With a Little T.L.C. (12 page)

Liz met the other woman's gaze and forced herself to focus. This wasn't something she wanted to discuss. She would give her the placebo response. “No problem at all.”

“Good.” Sam angled her head toward the door. “Because he's here. And he's coming this way.”

Liz kept telling herself not to look in his direction even as she turned her head and let her parched spirit drink in the sight of him. She didn't have the willpower to deny herself. Joe had become like nourishment to her soul. Her heart started to pound, her stom
ach quivered as if a hundred hummingbirds had nested there and were stretching their wings. Worst of all, her legs trembled, threatening to land her on her keister right there in the cafeteria.

He looked so wonderful. That lock of dark hair that tumbled onto his forehead. His big, friendly smile showing straight white teeth that would do his orthodontist proud. His white dress shirt was wrinkled from a day at the office, as were his navy pin-striped slacks. A red-and-blue silk tie hung from his loosened collar, drawing her attention to his wide, muscled chest.

Liz shivered. She knew the sensation of being held in his arms, clasped against that stalwart chest. She knew the feel of his powerful body cradling hers. And the magic of his kiss. She had expected to regret all those sensations. Instead, she was grateful to have such heart-stopping memories.

Like the fragrance of his aftershave. It surrounded her now, as he stopped beside her. “Hello, ladies.”

“Hi, Joe,” Sam said. “I've got to go.”

He gave her a look of mock hurt. “That's not very good for my self-esteem. I show up. You split.”

Liz wasn't as worried about his feelings as she was being alone with him. “Where are you off to in such a hurry, Sam?”

“Back to O.B. I'm on duty. They sent me down to steal some sweets. The plunder of choice would be chocolate.”

Liz laughed, even though her heart cried out not to be left to face Joe by herself. “You know there's always too much at these functions. Take a big plate up to the staff.”

Sam saluted. “Yes'm.”

Then her friend was gone and Joe smiled at her.
Liz's heart swelled with love at the same time squeezing tight with pain. If only he could care about her the way she wanted him to. She wished she had a do-over. Maybe if she hadn't been so hard on him when he first volunteered. But hindsight was twenty-twenty. There was no use crying over tossed zingers. She'd tried to protect herself. It hadn't worked. She glanced up at his handsome, smiling face. Who knew there weren't enough weapons in the world to protect herself from Mr. Wonderful?

“So,” Joe said, looking down at her.

“So,” she answered. She rocked back on her heels and clasped her hands behind her back. “Help yourself to some coffee and dessert. After that the Director of Volunteer Services for the hospital is going to give out certificates of appreciation.” She started to walk away, to lose herself in the crowd of volunteers steadily arriving to fill up the room.

“Hey.” He frowned at her.

“What?”

“Where are you going? I've been looking forward to seeing you all day.”

Liz's heart soared at his words. Then she reminded herself it was only in friendship. Like the night he'd dropped by her house because he was bummed about his divorcing friend. She had to stop expecting more. There was only one way she could think of to do that.

“Joe, I have to mingle with everyone. You're not the only cuddler in the program.”

Just the only cuddler she loved.

His forehead puckered as his eyebrows drew together. He stuck his hands in the pockets of his slacks. “I'm sensing something here. A disturbance. What put a knot in your stethoscope?”

She looked around at the people filling the cafeteria. “I don't think this is the right place to discuss it.”

“So there really is something bothering you. I was hoping I was wrong.”

“No, you're not wrong.” She was surprised that he'd sized her mood up so quickly. Her close girlfriends could do that. But since she'd never had a guy
friend
before, she'd figured she could hide her feelings from him. “But I can't talk about it here—Oh!”

He reached out suddenly, taking her arm and steering her toward a back door that led to an outside patio. They left the air-conditioned cafeteria for the balmy summer night air.

When the self-closing door slammed shut, Joe looked down at her and said, “Now we're alone. So tell me what's wrong.”

Liz briefly toyed with the idea of shining him on, then quickly eighty-sixed that. She was no coward. Honesty. That was always the best policy. She'd learned that was one of Joe's most wonderful qualities—his straightforward, aboveboard way of dealing with life. She wouldn't give him less.

“You said you'd looked forward to seeing me all day. That's what's wrong. I don't want you to do that anymore. And please don't drop by my house.”

“What are you saying?” There was an angry edge to his voice that didn't make sense—unless he cared. But that was impossible.

“I'm saying that I can't see you anymore. I'd appreciate it if you don't seek me out either here at the hospital, or outside of it.”

