Wish You Were Here (2 page)

‘You know what your trouble is, Alice?’

Alice wasn’t sure that she wanted to know but she was quite sure that Stella was going to tell her.

‘You just don’t make an effort. I mean
look
at you!’ her sister said, pointing an admonishing finger at Alice’s ensemble.
‘Grey!
’ She spat the word out as if it left a nasty taste in her mouth.

‘There’s nothing wrong with grey. It’s very fashionable at the moment.’

‘Not like
that
it isn’t!’

Alice self-consciously pulled at her bobbly cardigan and watched as Stella flopped onto the sofa opposite her and stuck her spoon into a carton of ice cream.

‘Anyway,’ Stella continued through a mouthful of double chocolate chip, ‘what are you doing here?’

Alice took a deep breath, knowing how the following conversation was likely to go.

‘It’s Dad’s birthday in a couple of weeks and I wondered—’

‘His birthday? Oh, I completely forgot!’ Stella said.

‘You forgot last year too.’

‘I was busy.’

‘And the year before that.’

‘Don’t be a bore, Alice. God, you’re worse than a mother.’

For a moment, the two sisters sat in silence, remembering the mother who had been so cruelly taken away from them when Alice had been just twelve years old and Stella only eight.

‘I’m sorry – I didn’t mean—’

‘It’s all right,’ Alice said. ‘I shouldn’t really nag you like that.’ Stella stuck her spoon into the carton of ice cream again, thinking she’d got away with it, but Alice wasn’t going to let her off so easily.

‘So what are we going to do?’ Alice asked.

‘About what?’

‘About Dad’s birthday!’

Stella shrugged and kept her eyes down, resolutely refusing to meet Alice’s.

‘We have to do
something
. It’s not every day that you’re seventy,’ Alice pressed.

‘God, it’s so disgusting having a seventy-year-old father,’ Stella said. ‘What was Mum thinking of?’

‘She was in love with him,’ Alice said, ‘and it’s just as well for us that she was or we wouldn’t have been born, and he wasn’t
that
old when he had us. Not for a man, at least.’

‘I think it’s horrible how men can go on having babies until they’re ancient.’

‘But Dad was only in his forties when he had us. That’s not old these days and neither is seventy any more.’ Alice paused and took a deep breath. ‘Anyway, I was thinking we could visit him.’

‘Oh, Alice!’ Stella said. ‘You know I hate that horrible place! It smells of disinfectant and old people.’

‘You’ll smell like that one day too,’ Alice said.

‘Don’t be foul!’

‘Anyway, we needn’t be at the home for long because I was thinking of taking him out somewhere.’

‘Taking him out? What, in
public?
’ Stella said, a look of shock on her face.

‘He’s still able to enjoy a day out by the sea and an ice cream. He’s not dead yet, you know!’

‘He might as well be. He’s brain dead.’

‘No, he’s not!’

‘Well, he is whenever I visit,’ Stella said.

‘And when did you last visit?’

‘I don’t know. I don’t keep a written record like you obviously do. You always were the favourite, anyway.’

‘How can you say that? You’re the one with the house!’ Alice pointed out, looking up at the lofty ceiling of the Victorian semi’s living room.

‘Oh, you’re begrudging me the house, are you?’

‘No, of course not.’

‘I thought you said you wanted your own place.’

‘I do want my own place, Stella. I just want you to see Dad once in a while. I thought we could take him to the seaside. He always loved the sea.’ For a moment, Alice remembered the endless bucket and spade holidays they used to go on as a family. From Great Yarmouth to Blackpool, from Skegness to Brighton, they would laugh their way round the coastline of Britain, making wonky castles in the sand and eating mountains of candy floss. ‘It really is the least we can do for him.’

‘But it’ll be so cold,’ Stella said with a theatrical shiver.

‘So, we’ll wrap up!’

‘How are you going to get there?’

‘Well, Sam at the home has offered to drive us to the station.’

‘The train station? With his chair?’

‘Of
course
with his chair. He can’t walk very far these days.’

‘Oh, God! I
really
don’t fancy it!’ Stella said.

‘I know you don’t but can’t you think beyond yourself for once?’

‘What does that mean?’

‘I mean, can’t you think about Dad for a change and how much he’d love to see us both together and spend a day with us – a day
away
from the home?’

Stella wrinkled her nose.

‘We really could use your car, actually,’ Alice said. ‘Dad did say we could share it, after all.’

‘Oh, Alice! When are you going to get another car of your own? You really should, you know. You can’t rely on other people to bail you out of awkward situations all the time.’

