Wintertide: A Novel (14 page)

"No," I said standing,
pulling my coat back on. “We’re not.” Then I walked out, allowing the heavy
door to slam closed behind me. I got into the Buick. I had the motor started
and the headlights on when Seth came walking out, his mouth tight, his eyes
angry. He got into the car and glared at me. "Are you an idiot?" he yelled
at me. "What the hell did you think you were doing in there?"

I didn’t respond as I backed out of
the dark parking lot and pulled out onto the road.

"We just had to go along with
him, Dan. Why couldn’t you just have said what he wanted to hear?"

“You and Eddie have been talking
this whole time, planning your stories, discussing this guy’s medical condition,”
I stated staring straight ahead.

I could feel Seth’s eyes on me. “I
told you that he came to talk to me.”

“If he told the police it was me,
would you back him up?” I turned to see his response.

Seth shook his head like it was a
crazy suggestion. "Of course not."

"Eddie seems to think you
would.” I glanced at the speedometer and realized how fast I was going. I eased
my foot off the accelerator.

"He was just saying that to
scare you. Believe me, tonight was the first I heard of it.” Seth let out a
heavy breath and ran a hand through his hair. “I told you not to antagonize
him. Why couldn’t you just nod your fucking head at him?” he asked.

It was a good question. The problem
was, I didn’t know why. I only knew that I could not stomach Eddie McKenna. He
was manipulative and dangerous and I could not lie on his behalf. I knew I
wouldn’t go to the police, but if they came to me, I would tell them the truth.
I had to draw the line somewhere, and I was fully aware that it was a random
place to draw it. After all, I didn’t intend to turn him in, and if he ever
hurt anyone else again, I would be at least partially responsible for not having
stopped him now. I wouldn’t take matters into my own hands, but if they landed
there, I would do what was right. It was a cop-out. But it was the most I was
capable of.

I dropped a frustrated and angry Seth
off at his house, but not before promising again that I had no intention of
initiating a discussion with the police. In fact, I told him that I intended to
leave and return to school sooner than planned. He seemed relieved to hear
that.

My mother hadn't once waited up for
me since I'd arrived home. So when I pulled into the driveway just past
midnight, I was surprised to see a light on in the living room. I stayed in the
car for a while, running the scene from this evening over in my head, thinking
about what might happen now. When I finally walked into the house, I saw my dad
sitting on the couch in the living room.

I walked toward him slowly. "Hi,”
I said softly.

“Daniel, I wanted to talk to you. Why
don't you sit down?"

I sat down stiffly, wondering what
this was about. I hadn’t spoken to him since our Christmas Eve fight. He rubbed
the corners of his eyes with his index fingers. The skin was red from the
pressure when he took his hands away.

"Daniel," he paused,
sighing, "I want us to get something straight."

 He watched me, seeming to want a
response. I nodded at him.

"You probably think I'm the
bad guy here," he continued. "That I'm hurting your mother, and that everything
is my fault.” He shifted his position on the couch and rubbed his eyes again. He
was obviously as uncomfortable with having a discussion with me as I was
sitting here having to listen to him. "We have problems, your mother and I.
Problems that are both of our faults."

"What problems?" I asked.

"That's not really the point,
what the problems are. The point is that I don't want you getting the wrong
idea. I don't throw money away on drinking. I did some free carpentry work for
the manager over at the pub. He's an old friend of mine, and he serves me for
free whenever I come in. Every dollar I make goes to pay the bills."

I didn't know what he expected from
me. I was surprised that he cared what I thought. I simply looked at him
passively and said, "Okay."

He stared at me for a moment, probably
expecting more of a reaction. "You're a smart kid, Daniel. And I know you
think I resent having to pay for your college, but that's not true."

Actually, he and I both paid for my
college as did loans and scholarships. He only sent his check when I called and
reminded Mom that it was due, usually overdue. If I wasn't already so drained
from everything that had occurred tonight, I might have given him the
acknowledgement he was looking for. Instead, he seemed discouraged by my
silence. He stood slowly as though it required tremendous effort, put a hand on
my shoulder and mumbled, "Well that's all I wanted to say. I just wanted
us to get things straight. All right?”

