Without Doubt (23 page)

I walk down the hall and cross through the
living room to answer the door and am immediately swept up into
Jackson’s strong arms. His very professional father is standing
behind him looking quite amused.

“
God, you’re beautiful!”
an impeccably well-dressed Jackson exclaims as he squeezes me
tightly.

I blush immediately. I have loved this boy
almost half of my life and I’m blushing. His father clears his
throat to remind us of his presence. Jax sets me down carefully and
adjusts my blazer for me, or he really just wants to get his hands
on me and he finds this to be an appropriate way to do so.

“
I know, Dad, but look at
her.”

Mr. Andrews and I both laugh and I shake my
head as I step back and gesture for them to come in.

“
You have a beautiful
home, Ava, you should be proud of all of your accomplishments,” Mr.
Andrews says, and I can’t help but hear him silently telling me not
to get my hopes up for today.

“
Thank you, sir. I am
proud. My life hasn’t turn out exactly as I had planned, but
someday I’ll get there.” I gesture for them to sit on my new-to-me
sofa as I take a seat across from them on the love seat. “Can I get
you anything to drink? Some coffee maybe?”

Mr. Andrews sets his briefcase down and
folds his hands in his lap before softly declining my offer.

Jackson raises his eyebrows at me. “Nah, I’m
good,” he says as his eyes trail up and down my bare legs,
definitely visualizing things we have done in the past. He’s being
completely inappropriate and I’m so stunned I’m stuck just sitting
here, watching him watch me.

“
All right, Jackson,
that’s enough. You’re going to have to pull it together and stop
staring at her like you’re going to go over and lick her at any
second or you’re staying here.”

Oh…My…God. He did
not
just say that! I’m
going to die now. Jackson bursts into laughter and his father
quietly joins in but I’m too mortified for that to soothe over my
embarrassment.

“
I am terribly sorry, Ava,
that was incredibly rude of me to say in front of you, but I had to
snap him out of it; today is too important,” Mr. Andrews says
sheepishly, still with a small smirk playing on his
lips.

“
God, Dad! That was
funny!” Jackson laughs as he stands up and comes around the coffee
table to sit next to me. He wraps an arm around me and kisses me on
the cheek. “Ok, lets get this over with so we can get out of here.”
He pulls me a little closer and I feel safe, part of me just
wishing I was fifteen and somewhat free instead of 23 and about to
go to mediation for a custody battle.

“
All right, so the plan is
to go in there with the written Custody and Visitation Proposal we
have prepared and with the parenting plan that you came up with
upon moving out of Mr. James’ home. Has he been following that?” He
is no longer Jax’s dad at this point; he is now Mr. Steven Andrews,
attorney at law.

“
Yes, he has.” I knew
Declan would be just fine taking care of Harper while I wasn’t
around to help him make decisions, but it made me feel better to
have a manual of sorts for him and as far as I can tell he has
followed it to a T.

“
Good. Then really all we
need is for you to walk in there with your confidence high and for
you to keep an open mind. We already know that you won’t be the one
coming out on top, so you need to be reasonable on every point of
topic. Make sure to give as much as you can; our main focus is the
Joint Legal Custody specifically focusing on medical and housing,
so we want the ball in our court at that point.”

“
Right.” Jax tightens his
grip on my hand and I take a deep breath.

“
I highly doubt Declan
will try and change the visitation agreement, although you will
have to cover that and sign papers to show your agreement. The main
focus today should be about the Legal Custody. If for some reason
he does switch it up on you, do
not
sign anything. If it’s something you think you
can discuss in the room with him and agree then go ahead, but if
not, then tell them you do not agree and we’ll just have to
schedule another date after we can meet and go over the changes
together. Remember, you can always ask to step out to confer with
Jackson and me if necessary. The mediator won’t tolerate it often,
but if it’s appropriate, I’m sure it won’t be a
problem.”