Alice baulked at the implication that their father was an
awkward situation
. ‘When was the last time I asked you for your car?’

‘I’m just saying that you should get your own.’

‘I can’t afford another car. I’m only just keeping my head above water as it is with the rent and bills.’

‘I don’t know what you do with your money, Alice, I really don’t.’

Alice bit her tongue. If Stella had had to go out and find herself full-time employment and hadn’t had everything handed to her by their father, she might realise how tough it was in the real world.

‘It is Dad’s car after all,’ Alice reminded her.

‘Yes, I know, and it’s an old banger. He really should have bought me a new one. I can’t believe he didn’t think of that before he went into that home.’

‘Buying his daughter a brand new car wasn’t exactly at the forefront of his mind when he was in the process of losing it.’

‘Well, what about going in Celia’s car? She’s got one of those big four by fours, hasn’t she?’ Stella said, thinking of Alice’s oldest best friend.

‘Yes, and it’s always filled with her kids,’ Alice pointed out. ‘I hardly see her these days. She’s always so busy running her boys around. Anyway, Dad wouldn’t want to see Celia – he’d want to see
you!
’

They were quiet for a moment, their words hanging heavily in the air between them.

‘Look,’ Alice said at last, ‘I didn’t come round here to argue.’

‘Good, because I’m not in the mood. I’ve had a horrible day, if you must know,’ Stella said with a pout.

Alice looked at her sister. She was selfish and infuriating but she also looked a little paler than usual and Alice’s sisterly genes kicked in.

‘What’s wrong?’ she asked.

Almost immediately, tears welled up in Stella’s big blue eyes. ‘It’s Joe!’ she cried.

‘What about him?’

‘He broke up with me!’

‘Oh, Stella!’ Alice said, leaning towards her on the sofa and squeezing her shoulder. ‘What happened?’

‘He said I was too high-maintenance. What does that mean, anyway?’

‘It means you spend a lot of time—’

‘I
know
what it means! But
I’m
not high-maintenance! I haven’t been to the hairdresser’s for two weeks. Two
whole
weeks! And look at my nails!’

Alice looked at the immaculate scarlet talons her sister sported.

‘Chipped and scuffed but I’m making do until tomorrow before getting them done. I ask you – is that “high-maintenance”?’

‘Well—’

‘And he said I didn’t like the simple things in life just because I didn’t want to go on some crumby camping holiday. I mean, what girl in her right mind would want ‘to sleep in a tent?
On the ground?
’

Alice thought of Joe. He was the outdoors type with rock-climber’s arms and an athletic build. She could think of any number of girls who’d give anything to spend a night in a tent with him. Not her sister, though. Nothing but a five-star hotel would do for her.

‘He’s a scumbag,’ Stella said.

Alice sighed. Joe was most definitely
not
a scumbag. Alice actually quite liked him but she could guess what had happened. He’d probably grown tired of Stella’s little ways as well as her constant flirting. For a start, Alice couldn’t help noticing that there were no less than five Valentine’s cards lined up on the mantelpiece.
Five!
Who were they all from? Alice was guessing that Stella had flirted with every single one of the senders.

‘We’d just booked a holiday to Greece together, too,’ Stella went on with an almighty sniff, ‘and I was really looking forward to it. He knew how much I needed a break.’

Alice blinked, wondering what exactly it was that Stella needed a break from. ‘What are you going to do?’ she asked.

‘Well, I’m not going to waste it, am I? Joe gave me the tickets – probably so I wouldn’t make a scene. Look.’ Stella got up and retrieved a brochure from the dining table and tossed it into Alice’s lap. ‘Page eighteen.’

Alice flipped through the brochure until she came to the right page and gave a long, low whistle as she took in the picture-perfect white villa with the bright blue shutters. It had its own swimming pool and terrace overlooking the sea. It certainly wasn’t your typical tourist trap Greek island with blaring nightclubs and bars. This looked quiet and exclusive – a real escape from the world. Joe certainly had good taste – it looked beautiful.

‘You’ve
got
to come with me, Alice!’

‘What?’

‘You’ve got to come with me. I can’t go on my own – it’ll be so boring. And I’ve already asked Lily and Becks and they can’t make it. I even asked Jess and I don’t even like her that much and she said no too. So you’ve got to come. You don’t have to pay or anything although you can buy me a present as a thank you if you like. I’ve seen this really beautiful cashmere jumper I really need.
Do
say you’ll come!’

Alice bit her lip. What was there to think about? A week of glorious sunshine on a beautiful Greek island far far away from the bleak, Norfolk weather and the woes of office life. It was just what she needed.

