Wishing on a Blue Star (39 page)

“That’s why I need to go. You wouldn’t have ever told me. You don’t want to share anything with me.”

“I was seventeen. I believed my father.  I also knew you, and you would have tried to confront him. You would have screwed up your scholarship for what? Me? I didn’t want that.”

“That’s just it. It wasn’t just your decision to make. You should have allowed me to make that decision with you. I thought we were a team, but it turned out that when it came down to it, you only thought of yourself.”

Mitch dropped his hand, and a feeling of disbelief came over him.

“What? I did this for you. I wanted to protect you. Why was that wrong?”

“Because I’m not some damsel in distress, and I would have come up with another way to go to school! Fuck this…I’ll call you.”

Mitch watched him walk out his door and sat back on the couch. Once again, he had managed to screw everything up with Aldo.

He picked up the phone and called the one person who could get him straightened out. Luckily, Cary picked up right away, and Mitch breathed a sigh of relief.

“Cary, I think I messed up bad tonight. Do you have time to talk?”

“Of course. What happened?”

Mitch poured everything out to Cary. Everything that had happened in the past, everything that had been said now, and his biggest fear, that Aldo had turned away from him again. Cary listened, only interrupting him to clarify certain points, but for the most part just letting him talk.

Finally, Mitch wound down and grew quiet. He stared at the cream-colored wall as he waited for Cary to process things.

Cary cleared his throat and then asked him a question.

“Mitch, do you love him? Not like a friend or a brother, but as a lover. Do you love him like that?”

“I don’t know. I feel like I do, but I don’t really know him anymore. The boy he was is who I fell in love with, but we both have changed so much over the years. I just know that the thought of losing him in my life again makes me sick to my stomach. When we are together, however, I feel like I can do nothing right. I just don’t know.”

“I think both of you are so focused on what happened in the past that neither of you is paying attention to now. He said he would call you, right?”

“Yes, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything?”

“Ask him out.”

“What? No, I can’t do that! He’d never go out with me on a date. I mean he has to have all sorts of guys after him. He’s gorgeous and a pretty famous artist. No, I couldn’t…he hates me.”

There was a burst of laughter from the other end of the phone. “He’s practically begging you to ask him out. Not to mention, the line between love and hate is a thin one. Would you say he’s a proud man?”

“Yes. Too proud sometimes.” Mitch muttered, thinking of the recent conversation.

“Well, there you go then. A proud man that you admit that you hurt badly isn’t going to tell you he wants to see you for more than friendship right now. He’s been hurt, and he wants you to want him.”

“What if he says ‘no,’ or worse?”

“What could be worse than ‘no’?”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m nervous about this.”

Cary sigh sounded through the phone. “Mitch, you’re a good man. I think you forget or don’t want to think that you are because of something you did when you were a seventeen-year-old boy. You need to forgive yourself. We make mistakes, and we learn and move on. You and Aldo need to move on. Maybe if you two can live in today, you can get past what happened. If not, then I suggest you let him go and move on without him.”

After Mitch hung up, he thought about what Cary had said. Could they somehow get past their mistakes, or would Aldo even want to?

The first time they kissed happened at a party at the lake. Mitch had gone with his on-again, off-again girlfriend, and they had broken up again in a huge fight. Mitch had stormed off, and Aldo had followed him. Mitch had calmed by the time Aldo had caught up with him.

“Man, when are you going to ditch her for good?”

“My dad likes her.”

Aldo looked down and shuffled his feet. “I don’t,” he muttered.

“I know. Aldo, I…I want to…” Mitch stopped, frustrated.

Aldo looked up, puzzled. “What?”

“I think I’ve fallen for someone else. Someone I’m not supposed to feel that way for, and I don’t know what to do.”

A shadow crossed Aldo’s face, but he rallied and smiled at Mitch.

“So who is this young lady who caught your attention?” he teased.

Mitch didn’t say anything at first. Fear tightened his chest, and he tried to take a deep breath to clear his head. He stared mutely at Aldo. Apparently, the pleading in his eyes was enough to make everything crystal clear to his friend.

