Wizard's Funeral (20 page)

we get out of here? Theres a secret passage, she replied, leading from behind the hearth in the Great Hall. Ill take you there in a moment, but I want to see to this mans wounds first. The distressed bodyguard was still trying to staunch the flow of his own blood and was becoming weaker by the moment. Moona went to a cabinet. It was full of vials and powder boxes. She took a small bottle and went to Golgaths victim. Within seconds of being treated, the wound visibly began to heal before their eyes. Soldier was astonished. How did you do that? I am what they call in this country a marabout, she said. A witch, explained Golgath. She glared at him. Not a witch, exactly. He shrugged. Once the young man was looking less pale, Moona said to him, Your ruler is dead. There is no point in revenge for the sake of such a man. He was a despot and tyrant. Will you, for my sake, keep your silence until these men and I are out of the valley? Otherwise, they will have to kill you before they leave. I dont want you to die. Will you do it? For my sake? He looked into her eyes and was lost. I will. And if this one wakes up, said Soldier, nudging the unconscious man with his foot, you will tell him that Moona Swan-neck, the marabout, has put a curse on him and his family, and that they will all break out in boils and die a horrible death if he betrays us. I will. Ill tell him, said the young man, still staring into Moonas face. I wont let him betray you. Moona kissed the youth on the lips, softly, and then motioned with her head for Soldier and Golgath to follow her. Even before they had left the room, the wounded man was weeping, asking if Moona would ever return, or if he could follow her to Ophiria, once his wound was properly healed. She left him a bewitching smile, but no words of comfort. The most beautiful woman in the world led her two rescuers down the spiral staircase, to a passageway which led to the Great Hall. The hall itself was decorated with stuffed men, some on the backs of stuffed horses, one even on an elephant. They stared out with glassy eyes from the prisons of their own bodies. The royal taxidemist was in constant work, I assume, said Golgath, looking around at the grisly, petrified objects. I would prefer carvings and statues, myself He liked to humiliate his enemies, explained Moona. He cursed them every night to their faces, before retiring. Soldier said, The man was a monster. He had his ways, replied Moona, with some asperity in her tone, but he was never a hired assassin. Soldier took the insult without reply. Before entering the secret tunnel, Moona found them all some indigo cloth, with which to disguise themselves as cara-vanners. Then with a lighted brand she led them down through the passageway, carved out of the rock. They came out of an empty cave-house at the other end and walked swiftly into the valley. Moona took them to a corral full of horses. She snapped orders at one of the stable boys who were grooming the beasts, and without questioning who she was he saddled three of the best mounts and led them out of the corral. I sometimes go riding, she explained to the other two, as she swung herself into her saddle, and the boys know my voice. You never tried to escape? asked Soldier. I told you. I dont care where I am, so long as I am well treated and given everything I want. The soldan did that, but then so did Gahphat. All men have treated me like a princess. I am a princess, after all. It doesnt matter to me whose bed I share. I have the same contempt for one man as I have for another. Golgath said, You hold men in contempt? Of course. Soldier said, You bite the hand that feeds you? No, I give them use of my body. Look, I owe men nothing. Everything they have given me has been paid for, between greasy, sweaty sheets. I could quite happily live my life without a man ever touching me again, but it seems they cant live with me without doing things to me. So, I let them, so long as they let me do as I wish, give me everything I need, and only bother me once or twice a month. Soldier was aghast. Have you never known love? Never. Golgath said, But one day, you might meet a man and fall in love, and want him to take you to his bed. That will never happen. They could not believe this. But what of beautiful young men? Do you not desire a youths body? Does the shape and form of a hunter, with good looks, never move you? Never. They have nothing to give. All they have is themselves. All you have, is yourself. Yes, but, everyone wants me, she replied, logically. Once they were out of the valley there was a choice of directions. The best way to go, said Golgath, who knew the region better than anyone, is through a place called Oliphat.

