With Spring Comes the Fall (21 page)

Posted by Josh Guess at 
9:29 AM
 

That group called us from northern Indiana. Apparently they encountered some pretty rough terrain, and the recent storms across the midwest washed out a bunch of the roads in central Illinois, so they have had to take some detours. They estimate arrival in two days, more if they come across any caches of supplies along the way. 

Here, things are going well. There was a pretty heated debate last night about individual rights versus group rights, but while the conversation was very spirited, I was very happy to see the people in it keeping civil with each other. There is a larger debate, over the constitution and our bill of rights. As I have said before, we have some pretty rugged individualists among our number, and folks on both sides want to make sure a balance is struck between strong rights for each person and protections for the freedom of groups. I think it is going well. 

As you may have guessed, I want to give you a better picture of Little David. He has been keeping a low profile as of late. I think that his injury has made him a little more aware of his mortality. He spends a lot of time with Darlene, and doesn't volunteer to go on dangerous missions. I can hardly blame him, given what he has lost in such a short time. 

Before the fall he was an average guy, early twenties. He worked with my wife (I used to work there, too, before I got laid off) and he was a good friend. David loves video games, and movies, and comics. He was just your average guy. Loved the St. Louis Cardinals. 

But he was always a stout friend. He stood behind us always, and when the end of the world suddenly pushed its schedule up, he was here. He might not be an amazing builder, or a skilled nurse, but David is a shining example of what the average person can be. When circumstances tested him to his limits, he did not back down. He stood tall, and brave, and fought for the safety of all. 

In the world as it was, people who did things like that were called heroes. They were cops, firefighters, all of the people who chose to make a difference with their lives. But this world is one that leaves no choice. The necessities of fate require heroic acts, if they are within us. And not everyone has it in their nature. 

Little David is one who does.

Posted by Josh Guess at 
10:32 AM

Monday, May 24, 2010

Just getting going for the day, and I wanted to post something before I get too busy. We are getting ready to work on a major section of the wall, and try to clear some space for our new arrivals at the same time. Work is moving very quickly on the wall, much faster than any of us imagined. Dave thinks that we can be finished inside of a month, possibly three weeks. Of course, that is just putting up the wall itself, not the walkways and firing platforms all the way around.
Finding room for our new folks is a little trickier. We have tried to leave sections empty when possible, tracks of homes where people that know each other can try to stay together, but we are getting a bit full. Dave thinks that unless we are planning on expanding out in the near future, we will have to expand up. He is going to draw up some plans for some multiple story buildings that can house many families. We will move outward, eventually, but we will need a population much greater than what we currently possess in order to do so under the threat of a zombie attack.
Courtney is working on some ideas for finding new people to join us. We have, of course, been contacted by many folks because of this blog, but we have had talks about getting to know potential arrivals before coming here, and trying to establish better communications with other permanent communities. Courtney is taking point on this issue, because she is a fantastic idea person, and when she starts to plan something out, she never misses details.
Courtney is able to look at a situation and immediately grasp the details of it. She is incredibly smart, as you may have gathered from her posts, and she can be acerbic at times. Usually to those who deserve it. She is probably one of the most compassionate human beings I have ever met, and she was one of the people that made sure we knew what the facts were when we were deciding the fates of our criminals a while back.
She is the ideal person to communicate with outsiders. She is calm and logical, but more than able to stand up for herself and others, and to fight when she has to. What makes her great is that she has a great knack for knowing when a fight is necessary and never overestimating the force required. She plans many of our defenses for this very reason.
The toughness of her is so wonderfully contrasted with her heart. More than most people, she wishes that people can peacefully coexist. Not without disagreement, of course, since polite disagreement is the only way that society can grow. But she is a great force for peace and reasonable discussion around here, and that alone has likely saved lives.
She might have to be our full time diplomat.