Aldo stepped in close and cupped a hand around Mitch’s neck. He leaned in slowly, giving Mitch plenty of time to step back. Mitch leaned forward instead. Their lips met in a soft kiss. Mitch gave a little sigh and brought his hands up to grasp Aldo’s shoulders. They moved closer, arms twining around and the kiss deepening. By the time they parted and pulled back, both were breathing hard.

Mitch trembled, and Aldo soothed him with a hand rubbing his back.

“I think I love you, and I don’t know what to do. My dad…” He didn’t say any more, and he didn’t have to. Aldo understood. He nodded and smiled at Mitch.

“We’ll keep it a secret for now, just between us.”

Mitch could feel the relief that Aldo understood radiate through his entire body.

God, Mitch wanted to vomit. That had been the start of the lies, and he had made Aldo lie too. He had pushed Aldo back into the closet with him. He looked around his comfortable living room and felt a rage grip him. He had no right to anything nice. He had no right to even ask Aldo out again, to ask him to forgive him.

Depression settled in, and Mitch knew he had to get out of his apartment. He quickly changed into his running clothes and jammed his feet into his sneakers and went for a long run. By the time he had gotten back, he had made up his mind. Cary was right. He spent too much time in the past. He was a different person now, and so was Aldo. He would try and remember that.

* * * *

The days passed by slowly, and Mitch threw himself into his work. He handed everything from Aldo over to his boss and tried not to worry about it. He and Cary met for dinner to take his mind off of things, but it didn’t work very well since all he could think of was Aldo. Peggy told him that it was good news when it came to Aldo’s dad, Steve, and not to worry about things. Time marched on, and as he stared out the window at the bare trees, he realized that he needed to stop waiting and start doing.

The first thing he sent to Aldo was a long-stemmed red rose. He had often picked roses from his parents’ yard and left them for Aldo. He hoped it would bring back good memories. He waited a couple of days and then sent a small figurine of a male fairy, dressed in vines and sitting on a leaf. He and Aldo had read a story by Henry O called “The Last Leaf.” It had made an impression on Mitch about not giving up, and he hoped that Aldo would understand what he was trying to say with the figure.

Mitch had hoped that Aldo would call him after that but wasn’t surprised by the silence. He had tried to do what he thought was best for Aldo but Aldo didn’t see it that way. He needed something that would show that he understood that they should have been and would be partners. This wasn’t easy and it took him several days to come up with just the right gift. He finally found a silver chain with a charm of the justice scales on it. It was as close as he could come to equality, not to mention it would hopefully remind Aldo of him. Mitch was disappointed when no response came.

The silence remained, but Mitch kept sending small gifts and cards with notes every couple of days. He found himself telling Aldo in the notes things that he had gone through over the years, small snapshots of his life. He didn’t know if Aldo was even reading them, but they were cleansing to write. It helped him to put things in a better perspective. It was in writing these notes that Mitch understood that he still loved Aldo, that he had always loved him. It didn’t come as a revelation but more of a confirmation of what Mitch had known inside of himself. He thought of sending a card telling Aldo that he still loved him, but he wasn’t a coward. He wanted to face him when he told him. Mitch needed to see his eyes to know if there was any hope or if they were truly over and Aldo felt nothing for him anymore.

The holidays came and went. He spent them with Cary and his partner, as he always did. The only hope he had was a card from Aldo that wished him a joyous season with a tiny painting inside of a brightly colored Christmas tree. Other than that, he had gotten no response at all, and he wondered if he should keep trying.

He brought it up to Cary, who studied him carefully.

“Do you want to give up?”

“No, but when does not wanting to give up slide into simply avoiding other relationships?”

“Is that what you’re doing?” Cary’s tone was mild.

“No, I’m not right now but…”

Cary laughed. “You’ll know when that happens. You need to give Aldo some time to absorb things. Remember, you’ve been working on things for a long time about yourself and your relationship with him. He’ll let you know when he’s ready for more.”

