Witchful Thinking (16 page)

Because you are special, Jolie. You’re unique and someday you’ll realize the extent of your powers. You’re not like any Underworld creature I’ve ever seen before and I’ve kept you at arm’s length because I feel such an incredible need to protect you
.

Rand …

It’s my own foolishness that has made me unable to tell you, but now we might never see each other again. I … I just want you to know …

He paused for such a long time, I wondered if I’d lost him. I was about to prompt him, to make sure he was still there but he beat me to it.

I love you. I’ve always loved you
.

Diary, I’ve been thinking a lot about my vision of the Lurker attack and the fact that Mercedes is convinced that if I hadn’t accepted my role of Queen, the Underworld creatures would continue to battle against one another and our society would become more and more vulnerable. Maybe even more important, we’d become easy targets and our enemies could infiltrate our ranks when we’re at our weakest. The more I think about that somber possibility, the more I realize just how lucky we were that the Lurkers didn’t ambush us when we were in the midst of battling Bella and her followers
.

Even though I once thought the Lurkers weren’t much of a force to be reckoned with, Mercedes has changed my mind. I think the main reason I never really took the threat of the Lurkers seriously was because I didn’t entirely understand who or what they were. Sure, I’d heard of them taking out a few vamps, witches, and weres here and there, but they hadn’t seemed all that intimidating. And no one knew that much about them
.

The fact that no one knows much about them really disturbs Mercedes. In her words: “The first lesson you must learn as Queen, Jolie, is to keep your friends close but your enemies even closer. The fact that we know
very little about the Lurkers is a problem and a problem that could devastate our society.”

Needless to say, I got the hint and have decided to outline this great threat to our existence—to catalog all the things I do know about the Lurkers
.

That’s basically all I know. Mercedes advised us to put together a special task force whose only responsibility is researching the Lurkers and I gave this idea my blessing, so she’s moving forward with it
.

Really, the only other enemy of our state is Bella. Many of her followers died, and we’re not about to reanimate them. Of those who survived, the majority
immediately took an oath (accompanied by a charm to ensure they didn’t break it) pledging themselves to our side
.

What was interesting was the fact that of the twenty or so who seemed more hesitant, eighteen were demons. I don’t have much experience with demons. In fact, the first demon I ever saw was on the battlefield, and I hadn’t really known what to make of it. But according to Rand, demons can be law-abiding citizens of the Underworld so we had to offer them amnesty as long as they were willing to abide by our laws
.

After some time and some gentle prodding, the demons also took the oath. In an ongoing attempt to ensure the loyalty of our followers, we started implementing truth serums. A truth serum is basically a liquid of some kind (we used apple juice) charmed with a loyalty oath. Any creatures in question drink the serum, and if they’re guilty of allying themselves with our enemies, the truth serum begins to burn as soon as it hits their tongues. They usually can’t handle it and after gagging, they vomit it all back up again
.

Honestly, I’m not sure what I think about the truth serums—it seems a bit
Clockwork Orange
or
Big Brother
but I guess desperate times call for desperate measures and we need to know who is with us and who is against us. Oh God, I sound like Mercedes …

But back to Bella … Bella is most definitely not on our side and she poses a big risk to all of us. She wants nothing to do with the truth serums or oaths of allegiance and I have a feeling she’ll continue to be a problem. Do I think she should be put to death? No, even though there are many among us who think death would be the best solution for her. What do I think should be done with her? I haven’t decided
.

I actually paid her a visit early this morning. I wanted to make sure she was being treated properly. Although
she isn’t allowed to leave her room in Pelham Manor—she has a comfortable room, three meals a day, a TV, and plenty of reading material (all Christa’s old
Vogue
magazines, which I found humorous; why, I’m not really sure)
.

Anyway, Bella was less than friendly and accused me of coming to gloat. Of course I instantly denied it because it just wasn’t true. Instead I told her I wished she’d join our side and that I bore her no ill will. She turned her back on me and told me to leave, that she wanted nothing to do with me. So I left. But before I went, I made sure to remind her I wasn’t her enemy
.

Yep, she’s going to be a tough nut to crack. But I really do hope she comes around, because it would go against everything in my being to put her to death. It would not be right. And I know Rand would be opposed to it as well
.