“
Okay,” I say confidently
but I am feeling anything but. I want to crawl back in bed. I have
on power clothes, hair and makeup but I feel powerless. I seriously
cannot even imagine going through this with someone I despise.
We’re both just trying to do what we feel is best. I understand
that but I am her mother I shouldn’t have to fight to have a say in
her life.

* * * * * *

It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve seen
Declan. We’re on day six of his week with Harper and Aubrey was the
one to do the exchange the last couple of scheduled pickups and
drop-offs. I hadn’t realized how much I looked forward to those ten
minute meetings with him. That is, until I missed out on thirty
minutes worth of Declan in the last three weeks and I feel like
we’re going through the break up all over again.

I’m terrified that I’m just being a stubborn
woman, but then I think about my own life and my own mother. I wish
my mother would have been half as stubborn, half as interested, and
stuck it out for me. I have no idea why she left or where she went,
what I do know is that she didn’t fight for Farrah and me. She
didn’t put us first. I honestly have no idea if our lives would
change when Dec becomes famous, but because of that possibility, I
have to make sure we’re covered.

When we arrive at the court house, Mr.
Andrews tells us he’ll go ahead and notify them that we’ve arrived.
He walks briskly to the front steps and disappears inside the wide
double doors. Jax and I step outside and he comes around to my
side. He looks so mature and handsome in his three-piece suit and
styled-to-perfection hair. He hugs me tightly then pulls back and
cups my face before kissing me softly, just like he used to before
I started dating Dec.

“
I love you, Ava, and I
always will.” He exhales lightly and shakes his head, never
breaking eye contact. “Whatever happens today, you’re going to be
just fine. He’s not taking her away from you, I just wish you could
see that and go back to your family where you belong.”

“
What?” I am drawing a
complete blank right now. This is the first time he’s ever said
anything like this to me. When he first showed up at Marla’s the
night Declan told me of his plan, he was pissed, livid actually,
and throughout this whole process he’s been supportive in helping
me get my case together. This is coming out of left
field.

“
You’re killing yourself
over this, babe, and I’m just not sure I understand why anymore. At
first I did, because we didn’t know how he was going to react to
knowing she was his, but he’s proven himself. He’s done everything
you’ve asked, even followed that damn manual, which we both know
was just ridiculous.”

He’s right, it was ridiculous, but like I
said, it made me feel better. I lean back in and let him hug me. He
smells good; he’s changed his cologne and his scent is manlier now
than it was back when we dated, which I guess he is. He’s
comforting, a constant, and I need that.

“
I need to know that I
have a say or at least some control if he walks away, Jax. They
always do. It’s fine, really, but there would have come a time when
he moved on from me and where does that leave me? Alone, that’s
where. Alone, with Harper every other week and no say in the
important decisions in her life. I can’t control when he leaves me,
but I can at least try to control the outcome of it.”

I can feel Jax’s heart rate speed up beneath
my cheekbone and his arms tighten around me. The seagulls are too
noisy for this moment and they’re annoying me. The air is cool and
the day is bright and I would give just about anything to go to the
beach with Declan and Harper instead of walking into that mediation
right now.

“
I didn’t leave you, baby,
you know that right? I didn’t just walk away.” His voice sounds
pained.

We’ve gone over this so many times it’s
beginning to feel like a broken record, but I’ve always told him
that I do know that; I guess maybe I don’t.

“
I’m sorry, Jax, I didn’t
mean anything by that. I’m just feeling sorry for myself today. We
should probably get inside, though.”

He nods once then grabs my
hand and walks me across the parking lot to the steps of the court
house. I start to pull my hand out of his, not wanting to run into
Declan while holding hands with my ex-boyfriend, but Jax holds
tighter and stops. He looks down at me like I’m crazy; I’m sure he
thinks I am. In the last nine years of holding his hand, I probably
haven’t
ever
withdrawn my hand from his.

“
Sorry. I’m not sure if
Declan is in there or not and I don’t want to…” What I don’t want
to happen is for Declan to lose his temper and smash Jax’s face in,
but I don’t want to say that either, I just let my words trail off
and let Jax come to his own conclusion.