Posted by Josh Guess at 
8:42 AM

My mother is dead.
It was not a zombie attack, or marauders, but something totally mundane.
There was a fire at her house last night, and she died while doing something stupidly heroic. There were three patients at the clinic in her home, and she collapsed after getting the one of them that couldn't walk out of the front door. She was burned, but Evans tells me that it was smoke inhalation that did it.
A lookout told me that he saw someone running from the house shortly before the blaze. I can't even think of that right now. Instead, I choose to eulogize her. It is the least that I can do to create some lasting monument to the person who shaped me more than any other. And to try in some small way to show you what you have missed, not knowing her, not being enriched by her presence.
Her name was Juanita. She was born into an Irish/German family in the fifties and raised as a catholic. It was her earliest desire in life to be an artist, but the realities of life led her to a stable career in nursing. Her career was with the Veterans Administration in its entirety, where she received many awards for her work. Her professional life was dedicated to providing the best care possible to men that had served our country, who had suffered in many ways for others.
She was selfless to a degree that I will never equal. I am not trying to paint her as perfect, because of the inherent impossibility of it, and because if I tried, she would be over my shoulder, correcting me gently.
She could be brash. She had a sharp mind that saw all sides of a problem, and was never shy about telling you when she disagreed. She believed to her core in the equality of all people, and in the sanctity of living things. She was a great mother, if an overly self-critical one, and it was that constant niggling doubt, I think, that made her such a spectacular parent. She was a constantly evolving person, always excited to learn and change, to cast away old habits if new ideas proved better.
She often apologized for her insane work schedule. She would cry sometimes, when she thought no one could hear, for the small things in the lives of her children that she missed. But my siblings and I saw her actions for what they were; a single parent determined to provide more than just the basic necessities for her children, a mother so in love with her kids that her only goal was to give us easier lives and better opportunities. We told her time and again that we understood, that we appreciated her. But now I wish I could have said it oftener, had hugged her every time I saw her, to better convey the gratitude toward her that I always feel.
My relationship with her has always been a strange one. We became friends while I was very young. We debated everything, and she was open-minded to a degree that I have rarely seen equaled. We talked often of many things, from politics to religion, philosophy to television shows. Every subject, any subject, and these are memories that I will treasure for all my life.
She shaped me in very unique ways. It was as though she could see my heart as a child, and knew that the normal means could not satisfy. Instead of teaching me morals, she taught me to build my own. She encouraged me to try out my own ethics, and logic, and create my own stances based on them. I am the youngest child, the baby, and my kind are often treated much more gently. I was no exception. But where I was punished less than the others, so was I pushed harder to be better, relative to myself. Because she taught me to appreciate that if I were the one to determine what I would be, what I would believe, then consequently I could only blame myself if I fell short of my own expectations.
I don't know how that sounds to you, but for me, it was a wonderful way to grow up. To be treated as an equal by my mother because I had shown her that I was up to the task was more encouraging than any other stimulus.
She was the biggest balancing force in my life, my constant well of advice and answers to tough questions. My sounding board for my own ideas.
If I sound selfish here, please forgive. I can't stop thinking of what is gone from our lives, and the memories flood me. How she and I related has shaped me like wind and rain on the mountains, and I can't imagine how to move forward from here. It feels like a limb is gone, and a part of me is numb. She was simultaneously the heart and conscience of this place, and we are all less without her.
My siblings and I are getting together for a while. Jackie and David are taking it as hard as I am, and we need each other. Later, we will have a service for her, and the people around here will have a chance to mourn the passing of a person who never hesitated to help them, to heal them, and to make them laugh.
My mother is gone.
Where do I go from here?

Posted by Josh Guess at 
11:28 AM

I didn't post anything yesterday because I was in bed almost the whole day. We took Pat's suggestion and had ourselves an Irish wake, those of us closest to my mom. There were plenty of volunteers to cover shifts for us all, which is a small testament to how loved and respected she was.
I have men out questioning people about the fire. I am still heartbroken, but a deep and seething fury has been added to that. Someone here knows something, and the truth 
is 
going to come out. I am certain that we are dealing with arson, and that means that my mother has been murdered.
I don't have a lot of time to dedicate to this. I am going to be questioning people all day as they are brought in. Today, the zombies outside don't matter. Only answers do.

Posted by Josh Guess at 
7:57 AM

I have been removed from power. The people of the compound have voted me out of leadership, and are planning a series of open forums to discuss my replacement, or if I should have one.
They are completely right to do it.
I acted without thought, dragging people in here to be grilled about the night my mother died. I pushed at my friends and neighbors, my fellow survivors, far to quickly and far too hard, without any time to consider. As it turns out, the person that was seen running from the clinic was a patient named Will, trying to warn someone. he passed out in a clump of bushes in the empty field next to the clinic, and was unconscious from his reopened wounds until last night. He re-injured himself nearly to the point of death to try and save lives, and his bravery should be rewarded.
I abused my authority. Not in a nazi sort of way, but in reacting so strongly, with no consideration, I proved to the people who have tried so hard to make this place a home that I am unfit for that sort of power. Maybe when I am older and have more restraint, but for the foreseeable future, I cannot be given that sort of position.
I see it now, and partly because of my own stupidity. You see, I have a college degree in Fire/Rescue, sort of like criminal justice but for firefighters. That degree includes a fair amount of training in the ways to determine arson, locating point of origin, and the like. Instead of using that knowledge, I acted rashly and instinctively. It has been made clear to me by many people that knee-jerk reactions like that are unacceptable in a leader here, and could lead to serious trouble with the numerous zombie attacks we are constantly hit with.
So there it is. I'm glad this happened before I could do real harm. I really look forward to doing something more in tune with my nature, and working with my hands again, if that is what's called for.

Posted by Josh Guess at 
12:27 PM