Rand
.

I don’t even like to think about what happened last night when he declared he didn’t support the monarchy and intended to be a renegade again, living outside the rules of the kingdom. I know this whole Queen bit is going to drive us apart—I just don’t see any way around it, and it breaks my heart every time I think about it
.

I completely understand his angst toward a monarchy. Prior to the war with Bella, he’d outlined a plan for an ideal republic. It had been a good, solid plan, precluding the existence of a monarchy, since all creatures were endowed with the freedom of choice. Rand had designated covens around the world, and each creature would belong to the coven closest to it. Members would elect magistrates who would represent their interests. Rand even delineated a panel of thirteen elders, each elected by a coven as their representative. These leaders would meet monthly to discuss problems and find solutions
.
Rand’s republic was an exercise in weights and measures, everything and everyone being equal
.

And really, I approved of this plan and still thought we could put it to use, just with me as the figurehead, since it was still necessary to ensure the creatures of the Underworld were unified. The problem, though, was that Rand couldn’t seem to see my point of view or, if he did, he didn’t believe it was possible
.

Regardless, it’s now ten o’clock and I’ve got a date with Mercedes and Rand so we can start reanimating our legion. At least we’re all in agreement on that subject
.

Mercedes decided we should do our reanimations outside since those who needed to be reanimated might be a bit dirty and bloody, having died while in the midst of a battle. That seemed to be fine by Rand, who didn’t argue. I almost wanted to smile as I imagined us reanimating these first ten in Rand’s living room and then watching them bleed all over his couch or bump into his priceless art pieces.

But my sense of humor didn’t last long. Things were still strained between Rand and myself. I’d tried to talk to him after our meeting last night but he’d been barraged by questions from Odran, Varick, and Trent.

This morning I just felt like being alone and writing in my journal. Now I was face-to-face with him and although he was as polite as he always was, there was something hesitant about him, something reserved. Yep, I’d been exactly right—this Queen stuff was a huge elephant in the room, stomping and showing off her enormous tusks.

“Morning,” I said to Rand with a weak smile.

“Hi, Jolie,” he said with a smile that attempted to ignore the situation breaking us apart. “I hope you slept well?”

“I slept okay,” I lied and dropped my attention to the ground, hating the fact that we were doing the whole small-talk thing. God, there was so much I wanted to say to him but I didn’t want Mercedes to be our audience. I figured if I tried our mind connection, she would overhear it. Nope, I’d just have to wait for a better time, even though waiting basically sucked.

“So what do you want us to do exactly?” I asked Mercedes as a cold breeze rustled the elm trees and enveloped me in an unwanted hug. I shivered in the morning air and wrapped my arms around myself, hoping this little adventure wouldn’t take very long. However, I couldn’t imagine it would be a quick task to reanimate ten creatures, especially when in the past it had taken me the better part of a day to reanimate just one.

I felt a drop against my cheek and glanced upward, watching the dark gray clouds swirl and grumble above me as they threatened to swallow up the sky. A storm was coming, and by the looks of things it was moving in fast. Another cold wind rattled through the trees as two more drops spattered against my cheeks. I had to wonder if this was some sort of sign—it was as if the heavens didn’t approve of us getting involved in the cycle of life and death.

“Hold Rand’s hand,” Mercedes said and glanced at me pointedly, like she was annoyed I was so preoccupied with the weather. I didn’t say anything; I just nodded and turned to face my warlock. I reached for his hand at the same time he reached for mine and when our skin met, an electric pulse shot through my hand and blazed its way up my arm. It was the same feeling I got whenever I touched Rand—it was basically his energy, his power traveling into me. Sometimes it seemed stronger than others; today it was especially powerful, almost as if the electrons in the air were somehow recharging it.

I felt another drop on my hand and glanced at it,
watching it wind its way down my fingers and pool in the crevice of Rand’s thumb and index finger. I couldn’t help but focus on his strong hands—how large and capable they were, with long, slender fingers and the lightest dusting of dark brown hair at his wrists.

Rand squeezed my fingers, and I glanced up at him in surprise. He gazed at me, looking almost detached, like he was watching a movie.

Don’t ever think I don’t care about you, Jolie
. It was his voice in my head.
No matter what happens, nothing can change my feelings for you
.