Winter's Heart (34 page)

“Did you sell the sex tape of us?”

♥~♥~♥

Flynn looked like a waif wearing that raggedy sweater that was at least three sizes too big for her. Her face was thinner than it had been the last time he had seen her and it worried him that she wasn’t eating. The dark circles beneath her bruised eyes let him know that she wasn’t having any better luck sleeping than he was. But as the words fell from his lips her eyes widened in horror and he knew without hearing her answer that she hadn’t done it. He wished he had never asked, simply owned up to the fact that it was out there and that they would deal with the fall out together. Now, she was furious, which was, admittedly, better than the shell he had been talking to.

Her eyes flared with fire and color stained her pale cheeks and she practically grew an entire foot as she seethed, “You’re accusing me of selling a tape that I didn’t even know existed? That should never have existed?

“I fucked up.”

“Yeah,” she said, the one word filled with scornful anger. “You promised to erase the videos but you didn’t and now they’re out there.”

“There’s only one,” he admitted clumsily, wanting to ease her mind if only a little bit.

“Oh, great!” she cried out sarcastically, throwing her hands up in the air and walking away from him. “Only one. And I’m sure my face and body are blurred out and I am totally unrecognizable.”

He felt the heat in his cheeks but he remained standing, unwilling to buckle under from the weight of her words she hurled at him. She deserved to get mad, to lash out, and he was strong enough to take it, no matter how it flayed him alive on the inside. There was no excuse for why he made the tape to begin with, let alone why he had kept them, except for the fact that he had wanted them. He wanted to capture that which was uniquely Flynn and hold it tight.

Because he hadn’t actually expected her to stay, not after she discovered how fucked up he was. What kind of man fucked three girls at once because they had been cruel to him in high school? Who fucked a stranger in a mask because he couldn’t bear the thought of cheating on a woman who had never loved him? Who had to take a woman’s ass to assert his dominance over her, even when she offered everything without hesitation?

Staggering back under the weight of his thoughts, of Flynn’s words, he tried to take a breath but his throat was clogged. He needed some air and he needed it now.

Flynn’s warm hand was on his arm, pulling him back from the edge, and she looked at him with concern, even after everything he had done to her. “Winter, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“God, I’m sorry, Flynn. I’m so sorry,” he choked out, the words raking across his skin as he realized what he had done to her, what his world had created within him. Scrubbing his hands through his hair, he looked at her and silently begged her to understand, to forgive him, to love him as unconditionally as she did before. His chest heaved as he tried to breathe and get the words out that wouldn’t come, that were branded in his heart but unable to be spoken, not after what he had done. “I need to leave before I destroy what is left of you.”

“Winter?” Her eyes widened with hurt and shock as he tried to walk away but he couldn’t move. His body was betraying him, refusing to leave the girl it loved more than life itself. But if he stayed, he’d only end up hurting her more.

Tortured, he looked at her in despair, waiting for the moment the love faded and disappeared from her eyes. In a rough whisper, he admitted, “I can’t bear your hatred, Flynn.”

She smiled, sad and resigned, as she cupped his cheek. He closed his eyes to absorb the pleasure of her touch before it was taken from him forever. As her hand slipped away, he looked at her as she stepped away from him, “I love you, Winter, I’ll always love you but I am, God, I’m trying to wrap my head around the fact that you kept the sex tape even after you promised to erase it. And now it’s out there for everyone to see and I need to figure this out. I can’t be with you right now.”

“I know.” Empathy shone in her eyes but she was backing away from him and it was only a matter of time before she realized she deserved so much better than a damaged actor who only had his heart and some kinky sex to offer her. Would that be enough? If she could forgive him, would it be enough to keep her forever? “I’ll go.”

A tiny, aching whimper of protest came from the back of her throat but she didn’t try to stop him. Even as he pressed his house key into her hands and told her the house was hers when she wanted to return to him, she remained stoically resolute. Holding her eyes, mentally begging her to stop him, to come after him, he stepped out the door and down the steps. Her lips pressed together in a tight line and he hoped she fought the same battle he did to let him stay. But then she tilted her chin up and he knew she wasn’t going to give in, no matter how slowly he walked away.

“Flynn,” he whispered, unable to leave without saying something.

“Go, Winter,” she whispered, her words breaking on his name as tears filled her eyes.

“I’ll wait for you,” he promised, watching as a tear spilled down her cheek. He took a step forward, wanting to take her into his arms, to hold her, to comfort her, to kiss her, to have her smile, but she inhaled sharply and stepped away from him in wariness. When he took a step backwards, she relaxed, making him realize he was going to have to let her go, at least for now. “I’ll wait forever for you.”

More tears spilled as he walked away, as he did what she needed him to do.

Sitting in her bedroom a few days later, Flynn couldn’t get the tortured expression on Winter’s face as he left out of her head. But every time she thought she could forgive him, the knowledge that there was a video of them having sex and it was being shared all over the internet made her want to vomit. And every time she tried to recall what was on the tape it got worse and worse until she was almost convinced there were flying monkeys and whips and chains and she was screaming at him to fuck her harder and harder.