‘
Please
, Alice! I know you’d never forgive yourself if you thought I was going on holiday all by myself! You’d
never
let that happen, would you?’

Alice looked at her sister. She was so good at getting people to do exactly what she wanted and, of course, Alice was going to say yes but not because Stella was trying to make her feel guilty. Alice really wanted to go but it occurred to her that she could use this as a bargaining chip.

‘Oh, Alice! I’ll be so miserable all on my own!’ Stella continued, her face as long as a bloodhound’s.

Alice held her hands up in mock defeat. ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘I’ll come with you. On one condition.’

‘What?’ Stella said.

‘You come with me on Dad’s birthday and give him a really brilliant day out.’

Stella took a deep breath. She didn’t look happy and, for a moment, Alice thought her bribe wasn’t going to work. But it did. ‘Okay!’ Stella said at last.

‘Promise?’

‘I promise,’ Stella said. ‘I’ll be there.’

One of the pleasures of living in Norfolk was the extensive coastline to the north and east of the county. You were never far from the sea but, without a car, it was rather awkward to reach and Alice didn’t get to see it very often but today was a wonderful exception.

‘It was good of Stella to let us borrow her car,’ Terry Archer said.

‘It’s
your
car, Dad,’ Alice said.

He shook his head. ‘No, no – it’s Stella’s all right,’ he said, nodding to the pair of furry pink dice hanging from the rear-view mirror.

Alice groaned and took them down, chucking them onto the back seat. ‘She was sorry she couldn’t make it today,’ she said. ‘She really wanted to be here.’

She heard her father sigh. ‘Alice, you don’t need to lie on behalf of your sister. I know what she’s like. In fact, I only expect to see her on special occasions like when she needs a cheque signing.’

‘She’s not still tapping you for money, is she?’ Alice said, aghast.

‘Only when I let her get away with it.’

‘Oh, Dad!’

‘I find it hard to say no to her sometimes – like your mother. I never could say no to her either.’

‘But you’d say no to me, wouldn’t you?’ Alice said with a grin.

‘You never ask in the first place, my dear,’ he said.

Alice smiled at him as she took the turn onto the coast road but she was secretly seething because that morning, she’d got a phone call from her sister.

‘Alice?’ a little voice had squeaked at the end of the line.

‘Stella?’

There was the sound of throat-clearing and then the squeaky voice began again. ‘I don’t feel so good. I think I’m coming down with flu.’

Alice had tried to believe her – she really had – but Stella was in the habit of crying wolf whenever it suited her and it was hard to know when she was telling the truth.

‘Are you wrapped up in bed?’ Alice had asked her.

‘Yes,’ the squeak replied.

‘Good,’ Alice said. ‘Then I’ll pop over and get the car.’

‘What?’ she’d shouted.

‘I thought you’d lost your voice?’

There was the sound of throat-clearing again. ‘I
have!
What do you want the car for?’

‘For Dad’s birthday. If you’re ill in bed, you’ve no use for it,’ she said and had immediately hung up.

When Stella had answered the door an hour later, she’d done a pretty good job of roughing her hair up but Alice could see she was wearing clothes underneath her housecoat and had a full face of make-up on, but she hadn’t bothered to challenge her. One thing was certain – she wasn’t going to let it spoil her special day with her father.

The little town of Bexley-on-Sea might not have Great Yarmouth’s funfair or Cromer’s pier but it was all the richer for that, Alice couldn’t help thinking. It was an old-fashioned sort of place with its row of Regency hotels and its simple promenade lined with pretty wooden kiosks selling fish and chips and ice cream. It wasn’t the first choice for the tourist venturing to Norfolk but it was a favourite with locals and Alice loved it.

Parking the car on the seafront, Alice shoved a woolly hat onto her head and, opening the car door, was greeted by an icy blast of salt-laden air. She got her father’s wheelchair out from the boot, erecting it in record time and then helped him out of the car and into it.

‘Just for a while,’ he said, ‘and then I’ll have a little stroll.’

The sea was steely-grey under a matching sky. Great boulders of dark clouds banked up along the horizon and a chill wind was blowing from the north reminding Alice that there was very little between them and the North Pole.

‘Not quite a day for a paddle, is it?’ Terry said from his chair.

‘I’m sorry, Dad! This was a terrible idea.’

His hand reached round and squeezed hers. ‘A breath of sea air always does the power of good,’ he said, ‘even if it does try to blow your head off your shoulders.’

They followed the promenade along the seafront for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. The kiosks were in hibernation for the long winter months but Alice had spotted a café that was open and earmarked it for later.

