Withholding Secrets

Copyright © Diana Fisher 2016

Copyright © Diana Fisher 2016 Fiction

All Rights Reserved. This book may not be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission from the author. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. All characters and storylines are the property of the author and your support and respect is appreciated. The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

The following story contains strong and explicit situations. The following story is intended for adult audiences only. Parental discretion is advised.

Cover design by Diana Fisher

Edited by Genevieve Scholl

Auntie Jo Borchert, here is the one you loved. I played with it and worked it with everything you suggested. It’s been a while and I hope you still enjoy it as much as I do. Thank you for supporting me through my crazy writings and reading everything I hand over. 

Genevieve Scholl, thank you again for all your help and work in getting my books up and running for me. You’re a great friend!

I would like to note that this book does hold some strong situations in what happens. This is in no way anything that’s ever happened, anything that I’ve ever gone through, and purely fictional, just a creation of my imagination. I tend to write about very strong women because I have been raised by a few of them and I look up to them wishing I was more like them. 

This book contains strong language and some disturbing scenes

How could someone just up and walk away like that? So, times were a little tough, but what else was expected when your world was flipped upside down at the drop of a hat? Was it really necessary to run away?

I looked at the letter again. Maybe I missed something. The air rushed from my lungs, leaving me out of breath and unable to pull any more back in. When I reread the words on the paper, my heart skidded across my chest and halted quickly, leaving a trail of burning tissue behind. How could someone do such a thing? There had to be more than
I’m leaving.

If he wanted to leave me, that was fine. I could pick myself up and move on. I did the same thing before with the breakup of my first boyfriend. But, this … leaving me with the two kids that turned up on our doorstep a couple months ago; not kids, but teenagers. Teenagers that he failed to tell me he had from his high school ‘fling’.

I was twenty-five years old and he walked out on me, leaving his two kids there. As soon as they arrived on our doorstep, I should have known something was up with the instant turn of his mood and attitude—even with the way he was being to me. I could take the anger, but leaving behind his children, that was not right at all. And it wasn’t like they were horrible kids, either.

Jordan was fourteen, pretty stocky, and taller. A good looking boy with dark hair and the darkest of eyes. His skin was decent with no acne and a golden tan. He did have a soft and tender look about him that I noticed a time or two, but mostly, he was angry. I didn’t blame him. His world was flipped upside down at the age of fourteen.

Skylar, on the other hand, was twelve and pretty scared. I rarely saw her out of the little bedroom that my husband put her in. He didn’t move his office into that little tiny room, but put her bedroom in there. That was something I wanted so bad to get after him about, but Joe made sure I knew where I stood on the issue with his kids.
Those were his kids. Not mine
.

It was constant yelling when Joe came home since the time those two stepped foot in the house. It was a whole new side to him that I never saw before. He did get physical with me a few times, which he had never done in the whole time we had been together, but I was sure that was the whole reasoning behind the kids hiding in their rooms constantly. From what the lady from social services told me, they came from a neglected and abusive home, not mentioning if it was physical, mental, drug, or alcohol abuse. I had no idea, and Joe wasn’t going to talk to me about it.

I had no idea what to do, but I had to do something. In the envelope with the letter were copies of the filed paperwork that had my signature from the custody forms he made me fill out and sign. I did, because I was his wife, after all.

Going to the basement door, my heart was heavy in my chest and the thick lump was binding together in my throat. I could hear them talking, and they knew already Joe ran out way before I did. Just as I stepped down onto the first wooden step, my chest compressed against my heart and lungs at the thickened anger and pain that was swirling in the room below.

“It doesn’t matter, Sky.” Jordan’s voice snapped bitterly at the little girl whose sobs were clearly audible. “She’s not going to want us. She didn’t even want us when we got here. You need to stop thinking that someone will. It’s not going to happen.”

“But maybe she will. She seems pretty nice.” The pain whined under her words, each one like a knife slicing into my sour stomach.