Chapter Nineteen

Im not going to do it. Im not going through Oliphat. Soldier, how can you put so much credence on a dream? Everyone dreams about death. Its all in your head. It doesnt mean anything. Soldier was not convinced. Why are there Dream Masters plying their trade in Guthrum this very minute? Certain skilled interpreters earn their living by explaining dreams. If dreams dont mean anything, those people would starve, and from what I remember Dream Masters go about in the very latest sedan chairs and own strings of thoroughbreds. Charlatans! confirmed Moona Swan-neck. The raven arrived to add to the confusion. Ive just escaped death, were his opening words. Soldier whirled, looking this way and that. Where? Where is he? Up there, answered the raven, nodding skywards. A harpy eagle. Huge creature. Came out of the sky like a thunderbolt and very nearly did for me. That OmmullummO is not playing fair. What chance do I stand against a harpy eagle? Its the largest raptor in the bird kingdom. I only survived by cunning and fortunate circumstances. I was flying under the branch of an old white tree at the time. The eagles talons struck the branch. Took it clean off. That could have been my head. You didnt actually see the figure of the Reaper then? See what? asked the black bird. He turned to Golgath. Whats he on about? He thinks Death will come for him in Oliphat. Look, Soldier, you said yourself that Death was after the sultan, not you. The sultan will be in Oliphat. If Death comes, then hes not going to take both of you, is he? Hes just coming for the old man, who must be expecting him. But, argued Soldier, the timings right. Golgath got annoyed. T cant understand you, he said, stamping away. How can you be so cowardly? Youre asking us to go a hundred miles out of our way, simply because youre frightened of a dark figure which could be a figment of your imagination. Soldier, Ive seen you face fearful odds in battle and not bat an eyelid. Ive seen you go up against fiends in single combat and relish the opportunity. Yet here you are, frightened of a little dream. I just dont understand you. The raven understood. Irrational fears are the worst. When it comes to facing physical danger, you can rely on men like Soldier. But add a touch of the supernatural ... All right, all right, snapped Soldier. Well go through Oliphat, but Im going straight through. No staying the night, even if were exhausted. I dont like doing it, but I will. Now, lets say no more about it. Raven, what news of Guthrum and the outside world? Still besieged, but the Hannacks and beast-people are getting weary of waiting around. Its not what theyre good at. Show them a pitched, bloody battle and theyll thank you for it, but theyre not much good at kicking their heels. Those that remain are spending their days at dice or cards. Others go up to the walls and challenge Guthrumites to single combat. Theyve had a few takers. Its just as boring on the inside of the walls, and theres disease and corruption to contend with. Any good fights? asked Golgath, interested. Single combats, I mean. Well, there was this one Hannack - Maggagerak I think they called him who despatched a few heroes who dared venture forth from Guthrum to meet him on the plain outside. He kept tying their heels to his horse and dragging their headless bodies back and forth in front of the gates, calling for new victims. Nasty piece of work. Interested now, Soldier said, Id like to have a go at him. Youre too late. Marshal Kaff got tired of his bragging and went out to meet him. Unknown to Maggagerak, Kaff had a live creature fitted to his right wrist - you know, the way he does? it was hidden under a mitten, a velvet hood. In the heat of the battle, with their swords locked and their heads close together, Kaff let slip the hood and thrust a cobras head into the face of his opponent. The snake bit Maggagerak on the bridge of the nose, the throat, the lips and cheeks, and it was all over within a few minutes. Maggagerak turned blue, shook violently for a short time, then let out his death rattle and died. Kaff walked away the victor. Soldier had a bad taste in his mouth. He turned to Golgath. Kaff - your big brother, he said with some asperity. Well, he always was a crafty so-and-so. . Moona Swan-neck said, Ive heard wonderful things about Marshal Kaff. Wasnt he just a captain a little while ago? Now hes been promoted all the way to the top. He must be a great warrior. Yes, well, people would think that, replied Soldier. Any other news, raven? Yes, Kaff took Maggageraks body and crucified it on the battlements. I mean real news, snapped Soldier, testily. Oh, yes - the twins, Sando and Guido? Theyve been reinstated as rulers of Bhantan. Now this was something which really did interest Soldier. Humbold let them go? No, I helped them escape. I picked the lock. They travelled north, gathered together an army of rebels, fairies, goblins, elves and other creatures of the field and