‘Park me here,’ her dad said after they’d been on the go for about ten minutes, ‘and sit down next to me for a bit. It gets lonely with you stuck behind me and I can’t talk to you properly.’

Alice stopped the chair by a bench and sat down next to her father. The bench was wet with sea spray and the slats were cold and uncomfortable but it felt good to be with her father and she took one of his large hands and held it between her own.

‘You’re cold,’ she said. ‘We shouldn’t stay here too long.’

Her father didn’t reply and she saw that he was staring far out to sea and she wondered what he was thinking about, his eyes seeming to glaze over with memories of the past.

‘Remember we used to come here with your mother?’ he said at last.

‘Yes, of course,’ Alice said, thinking of how her mother would get up extra early to make up the most enormous picnic hamper you’d ever seen and then rounding up every blanket, towel and toy she could find, stuffing the car to bursting point. A day at the beach was a military operation but her mother loved every moment and she never lost her patience when Alice and Stella bickered on the back seat of the car or spilt ketchup or ice cream down their dresses.

‘You used to love those holidays,’ her father said. ‘Give you a bucket and spade and you could create a kingdom that would entertain you for hours.’ He shook his head and smiled at the memory. ‘Stella, however, would be bored after five minutes.’

‘She hasn’t changed much, I’m afraid,’ Alice said.

‘No,’ he said, as if accepting the fact.

‘We’re going away together in April.’

‘You two? On holiday –
together?
’

Alice nodded and laughed. ‘I know! It came as a bit of a surprise to me too but Stella was in a bit of a jam and didn’t want to go on her own.’

‘So, where are you going?’

‘Kethos,’ Alice said.

‘Where’s that?’

‘Greece. It’s a little island off the mainland.’

‘What do you want to go there for? Our beaches not good enough for you?’ Terry asked with a grin.

‘Stella’s boyfriend booked it but they broke up and now she wants me to go with her.’

‘I didn’t know she was seeing somebody,’ Terry said.

‘I don’t think it was for very long,’ Alice said.

Terry shook his head. ‘Poor Stella,’ he said. ‘So, do you
want
to go on this holiday?’

‘Yes, of course!’ Alice said, feeling the weight of her father’s gaze upon her. ‘I do, really I do, only I can’t help wishing you were going with me instead.’

He laughed. ‘You won’t get me out of the country now.’

‘Never did, did we?’

He shrugged. ‘There are them that’s made for travelling and them that’s made for home.’

Alice smiled, remembering her father’s little motto from years gone by. It had usually been wheeled out when Stella made a scene about their holiday destination.

‘Weston-super-Mare?’ she’d complain. ‘It sounds like an old horse. Can’t we go to Italy? Jude’s going to Italy with
her
family. Lake Como.’

‘Let them get on with it,’ their father would say. ‘Lake Como has nothing – absolutely
nothing
on Weston-super-Mare.’

Alice tended to agree with her father but she was more easily pleased than her sister which was just as well as she’d never had the budget for exotic holidays – one of the reasons she was looking forward to Kethos.

She looked out over the grey waves of the North Sea and tried to imagine the aquamarine ones waiting to greet her in Greece. How wonderful it would be to feel warm, she thought. The last few winters had seemed to drag on forever, as if the White Witch of Narnia was back in business and had cursed the whole of the UK. Alice felt quite fatigued by it all and couldn’t wait to shed her baggy winter layers and luxuriate in the feel of the sun on her skin.

‘A penny for your thoughts,’ her father said.

‘Oh, I was just wondering if I’d be able to make it to that holiday in Greece or if I’d freeze to death first.’

Her father chuckled. ‘Shall we go and get some lunch and warm up somewhere?’

‘Good idea!’ Alice said, leaping up from the bench.

They went to the tiny café Alice had spotted earlier and she pushed the door open into the welcome warmth before wheeling her father’s chair through. She didn’t need to ask what he wanted; it was always the same. So, she ordered two full English breakfasts with all the trimmings even though it was one in the afternoon, and they washed everything down with two mugs of piping hot tea.

‘Do you want anything else, Dad?’ she asked after everything had been consumed.

‘Ice cream, of course,’ he said.

‘But we’ve only just thawed out!’ Alice said.

‘You can’t come to the seaside and not have ice cream!’

Alice laughed. ‘Two ice creams. In cones, please,’ she said to the waitress who was hugely entertained by the idea but didn’t mind in the slightest. ‘One strawberry, one chocolate.’

Her father always had strawberry ice cream. You could offer him fifty different flavours from cherry chip to lemon meringue and you could guarantee that he would seek out the strawberry.