“I told you not to unpack because we wouldn’t be here much longer, didn’t I?” His voice turned to ice as he cursed. “So did Mom’s boyfriend until he crawled in bed with you.”

“Maybe you can talk to her.” The sobs came from the little, long dark haired girl. And when the slurry, water filled words came out, my knees weakened and quaked. “I like her. She’s pretty and she seems really nice.”

“You are so stupid sometimes. You can’t judge someone on their looks. You can’t trust anyone, Sky. She’s just being nice to save herself some trouble from Dad. He doesn’t want us, and we can’t go back to Mom if we even wanted to. She’s going to send us away, so go pack and get ready.” The anger pierced his voice, and with the extra sobbing, I knew he was ready to walk out the door with the social service lady again.

There was a moment of silence and sobs until the bountiful of hope laden cry broke the thick air. “Please? Can you please talk to her?”

“No!” Jordan hissed loudly. “There is no way she’s going to keep us. And I bet they are coming to get us later, or tomorrow.”

Trying to pull back my tears, I went out back and sat on the porch step of the little decking that was attached to the home when we purchased it. It wasn’t much, but Joe was always talking about building a large, open, and spacious deck where we could sit out and grill during the nicer days. That was three years ago when we put the down payment on the home. Nothing had been done since.

I didn’t mind the two kids being here, though it would have been nice to know that Joe deserted his kids once already. And even if he did tell me that he had kids when we first met, it wouldn’t have mattered. I still loved the guy.

But that poor little girl. I couldn’t even imagine having some grown man crawling into the bed with me at that age. Hell. It had taken me a long time to crawl in bed with Joe when we first met. Sky was a pretty girl for her age, and she would grow up to be a beautiful woman. Jordan, though … he was hard. He wasn’t going to give into anything. And I suspect Jordan was the one to step in and call the cops when their mother’s boyfriend slid into the bed with his little sister.

I just wanted to sit down and cry. If my mom were there, she would be able to tell me. My dad ran out on us when I was little, so I knew how those two felt. But, I had a mom who had been the best, though she died when I turned twenty-one. There was an award ceremony she had to attend for her work with some charity ball or something, and she never made it home afterward.

I could call Marty, seeing as she was pretty good with this stuff. Marty and I were friends since junior high school, and kept in touch ever since. She was pretty damn good at telling it like it was, regardless of whose feelings got hurt. Then again, maybe Marty wouldn’t be such a good idea to call. I was not sure she would be too nice about this whole situation, seeing as she was the most hateful when Joe’s name came up in conversation.

There was my old friend, Becca, but she was
always
busy. Always going somewhere. And why not? She was single and free. I was the one who tied myself down with the guy that my two friends warned me about.
There was something off about him
, they said. And I was the one who fought for him and told them
he was a good guy and so caring
.

Yeah. He was caring alright … with his hands wrapped around my neck a couple months ago. I understood, after the long talk that night, he was highly stressed at work and now with the kids showing up, he was out of his mind with not knowing what to do. And … I forgave him, because it was all so new and so hard to fathom.

This was just going to be a decision I had to make all on my own. If Joe was going to walk out on me, and his kids again, that was it. I would never forgive him for this. As for those two kids, they needed a parent and I signed those custody papers, had them notarized and everything, so they were mine now. Sending them away meant they could be separated or bounced around from home to home. I signed the papers on the custody forms, though under Joe’s forceful nature. But I did, and I would have to figure out how to take care of the two kids and pay the bills with just my paycheck. Starting today, I would just have to figure it out.

Forcing my tears down and swallowing the thick, sticky lump in my throat, I went back inside and pulled some pork chops out of the fridge. I could get dinner started. Maybe I should talk to them and see if they wanted to stay with me or if they wanted to leave. What if I couldn’t handle them? What if I couldn’t take care of them the way they needed? What did I do?

