Wish on the Moon (26 page)

She could feel the change in him happening
slowly, the knowledge seeping through him that she truly shared his
pain and wouldn't mock or belittle what he saw as weakness. His
shoulders lost their rigidity as his arms came around her to pull
her close.

He rested his chin on top of her head and his
husky baritone vibrated through her when he spoke. "What is it
about you that makes me say out loud things I've never told anyone?
Things I've hardly admitted to myself. I've spent my life trying to
forget."

"That's the problem. You've been burying
instead of healing. Talking about it and sharing it helps start the
process. If I hadn't had George and Anne to talk to after Doug
died, I'd still be blaming myself--"

"Why?" He pushed back and gazed down at her,
still holding her securely.

"Because we'd argued before he left. He
wanted me to go sailing with him. Mandy had had an ear-ache the day
before and I didn't want to leave her with anyone. I certainly
couldn't take her along. He didn't understand that. He said he was
tired of coming second, that it had been that way since she was
born."

"It should be that way," Mitch erupted.

"Not entirely," Laura disagreed. "There are
times when a child comes first and there are times when a husband
comes first. I knew that with my mind. But the smaller the child,
the greater the immediate needs. And after Doug left, I felt so
guilty, like I was a bad wife, like I could have made him feel more
important. And when I never got the chance to see him alive
again--"

He sifted her hair through his fingers and
stroked soothingly. "The guilt took over."

"Yes. Until I talked about it over and over
again with Anne and George. They knew me. They knew Doug. They
didn't judge. They could be objective and help me get some
perspective. I finally realized his death wasn't my fault. He chose
to go sailing. He chose to stay out in the storm."

"If he had cared more about you and Mandy, he
wouldn't have gone. Period."

Mitch's protective instincts were aroused
again. He would put his wife and child first. But she had to be
fair. "I don't know about that. I do know Doug and I were growing
in different directions. But because I loved him, I blamed myself
for what happened. Just like you blame yourself. You couldn't do
anything about your father. He had a disease, Mitch. That's what
alcoholism is. He couldn't love you--not like you needed to be
loved. It's not your fault your mom stayed with him. It's not your
fault Carey got into trouble."

His hands stopped stroking. "I felt it was. I
felt responsible."

"Children in alcoholic families often
do."

"How do you know so much?"

She grinned. "I watch talk shows."

His brows arched and he looked disbelieving.
"As if you have time."

She shook her head. "I do. Anne records them
and we watch the good ones after Mandy goes to bed. But it's not
only that. I know a couple of people who've faced the same
problem."

Mitch's hands rested on the warmth of her
neck. His fingers were cold but his palms were hot. "George or
Anne?"

"I'd rather not say."

He kissed her forehead. "I understand.
Confidences are important."

She hoped to heaven he felt that way once he
knew about Carey.

They walked inside together. After shedding
their coats, they went to the living room. Mandy was sitting on the
floor in front of the fireplace dressing her doll. But Laura's eyes
shot to Ray and Nora on the sofa. She could have sworn they'd been
holding hands. Nora's cheeks were flushed. Her father looked like
the cat who swallowed the canary.

Laura's eyes switched to Mitch. How would he
feel about a relationship between his mother and her father? How
did she feel about it? Seeing the smile on her dad's face, she
didn't have to think about it long. He wouldn't be lonely any
more.

Nora stood and excused herself. After a
puzzled look from Mitch and a shrug from Ray, Laura followed Nora
to the kitchen.

Nora was crouched in front of a lower
cabinet, shifting saucepans.

"Need some help?" Laura offered.

Nora kept her head down. "No. I'm looking for
a muffin pan. Thought I'd make some biscuits to go with the
stew."

"Nora?"

"What?"

"Are you upset about something?"

Nora took the muffin pan from the side of the
cabinet and stood up. "No. What would I be upset about?"

She was pulling one of her son's tricks. Only
she wasn't as good at it. "You could have stayed with Dad. I can
mix flour, milk, shortening and baking powder."

