Wizards at War, New Millennium Edition (32 page)

“The TV
showed
you?”

“It’s real helpful,” Carmela said, “when it’s not being bossed around by the remote. Come to think of it, it’s been a
lot
more talkative the past few days.”

“And it made you a worldgate,” Sker’ret said, sounding bemused.

“It put it in the closet in my room,” Carmela said. She smiled sunnily. “I told Kit I wanted a magic closet! And now I’ve got one.”

“Oh boy,” Nita said, imagining what Kit’s reaction to this was going to be.

“I was going to do some shopping,” Carmela said, glancing around her regretfully at the trashed and blasted shops. “But when I got here, I heard all this noise, so I ran down this way. And what do I find but all these skinny purple aliens running around shooting at everything! Some of them started shooting at me, too. That was
not
very friendly of them.” Her tone of voice might have been used to describe the antics of unruly toddlers. “I told them to stop. They wouldn’t. And then after that, I saw them shooting at
you.
I thought maybe Kit was here, too, so—” She shrugged. “Nobody gets to blow up my baby brother while I have anything to say about it. Or his best friend! So I took steps.”

“Uh,” Nita said, and could think of absolutely nothing else to say.

“Where is he, by the way?” Carmela said.

This is not a place where I want to be overheard discussing what’s really going on.
“Uh, there’s another planet where we’re doing some work.”

“Great,” Carmela said. “When we’re done here, let’s go.”

“Ah,” Sker’ret said. “Carmela, the situation there is—”

“‘Mela,” Nita said simultaneously, “look, we’re really grateful that you got here when you did, but—”

Carmela gave the two of them what Nita’s mom used to refer to as “an old-fashioned look.” “Yeah, right, don’t even bother, you two,” Carmela said. “I can hear it already. Blah blah blah for your own safety, blah blah blah don’t know what you’re getting into, blah blah blah
forget it
, Neets!” Her voice was casual, even cheerful, but she hefted the curling iron in a very meaningful way. “It’s really a good thing Kit didn’t void the warranty on this thing when he was putting the safety on it,” she said. “But it doesn’t matter, because I figured out how to get the safety off, and then how to get the upgrade. I can figure out most things, given time. Juanita Louise, you take me home and it’ll take me about ten minutes to figure out where you went—and I’ll be right back. How much time can you spare to waste dragging me back home over and over?”

Nita’s mouth dropped open again. “
Who told you about ‘Louise’?
”

Carmela grinned.

“Did Kit tell you?
I’ll kill him!
”

Carmela laughed. “Kit doesn’t tell me anything.” Her look got, if possible, more wicked. “
That’s
gonna change.”

Sker’ret was staring at them both in good-natured confusion. “Look,” Nita said. “‘Mela, there’s something you need to know about where we’re going. You’re not real big on bugs—”

“Oh, I’ve heard this one before,” she said, and snickered, reaching down to yank in an affectionate way on some of Sker’ret’s eyes. “It won’t work, Neets.”

“No, listen to me. These are not cute bugs. These are
big
bugs! They —” It had taken Nita a while to come to terms with some of the things she’d seen about the Yaldiv in their précis in the manual. Now she simply said, “They eat each other, and anything else that’s alive enough. They’ll eat us, given half a chance! And we have to make sure that they do
not
know we’re there under any circumstances.”

“Kit’s there?” Carmela said. “And Ponch?”

“Yeah.”

“And my favorite Christmas tree?”

“Yeah.”

“And Dairine and Roshaun?”

“They might be there by now—”

“And
Ronan
?”

“Uh,” Nita said.

“That sounded like a yes,” Carmela said, and smiled a supremely predatory smile. “Let’s go.”

Nita rubbed her face, finding more dirt and more sweat … and a final annoying sting that told her her zit was still in residence. She sighed.

“Okay,” Nita said. “You can come with us! But I have to get back to Earth first. That was what this trip was all about.”

“You go right ahead,” Carmela said. “Sker’ret and I will tidy up here.”

Sker’ret looked up at Carmela, confused.

Carmela looked around at the burned and broken wreckage all over the place. “Sker’,” Carmela said, “Just think of all the stuff here you can eat!”

Most of Sker’ret’s eyes went very wide.

