Without Chase (11 page)

Chapter Seventeen

Jamie

Coming back to L.A. was hard, knowing she had to break up with Adam. Trying to be as low key as possible, she asked him to meet her for an early morning hike in Griffith Park. It would be neutral territory, and if they met there they could both drive away separately afterwards. She pulled into the parking lot ten minutes early, but Adam was already there, leaning lazily against his car.

He greeted her with a knowing smile, as if he already knew what she was going to say. “Ready?” he asked. Jamie had slathered herself in head to toe sunscreen before she left the house, but before nodding yes, she also put her baseball cap on. Her modeling agency loved her “golden” California look, but hated that she came upon that look naturally instead of in a tanning salon. Her agent’s voice rang in her ears: every hour you spend in the sun is like adding a month of aging to your face. Jamie wasn’t sure about that, but at least she could tell Liz Everett that she covered up in the sun.

They started up on the wide fire roads. A few sinewy runners grim in their determination, passed them in the opposite directions, their morning run already complete. They walked the first mile without talking about anything serious---funny stories about his co-workers, her upcoming bookings, what their parents were up to.

The scenery surrounding them was also enough of a distraction that any silence between them felt natural. Even though she had only been in L.A. a year, Jamie loved showing Adam all the places she had discovered. They’d gone hiking here already, but she was taking him on a different path, where they could see glimpses of Griffith Observatory. They played trivia games about which movies had been filmed there, the two of them trying to outdo each other for the most obscure reference. “Jamie, I would never have pegged you for a movie buff,” Adam said.

“I’m not, not really,” she told him. “But my brother’s old basketball team used to quote movie dialogue to each other all the time. That was, like, how they told jokes and made fun of each other. I had to learn what the references were just to keep up.” Then she realized that Chase had been on that team, and looked at Adam guiltily.

“Oops.”

Adam laughed. “And you were trying so hard to not bring him up, too!”

“That obvious, huh?”

He shrugged. “But it’s OK, you know. He was, or is, a big part of your life.” He turned away from the city view below them and looked at her. “Are you ready to talk about your trip?”

Jamie started to say something, but found herself stumbling over her words. Should she begin by telling him what she saw, or should she simply tell him that she wasn’t ready? The silence between them grew and was only broken by the crunch of their feet on the path.

It was Adam who spoke first. “Can I say something before you begin?” he asked. “Because I think I already know what happened.”

Jamie turned to him, surprised. “Sure.”

“You went to Spain, you saw him, or talked to him; I’m not really sure about that. And you realized that you’re still in love with him, but he’s with someone else now.”

A note of paranoia crept into her voice, and she pulled on his arm to make him face her. “How did you know?” she asked.

Adam gave her an isn’t-it-obvious look. “Jamie, I
know
you, and you know me. Isn’t that what you’ve told me before?” He took a step towards her, but Jamie pushed him away. “Who told you?” she demanded.

At this, Adam seemed to lose a little bit of patience. “How do I know?” he echoed her. “You’re here in front of me, that’s how I know. If you had gone and realized you were over him, you would have called me as soon as you got home and asked me to meet you at your house, or out to dinner. You know, someplace where we could be together after you had told me that I was the one you wanted.” Jamie blushed with embarrassment at being so obvious, but said nothing.

“But, I also know it didn’t work out because, again, you’re in front of me. If you had come to that realization, you must have told him, and if he felt the same way, then you wouldn’t be having this conversation with me know. You’d have called me from Spain to tell me you and Chase are engaged, or whatever. But you didn’t, and the only thing that would have caused that is if Chase were with someone else.” Adam exhaled, as if he had just recited a simple, but long passage that he had to memorize and looked at Jamie for confirmation.

She began walking up the trail again before talking, so she could avoid making eye contact. “OK, you’re right about almost everything. One, I didn’t talk to him. I didn’t have to because I saw that he had moved on. And two, you’re wrong about there being someone else. There’s actually more than one person, there’s two.” Adam raised an eyebrow in surprise, and Jamie allowed herself a smile. “So you don’t know me that well.” She told him about Liam, and surprised herself by not bursting into tears.

When Adam reached for her a second time, she didn’t resist and allowed herself to lean against him. “Jamie, are you breaking up with me?” he asked gently.

She shook her head yes, numbly.

“But why?”

Jamie pulled away and looked at him. “Why? Because I still have feelings for Chase.”

Adam looked unfazed. “Yes, but he’s with someone else.”

“But---” now she was confused. “But I can’t be with you if I have feelings for someone else!”

