Winter's Dawn (43 page)

“Shit.” Max covered his eyes as he fought from completely breaking down. He lowered his hand after a few long seconds and glared at Emma. “Why didn’t you tell me mated females could smell me? Why didn’t you prepare me for this?”

Emma shrugged, looking miserable. “We didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. We just all decided not to mention it.”

“Oh Gods, what am I going to do with her? She’s still recovering and—”

“Bond with her,” Adam said, ever the voice of the masses. “Make it stop. Males are not as reserved as females. They can’t just
decide
to ignore a scent like that. You are going to have an enormous problem.”

Max let out a low wolf growl of fury. “If I bond with her then I can’t be with anyone one else and that’ll mean—” He choked, looking to all of them desperately. “I need time.”

“You have no time!”

Max growled again and turned around, slamming his fist into the wall, barely missing his father who jumped back in a blur of color. The plaster crumbled under his fury, the cracks ran up to the ceiling. It sent dust raining down on him like snowflakes.

“I’ve lost her,” he grunted in anguish. “Just like that. It’s over.”

He fell down to his knees when the gravity of that one statement hit him in the chest. A great sob of misery burst out of him. He couldn’t hide it despite the witnesses as he mourned the loss of Susie’s youth and they were all standing there expecting him to be the one to take it from her.

It wouldn’t be so bad if he weren’t so much older than her. If he couldn’t remember what it was like to cradle a pretty blonde baby in his arms and swear to protect her forever. He had spent years guarding her puppyhood and now he was supposed to go in there and yank it away as if it had never been sacred to begin with.

“Leave me,” he growled when he felt the violence rolling under the surface.

The winds that blew in shook the walls of the palace. The
click, click, click
of ice hitting the windows in the bedrooms was dangerous enough to have all of them turning around in surprise.

“Maxwell,” his father started.

“I will finish what she didn’t,” Max growled in warning as he lifted his head and glared at his father. “I will
level
this palace. I said leave!”

They all left.

Except Adam, who was far too brave for his own good.

Adam dropped down on his knees as the others retreated. He put a hand on Max’s shoulder. “Now’s the time for faith, Maxwell.”

Max shook his head and shoved Adam’s hand off his shoulder. “No. She’ll be gone forever. She’ll turn into me. Just—“ He slammed his fist against the marble flooring, making it crumble under his strength. He watches the cracks run across it and whispered, “No.”

“You have to,” Adam said softly. “She’s yours. This is supposed to be a blessing. The Gods gifted her to you. Savor it.”

Max lifted his head, glaring at Adam darkly as he whispered defiantly, “Fuck the Gods.”

Adam winced. “I’ll make an offering for you.”

“Fuck the offering. Fuck the Gods. Fuck this life and this bullshit existence. I hate all of you! I am tired of the sacrifice!” He screamed the last part, getting in Adam’s face, his voice becoming low with the wolf in him. “I am tired, Adam! Do you hear me? I am fucking tired of it!”

“I heard you, but—”

Max shoved Adam before he could finish, watching with satisfaction as he flew against the wall. Adam’s head slammed against the side table and a lesser wolf may not have recovered from it, but Adam pushed away, shaking his head in stunned amazing as his silver eyes showed genuine trepidation.

But he still didn’t back down.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!”

Max’s voice had been taken over completely by his primal side. His entire body was vibrating with it. He flashed his teeth threateningly at Adam. The sound that burst out of him was more a roar than a growl. He was one heartbeat away from killing a wolf who had become more than a cousin or packmate. He was Max’s best friend and Max wanted to end him simply for having the courage to speak the truth he wasn’t ready to hear.

“The Gods will help you. They’ll ease the transition.” Adam sounded confident. “I promise.”

Max launched himself at Adam, changing forms as he did. When he landed on him, Adam was a red wolf, with his hackles raised and his teeth flashing white in the dimly lit hallway. He growled when Max grabbed his neck. Max bit down hard, determined to shake him until he died and he might had done it if the door down the hallway hadn’t opened.

“Maxwell! Let him go!” Susie’s voice was pure wolf, wild and terrified. “Now!”

Max was forced to let him go against his will, but then he stood there, growling and baring his fangs threateningly.

“Hear my words, Adam,” Susie said frantically, making it a royal proclamation that Adam would be forced to obey. “Leave us.”

Adam turned to look down the hall, studying Susie for one long moment before he finally made the decision to leave. Still in wolf form, he padded down the hallway with his tail held high.

Max sat when he was gone, keeping his wolf form because it made things a little easier. He couldn’t cry like this, but he did whine and drop his head to his paws as the waves of mourning washed over him. The ice beat against the palace and the winds hit the foundation hard enough to make the walls shake, reflecting the emotions he couldn’t hide.

He stiffened when Susie came out into the hallway, because her scent was overpowering enough to tinge the entire world around him silver. In this form, it was completely impossible to deny what his body wanted.

Max wanted to be mad at her for it.

Instead he licked her bare foot when she stopped in front of him. She tasted
really
good, sweet and enticing, reminding him of the dark, seductive tastes of winter. Cinnamon and spice and all things nice, but he ignored it and rested his head against her feet instead.

“I’m scared, Maxwell,” Susie whispered in a low, choked voice that betrayed her as deeply as her scent did. “I’m scared for both of us. You don’t want me and—”

“No,” Max said quickly as he changed forms.

He jumped to his feet and pulled Susie to him. He wrapped his arms around her despite her scent that hit him in the solar plexus so hard his eyes rolled back from the force of it. His teeth clenched against the urge to push her against the wall and claim what was his, but he did have three long years to hone his defenses.