When the two cones arrived, they beamed at each other.

‘See what your sister’s missing out on?’ her father said.

‘Yes,’ Alice agreed. ‘It’s like being on holiday.’ And it really was. It felt wonderfully perverse to be eating ice cream in February with the wind blasting against the little café window and the great grey sea rolling malevolently towards the land. But it was even more wonderful being with her father. Not only did it remind Alice of her childhood when they’d all been together as a family, but she had his sole attention and Alice didn’t often have anybody’s sole attention. More often than not, people would talk through her or be looking over her shoulder or else they just wouldn’t bother talking to her at all. It was something she’d grown used to over the years but it was rather lovely to be with somebody who gave her his undivided attention even if they were genetically predisposed to do so. Which reminded her, there was something she had to talk to him about and now was as good a time as any.

‘Dad, I wish you’d rethink things,’ Alice said.

‘What things?’

‘About the home.’

‘What do you mean?’ he asked, looking up from his ice cream.

‘I mean, if we got a carer, you could come back and live in your own home.’

He shook his head. ‘We’ve been through all this,’ he said. ‘Haven’t we?’

‘Yes, I know, but I just don’t like the idea of you being there all on your own.’

‘And you’d rather have me at the mercy of Stella?’

‘She doesn’t have to live there. She’s big enough to get a place of her own. I can’t believe she’s never thought to do that.’

He took a lick of his ice cream. ‘Alice – you mean well – I know you do – but you know my thoughts on this. I’m not having either of you worrying yourselves about me all the time. Carer or no carer, if I was at home, you’d be fussing around me all the time and you’ve got your own lives to live. I’m not going to do that to you. Besides, I like the home.’

‘You do?’

‘There’s company there. I’m not on my own at all as you so often think.’

Alice narrowed her eyes. ‘You’ve met somebody, haven’t you?’

Her father smirked. ‘I might have done.’

‘Really?’ Alice laughed. ‘Tell me!’

Their matching blue eyes locked together but her father wasn’t saying anything.

‘You naughty man!’ Alice said. ‘I’ve been imagining you sat in a chair in a corner of some lonely room with nothing to do all day and, all this time, you’ve been flirting!’

He chuckled. ‘I’m a wicked old man,’ he said.

‘What’s her name?’

‘I forget.’

Alice frowned. ‘Oh.’

‘I’m kidding, for goodness’ sake!’ he said with a chuckle.

‘Oh, Dad!’

‘Her name’s Rosa and she’s eighty-two.’

‘Eighty-two?’

‘Yup! Who would’ve thought your old man would be somebody’s toy boy at seventy years of age?’

‘You’re incorrigible!’

‘So, that’s my love life up to date. Are you going to tell me what’s going on in yours? Any nice young man on the horizon?’

‘On the horizon? If there is, I think I need a telescope because I haven’t spotted him yet.’

For a moment, Alice thought of Ben Alexander at work – his handsome face and lopsided smile that always made her heart flutter.

‘There is somebody,’ she said quietly, ‘but he doesn’t even know I exist.’

‘Why not? Why doesn’t he notice a pretty young girl like you?’

‘Dad! I’m not pretty and I’m not that young anymore either.’

‘What nonsense!’

‘It’s true! I’m just ordinary – I know that – you don’t have to be kind. Stella was always the pretty one.’

Her father frowned at her. ‘How can you say that?’

‘Because it’s true.’

‘You are so beautiful, Alice. You have a pure and giving heart—’

‘And the sort of face nobody looks at twice.’

‘But nobody wants to look at a beautiful face if it hides a cruel heart,’ he said and Alice couldn’t help wondering if he was talking about somebody in particular. ‘Listen,’ he continued, ‘Stella might get all the attention when it comes to the opposite sex and she might get her own way when it comes to you and me but just be careful.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You mustn’t trust her so wholeheartedly. She takes advantage of you.’

‘Well, I’m used to that.’

‘But you mustn’t let her—’ he paused.

‘What?’

Her father shook his head and something inside him seemed to close down. The conversation was over; he wasn’t going to elaborate.

They finished their ice creams and then drove home in virtual silence. The winter sky had darkened dramatically and Alice turned the car headlights on. Her father’s eyes kept closing and she didn’t prod him into wakefulness with conversation although she was desperate to know what he’d meant about Stella.

You mustn’t trust her so wholeheartedly.

Of course, Alice knew that her sister wasn’t completely honest all the time but she was used to all the white lies and Stella wouldn’t be Stella without them. But was there something more sinister than that?