“You can’t be with me, or you think you shouldn’t be with me?” Adam leaned down to look into her eyes. “Look, obviously I knew what you were going to tell me when I drove over here this morning. And I had a chance to think about it. The fact is, nothing’s changed. You still had feelings for your ex last week, last month… but that didn’t stop us from starting something good. The only difference now is, you’ve had to acknowledge those feelings, and it’s partly my fault because of what I said at Erica’s wedding.” He rolled his eyes. “That was a total dick move, by the way, and I’m sorry about it.”

Still confused, but feeling immeasurably happier, Jamie could only muster one word sentences: “What?” she asked while hugging Adam a little tighter.

“I mean, why do we have to break up?” he continued. “Nothing happened, nothing’s changed. We get along great, neither of us want anything serious---but now we have to break up because you have ‘feelings’ for someone who is thousands of miles away? He was your first, and I of all people can understand why that can really screw with your head. But I don’t want to give him that kind of control over my life. I’ll decide, and you’ll decide, whether we should break up. And right now, I vote no.”

Jamie laughed and jumped into his arms. “I vote no too,” she said. Their eyes met, and they began kissing each other, breaking apart only when they heard footsteps coming up the trail.

They shared an embarrassed laugh as a dog and his owner walked past. “Well!” Jamie let the expression of surprise hang between them. His face flushed with desire, Adam raised his hands in mock surrender. “What can I say? It’s not like I don’t want to have sex...” He grew serious. “Now you know why I don’t seem affectionate with you, or why I don’t even want to… um, grind… or anything. It would just be too hard to stop.”

Jamie pushed him away from her and towards the trail. “Let’s go, Romeo” she said playfully. “We’re still a long way from breakfast.”

When they made their way back to the parking lot, Adam told her he had something for her, and pulled out a thick envelope---a glossy admissions’ packet from USC. “This is more symbolic than anything,” he told her shyly. “But I remembered what you said about missing school, and I don’t understand why you don’t go back.” Before Jamie could answer, he continued. “You don’t have to go full time, but even if you took just one class a semester, you’d be working towards your degree and I think you’d feel a lot better…”

Jamie wanted to kiss him all over again, but for a different reason. Adam Bixby wanted what was good for her---whether they were together or not. She stood there holding the package in her hands, moved at his thoughtfulness. “Thanks,” she said, smiling into his blue eyes and feeling her heart lift just a little. She didn’t feel the intensity towards Adam that she did towards Chase; being with him was more like visiting her parents and waking up to the scent of breakfast cooking and the sound of their voices. There was just something so inherently right about it, and it never failed to make her feel incredibly lucky. That was love too, she thought.

Chapter Eighteen

Chase

Chase got a text from his coach to come in to his office for a meeting. Since most player-coach “meetings” usually took place on the basketball court with the coach yelling at the player, Chase was curious and a little worried.

As he walked into Luis Velasquez’ office, he saw Rodrigo standing by the window, and his stomach dropped. This was just like that first meeting---when the Waves owner and GM showed up to fire him. Was this life about to be taken from him too?

Rodrigo saw Chase’s expression and immediately looked apologetic. “Chase---don’t worry we have good news! And we wanted to tell you in person.”

Chase gave a small shake of his head as he sat down. “I’m sure you can imagine the last time a coach and an owner met with me, it didn’t turn out so well.”

“This time it will.” Luis reassured him. “Listen, we just heard from your agent and Steve wanted us to tell you---” Luis paused to make sure he had his full attention, and to draw out the suspense a little more; “that the case against you has been closed---”

Luis continued to talk, but Chase stopped listening. Case closed. It was over. It was really and truly and finally over. He put his head in his hands and pressed his fingers against his eyes in a futile attempt to stop the tears that were falling freely.

Half laughing, half crying, Chase stood up to a hearty hug from Rodrigo. “It’s alright now, Chase,” his friend beamed. “You can have your life back.”

Chase had pictured what he would do when this day would finally come, but ultimately he only wanted to do the one thing that made sense: to go out on the court and play, and play like the kid he once was. Rodrigo offered to excuse him from practice to celebrate, but Chase politely declined. “I want to suit up for practice,” he told him.

So for the next three hours, Chase thought of nothing except basketball; shooting, jumping, running and feeling the joy of being free again. In the locker room showers, he let the water run over his face to wash away emotions that came over him.