"There's no point in me staying with your
father. Nothing can come of it."

"Why? If you enjoy each other's
company..."

"Laura, I told you before I'm not good enough
for him."

"Nonsense!"

That made Nora smile. "Maybe your father and
I can be friends. But that's it. Believe me. I've been around a lot
longer than you. Some things don't change."

"What things?"

"Things that have nothing to do with you,
things you couldn't understand."

"I understand Mitch had a rough childhood. I
understand you held your family together as best you could."

"But you can't understand why I had to stay
with a man who had no strength in him, a man who didn't love his
children, a man who was drunk more than he was sober." Nora's eyes
were filled with sadness and regret.

"Why did you stay?"

"Because I was afraid not to." Nora turned
away, ending the conversation.

Laura pulled the canister of flour forward on
the counter, knowing Nora was hiding something private. But she
couldn't figure out what.

***

When Carey entered the store Monday
afternoon, Laura's heart plummeted. The grin on his face, the air
of excitement about him, portended trouble. She glanced over her
shoulder. Mitch was still in the office.

Carey waited for Laura by the porcelain
display as she gave a customer change and gift wrapped the small
box. After she wished the woman a merry Christmas, Carey motioned
to her to join him.

Sonya was taking care of a client who came
into the store a few moments before. Laura went to Carey.

He shifted from one foot to the other as if
he couldn't stand still. "This is it." He fumbled in his jacket
pocket and opened his hand to show her a scrap of paper with
scribbling on it. "I'm going to show my brother he's not the only
one who can be a success."

"Placing a bet won't make you a success," she
whispered sharply.

He spared her a quick surprised glance and
his brows knit together in a frown. "Turning judgmental on me too?
I didn't expect that from you."

She softened her tone, afraid he wouldn't
listen if she came on too strong. "Think about what you're doing,
Carey, and why you're doing it. What if this doesn't turn out the
way you expect? Are you going back to gambling for a living?"

He looked blank as if he hadn't thought about
it. "Of course not. I told you one last time is all it'll
take."

"And if the tip doesn't pan out? If this
wonder horse happens to get indigestion today or something else
happens and he loses?"

"That won't happen."

She shook her head. "In some ways you and
Mitch are alike. You can't see what's in front of your nose." She
was leaving in two days and it looked as if Mitch was going to let
her fly out of his life without a word to stop her. The tension and
the possibility of not seeing him again were getting to her.

Carey swore and rubbed his hand over his
face, a gesture she recognized as one Mitch used when he was upset.
"Mitch and I have the same parents. That's it. And what I see is
that money will make me his equal."

"Is that what you really want?" Laura
demanded.

Carey raised his hand impatiently. "What I
want is for him to admire me the way I admire him. What I want is
for him to know I regret the trouble I caused and all the mistakes
I made. When Dad was alive, it's like I knew who I was. I was his
son. And even though he wasn't the best father, I
felt...anchored...like I knew I belonged. After he died, I was
lost. I didn't know which end was up. Mom was working all the time
to keep a roof over our heads. Mitch did everything right. He
helped her and watched out for both of us. I didn't know where I
fit, if I fit."

Laura stepped closer to him and touched his
elbow. "I understand, Carey, I do. When my mother died, the whole
world turned upside down. Nothing was the same."

Another customer came in the door along with
a blast of cold air. The interruption broke their bond of
understanding.

Carey stepped back. "I'll let you take care
of business. I have to get there before the fourth race. See you at
supper." He gave her a thumbs up sign she didn't return.

After the door closed behind Carey, Laura
asked herself one question again and again. Should she tell
Mitch?

Ten minutes later, she was still agonizing
when Mitch came out of the office, the worry lines around his eyes
deep. "Can I see you inside?"

She followed him, her heart thumping madly.
Maybe he was going to ask her to stay. Or maybe... Had something
happened to her dad? Had he spent too much time in the store
yesterday and he'd overtaxed himself?

