Woman on Fire (40 page)

literacy (media),
138
–40

Lorde, Audre,
25

loving oneself,
125
–26

low sexual desire,
173
–74

lubricants,
159

Manderino, Amy Luna,
158

masturbation,
233

Mating in Captivity
(Perel),
178

media lies,
137
–41

Mihalko, Reid,
200

models (fashion),
138

Montaigne, Michel de,
266

more,
1

clarifying desire for,
8

movement,
90
,
185
–86

multiple partners,
206

muscles, pelvic,
155
–56

mutual consent,
202

nature,
90
–91,
281

Neagle, David,
59

needs, expressing,
209

negativity,
131
–33

negotiation,
217

nervous system,
161
–62

neural patterning,
103
–4

New Creed,
285

new relationship energy (NRE),
179
–80

new script,
77

New York City,
270
–71

Nin, Anaïs,
280

nine elements,
xi
–xv.
See also
sexual

empowerment elements

No,
200
–201,
217
,
255
,
283

old ways,
85
–86

open dialogue,
16

opening,
280

opulence,
280
–82

oral sex,
246

orgasm,
44
,
156
,
158
,
185
,
279

elusive,
164
–65

vaginal vs. clitoral,
153

orientation,
213

outer labia,
150

ovaries,
180
–81

Paige, Satchel,
222

paraurethral (Skene's) glands,
158

passive-aggression,
99

patterns

codependent,
125
–26

emotional,
95
–98,
104
–6

neural,
103
–4

PC (pubococcygeus) muscle,
155
–56

pelvic floor muscle,
156

pelvic muscles,
155
–56

penetration,
154
–55

people perceptions,
119
–21

people-pleasing,
107
–8,
182
,
255

Perel, Esther,
178

perfection,
21
,
140
–41

performance,
50
–51

permission,
195

authenticity (erotic),
201
–2

empowerment and,
218
–19

erotic language,
206
–12

find your “yes” and “no,”
200
–201

getting,
217

giving,
214
–16

inauthenticity (erotic),
202
–4

mental blocks against,
196
–97

Rain's story, part
1
,
197
–98

Rain's story, part
2
,
205
–6

reclaiming,
199

sexual identity and,
212
–14

Personal Forgiveness Process,
122

personal power,
xiii

play,
221
–23

adult sex education,
238
–39

assessing skills,
246
–48

commitment to,
248
–49

finding your playground,
225
–28

flirtation,
229
–32

freedom to,
228
–29

full-out,
282

king of skills,
245
–46

making an effort,
242
–43

Mimosa's story,
223
–25

role-playing,
234
–35

Sam's Prioritize Sex and Play Project,
239
–42

seduction,
232
–34

sex skill development by,
235
–38

skills for,
243
–45

playground, finding,
225
–28

playing victim,
124

pleasure,
19
–20,
130

Pleasure List, Top Ten,
275

polyamorous,
206
,
271

pornography,
141

post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD),
75

posturing,
59

power,
34
–36

exercising,
209
–12

giving away,
256
–58

sexual,
273
–75

power role,
213

powerful women,
41
,
210
–11

practice,
238
–39

presence,
130

projection,
99

proving yourself,
59

Radical Acceptance
(Brach),
136

rape,
46

rationalization,
99

receptivity,
280

rejection, accepting,
127

relationship,
16

with culture,
13
–14

dysfunctional,
83
–85

growth in,
114
–16

with others,
13

with ourselves,
12
–13

perceptions in,
119
–21

real you in,
252

staying or going?,
116
–17

transformation story,
110
–14

relationship style,
213

release,
63

attachments,
82

difficulty with,
85
–86

dysfunctional relationships,
83
–85

false beliefs,
70
–71

false sexual bar,
79
–81

guilt,
73
–74

identities,
82

insecurity and fear,
81

making room by,
66
–67

Naomi's story, part
1
,
64
–66

Naomi's story, part
2
,
69
–70

Patsy's story, part
1
,
78
–79

Patsy's story, part
2
,
86
–87

sexual shame,
67
–69,
72
–73

techniques for,
88
–91

trauma,
74
–78

who you should be sexually,
71
–72

religion,
54
–56

repression,
99

resentment,