forest, and went into Bhantan at the head of a strange army. They slaughtered the nobles who had exiled them and deposed the twins who had been put on the thrones in their place. They are now back where they came from, and send you their greetings, saying when the time comes for you to lead an army against the Hannacks and beast-people, Bhantan will join you in the fight. Well, thats something, said Soldier. Did they have to slaughter the nobles, though? Things did get a little out of hand. Theyre not the most charming of youths. You should hear what theyre saying about Humbold and what they intend to do to him when they get hold of him. Perhaps theyll have time to grow more mature and wiser before that happens? said Soldier, hopefully. The bird stayed with them, all that day, feeding them snippets of news. The main thing was that Ixonnoxl was safe, still out of the clutches of his father. Well, lets get to Oliphat, muttered Soldier. I want that town behind me before dawn tomorrow. The two men rode on either side of Moona Swan-neck, each vying for her undivided attention. She answered questions they put to her, but rarely initiated a conversation. The men kept offering her things. A second coat? Was she too cold? Too hot? Were her feet chaffing on the stirrups? Perhaps Soldiers spare socks? Would she like Golgaths gloves to keep the harsh sun from her delicate skin? Soldier had a square of cloth which could be made into a protective hat. Golgath had a spare waterskin which would cool her brow. Perhaps, when she became too tired, she might like to ride up behind Soldier, holding on with her arms around his waist? No, no, protested Golgath, it should be his mount that the lady shared, for he was a single man. What difference did that make, said Soldier, for she was a married woman, and he wasnt asking to make love to her. He was simply offering her a ride. His horse was the strongest, so it made sense that she rode with him . . , This is sickening, said the raven. Im off. He flew away in clear disgust. Moona said nothing, except to demur. She was perfectly all right, she said. There was no need to fuss over her. They werent Bussing, they replied. A lady was entitled to be as comfortable as possible. Would she like a sweetmeat from Golgaths saddlebag? No, of course not, it would make her thirsty. A twist of sherbet then, from Soldiers pocket? He had had it with him since Garthaga . . . And so it went on. They camped at noon for two hours. Whos going to the stream for water? asked Soldier, unwilling to leave Moona alone with Golgath. Ill go, said Moona. Ill come with you, said Golgath. I could do with the walk. In that case, you can get the water, Moona said. Soldier smiled and tossed him the water skins. Off you go- Golgath sat down. Ive changed my mind. Actually my old war wound is playing up. My right foot its very sore. You go for the water, Soldier. Moona? Will you come with me? If you like. The pair set off, soon to be followed by Golgath. Ive changed my mind, he said, catching them up. I told you the walk would do me good. It doesnt need three of us, Moona argued. Im going back. Ill come with you. Funnily enough, my foot is beginning to hurt again ... They arrived in Oliphat to find the town in subdued mood. Their sultan was dying. The sackcloth and ashes were already being prepared and craftsmen were bringing on extra supplies of flails. Oliphatians mourned in a big way. They took death very seriously, especially the death of a potentate. They would don the sackcloth, smear themselves with the ashes, and whip themselves raw, once the old man kicked off his golden sandals and took Death by the hand. There would be ranting and wailing, genuflection and prostration, fasting, ringing of bells, clanging of gongs, beating of drums, rattling of sticks and bones. Not many of Oliphats citizens were looking forward to the next few weeks, and when they saw who had arrived in their town they sent a deputation of their most senior male citizens, men of noble birth, merchants of great wealth, members of various councils. Moona Swan-neck, they chorused. Your beauty is legendary throughout the known world. They say your face has spurred a thousand armies into battle. Your portrait hangs in the halls of kings of countries not yet discovered. In the deepest, darkest unexplored regions your name is whispered as a talisman. They say it is inscribed on the golden grail which men seek and never find. There are temples erected to your beauty. Lonely princes spend lifetimes beating a path to your door. Will you show yourself, reveal your great beauty, to our dying sultan? Perhaps the sight of your loveliness may revive him, bring him out of his illness, raise him from his deathbed. He is beloved of the people. We do not wish him to die. We are in a great hurry, she replied, with a blank expression, as you can see, my friends wish to be on the road leaving from the other side of the town. We will see you rewarded with pearls, with