Winter Interlude (45 page)

She snorted, trying to smile
.
“You are a
jerk
.”

He flashed a self-deprecating smile
.
“I do care about you,” he said, meeting her gaze, sincerity
evident in
his
.
“I truly wish things
were
different.”

“I’m not crying over you,” she said, not liking the fact that his words and actions were of the man she originally fell in love with
.
“I’m crying because of all the wasted years I’ve spent dreaming of how things could be between us.”

“
Something else
to
regret
.”
He
sigh
ed
wistfully
and
looked away
.
“I should have had the guts to
be more vocal
.”

“
You’re right about one thing. We aren’t meant to be.
Paul figured it out. I guess that’s why he always gave me such a hard time
.”

“Paul?” He sent her a questioning look.

She cleared her throat and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. “He told me I take too much of your shit. And he was right.”

“
I see
.”
James grunted.
“
But right or not, he
sometimes
overstepped his boundaries
.
There were times I wanted to bash his face in for
his snide comments
.”

She smiled through dried tears
.
“That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me
.”

“At least you’re smiling about it now
.”
He offered her a lopsided
grin
.
“
Am I forgiven for not
want
ing
to give you up
?
”

“That’s so lame
.”
Her smile inched wider
.
Leave it to James to say something like that.

“What’s lame about it
?”
He grinned
.
“You have to admit
,
we’re comfortable together most of the time.”

She quirked a brow
.
“
M
ost of the time
?
What do you mean?
And why did you let it continue for so long if that was how you felt?”

“I’m going for honesty, okay
?”
He caught her gaze and waited
.
When she nodded
,
he took a deep breath and continued
.
“
Kate
, w
hen there’s something you want or some idea you get in your head
,
you’re like a steamroller pushing through, flattening e
very objection in your path
.
At first, I thought it refreshing to be with such a take
-
charge woman
.
You were fun, accomplished
,
and
we had a lot in common
.
I liked you and
it was easy
.
Then when
you
told me you loved me,
I got
more
caught up
in your exuberance
.
No one wanted us to work
out
more than me
.
B
ut
I wasn’t at the same place you were, and
rather than
going along for the ride
like I did, I should’ve been more
up front about it
.”

He shrugged
.
“My only defense is that
I
do love you and I
kept thinking
I’d
change
.
You’re bright, gorgeous, fun to be around
,
and you are incre
dibly sexy
.
What’s not to love
?
B
ut
when you started talking marriage, I
knew for sure it wasn’t
the kind of love that lasts
a lifetime
.
That’s when I backed away.
You deserve someone who’
s
sure
.
And you’re right to kick my butt to the curb.”

A bubble of laughter formed, and she tried to contain it.
T
he irony of the situation was too strong,
however,
and she gave up. Her laughter erupted.

James
raised one eyebrow in question
.
She answered truthfully because the moment seemed to require honesty
.
“That’s funny because I
finally
realized I don’t love you
enough
either
.”
Then, she
smacked
his upper arm
with the back of her hand
.
“Maybe if you’d been more honest sooner, we wouldn’t have wasted so much time on the wrong person.”

“
That
insult
hurts
.
Almost as much as being dumped
.”
A
pained expression mov
ed
over his face
.
“I don’t
care
much
for either one
.” He reached for his wine.
“But
I owe you, so
I’ll survive
.”
Before he took a drink, he caught her gaze.
“Since we can’t be lovers anymore, can we at least be friends?”

She offered a genuine smile
.
“
I’d like that
.”

T
he
ir
perky
waitress
re
appeared
with their meals
and began serving
, talking a mile a minute in the process
.

James waited until
she
was out of earshot
.
“So, now that we’
v
e
established
friends
hip and are being honest
,
I’m curious
.
What really happened to bring all this on
?
Why now?”

“I
’m not really sure how it started
.”
Kate
shrugged
and
ate a few bites
before continuing
.
“I guess when this weekend didn’t turn out like I wanted it to, I started questioning everything.”

“
And nothing happened
?” James
aske
d, examining her face closely.

She had to avert her gaze
.
“Are we
back
to that
?”
She refocused on
her
seafood linguine
.

“
Yeah
.
It’s hard
to wrap my head around it all
.
A
week ago
,
you were
gung-ho
to
plan a wedding
,
and now you’re breaking up
.
It’s not logical
.
Something must have happened.”

“
What difference does it make
?”

James thought about her question for a few minutes
.
Then, he shrugged
.
“
I don’t know. It
seems like a puzzle to be solved.”

Shaking her head, she smiled at his relentless pursuit
.
“Like a dog with a bone?”

He picked up his fork.
“
No,
Kate
.
T
hat’s you,” he teased,
as a slight smile formed
.
“In fact
,
that’s why this seems so surreal.”

She laughed
.
“Was I really so bad?”

“
No. Not for the right person.
Y
ou
have to admit
,
you
are one tenacious woman
.
”
He sighed and took a bite. After swallowing, he added,
“
T
hat by itself was a turn
-
on
.
W
hat guy doesn’t want
all that attention
?
It was flattering for a while
.”
He shrugged. “But then, I guess I just took it for granted.” He hesitated. “Maybe if you hadn’t been so aggressive in your pursuit and forced things to happen, instead of waiting for things to develop naturally, things would be different between us. I don’t know. But I do know I took a coward’s way out and pushed
you
aside, which didn’t help.”