Wolfsbane: 3 (Rebel Angels) (13 page)

The horse seemed to know my feelings. It stood very calmly, making no trouble, accepting the stares and the exclamations of the clann, its head hooked fondly over my shoulder. I saw flashes of
its memory, still vivid from the calling of it. Dark cold water, drifting green weed. Blood and prey. Careless silent freedom. And from long before that, visions of fighting and running on the
moor: blue sky, bird-song and cirrus. Another mind and body in absolute sync with its own; the weight of a human that was no weight at all; the sharp keen awareness of another self. The vicious
triumph and the awful pain of battle. And death, and loss, and a corpse; and freedom again, sadder and lonelier this time.

I touched its muzzle, and knew that it Saw just as much of me. The oddest sensation, but not an unwelcome one.

‘It’s unusual,’ Seth had said, unwilling as ever to express any overt shock or awe. ‘Hard enough to get these brutes to submit once.’

Submission was hardly the issue. But I knew he knew that.

If the fires of resentment towards me still burned too fiercely in any of the clann, the horse had at least silenced them for now. For that I was outrageously grateful. Only one of them
outstared me, eyes frigid and hostile.

‘So you’re Finn, are you? I don’t remember you at
all
.’

Well, I recognised Rory, even after all these years; I recognised him from his father’s eyes and his cocky beauty. He had got himself an acolyte, a hard-faced redheaded girl with the
apparently permanent sneer of a teenager with a grudge. She stood at his side like some kind of bodyguard, her expression mirroring all the contempt in his. Rory’s eyes had transfixed me
since I rode into the dun at his father’s side. Or rather, if he’d taken his sullen stare off me it was only to glare at the black horse. There was more to this, I thought, than
jealousy of my friendship with Seth.

‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Hi, Rory.’

Folding his arms, he nodded at the horse. It eyed him back.

He said, ‘Do you just whistle, and they come?’

I didn’t miss the way he raised his voice so Seth would catch the barb in it. Seth didn’t miss it either, but he ignored the boy, and went on brushing the roan’s
hindquarters.

God, but Rory reminded me of his father: Seth the way he used to be, Seth at his worst. Really, who did the little tosser think he was, when I’d wiped his backside and dried his tears, and
risked my life to rescue him, and abased myself before Eili to save the hide of his wretched father?

‘I suppose you fancied my brother.’

‘I suppose I did.’ I was hanging onto my temper by my fingernails. ‘Then.’

‘I suppose Jed was too young to know any better.’

I’d opened my mouth to tear a strip off him when Rory’s head was knocked forward by a casual flick of someone’s hand. ‘Cheeky wee toerag. Hello, Finn.’

I think my mouth fell open a little with my helpless smile. Thirteen years had made no difference to Seth but for Jed it had been another whole lifetime. He still shaved his hair to soft brown
stubble and his eyes were still dark, deep-set and framed by the longest lashes imaginable, but the juvenile delinquent look was gone. Skinniness had turned to hard leanness, furtiveness into
watchful ease, and the wary insecurity into confidence. He was a man, I realised. He went and turned into a man when I wasn’t looking. And those years meant so much more to Jed than they did
to the rest of us.

He looked content. He wasn’t happy, not mindlessly happy, but he just reeked of contentment and belonging. For a moment I was even more blindingly envious of him than I’d been all
those years ago, leaving him to the life that was rightfully mine. Then the resentment was gone like some half-seen landscape into the past, and I gave him a huge grin.

‘Jed.’ I let him grab me and lift me up, squeezing me till I thought my ribcage would rupture. ‘Jed, you look so
different!’

‘Look who’s talking.’ Jed gave my cheek a smacking kiss and set me back down, and that was when I caught sight of the scar on his palm. It was only a fleeting glimpse, but I
couldn’t miss it: so crude and deep, a vicious white wound that ran all the way from his little finger to the base of his thumb.

Seth was watching my thoughts, so I gave him a small piece of my mind.

~
What have you done to each other?

‘I’m sorry,’ said Jed, still determinedly unaware of anything passing between minds. ‘I haven’t been avoiding you. I was asleep. Iolaire refused to wake me up, on
the grounds that I won’t let him put me to sleep in the first place.’ He scowled at the dark-haired man behind him.

‘Hey Iolaire, meet Finn,’ interrupted Rory. ‘Don’t worry. This is the one who put him off women for life.’

‘You.’ Jed took him by the scruff of the neck, then booted him gently in the backside. ‘Get lost. Take your father’s horse and finish the grooming.’