“It wasn’t allowed before,” Sker’ret said in a hushed tone, like someone suddenly presented with a landscape full of infinite possibilities. “I mean, I’m station staff, and we have to control our habits where Crossings property is concerned. My ancestor would—”

“Your not-so-illustrious ancestor,” Carmela said, disapproving, “isn’t here, is he?” She glanced around. “So don’t sweat it. If I were you, I’d just tuck in now; later on you can blame the mess on the purple guys. Assuming there
is
a later.” She glanced over at Nita. “I gather from the TV that that’s the problem? End of the world, everything’s on the table, a million-to-one chance of fixing it all?”

“Quadrillion,” Nita said, not wanting to later be caught in an understatement.

Carmela spun her curling iron around on what could have been mistaken for a hanging loop, and shoved it into its holster. “Sounds good,” she said. “Let’s go deal with it. I’ve got nothing here but solutions.”

They paused halfway down the corridor. Far down, at the end of it, Nita could see a lot of tall, thin, purple shapes crowded together. “Think we should put the shields back up?” she said.

“We won’t need them,” Sker’ret said. “I’ve put a damping field over this whole wing. No energy weapon will work. But the damper won’t bother wizardries.”

“You mean I can’t use my curling iron?” Carmela said, and produced a pout.

“‘Mela,” Nita said, “you won’t need it. If I’m reading these guys’ physical attributes correctly, you could break one of them in half like a pencil. They’re on the fragile side.”

“It’s why they like these big weapons so much,” Sker’ret said, sounding annoyed as he eyed the damage behind them. “I have a feeling that when I get at the system logs, the damping fields will have been the first things shut down.”

The three of them walked toward the crowd of Tawalf, in step, taking their time. The crowd clustered closer together as they approached. As the three of them got closer, Nita looked at the Tawalf and found herself feeling strangely sorry for them.
They look kind of helpless and pitiful,
she thought,
without their big fancy weapons. Which is good for me, since now I have to make sure I’m not influenced by the fact that they would have blown me away without a second thought.

Sker’ret and Nita stopped; Carmela did, too, stepping a little away to watch what they did. The Tawalf glared at them.

“We are on errantry, and we greet you,” Sker’ret said.

“Not that you particularly
merit
greeting,” Nita said.

“And, additionally,” Sker’ret said, “I represent the constituted authority of the Crossings, an independent political entity of Rirhath B. I inform you that you are now to be placed in Crossings custody for a number of local and planetary infractions. You have the right to send to your homeworld through our independent travelers’ representative—when we manage to locate it—for whatever legal assistance you require. Meanwhile, we have the right to require of you all pertinent details concerning your presence here, your actions while here, and information concerning those of our station staff who were involved in attempting to prevent your access.”

There was a long silence. Then one of the Tawalf said, “There weren’t any.”

Knowledge of the Speech made the words understandable, but the sense was still ambiguous. “Weren’t any
what?
” Sker’ret said.

“Attempts to prevent our access,” the Tawalf said.

“Where are the station staff?” Nita said.

The Tawalf who had spoken looked at Nita scornfully, and then threw a strange look at Carmela.
Maybe it’s the pants,
Nita thought. They certainly made
her
eyes vibrate when she looked at them.

“We don’t know,” the Tawalf said.

“Somehow I doubt that,” Nita said.

“They ran off somewhere,” said another Tawalf, looking sullen—insofar as it was possible to look sullen with such expressionless eyes, like polished pebbles. “Probably hiding elsewhere on the planet.”

Nita glanced at Sker’ret.
What do you think?

I don’t know what to think. It doesn’t seem in character. But then my ancestor wasn’t behaving as usual when I saw him last, either.

“Where did you people come in from?” Sker’ret said. “Who sent you?”

None of them would answer.

“Oh, come on,” Sker’ret said. “No Tawalf does something unless
valuta
‘s changed hands. You didn’t just turn up here with a pile of heavy weapons because you felt like it!”

The Tawalf glowered at him. “We’ve been bought once,” one of them said. “We can’t break our contracts.”

“And saying anything would be breaking them.”

Nita frowned. “You don’t
have
to say anything,” she said.

They all glared at her now, and Nita hoped her bluff wasn’t about to be called. Wizardries designed to get into people’s minds and take out information forcibly were almost as hard on the wizard as they were on the victim.
But we have to get this place secure and running before we move on.

