Witch Is When Stuff Got Serious (A Witch P.I. Mystery Book 11) (2 page)

“Thanks, Pete.” She shot him a look. He’d be in trouble after I’d gone.

“I’m surprised your grandmother hasn’t told you.”

“Told me
what
for goodness sake?”

“Wool TV approached her a few days ago. They want to do a reality TV show based in Ever.”

“That’ll make riveting viewing.”

“It
will
for viewers of Wool TV—they’ll lap it up. Apparently, it’s going to be called Wool Shop Yarns.”

“That’s a terrible title. Has Grandma agreed to it? I’m surprised she didn’t tell them to sling their hook.”

“She’s really enthusiastic. She sees it as a great opportunity for free publicity, which I suppose it will be. But I’m not keen. I don’t want cameramen following me around all day watching me pick my nose.”

“Yuk, Mummy!” Lizzie shouted.

“Do you eat it?” Mikey said. “I do.”

“Mikey, please!” Peter tapped his son’s arm. “Not at the dinner table.”

“You might become a TV celebrity.” I laughed. The whole idea was hilarious. “You’ll get invited on chat shows, and have the paparazzi following you around.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Kathy said. “This is Wool TV we’re talking about. But what if I make a fool of myself on camera?”

“It will probably end up on YouTube.”

“Great! That’s all I need. Then the whole world can laugh at me.”

“You could open your own channel and monetise it.”

“Do what? Since when did you know so much about YouTube?”

“Someone in the office mentioned it the other day.”

Chapter 2

Jules came into my office; she looked rather worried.

“Is everything okay?”

“There’s a strange woman out there.”

“Strange how?”

“Strange altogether. She says you know her daughter.”

“Did she tell you her daughter’s name?”

“Madeline something?”

“Madeline Lane?”

“Yes, that’s her.”

I hadn’t seen Mad’s mother since Mad and I were kids, and to be honest, she used to scare me too, back then.

“Ask her to come in, please, Jules.”

Delilah Lane’s hair was streaked a dozen different colours. She had a mouth full of gum, and was wearing a skirt which was several years too short for her. The red mascara and green lipstick weren’t really working.

“Look at you, Jill. All grown up. I see you managed to grow some boobs eventually.”

Did I mention that Mad’s mum used to delight in embarrassing me, and all the other kids?

“Hello, Mrs Lane. How are you keeping?”

“Can’t complain. Well I could, but nobody wants to know about my varicose veins. Would you like some gum?”

“No, thanks. I’m good.”

“What’s that ugly looking thing?”

“That’s Winky.”

He hissed at her.

“I lost my cat, Cleopatra, recently.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. How old was she when she died?”

“She isn’t dead. I just lost her. I took her to the vets to get her claws clipped, and left her on the bus. I tried lost property, but no one had handed her in. I did get a nice umbrella from there, though.”

“What brings you here today, Mrs Lane?”

“It’s about time you stopped calling me ‘Mrs’. Now you’re all grown up. Call me Deli.”

“Okay, Deli. What brings you here today?”

“Madeline asked me to come.”

“Oh? Where is she?”

“At the police station.”

“What’s she doing there?”

“Her boss, that snotty-nosed cow with the attitude, got herself murdered last night.”

“Murdered?”

“Yeah. Dead as a dodo. Madeline found her after they’d locked up.”

“So why is Madeline at the police station?”

“They took her there last night, and she’s still there. She said she tried to call you, but couldn’t get through, so she called and asked me to pop over here this morning. It’s a bit inconvenient really. I’m meant to be having hair extensions put in, but I had to cancel it. It’s okay though because Cynthia said she can fit me in tomorrow. So, will you go and see her?”

“Yes. Yes, of course.”

“Good, well I’d better get going. I’ve got fish cakes to buy. Nice to see you again, Jill.”

***

Jack Maxwell had been reinstated shortly after he’d presented Internal Affairs with the digital recording I’d made of Tom Hawk and Craig Beele. Hawk was now facing a number of charges, which would probably land him in prison for several years.

I got through to Jack on the first attempt.

“Jack, it’s me.”

“Hi, petal.”

“What have I told you?”

“About what?” He laughed.

“Don’t call me petal.”

“It’s a term of endearment.”

“If you call me that one more time, I’ll be forced to break your legs. How’s that for endearment? Look, the reason I called is that I’ve just heard you’ve got a friend of mine down there. Madeline Lane—she was brought in last night. She works in the library.”

“We’re still questioning her. She was with the deceased when my people arrived at the library last night.”

“Can I see her?”

“Not at the moment. Like I said, we’re still interviewing her.”

“When then?”

“Some time later today.”

“Can I come over there and wait?”

“I’d rather you didn’t. I know what you’re like. You’ll only be in the way. Sorry, I have to go. I’ll let you know when we’re done with her.”

In the way?

“I’m going to the police station, Jules.”

“You’re not in trouble are you, Jill?”

“No, but I have to go see someone who might be.”

“Is there anything you’d like me to do?”

“You could feed Winky in about an hour’s time.”

“Salmon?”

“No. He’s costing me a small fortune. Give him some of that economy tuna, but don’t let him see the label. And if the phone rings, you remember what to say?”

“Jill Gooder, private investigator.”

“Very good. We’ll make a receptionist of you yet.”

“Do you really think so?” Her face lit up.

Stranger things have happened.

Life was much simpler when Jack and I had detested one another. Now, we were—err—whatever it was we were—it was much trickier. I couldn’t just burst into the police station and demand to see Mad. It would get me nowhere, and would royally cheese off Jack. I’d used invisibility numerous times before to get inside the building, but that wouldn’t work this time because Mad would probably be in an interview room or a holding cell. A different approach was needed.

