Wintermoon Ice (2010) (23 page)

Chapter Sixteen

Suvi

The Rose child will exhibit a lively curiosity, which must be encouraged. Sciences and math are paramount for the education of these future engineers, researchers and inventors.

Know Your Students -- a Junior Educator's Handbook to the Soli
, Severnessan Ministry of Stations

* * * *

Suvi worked all day, trying to bring some order to Ludde's cramped cottage. Once she had cleared some space on the floor by throwing a heap of rotting nets and fishing line outside, she began to sort through piles of moldy and mildewed papers and trash. After finding a few pieces of crumbling brick and a couple of boards, she put together a makeshift shelf for the books that Ludde had left in a heap by the fireplace.

Shaking the rugs outside seemed to return half a sand dune back to the beach.

His clothes were mostly a hopeless mess, but Suvi made a pile and began the long job of washing them. The wind from the sea helped her, and once she had half a dozen things dry, she settled by the fire to patch and darn Ludde's threadbare socks and shirts.

The sun sank down behind the dunes, and she lit a lantern in the window. "Will you come home to me tonight?" she asked it, and the flame flickered mysteriously.

There was, as Ludde had said, plenty of pikken, and Suvi made a fine meal of dried fish, bread and jam. He had no kaffa, but she found a bottle of poteen under the bench and poured herself a shot. Another followed, as she wondered nervously about being married, and what Ludde might expect of her.

By midnight, she had finished half the bottle. Suvi stood and stretched, then eyed Lut's untidy bed, wishing she had had time to wash the sheets. "Tomorrow," she told herself. "I have plenty of time before Ludde returns from Fareniis. It might be several days yet." The thought did not distress her.

Just then, over the sound of the waves, she heard the crunch of footsteps on the shingle. Suvi peered out the window, praying it was a fisherman, walking home along the beach. But there was no mistaking the voice that called her name.

"Suvi!" Ludde stopped just outside the door. "'Tis only me, girl. But I have to get these boots off before I come in."

A second later he appeared, cheeks flushed from the cold, carrying a pair of very muddy boots. She met him at the door. "Did you find them?"

"We found nothing. Jack won't give up though. He wants to stay another day before we..." Ludde frowned and did not finish that thought. He looked around the room. "Been cleaning, have you?"

She nodded, a little nervously.

"Looks fine. Do I get supper too?"

She stood, and wandered over to the stove. In the meantime, Ludde found the bottle. "Ach! Where in Od's name has my drink gone?"

Her tone was unapologetic. "I had some of it. Did our agreement not extend to poteen?"

He took a pull from the bottle and smiled, but it did not seem altogether forgiving. "Share and share alike, girl. 'Tis the way with married folk, I've been told."

"Have you ever been married before, Ludde?"

She heard him laugh, a deep and unfamiliar sound. "I was betrothed, once, but it didn't work out. Jakob saw to that. Wanted the girl for himself."

"What was she like?" Suvi threw bread and pikken into a frying pan with some eggs.

He frowned and took another drink. "Don't remember now. 'Twas long ago."

Suvi doubted this was true. "Well, her name then. You remember that?"

"Poppy."

"Poppy? Like your boat?"

"Aye." The way he said it brought the conversation to an end.

She placed the frying pan on the table, and Ludde dug his fork straight in before she could bring a plate. He ate quickly, without speaking, and finished the bottle with his meal.

Suvi sat at the table, staring down at the cracked and worn boards, wishing she was back at Carina. "Do you... think we could buy some kaffa tomorrow? It makes a fine drink for a cold night."

He wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "Suppose so. Expensive stuff, kaffa. Water is free." Ludde made a face. "But Jack said I wasn't to fuss about money."

She raised her eyes. "Jack said?"

"Aye. I asked him what sort of things married folk need to know."

"You asked him that today?" Suvi looked mortified. "But wasn't he worried about Katy? I am surprised he would want to talk about anything else."

"Wasn't today I asked him. Was weeks ago."

"Oh. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you ask him?"

"Because I wanted to know."

Suvi decided this was going nowhere. She yawned. "Guess I will get into bed." Ludde stood up and carried the pan over to the sink, then rinsed it carelessly.