sapphires, with ivory. Oh, those? Pearls, sapphires and ivory? murmured Moona. See, cried Soldier. They do have a sultan thats dying. It wasnt just a dream. That much is true. Oh, you probably heard it somewhere, on our travels, replied Golgath, and it worked itself into a dream. I dont think so. Remember your promise. We are not stopping. Yet, replied Moona, if I do not try to help this poor, dying man, I would be neglecting my duty. To what? cried Soldier. To whom? To humankind, she replied. To life! You just want the gifts theyre offering, snapped Soldier. Youre not interested in saving an old mans life. The hurt look that came to her face seemed to arrive so smoothly, and without any herald, that Soldier was convinced she was faking when she said, How could you say such a thing? You do not know me. You think you know me, but youre very wrong. Look how these people beseech me. How can I refuse them when they implore me? I will go to the sultan. I shall do my best to revive him. Oh, thats rich. That really is. How old is he? A hundred and eight? His penis is probably like a piece of string now. No doubt hes got as much passion in that husk of a body as a dead lizard. You think hes going to perk up just because he sees you. Golgath said, I dont think thats quite fair, Soldier. Moona just wants to try. Would you deny an old man? Yes. But he was arguing in vain. They were led to Sultan Mukaras sick bed. Soldier saw by the sand-clock that it was still an hour to midnight. There was still time to attempt the revival and escape before Death arrived to collect his victim. Moona was ushered into the royal presence. Wheres the pearls? she asked. A citizen pointed to a casket by the door. There. Rheumy eyes regarded her form from the sick bed. The sultan was propped up on silk cushions, a frail, stick-like figure with yellow flesh hanging like pondweed from his bones. His face was sunken, his eyes lustreless, his hair dripping in coarse, matted clumps. There was a sickly smell about the room that turned the stomach. The stench of death was in the air. At the sight of Moona Swan-neck, a light did indeed enter those gummed eyes. A feeble hand was raised an inch from the sheet. It was as if he were reaching for this earthly beauty. A rustle like the sound of rasping paper left the old mans lips. Then he seemed to collapse within himself again, destroying the excitement that had begun to ferment in his shrunken brain. Perhaps if I removed my clothes? said Moona, without blinking. Perhaps then the sultan might find some lightness of being? Yes, chorused the citizens, that certainly might do it. There was universal disappointment when they were all asked to leave the room. Protests followed. No, no, she was no dancer of the seven veils, there for the entertainment of the masses, she was a physician, trying to cure an old man. Soldier and Golgath, as her travelling companions, could stay as her protectors, but everyone else except the sultan would have to wait outside. They went, grumbling and glancing over their shoulders, hoping she would start before the door was shut. Once outside there was a mute, frantic battle between them to get the best positions for the doorway cracks and keyhole. Men might have been killed had they not been conscious of having to keep their silence. Certainly great wads of money exchanged hands, and daughters were promised in marriage. Land became a bargaining tool and old favours and debts were called in. Standing at the end of the old mans bed, Moona Swan-neck removed her clothes. Two simultaneous groans reached her ears, coming not from the sultan, but from her two protectors. The old man gargled. His eyes blazed. He sat up. Ga! he said, reaching out with scrawny, arthritic fingers, like a child snatching at sweets, Gaaaaaaaaa! Its working, she said, calmly. I wonder how many caskets of jewels theyre offering? At that moment a patch of darkness in the corner of the bedchamber whirled like a wind and began to form into a shape. Before the eyes of the terrified watchers it developed into the rough contours of a man. Soldier recognised the shape straight away. Death stood there, dusting himself off. His head lifted to regard the four people present. His horrible visage gave nothing away as he scanned the room. However, on seeing the naked Moona, Death pursed his lips. Finally, he nodded to Soldier, and said, Well, are you ready then? I told you Id see you here. They never believe me. They think they can be in Iskanbul, when theyre expected in Ud, but they always find themselves in Ud at the appointed hour, by freak wave, by runaway horse, by kite if it has to be, but theyre always ready for the last journey. You - you dont want me, said Soldier, quickly. You want him - him in the bed. Death looked at the skeletal, shallow-breathing sultan, now sitting up in bed and trying to clutch at the nude Moona Swan-neck. Are you coming or not? No, replied Soldier, firmly. In that case, Ill just wait until midnight.