I boiled up some potatoes, and after the chops were cooked, I mixed together some cream of mushroom gravy; a simple and great meal my mom made me when I was a kid. Knocking on the basement door, I pulled back all the mixed feelings and arm-wrestled a smile on to my face. I did it all day at work, so why couldn’t I do it at home, again? “Dinner’s done.”

They hesitated before coming up, but they did. Jordan was wearing a black, plain tee shirt and a pair of old jeans. The girl must have been wearing some hand-me-downs from her big brother. Her jeans were held up by a belt, and the shirt went to her knees. When they arrived on the doorstep, each one had a duffle bag and that was it. Once, I made the mistake of bringing up the fact the children didn’t have much and the fight was on. It was an all-night battle, and I barely made it into work on time.

“Come on and dig in.” I pointed at the cupboard where I put the plates when we first moved in. The cupboards were my favorite part of the kitchen. On one side of the sink in the exact middle, I put all the plates, cups, and bowls; anything that was used to eat or drink from. On the right-hand side, I put everything and anything for baking and cooking meals, because the old gas stove was right there. Easy to go from one to another.

“When are they coming?” Jordan didn’t budge. He stayed at the basement door with the anger heavy in his eyes.

“Who?” My heart dropped hard as the tears trickled down Skylar’s innocent face. To have that little girl passed from home to home, from person to person … the thought just sickened me. There would be no way I would let her live like that. Not anymore.

“Cut the shit, Keri. We know he walked out, and it’s only a matter of time before you do, too. Just call them and tell them to pick us back up.” Jordan turned to go back downstairs when Sky grabbed the back of his shirt. “Get the hell off me. I told you this would happen.”

“Please, Jordan. Don’t.” Her cries came hard, and her knees almost sent her down to the beige and white linoleum flooring.

“Why don’t we just have dinner and we can talk about it, okay? I’m sure your dad will come back. He just needs some time to cool down.” My throat was tight as if Joe’s hand was clamped around it and squeezing as tight as he could. My mom always talked about kids that didn’t have it that good, and these two were prime candidates. I wasn’t an only kid, but my big brother and big sister had lives of their own, busy lives. My sister was mean and evil, but my brother and I got along so good until Joe pretty much separated that strong bond. Now, I was lucky to talk to him every once in a while.

“He’s not coming back, and don’t be filling her head with stuff you have no idea about.” Finally breaking the stronghold he had with his eyes on me, he motioned to his sister to go to her little room. “Go get your stuff together.”

“Please, come and eat. I want to talk to you about this.”

What was I supposed to do? We were in the same boat. I was only twenty-five, and I had no idea what to do with two teens. Seeing how they were both so distraught, maybe if we talked about it, we could figure something out. We could work together at this. He didn’t just walk out on them, again, but Joe walked out on me also.

“See, Sky. She’s going to tell us that she can’t have us here.” Sarcasm colored his words darkly, and the hatred steamed from his shoulders.

Managing a breath of air, I refilled my sore lungs as much as I could and shifted my look between the two. “We can do this, but it will be a little tough.” I sat my hand on Sky’s shoulder, feeling the pain radiating off her petite and adolescent body. “I’m not going to let you go to someone that isn’t going to be nice to you.”

“Then what?” His eyes filled with so much pain and hurt, I wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to keep up with the macho attitude of keeping it all together just for Sky’s sake.

“Well, we will have to cross that bridge when we come to it. Please, just let me try, Jordan.” I could do this. I was twenty-five, but my mom taught me well. I watched her raise three kids on her own after my dad walked out. Money would be tight, but what was money when we could all work together and make a family?

His shoulders lifted to the bottom of his ears and the sarcasm dwindled away with a slight shade of hope hiding behind the sprays of hatred and anger. “She gets attached and then what? You break her heart again?”

“I’m not going to have you two split up. We can work together at this and keep us all together.” Searing hot tears filled in my eyes again. How could Joe just up and leave like that? And with nothing. Not a damn thing. I could take the arguing, the name calling, even the shoving that he did along with the couple of hits, but for him to walk out on the kids like it didn’t matter… I would make sure that he paid for it.