"What is it? It's not Dad? He hasn't--"

Mitch grasped her shoulders gently, his gaze
telegraphing reassurance. "No, Ray's fine. He's going to be
stronger than ever. You got that?"

Laura nodded and felt color come back to her
cheeks. "What is it then? You look worried."

He gave her a small smile as if to thank her
for noticing. But then his concern wiped it away. "Mom called.
She's afraid Carey's on his way to the track. He asked her for
money and she gave him too much." Mitch thumped his fist on the
desk. "I can't believe she gave it to him. How could he have taken
it?"

When Laura didn't move, when she didn't
respond, Mitch tensed. "Did you know about this?"

Dread began climbing through her body. "Carey
was just here..."

"In the store?"

She nodded.

He stepped away as if he'd been burned. "You
knew he was going to the track?"

She nodded again.

"And you didn't stop him?" he exploded.

"How was I supposed to stop him?" she shot
back before thinking.

"You could have come for me!" His exasperated
expression asked her why she didn't think of that.

"And what would you have done? Tied him
down?"

He jerked his jacket from the coatrack.
"Maybe. I'm sure as hell going to do something like it when I catch
up with him. I just hope I can grab him before he places the
bet."

That was the worst thing Mitch could do. Yes,
money was at stake, but so was Carey's decision whether to stay
straight or not. If Mitch took that choice out of his hands...
"Maybe he won't," she said quietly.

"Are you crazy? He's been gambling since he
was twelve. But this time it's more than odd dollars he's going to
lose. It's Mom's savings."

She couldn't stay silent any longer. If Carey
wouldn't tell Mitch, she had to. It could make the difference. "He
hasn't gambled for the past six months, Mitch. He's a member of
Gambler's Anonymous now and he hasn't placed a bet since he started
attending the meetings."

Mitch's one arm was in the jacket, the other
free. He froze. "When did you find this out?"

"The night of the Halloween party."

Mitch slid into his jacket absently.

The news didn't seem to affect him and she
had to make sure he understood. "He's trying to start a new life.
When you wouldn't give him the loan, he became desperate and
decided a good tip was his last chance to--"

"You've known about this? All along?" Mitch
reared back as if she'd punched him. His face was frozen and rigid.
Betrayed.

Laura knew if he'd ever thought about asking
her to stay, if he'd ever admitted to himself he loved her, if he'd
ever trusted her, she'd just destroyed it all by being loyal to
Carey. She had to explain, to try to erase the awful expression
from Mitch's face. It was so...cold.

She forced herself to take two deep breaths
to steady her body and contain the panic she knew would be evident
in her voice. "Please try to understand."

His eyes narrowed with suspicion. "How long
have you known?"

Her knees shook. "A week or so."

Mitch shook his head in disbelief. "I thought
we'd come to an...understanding. I thought we meant something to
each other."

If she said she loved him now, he'd never
believe her. She leaned against the desk for support. "We do. I
didn't want to keep this from you."

"Just like you didn't want to stay away from
Ray for six years?"

The fierce degree of his anger rocked against
her and she felt sick to her stomach. She'd thought Mitch had come
to terms with that and didn't blame her any more. Heaven knew she
still blamed herself enough for them both.

But she had to stay in the present. "I
learned about Carey's loan by accident. I overheard his
conversation with Nora and he knew I heard. He pleaded with me not
to tell you."

Mitch violently zipped up his zipper. "And
he's so damn endearing, you agreed."

"No! He was so desperate, I agreed. All he
wants, Mitch, is to show you he's changed. He's trying to compete
with you. He wants you to see he can be a success. He wants you to
respect and admire him the way he admires you."

"He told you that?"

"Sort of. He's trying to get your
approval."

"He's never wanted anything from me but money
and a quick fix for his problems."

"Maybe you haven't looked deep enough. Maybe
you haven't really talked to him." Her gaze clung to his, pleading
with him to understand.

"Talking can't solve everything. I haven't
seen you and Ray talking all that much. Don't you practice what you
preach?"