‘Take Finn’s while you’re at it.’ Seth threw the brush to Rory. ‘Don’t look so nervous, Hannah. If my horse bites anyone it’ll be my son, and
that’s no bad thing.’

Despite the girl’s scowl, her fear of the blue roan was almost tangible. It was oh, so tempting to make her trip over her own feet as she turned to follow Rory, but perhaps I’d grown
out of those destructive urges at last. I tried a more genuine smile, but Hannah had turned her back already and she didn’t see it.

‘Sorry,’ said Seth, shaking his head. ‘Rory’s showing off. It’s the girl. There’s nobody his own age here and he’s far too impressed.’

‘She’s not from here?’ I was startled.

He laughed. ‘Rory picked her up in the otherworld. Mother’s a runaway, the father’s a Sithe. Either he’s dead or he’s back over here and living in
blissful
ignorance.’

‘Or he walked out.’ Jed’s tone had an edge like a blade. ‘It’s not like you have to be full-mortal to walk out on your offspring.’

‘Well,’ shrugged Seth after a brief silence. ‘I asked for that.’

I didn’t know what to say, so I kept my mouth shut. God, but they had years of history between them, years I wasn’t party to. Acutely once more I felt the loss of the time, but there
was no point resenting my dead mother, and no point blaming Seth. I’d put myself in exile through my hatred for the clann. It might have taken me years to admit it, but Seth had been right to
send me away.

But oh, I was glad to be back.

‘Give it a rest, you two.’ The man called Iolaire rolled his eyes.

‘Anyway, shut it. You’re embarrassing Finn.’ Seth nodded at me but he spoke to Jed.

‘No you’re not,’ I said.

They both ignored me. ‘Let’s take her riding. See if she still falls off when she trots.’

‘Still wh–? You
cheeky
bastards, I’ll run you both into the ground.’

‘Aye aye, that definitely sounds like her.’ Jed nodded solemnly at Seth. ‘You brought the right one. Grown into her looks, hasn’t she?’

‘Told you she had.’ But the laughter had gone out of Seth’s voice a little, and he looked at me oddly.

Iolaire winked at me. ‘So, Fionnuala. Nice to be back with the grown-ups?’

I realised I knew him. It was a familiar name, and his face was definitely one I remembered: fine-boned and gypsy-handsome, his eyes warm with laughter, his hair mahogany brown. His earlobe was
pierced by a small gold ring that was not removable. I could see the tiny flaw in the gold where it had been soldered into an unbroken ring, and besides, I’d seen it before.

‘I know you,’ I said, and smiled.

Jed preened. ‘Yes. That Iolaire. Unsurprisingly, he couldn’t stay away from me.’

Iolaire dug him in the ribs. ‘What he means is, he was so clearly lost without me, I took pity.’

‘You defected from Kate?’ I was nervously impressed. I glanced around for the lover I remembered from Kate’s caverns. ‘And what about Gealach?’

‘What about her?’ Iolaire shrugged blithely. ‘Listen, I need to see to my horse; she’s threatening lame. See you later, Finn?’ He turned on his heel.

‘Wait. I’ll come.’ Jed shot me a reassuring wink as he went after his lover.

I knew when Seth dropped a casual arm round my shoulders that my faux pas was a bad one. ‘Oh, no. I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be,’ said Seth. ‘He’s not offended, he’s still hurting.’ His fingers tightened on my arm, then hung loose again. ‘Laszlo took
Gealach.’

‘Oh. Poor Iolaire. But he doesn’t seem, uh–’

‘Well, these things happen, and they weren’t bound. Iolaire might still have had her, if his pride could take the sharing. But Laszlo’s couldn’t. He finds it hard enough
not being the only one for Kate.’

‘Yes.’ And Seth should know. ‘I see.’

‘You don’t. Gealach was carrying Iolaire’s child.’

‘His
child?
’ It took my breath away. ‘And she went to Laszlo?’

‘I doubt she had a choice. The rumour is, Kate spell-bound her. Kind of a gift. Laszlo was getting over-possessive, and Kate needed a second lover for him.’ His voice was scathing,
but I knew that was as much for himself as anyone. ‘For her busy periods, y’know?’

‘The–’ I swallowed. ‘What happened about the–’

‘The inconvenient child? Kate charmed it right out of Gealach’s womb.’

I felt the blood drain out of my face. Across the years I heard Leonie tell me:
There aren’t many children, Finn.
‘I don’t believe it.’