He pulled back and brushed at the fine hairs that escaped Susie’s braids, pushing them off her forehead gently. Fresh tears filled his eyes as he choked, “I just don’t want to lose my Susie Bee.”

“I think she’s already gone.” Susie’s bottom lip jutted out as her silver eyes sparked and the tears rolled down her face. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh Gods, me too.” He pulled her close and squeezed her again, trying desperately to hold onto what was slipping through his fingers. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. So very sorry.”

Susie curled into him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, digging her fingernails into skin as if she were clutching at the same lost dream he was. It was without thought that he reached down and scooped her up in his arms.

The battle was lost.

He knew it as readily as he could breathe. There was absolutely no way he could let Susie go around smelling like she did. Even if he could resist her, which was beyond doubtful, he couldn’t leave her vulnerable like this.

Susie buried her face in his chest when he walked into their room, obviously hiding from the destruction she caused. He understood. He didn’t want to see it either. He didn’t want to know what that cute little puppy he had loved and adored since the day she came into the world was capable of.

He kicked at the doors to the balcony, forcing them to break open. Then he walked into the storm that had formed without any warning for the humans. He didn’t care. He was totally selfish in his grief. The wind blew his hair into his eyes. The hail stung his skin and for just a moment he wanted it to stop, to keep Susie from knowing how truly destroyed he was.

It didn’t stop.

If anything, it got worse as he looked out to the woods.

He held Susie tighter, tucking her against his body to protect her from the onslaught and then used the strength in his legs to leap onto the railing. He didn’t even look down before he jumped. He landed in the snow hard enough to bite his tongue from the bone jarring impact.

Max didn’t turn back to look at the palace as he walked through the storm towards the woods, cradling Susie in his arms, and knowing it was the last time he was going to be able to hold her as a puppy.

He would find out later that others watched him do it, but there was no cheering. No reveling after years of forcing Susie and Max to listen to their blessings for this moment. For once, their people left them in silence, with only the storm swirling around them.

Winter held dominance over more than rebirth. They owned solitude too and Max never realized how desperately he craved the seclusion until that moment. He wanted to be alone to sit with his mate in the sleeping stillness of winter. To mourn and cry and then find a way to rise out of the icy embers and face their destinies because that was the curse the Gods had bestowed on them.

For the first time, Max decided to really honor who they were.

They were solitude and it was okay.

They were the frozen, barren landscape after the darkness of a fall death and the silence before the enthusiasm of spring that somehow pushed its way out of the cold and gave the world a reason to love.

They were the space between.

It should be peaceful there, but it had never been the way it should’ve been for them. He was supposed to hate the politics and social functions. To despise the constant stream of wolves who came into his personal space demanding attention when all he had ever wanted was to be left in peace to enjoy the stark, desolation of his season. Being robbed of their birthright was as unfair to them as everything else about their difficult existence.

But not tonight.

It was the Winter Solstice and they were going to celebrate the way it should be celebrated…by themselves.

Tomorrow the world could rejoice.

Tonight was theirs.

He fell down in front of a snow bank near the frozen lake. He leaned back against it as he watched the hail hitting the ice. Then he closed his eyes, feeling the wind against his cheeks.

“Make it quiet, Max,” Susie whispered. “Please. I need the silence.”

The wind stopped.

The hail ceased its tapping against the frozen lake.

In the distance, he could hear tree branches breaking under the weight of ice, but that was beyond his control.

Susie breathed a sigh of relief and rolled over in his lap. Her head rested in the crook of his arm. Her body was draped over his legs. He stroked the fine hairs that had escaped her braids away from her face as he studied her. She had grown to be so beautiful, so incredibly strong and intelligent. He found himself admiring her silvery eyes. The color suited her. Winter was made to wear silver.

“Ask me what you get for guarding the moon,” she said with a sad smile as she looked up at him.

He shook his head. “No.”

“Do it, Maxwell. Ask me,” she urged.

“The moon’s not full yet,” he reminded her. “It’s not time.”

“Close enough.”

Max sighed in defeat and then in a voice that shook with emotion he asked, “What do I get for guarding the moon for you?”

“Obedience,” she responded softly. “It’s your turn now.”

“No.” He shook his head again as more tears rolled down his cheeks. “I don’t want it.”

“Yes, you do.” Her smile grew broader. “You’ve been asking for it for three years.”

It was one of those things he tried not focus on when he was clear-headed and his primal side wasn’t overrunning his consciousness. However, when the wolf was in charge, it was the only thing he could think about and it scared him to death. He wasn’t certain when he figured it out because no one had talked with him about the more intimate sides of an alpha pair’s relationship. He wasn’t even sure if they knew.

Susie was the most dominant in their relationship. Max had accepted it and been fine with it since he was young. Their people were ruled by the moon. They were slaves to her will and Max was no exception. Susie’s words forced him to obey and it was rarely an issue. They shared a soul. Their goals were usually the same.

But, shortly after Max had gotten hormones the wolf in him started to get more insistent the closer he got to each full moon. There was a voice in the back of his mind, a knowing of something dark and indulgent. A reward that was supposed to make all the sacrifice worth it.

Nature demanded balance in all things and their relationship was no different. Susie didn’t own him all the time like they had both assumed when they were younger. When the moon was full and radiant, she surrendered her powers to her mate to enjoy the fruits of his labor for the cycle. That was his gift from the Gods, the freewill of a queen. He had three days to do with her what he wanted and during that time it was her turn to obey.