Wolfsbane (21 page)

Shay opened his mouth to respond.

“Don’t, Shay,” I said quickly. “It’s fine.”

“And then they brought Ren down.” Ansel didn’t seem to have noticed any of our exchange. He was lost in the past, or worse, trapped by it.

At the sound of Ren’s name I jerked my hand free of Shay’s. Ren. Ren had tried to help us. He lied to the Keepers for us. What had it cost him?

Suddenly I could hear his voice.
This is only about
love.
I felt his breath against my skin, his lips on mine. The fierceness of his embrace before I left him.

“And that’s when it started.” Ansel jerked in his seat, shoulders trembling violently.

“When what started?” Monroe urged gently.

“The punishments,” Ansel whispered. “The wraiths came.”

“Adne, you should leave now,” Monroe said, keeping his eyes on Ansel’s shaking form.

“No,” she said, despite her own trembling hands.

“It would be better if you didn’t hear this,” Monroe said. “I’l fil you in when we’re through.”

“No,” she repeated.

“Why wouldn’t she stay?” Shay asked.

Monroe’s jaw clenched. He didn’t answer Shay, instead keeping his gaze locked on Adne.

Adne swal owed hard but straightened to her ful height. “Wraiths kil ed my mother.”

“You should go,” Monroe said quietly. “Please.”

“It’s okay, Monroe,” Connor said, moving to Adne’s side and taking her hands in his own. “She’s strong.”

Monroe frowned, but didn’t argue further.

Ansel was stil talking, shaking. “First they came into our cel s with Lumine and Efron. They’d take us, one at a time. Making the others watch. Sometimes it was Emile and the elder Banes. We’d be chained up in human form and they’d attack, teeth and claws tearing at us. Enough to make you bleed but not kil you. Other times the Keepers would come and summon wraiths. Wraiths were worse than Guardians. Much worse. It’s like they swal ow you whole and you’re trapped inside; you feel your flesh coming apart. It’s like being eaten alive slowly . . . so slowly. For a while you just scream. Then you pass out. When you wake up, they’re gone. But a couple of hours later they came back and it happened al over again. I could hear Bryn and Fey screaming sometimes.”

I dropped my head, fighting images of Bryn wrapped in writhing black bands of shadow. Adne swayed on her feet. Connor slipped his arm around her waist, steadying her.

“Did they ask you anything?” Monroe asked.

“What did they want from you?”

“They wanted to know where Cal a was,” Ansel said. “And they kept asking about the Scion. I didn’t know what they meant.”

“They meant Shay,” I said. “Shay is the Scion.”

Ansel’s smile was grim. “I know that now. I know they want him dead. Some things fel into place as they kept asking us questions.”

“What about Renier?” Monroe asked. His hands rested on the table, bal ed in tight fists.

“They brought us out of the cel s into a large room.

Everything was new, bright like a hospital. Except this room. It was dark, and old. I felt like we went from a prison into a castle’s dungeon. And everyone was there.”

“Everyone?” I asked.

“Al the Guardians. Over a hundred of us and al the Keepers with their wraiths. They were al looking at a pile of raised stones. Like a stage, or an altar.”

An altar.

No, no. Not Ren. Please, not Ren.

“Was Renier on the altar?” Monroe’s voice shook.

I looked at him, surprised that his fear was the same as mine.

“No. He was beside the altar with Emile and my father,” Ansel said, and then turned his gaze on me.

“My mother was on the altar.”

I was on my feet, though my quaking muscles barely held me up. “What?!”

The flat smile returned to Ansel’s face.

“Surprised?”

“How can you ask me that?” I shrieked. “Mom had nothing to do with this.”

“But she’s the alpha female,” Ansel said. The calm of his voice terrified me almost as much as his words. “She was supposed to teach you your place.”

My place. Everything I’d hated about my destiny.

The other reason I’d run. It was almost as bad as the threat of losing Shay.

“And she failed,” Ansel whispered. “That’s what Lumine said. She failed to perform her duty.”

I sank down onto the bench, not flinching when Shay drew me into his arms. “What did they do to her?”

“They let Emile kil her while Dad stood there.”