“Why? I don't understand.”

“We want different things.”

“What are we talking here? Cars? Movies? What?” His tone was clipped, irritated.

“For starters, you want friendship. I want the brass ring, not second place.”

“I'm second place?”

“You're twisting my words,” she said.

He looked stunned. “I don't think so. You're the one who insisted on friendship. I don't get it—”

“When you put it like that, I guess it doesn't make a lot of sense. But I realized that I want the whole ball of wax. In the long run I think separating would be for the best.”

“For who?” he asked.

“Both of us I think.” She sighed. “I realized I want to find the fairy tale and you stopped believing in it.”

“But to end a beautiful friendship—why, Liz?”

“Before someone gets hurt,” she said, proud that she kept her voice steady.

“This is nuts. Have you been out in the sun too long without a hat? What have I ever done to make you distrust me?” he demanded. He jammed his hand through his hair as he loomed over her looking furious. “I would never hurt you,” he said, jabbing his finger in the air to punctuate each word.

You already have, she said to herself. She could almost hear the sound of her heart cracking. He couldn't give her more than friendship. He couldn't give her what he'd made her see that she wanted. He couldn't give her love. To see him knowing he could never return her feelings would repeat her mother's mistake. He'd made her face her cynicism and tuck it away. She was grateful for that. But she wouldn't give love a bad name.

She put her hand on his forearm, the part bared by his rolled up sleeve. The muscles contracted beneath her fingers. She felt the warmth of his skin one last time, and was grateful that he didn't pull away.

“I believe you would never deliberately hurt me,” she clarified.

“What does that mean?” he asked sharply. “Why are you suddenly changing the rules?”

She shook her head unwilling to explain that everything had changed when she'd realized she loved him and he would never return that feeling. “There's really no point in discussing this further. Let's not say anything we'll regret.”

“I already regret what you said,” he practically growled.

“Let's just say goodbye,” she pleaded.

She knew it was a mistake, but she couldn't resist the urge to kiss him one last time. She stood up on tiptoe, her intention to press her lips to his cheek.

At the last second, he turned his face and captured her mouth with his.

J
oe slid his arm around her waist and pulled her to him. Adrenaline fueled by anger mixed with a healthy dose of testosterone roared through him. One good kiss would fix everything. It would show her that she couldn't say goodbye.

He cupped the back of her head with his other hand, making the contact of their mouths more firm. With his tongue, he easily coaxed her lips apart, and slipped into the honeyed recess of her mouth. Her sigh of satisfaction followed by a moan of surrender filled him with triumph. She cared about him. He knew it. This would change her mind.

He nibbled small kisses at each corner of her mouth and her breathing quickened, matching his own. He teased his way across her jaw and found the spot just below her ear, the place he knew would make her jump when he lavished attention there. She arched closer to him, as if she couldn't get near enough, as if she wanted to dissolve into him. He would bet ev
erything he owned that she'd forgotten that baloney about splitting up.

He ran his knuckles down her soft cheek as she slipped her hand up his chest and curved her palm around his neck.

Joe smiled against her mouth. “So much for not seeing each other anymore,” he said.

When Liz stiffened in his arms, he knew he'd made a mistake and more than anything wished he had the power to call the words back. Again, he wasn't sure what he'd done wrong. Confusion didn't begin to describe how he felt. He just knew that when she'd said they had to stop seeing each other, it was as if someone had dropped a boulder on his chest. He wanted time with her. Promises of happy ever after were something else.

She pushed against his chest. “Let me go.”

“Liz, please—”

She shook her head. “No. This was a mistake.”

“That's not what the little moaning noises you made were saying.”

“I mean it, Joe. I can't do this. Please, let me go,” she whispered desperately.

He lowered his hands to his sides, but it was several moments before she backed up a step, still breathing hard, he noticed. So was he. It took all his willpower
not
to pull her back against him. One more kiss would convince her that she couldn't stop seeing him. Her decision was a momentary lapse, brain freeze, overwork pushing her into a rash decision. He wanted to go on just as they had been. Hanging out. Talking. See where they went from there. Why did she have to make things complicated?

“Liz, I don't get this.” He ran a shaking hand
through his hair. “Why now?” he asked harshly. “I worked my tail off to convince you I'm on the up-and-up. That I'm nothing like your father. You even said I'm a swell guy. This makes no sense.”

“You showed me that I can have it all, but not with you. All we can be is friends.”

He nodded. “We're good as friends. I like having you in my life.”