I made my way around the side of the building to the car park. Once there, I waited until there was no one around, then shrank myself, and crawled through one of the vents into the air conditioning ductwork. It was very dark inside there; illuminated only by the light which shone through the grilles along its length. As I crept along, I could see into the various rooms. I had a rough idea where I needed to be, so took a right turn and headed towards what I hoped were the interview rooms.

Suddenly, there was the patter of tiny feet behind me. An enormous spider was rushing my way. I had to act quickly, so I shot a lightning bolt, which hit it square on the nose. That did the trick.

I crawled a little further until I came to the next grille. It was one of the interview rooms, but there was no one in there. I carried on to the next room. In this one, two police officers were interviewing a middle-aged man who was sporting a Mohawk haircut. It really didn’t suit him.

There was no one in the first holding cell, but when I looked through the grille into the second one, I saw Mad. She was still dressed in her librarian outfit, but had let her hair down. Seated on a metal bench, she looked thoroughly miserable.

“Mad,” I called.

She didn’t hear me.

“Mad!” I rattled on the grille.

She looked up at the wall.

“Mad, it’s me. Up here.”

She looked puzzled, but stood up and walked towards the grille.

“It’s Jill. Can you hear me?”

“Jill? What are you doing here?”

“Your mum came to see me. This was the only way I could get to talk to you.”

“How on earth did you fit in there?”

“I shrank myself.”

“Oh yes. I keep forgetting you can do stuff like that.”

“Are you okay?”

“I will be, once they let me out.”

“What happened at the library?”

“I honestly don’t know. We have the same routine every day at closing time. We lock the main outer doors on the front of the building, and then I take any old books which have been returned, down to the archive. There’s usually only a few each day that need to go down there. Normally, by the time I come back upstairs, Anita is ready to leave. She was okay when I left her to go down to the archive, but when I got back upstairs I couldn’t see her anywhere. I found her lying behind the desk—in a pool of blood. I checked her pulse, but she was already dead.”

“Did you see a murder weapon?”

“There was no sign of one as far as I could see. I don’t really know why they’re still holding me. I agreed to come in yesterday because I was the only other person at the scene, but they’ve been questioning me for most of the night, and there’s still no sign of them letting me go.”

“They’ll have to release you soon. Don’t worry about it.”

“I tried to call you last night, but I couldn’t get through, so I rang Mum. I wasn’t convinced she’d go and see you. It sounded like it was a lot of bother, to be honest.”

“Yeah, she said she’d had to rearrange her hair appointment.”

“Oh dear. I’ll be in the bad books when I get out.”

“It was quite a surprise to see your mother again after all this time.”

“She doesn’t change much, does she?”

“Not much. She still scares me.”

“Did she have Nails with her?”

“Nails? Is that her dog?”

“No, that’s her latest fella. His name’s actually Simon, but everyone calls him Nails.”

“As in ‘hard as nails’?”

Mad laughed. “No. As in, he bites his nails all the time. I wouldn’t mind if it was just his fingernails.”

“Gross!”

“Tell me about it. I daren’t eat a pot noodle anywhere around him, just in case—”

“Don’t! You’re turning my stomach.” No pot noodles for me for the foreseeable future. “Look, I’d better get going. Call me when they release you, and I’ll come and pick you up.”

***

When I arrived at Cuppy C, the twins were absolutely bubbling with excitement. If past experience was anything to go by, that probably wasn’t a good sign.

“Why are you two so hyper?”

“We’ve had a brilliant idea,” Amber said. “And it’s one that’s going to revolutionise Cuppy C.”

That sounded like bad news.

“Don’t you remember what happened the last time you tried something new and revolutionary?”

They both looked puzzled.

“The ‘deluxe’ chocolate fountain?”

“That was different.” Pearl waved away my doubts. “This is going to put Cuppy C on the map!”

“And what exactly is ‘this’?”

“A conveyor belt.” Amber was still bubbling with obvious enthusiasm.

“Sorry? I thought for a moment you said: conveyor belt?”

“That is what I said. Brilliant, eh?”

“A conveyor belt?”

“Yep.”

“In here?”

“Yep.”

“Just one question?”

“Go on.” Pearl was every bit as enthusiastic as her sister.

“Have you lost your tiny minds?”

Their faces fell—that obviously wasn’t the reaction they’d been hoping for.

“It’s a great idea!” Amber didn’t try to hide her annoyance.

“You don’t understand the food service industry.” Pearl appeared equally put out.

“I
have
seen a conveyor belt in a sushi bar,” I conceded.

“Well then,” Amber said. “There you are.”

“But I’m not sure it will work in here. I’ve never heard of a tea room with a conveyor belt.”

“That’s the whole point!” Amber was enthused again. “We’ll be the first.”

“Pioneers!” Pearl beamed.

“So how exactly will it work?”

“The buns and cakes will go around and around the tea room.” Amber waved her hand in a circular motion to illustrate the principle. “People can take whatever they fancy from the conveyor, and then pay for it when they leave the shop.”

“And what’s even better,” Pearl said. “Is when customers see our cakes going by their table, they won’t be able to resist them. Sales will triple!”

“Whatever gave you the idea for this?”

“A man came into the shop a couple of days ago. He told us all about it.”

“A man? It wasn’t the same man who sold you the chocolate fountain, was it?”

“No.” Pearl turned to Amber. “It wasn’t, was it?”

“No. This man had a moustache and a beard.”

Hmm?

“Did he actually show you any pictures of other tea rooms that have successfully implemented the conveyor belt?”

“You’re missing the point, Jill,” Amber said. “We’ll be the first.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good thing. It sounds like he’ll be using Cuppy C as a test bed.”

“Jill, you simply don’t understand the tea room business.”

“Apparently not.”