‘Don’t you?’ asked Seth. He put his long fingers against my face and tipped it up so that he could look at my eyes.

I felt him right inside my mind, but surprisingly I didn’t resent it, and I didn’t fight it. It was like standing back, holding wide the door, letting him look because he’d
asked nicely. ~
All right,
I told him silently. ~
I’ve got nothing to hide. You?

Seth was gone from my head, biting his lip as he half-smiled. ‘You do believe it.’

‘Yeah. It was only a figure of speech, y’know.’

But I did know what it was to be in thrall to Kate NicNiven. We each knew that the other knew. And one day, I thought, eyeing Seth, I’ll find out if you still are.

~ Thirteen years, woman
. He smiled at me sadly. ~
Don’t we trust each other yet?

I tried to smile back. I disliked Kate slinking into my life and my mind the moment I came home. High sunlight blazed on the dun, bleaching the flagstones; the scent of the machair was in the
air and my skin was warm with summer, but her name inside my head felt as if a shard of dirty ice was lodged there.

Seth was watching me, thoughtful and sad.

‘I know,’ was all he said.

‘You want to maybe give everybody a
break
?’

I nearly choked on my water bottle. Orach stood over me, blocking out the blazing sun. She upended her own bottle over her sweat-drenched head, shutting her eyes and opening her mouth in bliss.
When she’d caught a whole mouthful, she spat it into the sand of the practice yard, then gave me a Look.

I exploded. ‘You people don’t like training any more? Would you like a day on the damn beach?’ I glared across at the bodies sprawled in the sand. They did look knackered, now
that she mentioned it, and the teenager I’d screamed at was still in silent tears, whetting her sword blade with a grim intensity. Christ, was that Eorna with his comforting arm round her
shoulders? Was he getting soft in his old age or what? I stared back at Orach. ‘Would you quit it with the Looks? What have I
done
?’

‘It’s what you haven’t done, you stupid man,’ she muttered.

‘What did you say?’

‘It’s what you haven’t done, you stupid man,
Captain.
’

I had to make a conscious effort to shut my own jaw. Orach rolled her eyes, blew out a sigh, and sat down against the fence beside me.

‘She’s back, isn’t she? I thought that’s what you wanted.’

‘Orach, don’t do this now–’

‘Oh I could
slap
you!’

‘Go ahead if it gets it over with!’ I gestured angrily at my cheek.

‘I wish it was that simple!’

After that we both glowered into the middle distance for a bit. The recovering fighters, I couldn’t help noticing, were studiously not looking at us. One of them staggered to his feet,
limped to the water trough and plunged his head right in.

‘You idiot.’ Orach sighed and let her head flop against my shoulder. ‘I understand, y’know.’

‘I know you do,’ I muttered. ‘So you know it isn’t... It isn’t. What you said. That simple.’

‘Gods’ sake, don’t let that stupid soothsayer ruin everything.’

‘Why change the habit of a lifetime?’ I rested my cheek against her head and closed my eyes. I remembered her weeping the night of my sentence; the only one in the hall who was. I
remembered her trying to get into my head, and I remembered shoving her away. Better not do that again. It only made her mad.

‘You saved my frigging sanity,’ I told her. ‘Not to mention my soul.’

‘Oh, shut it. You were never mine, Murlainn, and you never pretended to be, and I never imagined you were.’

‘I’m sorry about that,’ I said. ‘You’ve no idea how much. And you know fine I lo–’

‘Don’t. Don’t even think of saying it.’

‘It’s not a lie, Orach.’

‘I know it isn’t. But if you say it out loud I really will slap you.’ Awkwardly she sat up straight, and we stared at the fighters again in silence. They were starting to get
to their feet once more. Even the kid whose tears hadn’t dried yet on her face.

‘Take the rest of the day off,’ I barked savagely.

None of them waited for me to change my mind; they were out of that arena before I’d taken my next breath. Only one of them looked remotely regretful, and that was the green-eyed woman
with the choppy brown hair. She slung her knife belt over her shoulder, and trudged off disappointed.

‘You’re all heart.’ There was laughter in Orach’s voice, I was glad to hear.

‘Taghan’s keen.’

‘Taghan’s a strange one.’

‘Taghan’s without a brother, thanks to me.’ I’d killed Feorag the day my own brother died. ‘Gods know, she’s the only person Eili talks to, apart from
Sionnach, and he doesn’t exactly talk much. What?’

‘Nothing.’ She chewed her lip and watched the spot where Taghan had disappeared. ‘She’s loyal, I guess.’