My limbs turned to jel y. I would have fal en off the bench without Shay holding me up.

Monroe glanced at Adne, who went very pale.

“They murdered your mother?” she whispered.

Connor pul ed her closer, murmuring into her ear.

Tears dripped onto her cheeks, but she didn’t make any sound.

“They said it was both of their punishments as alphas. She died because you ran away. Dad lost his mate.”

I choked out a sob, my eyes were burning, and my tears blurred Ansel’s face.

My mother. They killed my mother because of
me. What kind of monster am I?

“But they let the Nightshade alpha live?” Silas asked. He was taking notes and I wanted to gnaw his fingers off. Slowly.

“There isn’t a Nightshade alpha anymore,” Ansel said.

“What do you mean?” Shay pul ed me tight against him. I felt numb, unable to move.

“The rest of the punishment,” Ansel said. “The Keepers disbanded the Nightshade pack. Emile is the only alpha now. He’s been given both packs.

Efron and Lumine told us that would be the new order. The Banes had proved more loyal and they would reign over the Nightshades until the Nightshades demonstrated their loyalty.”

“But how could they do that?” Ethan asked.

“They’re supposed to bring him back.” Ansel pointed at Shay. “That’s the new directive. The Guardians have been ordered to find him and return him to the Keepers. Whoever succeeds wil gain their favor. If it’s a Nightshade, that wolf wil become the new alpha and lead a pack of their own.”

“But that’s impossible,” I said. “Alphas can’t be promoted, they’re born. As long as our father is alive, he’s the Nightshade alpha whether the Keepers acknowledge him or not.”

“Tel that to the Keepers.” Ansel glared at me.

“That could work in our favor,” Ethan murmured.

He caught Connor’s eye and Connor nodded.

“How?” I asked. “How could that help us? We’re going to be hunted down.”

“It could—” Connor began, but Monroe interrupted.

“Wait,” he said. “Ansel, what of Renier Laroche?”

Ansel sighed, low and long. “They cal ed him a traitor, like Cal a. They made him kneel before the altar.”

Somehow I found my voice, a hoarse whisper.

“Did they kil him?”

Ansel shook his head and something inside me that I thought was dying came to life again.

“What happened?” Monroe asked, his clenched fists relaxing slightly.

“They said that his betrayal was Cal a’s fault. That women can’t be trusted. That females were born to seduce and deceive. That Cal a tricked Ren. That he was only trying to save the mate he believed loved him.”

The mate he believed loved him.
I’d fal en in love with someone else, but Ren was stil a part of me.

We shared something I couldn’t name. Was that love too? Guilt pierced me like a thousand needles in my skin. I forced myself to straighten, wiggling away from Shay’s arms.

Silas nodded. “Mmmm, yes. The burden of Eve.

That’s a nice touch.”

“Silas, I swear I wil break your jaw if you say anything else,” Connor said, tightening his grip on Adne’s shoulders.

“There’s nothing wrong with understanding the choices of your opponent,” Silas said loftily. “If we don’t examine them, we won’t anticipate their next move.”

“Let it go, Connor,” Monroe said. “Silas, now is not the time.”

Silas grumbled under his breath while Connor continued to glare at him.

“They set a wraith on him.” Ansel shuddered.

“Longer than I’ve ever seen. When it was over, I couldn’t believe he was stil conscious. They said he could choose his fate. That he stil control ed his destiny.”

“What was his answer?” Monroe asked.

“After the wraith he couldn’t speak. I was surprised he’d even survived it. It had him for so much longer. .

. .” He curled in on himself, making a soft retching sound.

Cold crept over me, like frost forming in my bones.

My limbs were shuddering, out of my control.

My mother is dead. Ren tortured. And it’s all my
fault.

“They took him away.” Ansel wiped spittle away from his mouth. He tried to take a sip of tea, but the cup shook too violently in his grasp. “I don’t know where. But if he doesn’t give the answer they want to hear, I’m sure they’l kil him.”

Monroe made a quiet sound of grief. His eyes moved to the flames in the hearth, his mind going to a place far from this room.

“And then they brought me to the altar,” Ansel said.