"You can leave that until the morning. I'll wash it."

"Done already." He hung it up with the other pot and the greasy water droplets made a puddle on her carefully wiped bench. "Something else we need to do first."

She paused in the middle of shedding her sweater. "What?"

"Said I'd marry you, didn't I? Haven't done that yet." He dug in his pocket and produced a slender gold ring.

She stared at it, as though it was a poisonous insect. "Ludde, you don't have to..."

He smiled and his blue eyes twinkled in the firelight. "Don't have to, no. But I want to. Come here."

When she reached him, he bent one knee and took her hand. Even like that, he was almost as tall as her. He intoned gravely, "I take you to be my wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward." Then he slipped the ring onto her finger.

Somehow, she managed a smile, and then choked out the same vow. Lut grunted, apparently satisfied that they had observed the niceties, and released her hand. She held her finger up to the light. "Where did this ring come from?"

"Was my mother's. Only thing of hers I have."

"Th-- Thank you. I don't deserve this kindness."

He frowned. "I say you do."

Suvi got under the covers and slipped off her clothes. She lay there, between the scratchy sheets, shivering, while Ludde pulled off his sweater and about four undershirts, each more grimy that the last. His chest was broad and muscular, deeply tanned in a 'v' that extended from his face and neck, but otherwise quite pale. When he turned to blow out the light, Suvi was very surprised to see a large, exotically colored dragon tattoo covering most of his back and curling around one hefty bicep.

The darkness hid Ludde as he removed his trousers and came to bed.

He brought warmth under the covers, which was welcome, but something else as well. "Hist!" Suvi said suddenly. "Ludde, you stink."

"Do I?"

"Yes. Have you
ever
had a bath?"

He chuckled at this. "Not lately, no. Hasn't been anyone to complain. Wait a minute." Ludde got up, and by the flaring light of the fire she saw him cross the room. He pulled on his boots and stalked out the door, still naked.

Four minutes later he returned, blowing and snorting, dripping wet.

"Did you go for a swim?" Suvi asked incredulously. "In the ocean?"

"Aye."

He dried with a rough scrap of towel and climbed back into bed. "Better?"

It wasn't, but Suvi hardly felt she could ask him to do more, lest he contract pneumonia on her account. She wrapped her arms around him, and felt the chill slowly leave his skin. He kissed her clumsily and stroked her hair.

"Have you been with a man before? If you haven't I can go slow for you."

"Yes," Suvi lied, wanting only to get it over with. The poteen made her incautious. "Lots of times."

"Lots of times?" he repeated with an unexpected growl.

"Well no. Not really. Only twice."

"With Tom, was it?"

Suvi sighed. "Not Tom, no. We didn't get that far." Speaking his name made her hurt inside. She wanted some other feeling to mask it, so Suvi pressed her mouth hard against Ludde's. "Come on," she whispered after a moment. "What are you waiting for?" She stroked his body, awkwardly trying to please him. He responded with almost pathetic eagerness. The moment, when it came, wasn't as painful as she had feared, but neither did she feel anything resembling pleasure.

Afterwards, he rolled away and lay staring up at the ceiling. "I'd like a pipe now. How about you?"

"I suppose. Was that all right?" Suvi tried surreptitiously to wipe the uncomfortable stickiness from between her thighs with the sheets, thinking they could hardly get any dirtier.

He grunted. "'Twas good. Why wouldn't it be?" Not waiting for her answer, he got out of bed and fetched his pipe.

"Did you get mine?" Suvi asked when he got back in bed.

"Don't know where you keep it."

She felt her jaw tighten. "Never mind then. I'll go without."

"You can share with me," he offered, as he lit the tabac and took a puff.

"No. I've already shared enough with you tonight." Suvi felt unreasoning anger welling inside her, warmed and fed by the poteen. Within a minute it had boiled over. "Is this what I have to look forward to?"

The bowl of the pipe flared red and then subsided. "What do you mean, girl?"

"This... Filthy sheets and filthy skin. Why don't I just go roll in some galeet shit? Save you from having to take another bath."

"Would have thought you'd be pleased. Have a roof over your head, after all."

Suvi laughed unkindly as she stared up at the blackened, greasy ceiling, festooned with cobwebs and water stains. "Yes. What a roof."