When her dad had come to check on her the next morning, he had taken one look at her, gathered her things, and ferried her back to the house, grumbling about how he knew it had been a bad idea to let her have some time by herself so far away from home. She didn’t bother to tell him the reason why the circles under her eyes were so much more pronounced or why she barely spoke when he came in. What was the point?

She almost convinced herself that having Winter there had been a dream, which would have meant he still believed she was capable of betraying him however it would also have meant there was no sex tape. That dread/hope lasted all of twelve hours until Fallon called up and breathlessly told her about the tape that was making its rounds on the internet. If he had been just a regular guy, there was a strong possibility that her parents would have never known about it.

But he wasn’t just some guy. He was Winter Mitchell and it was only a matter of time before news of the video hit newsstands with lovely screen captures that hid the naughty bits but kept the faces. That had been a painfully awkward conversation she’d had with her parents and since that moment two days prior, her mom had been locked away in her room with the vapors and her dad had gone out to the garage to work in stoic silence.

She was not looking forward to the day the silence broke.

“Hey, porn star,” Murphy teased, sticking her head into Flynn’s bedroom.

“Nice,” Flynn groaned, rolling into a sitting position so she wasn’t at a complete disadvantage when dealing with her oldest sister. As Murphy sat down on the bed next to her, Flynn heaved a sigh, “Where’s Trixie?”

“At Jeff’s playing with her cousins,” Murphy answered with a gleaming look in her eyes.

Scrunching up her face, preparing for the worse, she bit out, “Okay, rub it in. I know I deserve it.”

“When you were younger, after… after Jim, you used to look at me in horror,” Murphy started, making Flynn cringe in self-loathing. “It was that loss, the loss of your adoration, which was the hardest part of my fall from grace. I mean, as a little girl, you used to follow me around, wanting to be just like me.”

“I remember,” Flynn said softly, waiting for her sister to condemn her for being an even bigger fuck up than she had been. “I was awful to you.”

“You were a child,” Murphy said, her words lacking any condemnation.

“Yeah, well, so were you,” Flynn replied, feeling the warmth as Murphy forgave her without words, as she silently forgave Murphy for being human and not infallible. Even though she had always stood up for her sister to any who would denigrate her, she herself had turned her back on Murphy. She had no longer been sure how to talk to the sister she had worshipped and so she had stopped talking to her about anything that mattered. Now, Murphy was the only one who understood.

“I only ever wanted you to understand what it was like to be so blinded by love that you make stupid decisions,” Murphy said with way too much kindness in her voice. “Really stupid decisions. But I never wanted it to be like this.”

Flynn could only nod her head as she thought about the unreservedly stupid decision she made to allow him to tape them in the first place. “There has to be a defect in our genes to make us complete and utter fools for the men we love.”

“Probably,” Murphy agreed. Wrapping her arm around Flynn’s shoulders, Murphy pulled her little sister to her
feet, “Come on, Flynn. We’re going to go out there and show the world that you’re not beaten down.”

“I can’t do that,” Flynn protested, trying to pull out of Murphy’s embrace but her older sister was determined and freakishly strong.

“You’re going to walk through the shopping center and you’re going to hold your head up high, Flynnie. You’re not going to let the bastards bring you down because your only crime was falling in love.”

“And making a sex tape,” she added through gritted teeth as Murphy steered her through her bedroom door and down the stairs. “At least my co-star is perfect.”

“He’s not perfect,” Murphy said, pulling her out to the car. Resigned, Flynn willingly got in as Murphy ran around to the driver’s side. Looking at her, Murphy continued, “Flynn, he’s just a man who makes mistakes the same as anyone else. But unlike others, he loves you. Madly, passionately, deeply. People go their entire lives never knowing that kind of love and if you turn your back on it, it will destroy you in the end.”

“But he didn’t erase the videos like he promised he would,” Flynn said mulishly, still ill thinking about it, about all the people who had watched it, including her friends from college and high school.

“Not that I am condoning his actions,” Murphy murmured, looking over her shoulder as she pulled out of the driveway. “But why did he make the tape in the first place?”

Flynn frowned, unable to answer that question. Men were visual creatures, and Winter was definitely all man, but why would he need a tape if he had her whenever he wanted her? Except he couldn’t have her all of the time because at the time he had been in an arrangement with Melissa. And sometimes he had to fly off to some faraway land to film movies. And sometimes, she pushed him away because she couldn’t think but that was a recent development.

They sat in companionable silence, the scandalous Rogers sisters, as Flynn puzzled everything out in her head. If only Fallon could be caught in some wicked scandal, the three of them could paint the town red and have all of the old grannies blushing in their panties.

“You’re smiling, Flynn,” Murphy said, amusement lacing her voice.

“I’m trying not to think about what is waiting for us at the center,” she fibbed.

“We’ll have lunch first,” Murphy declared, pulling into a parking spot and glancing around to decide where to go. “What sounds good? Sushi?”

“God no,” Flynn answered. Burgers and fries were out because nothing could compare to Harry’s food. Besides, she would feel like she was cheating on Harry if she ate at another burger and fry joint, especially one that was commercialized, no matter how good the food. “How about Italian?”

