Wise Folly (10 page)

Noah hesitated,
his gaze reluctant to leave hers.
With a heavy sigh,
he
gave her a quick kiss on the tip of her nose.
“Game’s called due to interference. Thank your fairy godmother, Dianna, because you won’t be so lucky again.” His
low
husky voice made it clear he had been shaken too. Sure hands quickly
relocated his shirt
before he quirked an eyebrow in her direction.

She
stood
in the middle of the bedroom, where he had left her. “Dianna?”
he said softly. "If you'd like to take the rest of those clothes off, I'd love to return and find you in bed."

She glanced down, suddenly realizing she was
practically
naked
"
I'
m leaving
.
” she muttered
her face turning a bright red.  She
refused
to look at him for fear of seeing that mocking smile. She had played right into his hands. Well, she had left him once before—the same prescription would work again.

“
Don't go an
ywhere. I’ll be right back.”

She grabbed her bra and turned her back to him as she dressed.
“Don’t tell me the great Mr. Weston is afraid I might disappear into thin air?” she taunted, not sure whether she was trying to regain her composure or make him lose his.

“Don’t even try.” His voice hardened ruthlessly. “
Not t
his time
, Dianna
.
Not n
ow
. There
’s nowhere you could go that I wouldn’t b
e able to find you.” He
stood for a moment, then
turned and strode from the room toward the front door.

Dianna
quickly redressed, then found her cell phone. H
er fingers trembl
ed
as she pushed the buttons. She listened impatiently to the rings: two, three, four.

“Hello?” June sounded carefree and happy, as though she had just shared a joke with someone.

“June?” Dianna’s voice cracked, and both hands clutched the receiver tightly as she tried to calm her fears.

“Hi, Dianna. Are you feeling better now, honey? We were worried last night until Noah told us how sick you were.
I'
m so sorry. I remember how those headaches used to affect you.”

Dianna broke into June’s ramblings. “June, did Noah come by your house
last night or talk to you on the phone.
”

There was a moment’s hesitation before her sister answered, her voice holding a forced brightness. “
He came by the house last night.
Why
?
Didn’t he tell you? I assumed he had your permission to meet Tabby.”

“What happened?”

“Well, he talked to David and me first He... he asked a lot of questions about you and Tabby.” June halted.

“Go on!” Dianna exclaimed impatiently.

“Then he met Tabby. They talked for a while, and he took her for a drive. I don’t know what he said to her, but she’s positively glowing. They really hit it off, Di. I guess she needed a
daddy figure
in her life, just like the rest of us.
"She gave a light chuckle. "
Anyway, when he turned on that charm there was nothing she could do but succumb.”

“Oh, my God,” Dianna muttered.

“Is everything all right? Has something gone wrong?” June’s voice sounded worried now. What did June have to be worried about
?
Dianna thought bitterly. June wasn’t in a mess; she was!

“
I just wanted to confirm what happened.
I’ll talk to you later
, a
s soon as I can.” Her throat choked. She couldn’t ask David to come and get her. Noah had effectively blocked that exit
.
Th
at
door had closed and she was sealed in a tomb. It was a tomb as large as the world, but sealed just the same. Noah had seen to that
.

She silently opened the bedroom door and listened.
Soft
sounds of Mrs. Frank’s preparations for dinner
hadn't
penetrated the
closed
bedroom
door.
Glancing down the hall, she saw Noah's office door closed tightly. No sound was coming through that door either.
Dianna
closed the door again,
and then
sat in the bentwood rocker and stared at the rooftop garden of the penthouse apartment
.
The large windows allowed the late afternoon sun to warm the room with a bright
cheeriness. As Dianna waited for whatever happened next, the sun streaked across her lap and shoulders
.
She slowly relaxed, accepting w
hatever
would happen
, would happen. She couldn't second guess anymore.
Her eyes clouded with visions of the past that reached out to overwhelm her. She was tired—too tired to pit herself against the force of a will much stronger than hers.
Her daughter was
already suffer
ing
for trying.
She
was having trouble thinking straight

Her
thoughts
said that she was thankful for
Catherine Sinclair's
interruption earlier, but her body still ached for the fulfillment of Noah’s lovemaking
- j
ust as
she
had seven years ago, when Noah had last held her in his arms. It was frightening. At that time she had thought all men were uncaring animals. She had imagined that any contact with a man
wasn't in the cards for her.

She
'd
known Noah’s tender kisses
before the rape.  Af
ter the rape
, she'd
known his gentle hands on her skin as he washed her bruised body and dried her tears, the reassurance of his understanding words as he told her
over and over that
she was still a wonderful person. She had known the sweetness of his
gentle kisses
. . . .