“
Right,” he says with a
tight smile and a nod of the head. He gestures for me to go in
front of him and then holds the door open for me before placing his
hand on my lower back. This won’t be okay either, but let’s just
hope we don’t run into Declan.

Inside the old, musty-smelling building, Mr.
Andrews is just coming from around the corner to meet us. “Just in
time,” he says. “Everyone is here and ready. Declan has requested
that no attorneys be present; he would like for it to be just the
two of you.”

My stomach drops. I suspected as much. The
majority of the time, attorneys don’t go into mediation, but
hearing him request it just be the two of us does things to my
insides and I don’t think I like it.

I nod anyway and we follow
Jax’s dad around the corner to see Declan, his parents, Macie,
Greyden, and two beautiful women I’ve never seen before. I’d like
to vomit now. My head automatically turns to the side where Jax is
standing and he gives me an encouraging smile and a discreet wink.
All I can think is,
Lord, please let those
women be his attorneys. Please, please, please!

Just as I turn to introduce myself, Declan
is standing up and his mom is rushing over to me. Tears are
streaming down her face as she squeezes me tightly.

“
Oh, darling, I’ve missed
you so much. I just hate that you kids are having to go through
this.”

I close my eyes and try to find the words
that I should say to the woman I once looked to as a mother of
sorts and yet haven’t spoken to in months. Not even a phone
call.

Before I can speak, she beats me to it.
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry I haven’t called. I didn’t know what to say,
I didn’t know what to do, and Declan told me to stay out of it.”
She shoots Declan a dirty look and he shakes his head as he comes
closer.

“
That’s enough, Mom. Let
her go.”

It seems as if she’s going to listen, so I
give her shoulders a quick squeeze and tell her that I understand
and that I miss her too before she goes back to her husband, who
just smiled a kind smile at me.

“
Hi, Ava, it’s been
awhile,” Declan announces as he approaches me.

The words just slip out before I can stop
them. “It seems like forever,” I say on what sounds like an
exhausted exhale.

Declan laughs and I blush, not really
believing I just said that to him in front of everyone. But that’s
what this guy does to me; he always has. He makes words and
feelings tumble out, consequences be damned. He looks delectable.
He isn’t in a three-piece suit like Jax, but he is wearing a suit,
a sharp black one with a grey shirt and it dawns on me that we
match. A tiny sigh seeps through my lips just as my gaze finishes
its decent of his delicious body. Before I know it, he’s stepping
in closer, too close actually, and leaning in so our chests are
grazing one another and I would probably be holding my breath in
anticipation, but his scent… Oh, how I have missed this man’s
scent. My eyes close of their own accord just as his warm fingers
brush my hair behind my ear and his hot breath breezes across my
lobe.

“
You look stunningly
beautiful, Sunshine. I can’t seem to take my eyes off of you, and
that might be a problem if you keep looking at me the way you are.”
His feet adjust so they’re on either side of mine and he’s pressed
right up against me. His right hand goes to the back of my neck and
the left hand goes to my lower back, his lips still at my ear.
“Have you missed me as much as I’ve missed you?”

My breathing is shallow and it’ll sound a
lot like panting if I don’t keep the volume under control. My eyes
are closed, so in my world, it’s just the two of us and we’re at
home, for the heck of it, let’s say we’re in our shower, our oasis,
together. The water is hot, the steam is high, and the anticipation
of our bodies reuniting is killing both of us, but we’ll survive it
and it’ll be mind-blowing. I slightly nod my head in the
affirmative, slowly coming back to the present.

“
What are you thinking
about?” he croons. “Are you remembering what it feels like to be
pressed up against me, Ava, or are you thinking about all the
things I would do to you if we didn’t have an audience right now? I
can tell by the way your body is tense and your breathing changed
that you’re remembering… I’m remembering too, baby.” He takes a
deep breath in and I swear he takes my breath with him. “Will you
just promise me one thing before we go in there?”