“Sounds good.” Murphy looped her arm through Flynn’s and the two of them headed towards Mancini’s.

The sun felt wonderful on her face and she realized it had been ages since she had been outside. The birds were singing and spring was in full bloom and she hadn’t even realized the world was still turning. Emotion welled up inside of her as she asked the one question she didn’t want to ask, “How do I forgive him?”

“You make the conscious decision to forgive him and then you do it.”

“You make it sound so simple.”

“It
is
that simple,” Murphy said with an easy shrug. “The hard part is getting to the point where you’re willing to let it go. Too often, we hold onto the pain because we don’t know what will fill the hole once it’s gone but, Flynn, love fills the hole. And peace.”

Swallowing against the knot in her throat, she asked, “Did you ever forgive Jim?”

“A long time ago,” Murphy answered with a soft smile. “If I had held onto my anger, it wouldn’t have affected him at all. He moved on with his life so my anger and my acting out was only hurting me. Forgiveness was letting it go so it didn’t destroy me. It was… liberating. Jim probably doesn’t care one way or the other but it doesn’t matter, does it? I found peace in letting go of the anger and resentment.”

“I’m afraid,” Flynn admitted in a small voice.

“Of what?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted helplessly. “Of being vulnerable?”

“Forgive him and you might know the greatest joy mankind has ever known.”

“Or the greatest heartbreak,” Flynn countered. Her body trembled as she slowly raised her eyes and looked at
Murphy. “I’m so scared.”

“It’s the risk we have to take,” Murphy said. “He made a mistake, Flynn, but I don’t think he deliberately set out to hurt you. Don’t let it ruin both of your lives.”

“It’s a video of our most intimate moments,” Flynn whispered, reminding herself what Winter had done because she was finding it difficult to hold onto the anger after listening to her sister. “It’s embarrassing.”

“What does it matter what anyone else thinks?” Murphy asked. “You have a family that loves you, Flynn, no matter what.”

“When did you become so wise?”

“About the time you turned twenty-two and became a porn star,” Murphy grinned, pulling the doors open to the restaurant. The heavenly smell of garlic bread crashed into Flynn and she realized with surprise that she was actually hungry. Starving. 

As they sat, people looked at her oddly, as if not quite sure where they knew her from, only that they knew her. After a few minutes, a middle-aged woman came up to their table and splashed a glass of water in Flynn’s face, “You lying whore. Winter Mitchell deserves so much better than the likes of you.”

One would think there was a point where you got used to having drinks thrown in your face but it just doesn’t happen. Calmly wiping the water from her face as life fired up once more inside of her, Flynn offered the woman a conciliatory smile, “Are you jealous that I got to experience what so few women do or are you envious that I got to experience it with Winter?”

The woman huffed in indignation and stormed off. That was the moment the light bulb went on over everyone’s heads and they figured out where they knew her from. But mixed with the curious stares were a lot of sighs as well, which Flynn could almost understand because Winter Mitchell was an incredible lover. Plus, he was hot. And played a five hundred year old vampire that was the wet dream of ninety-five percent of the females aged fifteen to ninety.

Murphy softly snorted as she read through the menu, “Nice, Flynn. Taunting her with gushing orgasms and Winter Mitchell.”

“They were not gushing,” she protested as a slight smile played at her lips and she tried to read the menu. The butterflies in her stomach were still battling it out big time but for the first time in almost two weeks? Three weeks? she felt almost like herself again. Her smile faltered as she looked up from her menu and saw Murphy staring at her.

“Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to come out so soon,” Murphy said, a hint of panic in her voice. At Flynn’s look of curiosity, she continued, “I may have underestimated the reach of your notoriety.”

Flynn looked around to see that nearly everyone in the restaurant was watching her. A group of girls in their late teens, early twenties, approached the table with looks of awe on their pretty faces. The boldest stepped forward and said, “That video was really hot, Miss Rogers. I swear, when I got to the end I nearly fainted and I wanted to be you. Can we have your autograph?”

Flynn stared at them in shock before clearing her throat and saying, “I don’t think I’m comfortable being any kind of role model.”

“But you saved yourself for true love,” a second girl said, making Flynn’s eyes nearly bug right out of her head. “It gives hope to us who choose to keep our V card intact instead of wasting it on some asshole.”

“How do they know about that?” Flynn hissed under her breath.

“I’m guessing Fallon,” Murphy answered with a slight smile and bright red cheeks. “She’s become a little bit of a celebrity by taking on the gossip rags in defense of her sister.”

“How cool was it to lose it to Winter
Mitchell?” the first girl asked in hushed delight.

“Um, not everyone is going to lose it to a celebrity,” Flynn uttered inanely, not wanting to give false hope to an entire generation of girls that their first time could be with someone famous. Hell, famous people could be just as big assholes as anyone, if not bigger because they had wealth and their pick of beautiful women.

“Oh, please,” the second girl pshawed. “This has nothing to do with Winter Mitchell being famous and everything to do with how he held you at the end of the video when he had forgotten he was being recorded.”