“I'm an all-or-nothing kind of woman, Joe. That's my flaw.” She folded her arms across her waist in a protective gesture. “Second best is first loser. I'm taking myself out of the game.”

“You couldn't kiss me like that and possibly mean that you don't want to see me anymore.”

She touched her fingers to lips swollen from his kiss. “I meant every word I said.”

“But you kissed me back.”

“Maybe. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.” She dragged in a big breath. “I meant to kiss you g-goodbye.”

“Okay, I get that I'm second best. But I don't understand this all-or-nothing attitude.”

She met his gaze, her eyes pleading. “Joe, please don't make this harder. I've made up my mind.”

He suddenly got it. She really did mean to say goodbye. There was nothing he could do to change her mind. Hurt and anger gave way to frustration and fury as he felt himself losing the battle to keep her in his life.

He paced back and forth for several moments. Then he stopped in front of her and looked down. “You made up your mind about me that day I gave you my volunteer form. No matter what I did, it wouldn't have been enough.”

She lifted her hand toward him. “Joe, please—”

“I've got a piece of advice for you, Nurse Ratchett. Next time a guy walks into your office, let him know he needs wings, and a halo. And if he wants to be your friend, warn him that he needs to walk on water, too.”

Anger, frustration, and fury disappeared as pain exploded inside him. In his whole life, he'd never felt anything close to this crushing desolation.

He would never let her see it. Without another word, he turned and walked away.

 

“You ask him.”

“Do I have stupid tattooed across my forehead?” Luke asked his brother Alex. “You ask him.”

Sitting on the chaise by his parents' pool, Joe opened one eye when he realized he couldn't ignore the two of them. When had his brothers become so irritating? Normally they all got along well.

“Go away,” Joe practically growled.

“We can't.” Alex sat on the lounge across from him.

“Sure you can. About-face and put one foot in front of the other until you're gone. Easy.”

Luke pulled up a chair. “Ma sent us out here. The only thing worse than bringing up this subject with you would be facing her without the information we were dispatched to obtain.”

“And what information would that be?” Joe nearly snarled. As if he didn't know.

He also knew he was acting like a jerk, but couldn't seem to help it. Why had he let his mother talk him into coming over for a Fourth of July barbecue? He wasn't fit company for man or beast. Black didn't come close to describing his mood. And every day
had been the same, ever since that night last week when Liz gave him the heave-ho.

“What the hell's wrong with you?” Luke demanded.

“That's for me to know and you to find out,” Joe automatically answered.

His response was so rooted in childhood, he felt about ten years old again. And he hadn't felt this miserable since his older brother had taken away his yoyo. But he was a man now. Nick was happily married. And Liz had taken away something far more precious than a toy.

Joe knew that he would never find the happiness that Nick and Abby had. Not without Liz. But she'd made it clear as the water in the pool that they were kaput. The knot of pain he'd carried around since that night tightened a notch. He closed his eyes behind his sunglasses.

“Well, bro, I guess it's time to bring in the big guns.” The voice was Alex's.

“Ma,” both of them said together.

Joe heard their retreating footsteps. He was tempted to hightail it through the back gate. But not only was that the chicken way out, there was a part of him that suspected
this
was why he'd accepted his mother's invitation. He needed to talk to someone.

A few minutes later, he heard the click of sandals on the pool deck. Then the corner of his chaise dipped.

“Joseph, what's all this nonsense? How many times have I told you—if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all?”

“They asked for it, Ma. Guys know when to back off. Luke and Alex should know better.”

“So are you going to bite my head off too?”

“No.”

“I'm not sure one syllable answers are an improvement, Joseph Paul.”

Uh-oh. Both of his names. He opened his eyes and sat up straighter on the lounge, making more room for her. “What do you want from me, Ma?”

“I want to know what you did to Liz.”

That did it. He pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head and glared at her. “What makes you think
I
did something to her?” he asked.

“Because I had a long and very satisfying heart-to-heart with her at the wedding.”

“Yeah. I've been meaning to talk to you about that.” It was right after the wedding that Liz said she couldn't see him anymore. Had his own mother sabotaged him?

Flo pointed at him. “I know for a fact that she's deeply in love with you.”

He stared at her. “She's got a funny way of showing it.”

“You have to cut her some slack. She told me about her family life, her father's infidelity and her one unsuccessful relationship. But I know I got through to her. I know I convinced her that love was worth taking a chance.”

“So this is all your fault.” He felt the muscle in his jaw contract as he gritted his teeth.