Mitch couldn’t look at Cary when he asked the next question.

“What if he decides he’s ready to be done?”

“Then you’ll survive and move on. You’re a strong man, Mitch, and you will get over him.”

What could he say to that? Except he wasn’t sure he was that strong. He looked up to see Cary watching him. He smiled wanly and thanked Cary for listening to him whine again.

It was nearly a month later that Aldo called him. At first, the conversation was stilted, but gradually, as they talked, it became easier.

“Thank you for the gifts. At first I didn’t know if I wanted to be reminded of our teen romance, but it was good then. It was only the end that got messed up.”

“That was my fault.”

“No, it was your dad’s fault. I’ve thought long and hard about this. We were kids. You never should have been put in that position of having to make a decision about that. I shouldn’t have blamed you for not coming to me with it, either.”

Mitch could feel tears rolling down his cheeks. “Does this mean…you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive, unless we both forgive each other. I should have realized that it wasn’t you talking that last day. It was your dad, and instead of listening to my heart, I let my anger and hurt get the best of me. You did what you thought was the right thing.”

“No, I should have stood up to my father, and I should have told you what was going on. I thought of you as someone who needed to be protected, but it was me trying to protect myself.”

Aldo started to argue, and then he laughed. “Some pair we are, fighting over whose fault it was. Maybe it’s time to let it go. We both messed up, so now what?”

Mitch took a deep breath and asked Aldo the question he had wanted to for a long time.

“Aldo, would you consider going out with me? Maybe to dinner or a movie? I don’t…whatever you wanted to do.”

The silence on the other end made his heart sink, but then a hesitant voice asked, “You mean, like a date?”

Mitch thought about prevaricating but couldn’t bring himself to. “Yes, a date. I want to date you.”

“Not as friends.”

It was a statement, not a question, and Mitch understood the risk he took in answering. “I want to be friends with you, but I want more than that. I want to see if what we had before could be better now that we have matured.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Mitch had to admit he was a little surprised.

Laughter came over the phone. “Yes, okay. I want to go out on a date with you. So what about this weekend?”

“Dinner, Saturday? We could go to that new place on Main Street here in town.”

It seemed like a dream, and by the time Saturday had arrived, Mitch had run the full range of emotions from excitement to despair, from nervousness to fear, and back to excitement again. He waited outside the restaurant they had agreed to meet at and checked his watch. He had been early, but now it was thirty minutes past the time. The tree he leaned on while waiting had a few leaves that rustled as he shoved away from it.

Mitch had to face facts: he had been stood up. Aldo must have changed his mind.  He didn’t want to believe it after the phone calls they’d had, but facts were clear. Aldo wasn’t going to show.  He tried to call, but the phone went straight to voicemail. With a heavy feeling in his heart, he started to walk away. A voice called his name, and when he turned, he saw Aldo coming toward him. His hair was disheveled, and he looked worried. He burst out talking as soon as he got close enough.

“I’m so sorry I’m late. My car broke down, the cab ran late, and to top everything off, my dad called me to chew me out for hiring an attorney. I got here as fast as I could.”

“Whoa, slow down. It’s all right, you’re here now.” Mitch couldn’t stop grinning at him.

Aldo’s body visibly relaxed, and he admitted in a low voice, “I wasn’t sure you’d still be here. I couldn’t remember where I put your number, and then my dad called. I was afraid you’d think that I stood you up.”

“I did actually, but you got here in time to stop me from leaving. I thought you were having second thoughts about us dating,” Mitch confessed.

Aldo flushed and looked at his feet. “I did at first. Things between us seemed so ugly. So many mistakes we both made came back to haunt us. But someone said something to me about living in the moment, and that was when I realized that I’ve been letting the past control me. This time, it’s been me running away. No more running for either of us. I want to find out where we are now and if this means something now.” He gestured between them with his hand and looked pleadingly at Mitch.

The night breeze whispered through the leaves on the tree next to the restaurant, and they seemed to be trying to say something to Mitch. He thought he knew what that they said.