He knew enough of the history of the players in his sport to realize that many of them had been taken out not by a lack of talent, or age, or injury, but by stupid, tiny, tragedies that were nothing compared to this. But he had been different, and in the privacy of his thoughts he allowed himself to say he had been better. He had stayed focused and he had fought back: he did this by keeping his emotions in control and by not falling into the first easy thing that made him feel good. An unfamiliar, but pleasant feeling came over him. He had spent his life pushing himself to be better physically and reaping the benefits. Now he had done the same thing with his emotions.

Most importantly, he protected the people he loved. Jamie---even his mother. He had refused any contact with Evelyn since the incident, and as sad as it was, he knew this break was going to be permanent.

From a distance, Chase would make sure his mother had a home and a comfortable life. He knew he would do this because of who she once was. Before he became an ATM to her, he was her son, and she did her best to raise him. She was weak and selfish, but she was always fiercely protective of him. Somewhere around his 8th grade year, when he started winning awards and coaches started recruiting him to play for their teams, she stopped being his mother and turned into his manager. She turned from protecting her child to protecting her investment. Then, when the money really started coming in, she could only view him as someone who owed her everything he had, and she was ready to collect. Chase knew this would never change, so he had to protect himself before she damaged him permanently. Any contact from this point on would be through Steve or Maddie, and she would be placed on a strict budget.

He thought of Jamie. Was it too late? It had been easy to keep from becoming emotionally involved with anyone else. For one thing, that was his natural state anyway. For another, he knew that one way or another he would be with Jamie again. But her situation had been the opposite of his. She was romantic and trusting, and as far as she knew, he had severed all ties with her permanently. So it made sense that she would fall in love again.

Chase had the luxury of not knowing what it was like to lose women to other men. From the time he was fourteen, he was stronger and bigger than most grown men and the women came to him. When Jamie was going out with Sean Foley, his insecurities about his looks and his background came bubbling up but that had been short-lived. Besides, he and Sean Foley basically offered the same material things to her. Adam on the other hand… he had never gone up against anyone like him. His time with the Betancourt’s taught him that there were things that money couldn’t buy. Things like education, influence and family---where he came up a big zero.

At dinner with Shelby and Rodrigo, they discussed his next moves as Liam sat next to him drawing quietly in his coloring book pretending not to listen.

Shelby had asked her parents about the Bixby’s and after a cursory search of the Internet, what she told him made him even more anxious. Adam was the youngest of three boys. The oldest, William Bixby Jr., or J.R., had a young family and lived five miles away from his parents, where he and his wife Daisy ran a successful business catering the weddings and debutante balls of the local gentry. Daisy had reportedly turned down her own show from the Food Channel because she didn’t want the intrusion on her family. The second brother, Henry, was a finance whiz working for a multinational in Hong Kong. Then there was Adam, who, after interning as a Congressional aide, had played a key role in his mother’s landslide re-election campaign.

“So what’s he doing in L.A., then?” asked Chase irritably. Liam looked sideways at the catch in his voice and Chase kissed the top of his forehead to comfort him.

“Apparently, he’s fascinated by the film industry, like most people are,” Shelby continued. “He was interviewed for an article about ‘Hollywood’s newest power brokers’---” hearing this, Chase pretended to stick his finger down his throat, to Liam’s delight. Shelby recited, “It said something about how he’d ‘like to develop projects that bring back the glamour and entertainment of Hollywood, without the agenda and the raunch’.” Now both Chase and Liam were pretending to throw up even though Liam had no idea why.

“But Chase---” Shelby’s voice changed. “They did write one thing.” She picked up her ipad on the kitchen counter and began reading, “ ‘---this most eligible bachelor probably won’t be that way for long, as he and model Jamie Cameron have been inseparable since he came to L.A. and sources close to him report an engagement announcement by the end of the year.” Shelby looked up and met Chase’s gaze. “That doesn’t mean it’s true, Chase” she said. “You know how these sources can never be trusted.”

Chase shrugged and tried to appear indifferent. Even among people he trusted, it was hard to drop his game face.

“Well,” Rodrigo answered for him. “You’ll have to decide if you can get back what you had. People change---and that includes you.”

“So maybe we wouldn’t be good together now. After all this time, and all these changes.” Chase said the unspoken thought and knew it to be true.

Shelby gave a woman’s perspective. “But you should let her decide that for herself, Chase,” she told him. “Just give her a call and let her know why you stayed away. Then take it from there.”

Chase knew exactly when he was going to call Jamie---during her morning run on the beach. So a few days later, when he was sure it was the right thing to do, he sat on his balcony as dusk descended on Madrid and dialed Jamie’s number.