That night—that night Noah had carried her up to the apartment from the car where Charles had been so
violent.
She had hidden her face in Noah’s shoulder, softly moaning as he held her in the elevator, making soothing sounds while waiting impatiently for the elevator to reach its destination at the top of the building He had undressed her and washed her from a basin of warm water at her bedside. The washcloth was
pristine-soft white
and the soap sweet smelling
. Both
erase
d
the scent of pine after-shave
,
stale
wine
and shame
.
He had stayed with her all the time except for when the Doctor came to see her. And he'd returned as soon as he'd seen the Doctor out.

Her mumblings
had
continued and the tears trickled down her face
as
he drew the story from her. When she had choked out the last words, he held her like a baby until she had fallen asleep in his arms, content in his impersonal, soothing touch. She awoke
suddenly
every few hours only to
realize she was with Noah and relax
ed
, then
fall asleep again
. She was
afraid to face the daylight and the problems it would bring. She wanted to remain unconscious until the pain was gone. Only it would not go away. It was irreversible.

L
arge blue bruises disappeared within a
few days
, turning yellow, then fading away. But her soul was bruised, too
, and it had never really recovered.
She had been violated in the worst possible way
; by force
.

She knew the violation had nothing to do with making love. She wasn’t even sure it had anything to do with sex—at least, not as she had thought of it
.
Char
l
es had lashed out at her because she was
available
. She knew that yet she couldn’t feel sympathy or understanding for what he had done. All she could feel was a
growing
flame of hatred burning deep in the pit of her stomach like
liquid
metal.

One night about a week later she had awakened to find
she was alone and the
apartment
was
in darkness. Her nerves tensed immediately
. Could Charles find his way here and wait until Noah was gone, then attack her again?
Slowly she crept from bed and made her way to the living room. Moonlight streamed through the glass walls, illuminating the stark
,
modern
forms of furniture. It must have been very late, for most of the
city
lights were darkened, leaving eerie holes in the landscape.

Suddenly panic like she had never known before welled up in
her throat and she let out a
cry
, falling to the floor as she finally allowed the terrifying emotions that had built up over the past days to explode within her. Sobs shook her slight frame, deep sobs that racked her insides. She rubbed her skin abrasively against the rough carpet
.
She was so dirty, so unclean! God help her, she would never be clean again! Never!

Noah had come from out of nowhere and pulled her into his arms. He rocked her back and forth soothingly, attempting to keep her hands from hurting herself further. His deep-timbered voice finally broke through the mist of agony surrounding her and he was able to calm her before leading her back to bed. Her hands clung to him as she sobbed out the feelings she
'd managed to keep locked inside until that moment
. She was finally becoming part of the world again and it hurt

“My God,
I'm
so dirty, Noah! So dirty!” she had cried over and over.

“Listen to me!” he stated firmly,
his voice commanding her as he knelt before and held
hands as she sat on the side of the bed. “You are not dirty. You are you, with the same body you had before. Look at what happened,
who caused harm to you and
meet it
head on. Once you do that, you can start to
cope with it”

She
had shaken
her head as tears continued to course down her cheeks unheeded. She knew he didn’t understand, but she needed him anyway.
She trusted him. 
She held tight to his hands, afraid to let him go. As long as he was
with her
the overwhelming panic would not return.

“If you had fought off a burglar and he had hit you, would you have been any different?’ he persisted as she stared at him, hazel eyes shining with hurt and glistening tears.
He answered the question for her.
“No. You’d still be the same Dianna, except that you would have had a bad experience. You can’t blame yourself for someone else’s
bad
behavior. It’s not fair to yourself or Charles. He deserves to hold all the blame, and if you continue to absorb it then he is going to be let off too lightly. Don’t do that to either of you.” His voice was low. He talked to her as if she were a small child that needed to
learn
the fundamentals of life, lessons he would teach her. “You
know
that what Charles did he did out of
his own
anger and frustration. It had nothing to do with making love, Dianna. Nothing,” he stated emphatically, trying to break through the shell she seemed to be hiding behind.

“Noah?” she had whispered sometime later when the sobbing had finally stopped. “Please don’t leave me. Stay with me.” And he had.

Sometime in the early morning hours he had turned to her in his sleep and placed his arm over her shoulder to gently cup her breast
.
Where panic should have invaded, contentment took over. Slowly, tentatively, they both awoke and continued to explore each other, Noah allowing Dianna to take the initiative, going only as fast as she dictated. He treated her as if she were something special, precious, and she had flowered under his ministrations, del
ighted
in his love.

Could that be the real reason she had run away from him as soon as she was able? Because deep down she knew she was too unclean, too dirty for him to treat with such overwhelming tenderness? She had known then that he would be able to make her forget everything in his arms. Noah had the power to erase that one night of horror, but if that was so, could she respond to anyone or just to Noah? Was that the real reason behind her cloistered life? Was she afraid to find out?