You have the power if you need it,
the peridexis said in the back of her mind.

I know I do. But I really don’t know if I want it for this.
Yet it seemed to Nita that she might have no choice, and time was flying.

The Tawalf who had spoken first had been watching Nita. Now it laughed, a nasty ratchety sound. “You won’t do it,” it said. “Wizards! Everybody knows you were always weaklings, afraid to lose your power by using it the wrong way. And now, after all these centuries of being so nicey-nice, you’re losing it anyway! So you’re finished running things in this universe! And
your
people are through running this place,” it said to Sker’ret, “and controlling all the wealth and power that flows through here. It’s up to the smart ones and the strong ones now to take what they want.”

“What
we
want,” said another of the Tawalf.

The rest of the crowd behind them started to join in that nasty snickering noise. Nita’s fingers clenched on the accelerator in anger.

“I dislike this necessity,” Sker’ret said. “But if psychotropic spelling is required to restore the Crossings to its normal function—”

“Sker’, let me,” Nita said. “I don’t like it, either, but maybe I have a way to—”

“Guys,” Carmela said. “Wait a sec.”

Nita and Sker’ret looked at her.

“You get more honey with flies,” Carmela said, and then paused. “Wait a minute, that’s not how it goes. Never mind. Here—”

She reached over her back into the little bag she was wearing, and felt around. The Tawalf watched her with some curiosity.

Then one of them, the one who had spoken first, made a strange sniffing noise—and so did its second-in-command. The two of them stared at Carmela with a sudden total concentration that made Nita raise the accelerator and get ready to fire.

Carmela withdrew something from her bag. It was thin and black, a long slim rectangle with a glint of gold at the ends. She held it up where all the Tawalf could see it.

“I have here,” she said in very clear and New York–accented Speech, “a
new
bar of Valrhona Caraïbe Single-Estate Grand Cru.”

Nita looked in astonishment from Carmela to the Tawalf. Their eyes, already prominent enough, actually started to bug out of their heads.

“Very aromatic,” Carmela said, waving the chocolate bar under her nose. “Long in the mouth… nice overflavors of candied orange and smoky vanilla. Maybe just a hint of cappuccino.” She waved it at them. “Sorry, guys, help me out here. I don’t know where your nose or whatever you smell with is. Are.”

The two foremost Tawalf each reached out a tentative, spindly magenta foreleg. Carmela waved the chocolate bar cautiously under each one.

The first Tawalf made a grab for it, but not quickly enough. Carmela had already snatched the bar back, and Nita had the accelerator trained on his head.

“Ah, ah, ah,” Carmela said. “Hasty hasty. This is yours, all yours… for a price.” She glanced sideways at Nita.

“Information,” Nita said. “You heard what we asked you.”

“Oh, they’re going to have to tell you a lot more than just what you asked them,” Carmela said, waving the chocolate gently under her nose and gazing thoughtfully at the Tawalf. “You’re going to answer
all
this nice Rirhait’s questions, aren’t you, boys? Or girls. Or whatever. And when you’ve done that, you can form yourselves a little syndicate, and I’ll give that syndicate free title to…
this.
”

She held up the chocolate bar.

Every single Tawalf stared at it. Nita and Sker’ret spared each other one sidewise glance.

“We can’t!” squeaked one of the Tawalf in the back.

“Our contracts!” moaned another.

“Oh, come on,” Carmela said. “Your ‘contracts’! Like you expect me to believe that somebody actually paid you
this
much to come in here and take this place over? I really doubt it.” She snickered. “If someone had given the whole bunch of you the value of even
half
of this, you’d be the highest-paid mercenaries the universe ever saw!” Carmela waved the chocolate bar in the Tawalf’s direction again.

They swayed toward it as if it had the gravitation of a micro–black hole. Nita raised the accelerator again. The Tawalf saw the look in her eye and swayed back. “But no one’s paid you anything like that much,” Carmela said. “So just think. You cooperate with my friends here, and I’m sure they’ll do what they can to see to it that the authorities here treat you fairly. And afterward, when you’ve paid your debt to society, or whatever your species pays its debts to, on the day they let you all go, they give you …
this.
”