son, and I did. She told me you'd be my son someday, and I grew to love the idea. Now here I am, sending you away, and my daughter is lost. How did this happen? Damn Tessie for dying. Ever since we buried her, this family has been divided, and damn if I know how to put it back together again."

"It's my fault." Traye squirmed in his seat. He'd never seen Robert this distraught. "I'm so sorry. If I'd known how much I loved her, I wouldn't have messed this up so bad. I wouldn't have lost your respect. I never would've fought with Andrew."

"Victoria is a hard one. I have to admit I don't get her either, right now. It's most unfortunate that I have to ask you to leave, but she's my daughter, and she has to come first. Maybe with a little space, I can get my children healed or at least liking one another again."

"I know."

"Although I'm disappointed, you still have my respect and my love. You're not your father, and it's time you realize that."

Traye nodded. "I'll try, sir. If you ever need me, I'll be here."

"Thank you. After this blows over, Victoria finds her footing again, and Andrew calms down, you're welcome to visit any time. However, I suggest you stay away the night of the dance. I don't think either of my children will be able to pull off acting like a happy family unit for the townspeople with this mess hanging over us."

"Okay." Traye's disappointment weighed heavily on his chest. He'd hoped he could see Victoria at the dance and at least watch her from afar. No such luck.

"In time, we'll all get through this."

"Nothing will be the same, though. You'll never put your full trust in me again. Victoria won't love me, and Andrew -- I'm not sure what's going on with him."

"None of us are. The two of you used to be so close. He's not the son Tessie and I raised."

"I don't want to start anything and make my case here any worse, but something isn't right with him. It's more than just his grief over the loss of his mother. He has this hatred for me I never knew existed, and I don't know where it came from. I hope the time apart will turn his hatred around."

"None of us can figure him out." Robert grimaced. "I can't imagine anything you could've done that would've caused that. He's turned so selfish. All I can think of is that it's because of my father's training. Andrew loved my old man more than I ever did. Andrew's grandfather was always very critical, and Andrew is turning out to be the same way. I'd hoped you'd help me control him."

"Yeah, but I blew that, didn't I?"

"No, you just changed the game a little." Robert rubbed his chin.

"He's very unpredictable right now. One minute he's this great brother and friend, and the next he's ripping us apart. You're right, though. He's definitely Gilbert's grandson. If he has his way, Evan will marry Victoria and take her off this farm."

"She's not leaving if I have a say."

"Yeah, well… that didn't go so well last time, did it?"

Robert's laughter at that question helped Traye to relax his tense muscles. Their discussion felt like old times, but times had changed. He had to remind himself of that.

He cleared his throat again. "You know, Evan may just turn out to be good for Victoria."

"Bite your tongue, son. Never. Why are you always so willing to give up? What about what's best for
you?"

"Look, sir--"

"Stop calling me
sir.
You're my equal, and it's time you see it."

"Okay. Sorry." Traye smiled. "I only want her to be happy. And from where I stand, she finally appears to be just that. I hear her laughing and smiling with Evan after I took that away from her. If Evan can give it back, why shouldn't they be together?"

"Because I had my sights set on
you
for my son-in-law."

"Thank you." Traye released a heavy sigh. "But unfortunately, Victoria disagrees."

"Nah, she just thinks she does."

"This has been a miserable learning experience for me. Forgive me for being so blunt, but I think your lesson in this is you can't control everything as much as you may want to. Some things just have to happen as they will. Victoria's choice of a husband is one of them. You'll grow to love Evan, too, one day."

"Never."

Traye chuckled. "Trust me, he's a good guy. Just different from us."

"A lot different."

"Don't you want to see her happy?"

"I do, but my gut feeling tells me her happiness lies with you."

"That would make you happy?" Traye leaned back and looked at him.

He nodded. "Immensely."

"Not going to happen," Traye said. "Does that make me an outsider?"

"For a bit, like I've already explained. But I'll take what you said into consideration."

"Good." Traye hoped their new arrangement would at least be that way for someone, because he certainly didn't feel so hot.

The older man stared at him. "This farm won't be the same without you, Traye. I'm not sure how I'll control my kids without your help, either."

"You'll manage. And if you need to bounce ideas off me or for me to help you see reality, you know where I am."

Robert threw back his head, and his chest shook with laughter before he sobered once again. "I'm going to miss you, but I'll keep your invitation in mind."

He rose awkwardly from his chair, and Traye moved to help him. Robert grabbed him in a big bear hug. Traye stiffened before giving himself over to the love and gentleness pouring from the older man. Traye embraced him, too, and they held one another for a couple of minutes. Traye blinked back tears, but one escaped. He sniffled and pulled away.

He studied Robert. "Thank you for everything you've done for me. I'll never forget it."

"You'll always be a part of this dysfunctional family. Sorry, kid. You're stuck with us. Give it a few weeks. Let her get over this, and then you can work your way back in."

"Okay, but you have to give her and Evan a chance. She deserves to be happy, and I'm not the man who's going to give that to her."

"We'll see. Now get out of here before I lose it."

"Yeah." He slapped Robert on the shoulder before turning away. Walking away from his family weighed on his shoulders. The conversation with the older man had helped to ease his pain some. Traye still had Robert's love, and if that's all he got out of it, he could go on. He might've lost Victoria, but if she ended up happy, that would be enough. It would have to be.

Chapter Fourteen