108
–10

resources,
15

responsibility, emotional,
123
–24

Rich, Adrienne,
135

ritual,
16

for desire,
190
–91

Full-Body Love,
144
–45

relation transformation,
113
–14

role model,
16

role-play,
216
,
234
–35

Rumi,
251

safe word,
202
,
217

scent (sexual),
159

second chakra,
180
–81,
183
–86,
279

seduction,
232
–34

self-abandonment,
252
–53,
260

self-awareness,
57
–58

self-betrayal,
255

self-esteem wounds,
86

Self-Exam,
146

self-intimacy,
17
,
57
–58

self-knowledge,
218

self-loathing,
252

self-love,
125
–26

sex

as skill,
235
–38

duty,
58
–59,
255

emotional impact on,
106
–7

first time,
45
–48,
236
–37

initiating,
216

language of,
206
–12

not liking,
79
–81

oral,
246

triggers during,
76
–78

versus intercourse,
14
–15

sex acts,
213

sex education,
5
–6

sex organs.
See
female sex organs

sex-negativity,
20
–22

sex-positivity,
22
,
91
,
270

sexual abuse,
74
–78,
97
,
254

sexual agency,
21
,
255

sexual dominance,
216

sexual empowerment,
ix

authentic,
12
–14,
218
–19

commitment to,
17
–18

confidence and,
263
–65

defining,
1
–12

tools for,
15
–17

sexual empowerment elements,
xi
–xv

body,
131
–66

desire,
167
–93

emotion,
93
–130

fire,
269
–85

home,
251
–67

permission,
195
–219

play,
221
–49

release,
63
–91

voice,
39
–62

sexual energy,
15
,
24
–25,
273
–75

abundance of,
275
–76

spirituality of,
26

sexual gatekeepers,
199

sexual identity,
212
–14

sexual inequality,
110

sexual intelligence,
xiii

sexual power,
273
–75

sexual practice,
187
–88

sexual shame,
67
–69

sexual story

excavating and rewriting,
39
–41

functions of,
56
–59

performing,
50
–51

telling through art,
49

testimonials and witnessing,
50

vagina's monologue,
51

writing,
49

sexual support team,
91

sexual visioning,
66

sexuality,
xiv
,
1
,
20

abundance of,
275
–76

altar to,
189
–90

as big round ball,
4
–5

core energy model of,
28
–36

dealing in deficits,
10
–11

examining beliefs about,
54
–56

inauthentic,
202
–4

Kathie's story,
8
–10

power of,
3
–4,
34
–36

sexually broken,
2
,
252

shame,
67
–69,
72
–73

silent voice,
60
–62

Skene's glands,
158

skills

assessing,
246
–48

building,
15
,
94

communication,
244

emotional,
121
,
244

orgasmic/pleasure,
245

play and,
235
–38,
243

sexual techniques,
244
–45

Sneider, Janene,
41

spectatoring,
139
,
176

spending time,
208

spirituality, of sexual energy,
26

spontaneous desire,
175

Sprinkle, Annie,
185

standards,
58

beauty,
143
–46

storytelling games,
193

sublimation,
101

submission,
211
,
246

substitution,
100

sweat lodge,
283

Take Back the Night (TBTN),
50
,
56

teachers,
15

testimonials,
50

testosterone,
175

Three R's (Remind, Replace, Release),
129

throat chakra,
90

time in nature,
90
–91

Top Ten Pleasure List,
275

touch,
207

traditional roles,
210
–11

trauma,
74
–78,
255

triggers,
76
–78,
226

undoing,
101

union/communion,
184
–85

urinary tract infection (UTI),
157

uterus,
160
–61,
181

vagina,
150
,
153
–55

Vagina Monologues
(play),
50

Vagina's Monologue (my own),
51

vaginal tenting,
161

V-Day events,
51

vestibular bulbs,
151

vibrators,
153

victimhood,
57
,
124

virginity,
6
–7

Visualization: Committing To Sexual Empowerment,
17
–18

Viva la Vulva
(video),
270

voice

does it set you free?
59
–60

finding,
41
–45

first time,
45
–48

how and whom to tell,
48
–51

Pilar's journey,
52
–53

release through,
90

religion, culture, sexual beliefs,
54
–56

unlocking,
60
–62

your sexual story,
39
–41,
56
–59

vulnerability,
123