“Define ‘this' and I'll let you know whether or not I'll accept responsibility.”

“Liz told me she can't see me anymore. She said she won't settle for second best because she wants the brass ring.”

“Good for her,” Flo said approvingly.

He looked at his mother as if she'd lost her mind. “Since when am I second best?”

“Did you tell her how you feel about her?” she asked, ignoring his question.

“Everything was hunky-dory between us until you got hold of her,” he said, hedging. “What the hell did you say to her?”

“Don't swear, dear.”

“Sorry. But things were fine between us. Great in fact. She'd never been so relaxed with me.”

Flo pumped her arm. “I knew I got through to her.”

“Then why did she dump me?”

“You must have done something. What did you say to her between the wedding and the dumping?”

“Me? What makes you think I said something?”

“Because you're a man, dear. You can't help it.”

“I do human resources for a living, Ma. I've learned how to help it.”

“You've never been in love before. That tends to make a man's brain useless. But other parts of his body pick up the slack for—you know.”

That was a place he didn't want to go. Not with his mother. Talking about “you know” with the support group moms was one thing. But discussing his libido, especially where Liz was concerned, with his mother was quite another.

“Male bashing is a cheap shot,” he said. “And I'm your son. How can you take Liz's side over mine?”

“I'm not taking sides, dear. I'm just putting on my diplomat hat and trying to get to the bottom of who fired the first shot. She was fine at the wedding. I've never seen her more beautiful. I know her heart was
lighter after we talked. And my love radar can't be that far off. She is putty in your hands. Or she should be. What happened?”

He thought for a moment. “I stopped by her place the day I went to court with Bill.”

“Your friend who's going through a divorce,” she said.

He nodded. “Liz and I talked about it. I told her I was glad that we'd become such good friends.”

Flo groaned. “Tell me you didn't say that.”

“She was going on about love and family. How devoted you and Dad are. I agreed. You've set a standard impossible to follow. I gave up trying. Friends are better.”

She groaned again. “I see the problem. As soon as Liz let down her guard, you put yours up. You shot yourself in the foot, dear. And I have a sneaking suspicion you did it on purpose.”

Now he was getting irritated. He was the
dumpee!
He'd never hurt so much in his life. His world fell apart. Why was it his fault? He remembered Liz mentioning his parents' separation. “Would you like to tell me about you and Dad splitting up when I was a kid?”

Flo stiffened beside him and he wanted to take back the words. She sighed. “I didn't think you remembered.”

“Just a little. It's more like a dream.”

“A nightmare,” she said. “And yes, I would like to tell you about it. For starters, it's all my fault.”

“How?”

She hesitated for so long he thought she wasn't going to say anything. Finally she squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. “I was unfaithful.”

That stunned him. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear any more. “Ma, you don't have to talk about this—”

“It's time I did. Your father and I thought it best to never bring up this painful subject. Now I see that decision may have cost you.”

“I don't get it,” he said shaking his head. “This is dumb—”

“I turned to another man, Joe. It was brief. Not that that makes it all right. But it was a time when I had three small, active boys. Your father was hardly ever home. He worked so hard to build the restaurant, then expand the business.” She swallowed hard and shook her head. “I don't mean to make excuses. I'm just trying to make you understand how it was. I was married, but I felt as if I was alone. I'd never been so lonely.”

“I don't know what to say, Ma.”

“There's nothing to say. It was between your father and I. He moved out of the house.”

“I remember. I don't think I'd ever seen you cry before.” That was why he remembered. Young as he'd been, seeing his mother break down was like watching the Rock of Gibraltar shatter into a zillion pieces.

She nodded. “You were the only one who saw me break down. Luke and Rosie weren't born yet. Alex was too little to remember. And Nick wanted to know when his daddy would be home from his business trip. But seeing the fear on your little face—” Her voice cracked and she stopped, struggling to control herself. She shook her head once and said, “It was the worst thing I ever went through. And the best.”

“The best?” He blinked. “Now you've lost me.”

“Dad and I realized how much we missed and loved each other. He came back and we made promises to spend time together, to nurture the relationship. Unfortunately we also vowed never to talk about that time with each other, or to you boys. I see now that was wrong.”

“Why?”

“Think about it, Joe. You have never let yourself fall in love. For years you've boasted about your father and I and thirty-five years of perfect happiness.”

“You and Dad
have
been happy for thirty-five years.”

She shook her head. “We've been together. But not always happy. There were more good times than bad. But it wasn't perfect. There's no such thing. It's time you faced that.”