I nodded obligingly.

“Goodnight son.” He turned away
slowly and softly climbed the stairs.

I stood there for awhile after he
had gone upstairs, feeling dazed and exhausted. But once I finally changed and
got into bed, I tossed and turned restlessly. I thought of the last sleeping
pill sitting in my coat pocket in the closet, but I couldn’t make myself move
from under my covers to get it.

I was going back to school
tomorrow. That was the plan I had made for myself. I had no place to stay, and
I still had to talk to the professor about it, but I needed to leave. I desperately
wanted to leave.

"Daniel, won't you take a ride
with me? You've been home for a week and I've hardly seen you at all."

I was sitting at the kitchen table,
on my third cup of coffee, re-reading the newspaper article that I'd been staring
at for nearly an hour. Mom was wearing one in a large collection of nylon
workout outfits that she owned. It was purple with royal blue stripes down the
side, and it made a swishing noise every time she moved. On her feet were a
pair of white pristine running shoes that I was positive would never experience
a movement faster than a brisk walk through the grocery store.

I was trying to figure out how to
tell her that I was heading back to school today in a way that wouldn’t result
in her tears when she smiled down at me with an impossibly cheerful grin. "I
have to return your father's tool belt, and I thought you might want to come with
me. We could have lunch out somewhere.”

My attention was still on the
article in the paper which said John Benedetti’s condition was worsening and
the investigation was ongoing.

"What is it?" she asked,
glancing down at the article.

What harm would it do to talk to
her about it, I thought? I found that I wanted to talk about it with her. "You
know that man who was found beaten? It says here his condition is a lot
worse."

She nodded. “Yes, I saw that. It’s
just so terrible. And his poor wife. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel to
walk into your house and find someone you love lying there like that. It makes
me feel so grateful for our family. I’m so proud of you, Daniel and I’m so
happy that your home with us now. I don’t know what I’ll do when you go back to
school after vacation. I’ll miss you so much.”

Her eyes became glassy as she stood
over me looking down. I got up from my chair, and I gave her a hug. The plans
for my departure were slowly disappearing.

"All right," I said
taking a step back. "I’ll go with you but I don't want to spend the entire
day being dragged from one store to another."

Her face brightened so quickly at
my statement that it was painful for me to watch. The fact that I could put
that smile on her face so easily and yet I seldom did, made me feel ashamed.

We went to the hardware store
first, where Mom waited in line to return the tool belt. If she felt at all
badly for having to do so, she didn’t show it. Then we went to the house wares
section of a big department store because she needed a new pie plate.
Carefully, she examined every one they had.

I finally told her that I needed
some new shirts and excused myself to browse the men's section. It was far
quieter there. I wandered in a daze down the aisles of clothing racks. The musky
scent of cologne, which a tall woman in spiked heels was spritzing on everyone
who came within a few feet of her, hung heavy in the air. Soft music filtered
down from the ceiling.

From behind me, someone said my
name. I was paying so little attention that when I turned around I expected to
see my mother there, but instead I saw a beautiful, familiar girl.

"Hi, Dan. I thought that was
you," she said smiling up at me.

Her hair was much longer, and it looked
lighter than I remembered. She appeared thinner, too. You could see the outline
of her cheekbones. Her green eyes were the same clear, friendly ones I used to
know so well. I hadn't seen Kristen since the summer before I left for college.
I had promised to keep in touch, and I had intended to at the time, but when I
got to school, I got caught up in everything and I never did.

"Kristen," I said awkwardly,
still taking her in. "How are you?"

She watched me shyly through long,
thick eyelashes. "Fine. I work here, over in accessories." She turned
and pointed to a glass counter across the store. "Are you home for the
holidays?"

"Yeah," I nodded.

"How’s school going?"

"It’s going okay." She
had always been pretty, but she was striking now.

She nodded, still smiling at me,
not appearing to be holding a grudge. I searched for something else to say.
“Have you worked here long?” I finally asked.

“No, I’m just working during the
holiday to make some extra money.” She self-consciously pushed her hair behind
her ear. "So...do you come home much?" she asked.