I extended my hands across the table, hoping he’d take them. He glanced at my upturned palms and then looked away. I pul ed my empty hands back, feeling hol ow inside.

“Lumine said the children of Naomi Tor couldn’t be trusted,” Ansel said. “She put her hands on my chest.

I thought I was being torn in two. I heard myself howling, saw my wolf form floating in front of me, and then it was on fire. Burning, burning. The fur smoking.

I could smel it, feel it, being burned alive. And then the wolf was ash. Lumine waved her hands and the ash blew away. And I knew. I could feel that the wolf was gone. I was nothing.”

“Being alive isn’t nothing.” Monroe had come up behind him. He put his hand on Ansel’s shoulder.

Ansel shuddered but didn’t pul away. “We’re only human and we think life is worth living.”

“I’m not human,” Ansel said. “I’m a Guardian. I was a Guardian. I don’t know what I am now.”

“I could turn you back,” I said suddenly. “You can be a Guardian again.”

“No. I’ve been unmade.” Ansel’s face twisted with rage. “That’s what Lumine said. She told them al . I can only be re-created through the Old Magics. An alpha cannot turn me. I’m cursed.”

“We’l help you,” Monroe said. “We can teach you other ways to fight. You don’t have to be a wolf to be strong.”

“This war would have ended a long time ago if only the wolves were strong,” Ethan muttered.

“I don’t want to fight any other way! I want to be a wolf again.” Ansel turned to Monroe, a fever burning in his eyes. “Can you do that? I know you have magic.”

Monroe was silent.

“You said you wanted to help me.” Ansel was frantic. “That’s what I need. Cal a, make them help me.”

“We don’t make Guardians,” Monroe said final y.

“We don’t alter nature.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked. “Ansel’s nature is the wolf. What’s unnatural is what they did to him.”

“That may be the case,” Monroe said. “But frankly, we don’t have the means to undo it. We won’t destroy another creature to make him whole again.”

“What you do mean, destroy another creature?”

Shay asked.

“We’d have to take the essence of another wolf—

kil ing the animal in the process—to give your brother what he wants.”

My skin crawled. “I don’t understand.”

Silas looked up from his notes. “Guardians were created by years of experimentation with the laws of the natural world. The Keepers have always been fond of bending nature to their wil . Guardians were one of the first demonstrations of the power they’d gained by al ying with the Nether realm. They took animals and people, trying for years to blend the two and create the ultimate warriors. There were many, many failures. Mangled bodies, mutilated creatures not fit for this world or any other. And then there were Guardians. But the creation, the creatures, they are abominations against nature itself. The very reason Searchers fight against the Keepers.”

I stared at him. “Did you just cal me an abomination?”

Silas looked me up and down. “Yes. Yes, I did.”

“That’s enough, Silas,” Monroe said.

My skin felt like insects crawled over me, stinging, biting, leaving my flesh raw. “Is that real y how Guardians were first made?”

I thought of the story I’d been told as a child. The first Keeper—a noble warrior, injured, dying, saved only by the help of a lone wolf. The reward of being elevated. The bond of service and love that couldn’t be broken.

“It is. Did they have a pretty tale to offer you about your origin?” Silas quipped, obviously wanting to say more, but he was silenced by a glare from Monroe.

“More lies,” Shay whispered. He stared at his own hands. I wondered if he regretted being turned now that he’d heard this truth—that my kind had been born not as a reward for loyalty, but as a violent twisting of the natural order. One of the first acts of so many horrors for which the Keepers were known.

“Cal a, you have to do something,” Ansel whispered. “Even if you can’t help me. Before they sent me away, Lumine said they would unmake the rest of our pack, one by one, as an example. You can’t let that happen. They’re your pack.”

I couldn’t speak. My tongue felt as thick as wet cotton in my mouth and it was choking me. What could I do? Al the choices I’d made had destroyed my world. My mother was dead, my brother a bruised husk of the boy he’d once been. And for what? Shay and I were safe, but had we done any good? Were the Keepers any less of a threat? My head ached. I put my hands to my temples, trying to sort through the chaos of doubt.

“We won’t let it happen.”

I raised my face at Monroe’s words. His face was grim. His jaw set.

“We’re going to save your pack.”