He sounded genuinely confused. "Will you not be happy, living here with me?"

All at once it didn't seem worth arguing about. "Humph. I am going to sleep."

"Suit yourself. Have to be up early, anyway."

She turned away from him and lay in the darkness, every muscle tense. Ludde finished the pipe and knocked out the remains on the floor. Then he rolled over and tucked his body into the curve of hers. She felt the scratch of his whiskers against her cheek. "I love you, girl. Do you love me too?"

Pretending that she slept seemed the kindest reply.

The fire died down to blood-tinted ash. Suvi listened to the sound of Ludde's peaceful snores, feeling nothing but despondency. He had been kind, even generous in his own gruff way. And what had she given him in return?
Nothing
. Not even her thanks.

The seeds of discontent she had planted earlier in the evening would grow and grow -- until they blossomed into hatred. They would drink and fight and drink some more, both red-faced and forever angry, like Goodman and Goodwife Kopjick.

Carefully, she unwound his arm from about her chest, and tucked it back against his side. He exhaled heavily but did not wake. Suvi dressed in the darkness without making any sound and then slipped the ring from her finger. She left it on the mantelpiece.

When she went outside, the moon and stars presided over the night, like frost-hearted gods. She looked back to the ramshackle shadow of the house. "Good-bye, Ludde. Forgive me. I guess I was the one who shouldn't be trusted, after all."

Suvi felt sudden regret that she hadn't left him a note, but the chill wind hurried her onwards. It took her a long time to push her pede back up the beach, but the effort warmed her. By the time she started the engine she was well down the road.

But the sound came winging back to the house like a bird in the icy air. It woke Ludde. He lay in the darkness, pretending to himself that he didn't recognize it, though he had lain and listened for the same sound many times before. Finally, hopelessly, he patted the covers beside him, and felt the cold emptiness. Then he wept.

* * * *

Carina stood dark and deserted. As much as she wanted to, Suvi could not force her leaden feet through the south wing and down the ladder to the sewer. Exhaustion and distress seemed as real a barrier as the impenetrable darkness of the stairwell.

Instead, she stumbled her way into the office and optimistically flicked the light switch. Nothing happened. But her bed remained -- she could see the metal gleaming dully in a finger of light from outside. Someone had taken her sheets and blankets. The yitar, too, had gone.

Suvi took the stub of a candle from her desk drawer and lit it, then felt in her pocket for her pipe and tabac. The moth eaten remains of a blanket provided some relief from the numbing cold. The building, now aloof and quiet, settled around her as she smoked, leaving her with nothing but her unhappy thoughts.

She looked at the carved galeet on the bowl and spoke. "Ludde is used to being alone. Probably happier like that anyway." But she couldn't disregard his whispered endearment and the devotion with which he had kissed her.

She tried again. "He'll soon forget about me." The galeet stared back at her with blank accusation in its eyes. "Stop it! I love Tom, not him. I can't help that, can I?"

After finishing the pipe, she wished she had something to drink, but there was no point in looking in the kitchen. She knew the departing residents of Carina would have stripped it bare. Sighing, she stretched out on the bed, and tried to sleep.

"Should I travel south and find some Harps?" she asked the ceiling. Its blank face didn't offer any advice worth having. After a time she slept.

In a dream she wandered a building much like the factory that had once housed Carina. She passed through many familiar spaces, looking for something -- or someone. But there were no people, only a collection of random objects crowding the rooms; unlikely pieces of furniture, machinery, even dusty velos and pedes.

"Tom!" she called, again and again, and then listened to the failing echoes of her own voice.

At the far end of a long hallway, filled with portraits of miserable-looking faces, she saw a door. Shadows rose to meet her as she ran forward, and tugged upon her sleeve. She struggled, needing to reach the light that bled like a sore from around the door frame. When she pulled on the handle, the door flew open.

She looked on a landscape of gently rolling hills covered in yellow flowers. The beauty stole her breath away. Slowly, with infinite care, she stepped out into the world.

Suvi woke to the sun filtering in from the cracked boards across the windows. She stretched and wondered at the time, then decided it hardly mattered. After straightening her clothes, she hurried through the south wing.