"No, not at all really. This
is the first time I've been back in a while."

"Have you kept in touch with
anyone? Your friend Seth, maybe?"

"I’ve seen him since I’ve been
home, but I didn’t really keep in touch while I was at school. I’m really sorry
I didn’t call."

She waved my comment off. “Oh no,
it’s fine. No big deal, I know you must be really busy."

“But still, I should have at least called
you back. I am sorry.” She was letting me off the hook so easily. She had
always been insecure and unaware of how great she was.

She smiled sweetly again and then
glanced behind her. There was a customer at her counter. "Well, I'd better
get back. How long are you home for?"

I shrugged. "I’m not really
sure."

"Well, why don't you call me
while you’re home? Maybe we could do something?"

"Sure," I said, surprised.

She took a step back and then hesitated.
"Do you have my number? It's still the same."

I nodded. I still knew it by heart.
“Good to see you."

"You, too.” She surprised me
with a quick hug, but stepped back before I could return it, her long hair
flipping over her shoulder as she hurried across the store. She had on a brown skirt
that flared out around her knees. I watched her for a moment as she asked ''Can
I help you?" to the woman that peered into the display case. Then I headed
back toward the house wares department to find my mother.

Seth Cooper’s father was a born
salesman. He sold cars for a while, then office equipment, next came life
insurance and then health insurance which finally led to him starting his own
company. His face was one of the most expressive I had ever seen. His angry
face seemed almost a caricature of that particular emotion, scrunched up eyes,
tight mouth, flushed cheeks. His droopy jowls jiggled humorously when he
laughed. And when he was frustrated, a vein in his right temple would pulsate. His
waist expanded about an inch each year, and he had been gradually losing his
hair for as long as I could remember. He was an imposing man with a bellowing
voice that he used to manipulate his family into submission.

Seth both admired and feared his
father. The lengths to which he would go in order to win the man's approval were
tremendous. Will Cooper had supposedly explained the birds and bees to his son
by relating the story of his first time which occurred at the age of thirteen
with the visiting friend of a cousin. So when Seth turned thirteen, he seemed
to think it would be a disgrace if he didn't lose his virginity as soon as
possible. It was an entertaining year for me as I  watched him make a complete
fool of himself in front of every girl that had managed to grow breasts over
the summer vacation. In any case, he never found a willing participant. So he
spent a week formulating an incredible story, completely fictional, to relate
to his father. I wished him luck at the end of the school day, all the time
thinking how ridiculous it was. The next morning he was sullen and quiet. I
bugged him relentlessly. “What happened? What did your dad say?” Finally, at
lunch, he told me.

Seth scowled and stared down at his
tuna fish sandwich. "He said nothing.”

“Nothing?”

Seth shook his head, obviously,
disappointed.

Telling my own father anything
about my sex life, even though I didn’t have one at the time, seemed
ridiculous. I’m sure the information would not have been welcome on his part
either. But Seth’s dad made a point of talking about sex in front of us. It
always made me extremely uncomfortable.

To add to his issues, everything Seth
ever asked for was held hostage unless he could meet certain conditions. "We'll
buy you a bicycle only if you get an A on your next math test.”,  "You can
only borrow the car if you paint the garage.",  "You can only have a baseball
mitt for your birthday if you make the team.” They reneged of course. Eventually
they gave Seth everything. But not until they had made him sweat for it.

He was always afraid of his father
discovering his every indiscretion. It didn't prevent him from committing those
indiscretions. It simply caused him to worry himself to a point where he was sure
he had a bleeding ulcer at age sixteen. Perhaps that was why he was so drawn to
Eddie, a person who pushed him toward carelessness. After we would smoke or
drink, Seth would use an entire can of breath spray to make sure there was no
telltale scent on his breath. He'd stand out in the freezing cold for nearly an
hour to air his clothes out. And as I soon learned, payment of Seth's college
tuition could hardly be taken for granted. It seemed that was the biggest
collateral yet. Any measure of disapproval Seth brought upon himself resulted
in his father's threatening not to pay the college tuition bills.